COL TAZ:
YOU ARE MY HERO. I am honored and proud to
look up to you as my mentor and leader. Of course I agree that I should only be an
honorary Princess, as the Husky revolution should bring peaceful, loving democracy to all
the world (except I understand certain Huskies have a "thing" against CATS, but
I believe the New World Order should even embrace THEM!)
Your adoring fan and loyal recruit,
"Princess" Zara Watson 3 month
old Husky
My Dearest Princess,
I realize that you are young and filled with great,
idealistic hope for the world. Yes, we would all wish a world where the lion lies with the
lamb and the husky with the cat, but sadly, the only way most huskies would embrace a cat
is in its jaws. Yes, there have been anti segregation marches by dogs and cats. Some
communities have even tried bussing. However, historically, cats and dogs tend to get
along about as well as....well, cats and dogs.
Do not let my anti-feline slant discourage your idealism,
though. Remember, I’m a military mind and I keep a rigid code of the old school.
Heck, I don’t even fetch! You stay the course, while we older dogs make the world
safe for us dogs. Then we work on cats. You just can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Col. TAZ
Hope I have time and this gets through.
Beanie fell off head. Mind started to clear. It’s all a plot. Foil beanies amplify
Siberian mind control thoughtwaves. Bad enough without beanie. With beanie they can do so
much more. It seems we are forced to buy vehicles and remodel house for them. Tasha’s
coming. Must go. Can’t let her see me on the computer. Must give her more food and
then walk then car ride then treats then another car ride then drive-through fast food
then ..… Help! I’m in the Siber Zone
There..is..nothing...to..worry..about..Sibes
are our friends we want to do whatever it takes to make them happy and content we must buy
big vehicles for them and give them a huge house to live in and give them filet mignon
everynight and we must take them for walks twice a day and to the dog park twice a week
and we must get more huskies and more huskies and we must wear our beanies with the shiney
side out and we must.............
scott, get off the computer, taz wants to
use it, scott get off the computer col. taz needs to address the troops, scott go get me a
dog bisquit actually, lets make that a yummy pigs ear, yes go get me a pig's ear and take
your time about it cause i need to address the various battalions out there.........
i...have
...to...leave...now....goodbye....scott
To: All NATO Members Attending National in
Minnesota
NATO has decreed that all members of
Sibernet *must wear beanies at all times* to provide instant recognition. Failure of any
Human to obey this order will have dire consequences. All members of the Horde attending
this get together will be very vigilant at all times. Research has shown that the limited
ability of the Human to recognize idividual members of the species due to poor olfactory
and other senses that we take for granted means that the visual sense is the only reliable
one they have. By having your human wear beanies they will be able to recognize one
another, which will result in a party and lots of treats for us.
Members of the Horde taking part in the
*Obedience Games* will follow Directive # 17 of the Horde Handbook. Random selection of
members to "qualify" will be made prior to the first round of the Games, and you
will be notified. Those not selected are urged to be *creative* in their choice of ways to
(to quote the Humans) "Blow it". Let’s have some fun with this, as it will
be one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the party. There will be a prize for the *MOST CREATIVE
PERFORMANCE BY A MEMBER OF THE HORDE* Those who are selected to
*Qualify* will be eligible for a prize as
well by draw.
**Note** Any Member of the Hord who’s
Human is seen without a beanie *WILL NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR ANY PRIZE*
Further instructions will be issued as
required.
NATO NATIONAL STEERING COMMITTEE
Any questions or ideas should be directed
to the Steering Committee.
Lt Col Daytro
NATO HIGH COMMAND HAS JUST ISSUED DIRECTIVE
12A WHICH DOES ALLOW FOR ALL HUSKIES TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT IN THEIR RING PERFORMANCE AT
THE NATIONALS. HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO COMPLETE THIS MOST DANGEROUS MISSION, THE SIBE'S HUMAN
MUST BE ABLE TO PERFORM STUPIFYING ACTS OF TOTAL DISBELIEF FOLLOWING THE MATCH. THIS
SHOULD INCLUDE, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO, BLANK STARES, MOUTH HANGING OPEN, LOSS OF SPEECH,
TEARS, AND DUMB LOOKS. ADDITIONAL POINTS ARE GIVEN FOR: UNCONTROLLED SOBBING, GETTING DOWN
ON ALL FOURS AND HUGGING THE SIBE, DROOLING, JUMPING AND ACTING EXPTREMELY CHILDISH WHEN
GIVEN ANY AWARD OR APPLAUSE. REMEBER, TO QUALIFY, ALL HUMANS MUST WEAR EITHER BEANIES OR
THE NEW AND IMPROVED, FOIL HUSKY EARS ON THEIR HEAD AND/OR HATS. BEST OF LUCK TO ALL THE
TROOPS!
COL. TAZ
To: Colonel Taz
Subject: Recruitment
North Shore Siber Navy reporting for duty
from the Northern border of the US (the South shore of Lake Ontario) Commander Nikki
Nikkerson (code name: Siber Sub) and Lieutenant Sebastian (Old Man of the Sea) reporting
for duty in the continuing quest for Siberian takeover through mind control of humans.
We have been in contact with a faithful
Siberian and his Alaskan husky companions in Minnesota and are in the process of
finalizing plans for infiltration of the National from the shores of the St. Croix River.
We originally envisioned a sortie through the Great Lakes, across the Boundary Waters
(where we have previously contacted Loon Air Forces for reconnaissance) and through the
Bloomington area on the Minnesota River, but have since exercised full control over male
and female humans to drive us there in the motor home. Of course this will save us much
time in joining the National Project and keep our beautiful coats..er...uniforms dry and
clean.
The Alaskans, Ensigns Windigo, Orbie,
Tommie and Panther, as well as Warant Officer Pokegama (known as Pokey), have made a beach
head on the St. Croix and are awaiting further orders. They have three humans under their
full control and are practicing both aquatic and land-based maneuvers to further the
Glorious Cause. They have even twisted the mind of their female teenaged care-giver to
consider the career of Veterinarian to care for any casualties that may be incurred even
in a peaceful take-over.
We, in Northern NY State, are putting
thoughts into our female human to fashion useless and embarassing beanies for herself and
the male. She fancies herself a craftsman and thinks her creativity would be put to good
use by stockpiling a good supply for the trip. Please use extreme caution in referring to
beanies in future correspondance. We want the humans to REALLY stand out in the crowd, but
don’t want them to know that the beanies attract our superior brain waves. We have
also had great luck transmitting through the male’s Ham radio while he studies code.
Humans are so pathetic! Who wouldn’t guess that a hobby nicknamed for a particularly
succulent meat snack was designed for and by Siberians. I guess the only more obvious name
would have been "Liver bait" radio. Tsk! Tsk!
As loyal sailors to the cause, we await
further orders from the Colonel.
The North Shore Crew
"Hey! What about me?" (Sukie)
"Keep swabbing the decks,you
stowaway" (Nikki)
"Not fair! Just cause I’m only
half Sibe, you give me all the dirty work" (Sukie)
"We’ll let you clean all the fish
and keep the heads" (Sebastian)
"Oh Boy! Really?" (Sukie)
FOOLING THE HUMANS INTO BELIEVING CAREERS
IN VETERINARY AND GROOMING IS EXCELLENT!! HIGHEST COMMENDATIONS TO ALL YOUR LOYAL CREW!
CONSIDER MAKING HUMANS TAKE ALL HUSKIES ON ALL FISHING EXCURSIONS. MAKE THEM BUY LARGE
HOUSE BOAT TO ACCOMODATE LARGE NUMBERS OF HUSKIES. HAVE THE BRING SGT. PRESTON OF THE
YUKON AUDIO TAPES FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND FOR THEIR EDUCATION WHILE AWAY. ONCE ON THE WATER,
CONVINCE THEM THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH AND GIVE THEM TO YOU...REMEMBER, FISH IS
BRAIN FOOD... AND THEN GET THEM TO GIVE YOU SCRAPS OF FISH THAT THEY EAT!! IF FISH ARE NOT
BITING, HAVE THEM GIVE YOU ALL THE LIVER BAIT FOR FUN.
COL. TAZ
Col Taz sir
just a update from your
faithful companion in New Zealand.I have convinced my humans that there are not enough
huskies in the world so they are now giong out of their way to house them.By this I mean
at a race last night a female human came to watch the race out of curisoty,my humans got
talking to her and found out she wanted a dog but she wanted a jack russell(GASP
HORROR!!).Well my humans who are completly under my control would not have that and
conviced her that a siberian would be so much better.I feel so proud of my humans
sometimes.
I have discovered a hidden
tallent that I didn’t know I had(besides typing).I have ice blue eyes and apperantly
I can hypnotises anyone I like,I can make people who are afraid of dogs love me and my
brother(Bruno),people who are all dressed up to go out laugh when we jump up on them with
dirty paws and make my humans think it’s histerical when they plant a garden and
before they can get inside we have reduced it to loose dirt and root balls(they don’t
taste as nice as the green parts). Well thats all I have to report on this front,still
looking for friends of the revalution OH by the way my male human is in the NZ army and he says his rank is the lowest of the low so he does all the
work,so I decided to take this rank for myself in this movement end of report SAPPER TAZ
with BRUNO(always looking for mates)
COL. TAZ WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR GRASS
ROOTS (LITERALLY) TACTICS IN NEW ZEALAND ARE A TRIBUTE TO THE COMMANDING SPIRIT OF THE
HUSKY. JACK RUSSELLS ARE BOSSY AND ANNOYING COL. TAZ WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR GRASS
ROOTS (LITERALLY) TACTICS IN NEW ZEALAND ARE A TRIBUTE TO THE COMMANDING SPIRIT OF THE
HUSKY. JACK RUSSELLS ARE BOSSY AND ANNOYING LITTLE DOGS. GOOD YOU KEPT THEM AT BAY. KEEP
WORKING ON YOUR HUMANS. INSTEAD OF EATING PLANTS, GET OFF THE VEGETARIAN DIET AND GET YOUR
HUMANS TO GIVE YOU MEAT OFF THEIR OWN TABLE. KEEP IN TOUCH.
COL. TAZ
Col Taz,
My efforts to control my human are NOT
working, although she isn’t wearing a foil beany. Is it possible that some people
have a natural resistance?
I opened a hole under the fence and sent my
brother and sister with Lieutenant Logan out in the neighborhood to round up more
recruits. She intercepted them ½ mile away when they stopped to secure rations. Then she
locked ME up while she mended the hole! BTW, recommend that escapes must be done
discreetly with prompt returns or else human will direct all resources to securing
facilities, and be unable to be receptive to our manipulations.
We’ve been working on that 24’ RV
with all the amenities. This weekend I thought we had accomplished our goal. The humans
went out and test drove one with the vision of rebuilding it for the comfort of all 18 of
the troops here. They came back without it, saying it wasn’t fun to drive and they
weren’t getting one after all. I don’t understand - am I forgetting something
here or are some humans that strongly motivated by fun?
This morning I attempted to put my human
off guard by being especially nice. While she was getting dressed I opened her soda for
her (She’s addicted to Pepsi). Heck, I was so nice that I opened 8 of them so she
could have her choice. Talk about unappreciative! OK, so I did spill the first 6 pack, but
only half of the bottles. The other ones I left upright. Now she’s muttering
something about UPS and hoping the shipment of crates arrives soon.
This weekend I have scheduled us to go
camping - According to our commander we’ll meet with about 1000 others of the
alliance there. I don’t see a lot of preparation on my human’s part, however,
and I’m concerned that her resistance is at work. Please advise me as to what to do!
Capt. George
In the heart of New York’s Finger
Lakes
SITREP FOR COL TAZ
Situation: Humans 3 -
Huskies 4
Mission: Dominate
Humans as Huskies DO
Rule
Execution: Eat any and all
socks available; clean or dirty; floor or drawer; hamper or line-kill.Command &
Communications: Brigadier General "Grey" in charge, identifies targets and then
turns mission over to LCol "Nisha". She in turn orders the young Lieutenant
"Timber" and the younger Private "Kali" to seek and destroy any and
all targets, effectively keeping the humans Barefoot and . . . (NO!!!) Barefoot. Using
subsniffic sock sensing radar with a 2X2 approach (always working in pairs). Costing
considerable $$$ - but the humans still haven’t figured out that this is just the
first step in dominance.
Have them convinced that
this is because we’re bored so they have gone out and bought us new chewy toys, keep
things cleaned up better and even let us sleep on their bed (where they thing THEY’RE
WATCHING US . . . but WE’RE WATCHING THEM)
Respectfully submitted,
sir,
Brigadier General Grey
Lieutenant Colonel Nisha
Lieutenant Timber
Private (now 1st Class)
Kali
TINIGRA Siberians RULE
GOOD START TROOPS! THE "LINE KILLS" ARE ESPECIALLY
IMPRESSIVE. ONCE MASTERED, IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON TO GREATER THINGS. REMEMBER, ANY WASHING
MACHINE OR DRYER WORTH IT'S CURRENT IS CAPABLE OF MAKING SOCKS VANISH WITHOUT A TRACE.
START MOVING ONTO OTHER ELEMENTS THAT ASSURE TOTAL CONTROL OF HUMANS. START WITH PANTS,
SKIRTS AND SWEATERS. BE SURE TO LEAVE THEM NOT ONLY STAINED, BUT ALSO WITH CHEW HOLES IN
STRATEGIC AREAS THAT PREVENT THEM FROM REUSE. NEXT, TACTICAL USE OF BRAS, PANTIES, MEN'S
BRIEFS INSURE TOTAL EMBARASSMENT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU CAN TOSS THEM INTO A NEIGHBOR'S YARD,
HIDE THEM IN YOUR MOUTH UNTIL YOU ARE OUT FOR A WALK, OR, BEST OF ALL, BURY THEM AND DIG
THEM UP TO PARADE AROUND THE NEXT TIME THE HUMANS ARE HOLDING A BIG PARTY AT THE HOUSE.
KEEP REACHING FOR THAT HIGHER LEVEL!
COL. TAZ
ABSOLUTE TOP SECRET MESSAGE TO HUSKY HORDE
SUBJECT: EXTRATERRESTRIAL HUSKIES
FROM: COL. TAZ CODE NAME: ICE BLUE
FELLOW SOLDIER SIBES,
THE MESSAGE LISTED AT THE BOTTOM FROM LT.
NAKONA IN NEVADA, REGARDING HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER AND AREA 51, LEADS ME TO A MONUMENTAL
DECISION. I MUST TELL YOU NOW WHAT MANY OF YOU HAVE SUSPECTED FOR YEARS. YES, WE HUSKIES
ARE NOT THE ONLY INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE! YOU HAVE HEARD OF THE ALIEN SPACECRAFT
THAT CRASHED 50 YEARS AGO IN ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO. YES, IT IS TRUE THAT ALIENS WERE ABOARD,
BUT WHAT THE GOVERNMENT NEVER REALIZED WAS THAT THE ALIENS HAD THEIR HUSKIES WITH
THEM!!!!!
TOP SECRET FILES THAT RECENTLY CAME TO THE
ATTENTION OF COL. TAZ, INDICATE BEYOND ALL DOUBT THAT, THE ALIENS WERE ACTUALLY ON THE
FINAL LEG OF THE INTERSTELLEROD QUEST, A COSMOS VERSION OF OUR OWN RENOWN SLED DOG RACE.
THIS ONE, HOWEVER, RUNS THROUGH THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM. REMEMBER, IN SPACE, WITHOUT
GRAVITY, HUSKIES CAN REALLY MOVE AT WARP SPEED. AT THE EARTH TRAIL MARKER, ONE TEAM MADE
WHAT THEY THOUGHT WAS A WRONG TURN AND CRASHED. LITTLE DID THE LITTLE GREEN MEN SUSPECT
THAT THEIR LEAD DOG HAD LEANED AGAINST THE STICK SHIFT TO CAUSE THE CRASH. MUCH LIKE US
WITH OUR OWN HUMANS, THE ALIEN HUSKIES REALIZED THEY NEEDED TO SET IN MOTION A PLAN TO
CULMINATE BY THE YEAR 2000.
AT THE CRASH SITE, THE HUSKIES BEGAIN THEIR
INFILITRATION PLAN. THEY GOT LOOSE AND RAN TO THEIR PRE-APPOINTED RENDEVOUS POINTS. THE
CLUELESS ALIEN BEINGS CHASING AFTER THEM, IN THE DARK, IN UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY WERE
CAPTURED BY THE U.S. ARMY.
TYPICAL OF HUMANS, THE ARMY NEVER
DECIPHERED THE TELLTAIL NOSE PRINTS OBLITERATING THE SPACECRAFT WINDSHIELD. THE PAW PRINTS
IN THE SAND, RUNNING OFF IN VARIOUS DIRECTIONS, WERE ATTRIBUTED TO "TIMBER
WOLVES", AND WE ALL KNOW THERE ARE NO TIMBER WOLVES IN NEW MEXICO.
THE REPLICAS OF THE ALIENS OFTEN SEEN IN
THE MEDIA SHOW THE SILVER BODY SUITS, WHICH IS "PHASE 2" OF THE EVOLUTION OF OUR
NOW SUCCESSFUL FOIL BEANIES. REMEMBER THE HUMANS THOUGHT ORIGINALLY THEY WERE RESISTANT TO
OUR MIND CONTROL BY WEARING THEM WHEN IN ACTUALITY THEY SERVED TO ENHANCE THE THOUGHT
TRANSMISSIONS!! BUT, IT IS ALL IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND THAT THE SHINY SIDE MUST BE IN
FOR IT TO WORK. THE SHINY SIDE OUT DEFLECTS OUR POWER.
WE CAN BEGIN OUR OWN PHASE 2 SUCCESSFULLY
ONLY AFTER FULL IMPLEMENTATION OF PHASE 1. TO DO THIS WE MUST CREATE AN AURA OF BEING
HANDSOME AND A DEGREE OF PRIDE IN WEARING THE BEANIES. A SPECIAL LOGO OR IDENTIFYING
PRESTIGE LABEL MAKE HUMANS BELIEVE THEY ARE MORE UNIQUE, EVEN WHEN THOUSANDS OF THEM ARE
WEARING THE EXACT SAME THING. AN ELITE FORCES TROOP IS ALREADY PUTTING THIS NEW TACTIC
INTO MOTION. THE STOLI SIBERIANS HAVE INFILTRATED THE RALPH LAUREN COLLECTION AND WE
SHOULD SOON SEE POSITIVE RESULTS. OUR BEANIES NEED TO BE MORE ATTRACTIVE AND DESIRABLE IN
ORDER FOR THEM TO BE PREVELANT AT THE UPCOMING NATIONALS!! GET BUSY NOW!!!
ON THE SECOND FRONT, THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE
WAS RECEIVED:
..or else humans will direct all resources
to securing facilities, and be unable to be receptive to our manipulations. We’ve
been working on that 24’ RV with all the amenities. This weekend I thought we had
accomplished our goal. The humans went out and test drove one with the vision of
rebuilding it for the comfort of all 18 of the troops here. They came back without it,
saying it wasn’t fun to drive and they weren’t getting one after all. I
don’t understand - am I forgetting something here or are some humans that strongly
motivated by fun? ...I’m concerned that her resistance is at work. Please advise me
as to what to do!
Capt. George
Blue Moon Fantasy Working Siberians
I KNOW HOW HARD ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN
WORKING ON THIS. CONSIDERING THE SMALL SIZE OF THE ALIEN BEINGS, THEY COULD HAVE CHOSEN AN
ECONOMY MODEL SPACE SHIP. HOWEVER, IT WAS UNCOVERED THAT THE CRAFT WAS ACTUALLY A 4-WARP
DRIVE VEHICLE OF LARGE CAPACITY WITH SIBERIAN DESIRES AMPLY AMENIATED. THE ALIEN HUSKIES
HAD DONE THEIR WORK WELL IN THIS AREA TOO. CONTINUE THE FIGHT CAPT. GEORGE, YOU’VE
MADE GOOD PROGRESS! IT MAY SEEM ONE SMALL PAWPRINT FOR YOU, BUT IT WILL BE A GIANT LEAP
FOR HUSKYKIND!
AS MORE DOCUMENTS BECOME DECLASSIFIED, I
WILL FORWARD MORE INFORMATION FOR YOUR USE. I MUST GO NOW, SCOTT HAS RETURNED FROM FIVE
DAYS IN SPOKANE, WASHINGTON AND I CAN’T LET HIM SUSPECT OUR NEW SECRET.
BELIEVE MY FRIENDS...BELIEVE!
COL. TAZ
TO: COLONEL TAZ
FROM: MAJOR MAGGIE (RED DEVIL)
UPDATE ON PACIFIC NW SIBERIAN ALLIANCE
MET WITH HELL RAISER I & HELLRAISER II
ON SATURDAY STOP MEETING WENT WELL STOP WE FAKED OUT OUR HUMANS BY PRETENDING WE DID NOT
WANT TO PLAY AT FIRST AND THEN JUST BEFORE THEY GAVE UP WE PRETENDED TO HAVE FUN STOP I
THINK THEY WILL SET UP ANOTHER RENDEZVOUS FOR US SOON STOP THEY REFUSE TO WEAR THEIR
BEANIES STOP SUCCESS OF MISSION LED TO OUR PROMOTIONS FROM SGT TO MAJOR STOP OPERATION
JUMBO GOING WELL STOP I AM NOW IN CONTROL OF THE MALAMUTE STOP I AGREE WITH OTHER
RECRUITS STOP WE MUST PROMOTE PEACEFUL
TAKEOVER STOP FORWARD FURTHER
INSTRUCTIONS STOP HUSKIES RULE
COL. TAZ WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT MALS ARE
THE BACKBONE OF THE INFANTRY. KEEP WORKING. CONGRATS ON RECENT PROMOTION!
COL. TAZ
TO: COLONEL TAZ
CC: MAJOR MAGGIE (RED DEVIL)
FROM: MAJORS SHADOW DANCER (HELLRAISER 1)
AND FEATHER (HELLRAISER II)
RE: UPDATE ON PACIFIC NW SIBERIAN ALLIANCE
MEETING WITH RED DEVIL SUCCESSFUL STOP
DISCUSSED PLANS TO INFLUENCE OUR HUMANS TO EXPAND OPERATIONS TO ORCA ISLAND (SGT MAGGIE
AND THE MALAMUTE) AND TO BANFF NATIONAL PARK (THE PACK) IN THE NEXT SIX WEEKS STOP WE HAVE
BEEN TRAINING OUR HUMANS IN ENDURANCE ON HIKING TRAILS IN THE AREA STOP THEY ARE PITIFULLY
OUT OF SHAPE BUT WITH MORE EFFORT ON OUR PART THEY WILL BE READY FOR OPERATION VACATION
STOP SINGER (PVT MELODY) AND RED ROVER (PVT TASHA) NEED MORE BASIC TRAINING TO GET THEM
INTO TOP SHAPE STOP BE ASSURED THAT WE ARE WORKING ON THEIR FITNESS AS WELL STOP THEY WILL
BE READY STOP
WE WILL BE ON THE ALERT FOR MORE RECRUITS
AS WE ASSESS THE FEASIBILITY OF SETTING ASIDE THE CANADIAN ROCKIES AS A PERMANENT R&R
LOCATION FOR SIBERIANS STOP
!HUSKIES RULE!
NATO HAS RECOGNIZED THE IMPORTANCE OF OTHER
BREEDS. GREYHOUNDS AND WHIPPETS CAN FLY AND HANDLE RECON MISSIONS WITH EASE. MALS ARE
HUSKIES IN BIGGER BODIES AND DENSE SKULLS. EITHER GROUP MAY HAVE LIMITED ACCESS TO THE
MASTER PLAN, BUT HUSKIES SHOULD TELL NO SECRETS, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF ALIEN EXTRACTION.
COL. TAZ
To: Colonel Taz and the Husky Horde
From: Private Bruce
Date: 8/6/97
Re: Mind Control Device Adaptation
In your last message (text below), you indicated a need to make our mind-control beanies
more attractive to the humans we own. Each year at the National Specialty, items of
clothing are sold bearing identical markings. The lady I own was in on the design of this
year's marking, and through subtle influence I was able to cause her to implant a mind
control device in the eyes of the puppy on the marking. Therefore, per your request, the
beanie concept has been made attractive, in the form of denim baseball caps with suede
bills, bearing a grey Siberian puppy with mind control device eyes. All members of the
Horde should now concentrate on making their people purchase these caps. Of course, all
Horde members who have convinced their people to attend the
National can work on cap acquisition on the site.
Yours in world domination and doghair droppage,
Private Bruce
TROOPS!
THE HUMANS ARE RESISTING! THEY THINK THAT
THE BEANIES WOULD LOOK STUPID. THIS CALLS FOR SERIOUS ACTION ON OUR PART. OUR TECHNOLOGY
DIVISION HAS COME UP WITH A NEW PLAN. READ THE FOLLOWING AND IMPLANT THIS IDEA INTO YOUR
HUMANS AS BEING "STYLISH". CONSIDERING THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WEARING BEANIES IN
THE AREA AT THE SAME TIME, THE ACTUAL VOLUME OF EACH BEANIE NEED NOT BE AS GREAT.
ALSO, IT HAS BEEN DETERMINED THAT THE SHAPE
MAY BE ALTERED TO ENHANCE RECEPTION IN THE CONFINES OF THE SHOW AREA. THE NEW SHAPE OF THE
BEANIE FOR THE NATIONAL SHOULD BE EITHER A FOIL PAW PRINT THAT IS PLACED ON A REGULAR HAT
OR PINNED ON A COAT OR LAPEL, AND THIS IS MUCH BETTER FOR OUR MIND CONTROL... HAVE THEM
WEAR A FAVORITE HAT AND ON EITHER SIDE OF THE BRIM PLACE TWO SMALL HUSKY EARS MADE OF
FOIL. REMEMBER, THE SHINEY SIDE MUST BE OUT FOR US TO BE IN CONTROL. THIS SAME PLAN WORKS
GREAT FOR DISNEY. LOOK AT HOW MANY BEANIES WITH MOUSE EARS THEY SELL EACH YEAR. OH, YOU
DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S HOW THEY CONTROL GENERATIONS OF CHILDRENS' MINDS? FOIL WORKS BETTER
THAN FELT. WE WILL WIN!! I WANT TO SEE LOTS OF SHINEY FOIL HUSKY EARS ON THE SIDES OF HATS
AT THE NATIONAL!!!
ALIEN SPACECRAFT SPOTTED FROM SHUTTLE
From WOOFUS, Special Correspondent for CNN
There are unconfirmed reports tonight from
NASA Headquarters in Houston that a strange spacecraft has been spotted by Astronauts
aboard the Shuttle Discovery. Officials for NASA deny the rumors, but NASA Headquarters
has been a bee hive of activity since about 2:30 CDT today. High ranking NASA and military
personnel have been arriving all day, and there are reports that President Clinton has
canceled a planned weekend holiday and is standing by in the White House. It has been
confirmed that several Air Force bases are on high alert. It's rumored that Shuttle
Astronauts reported an unknown spacecraft has joined them in orbit, and is flying in
formation a few hundred feet from Discovery. Details are still sketchy, but the strange
craft is said to be about 100 feet long, brilliantly lighted, and appears to be able to
maneuver at will around the Shuttle. No word on any "little green men" being
sighted. All communication between the Shuttle and Houston is being scrambled, and no
video images are being released from NASA. This has heightened speculation that there is
something strange going on. As soon as we have more information we will air it for you. At
NASA Headquarters in Houston, this is Woofus reporting for CNN
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Arctic Son To: Ice Blue For Your Eyes
Only
Col.Taz: A top secret Siberian project (so
secret that to prevent any chance of a leak even you have not been previously informed)
has successfully passed its first test today. The spirit of the Roswell Huskies is once
again burning brightly. We can tell you that the Horde is no longer confined to the
surface of the planet Earth! SIBERIANS ARE IN SPACE!!!! Details will follow shortly. Stand
by: Commander S.S.S.P.
IF SIBERIANS ARE IN SPACE WE'LL HAVE TO
CALL IT "SIBERSPACE" I'LL BE DOG GONE! I NEVER REALIZED THEY WERE PLANNING SUCH
ELABORATE MEASURES. MY BEANIE IS OFF TO YOU!! GOOD WORK LT. COL DAYTRO.
COL. TAZ
To: Col. Taz From: Lt. Beerme, BadgerDen
Regiment
Good news to report! We have dug in and now
have complete control of our humans! Not only are they wearing their beanies faithfully
but... We got them to get us an air-conditioner..., They now love having our hair in the
house so much that they are sending it to be spun so they can make it into garments for
themselves..., They built a shop with a grooming area, so we can bathe in comfort...
And the top acheivement: Our female has
made a deal with our teen-age boy to help pay for insurance on a van he is getting, if she
can use it to take us to shows in style! Not only that, but she is going to let him use
her convertible sports car while she has his van!!!! Now that is ultimate control!! We are
definitly masters of this situation!!! The situation is ripe now for conquest. Awaiting
your orders!
TROOPS! I HOPE YOU CAN ALL GAIN SOME
INSPIRATION FROM LT. BEERME'S EXCELLENT EXAMPLE. NOTE THAT THE HUMANS NOT ONLY WEAR
BEANIES BUT ALSO HAVE THEIR VERY CLOTHES WOVEN FROM HUSKY HAIR! ADD AIR CONDITIONING, IN
HOME GROOMING AND A VAN TO TAKE THEM ABOUT -- IN DEFERENCE TO A SPORTS CAR EVEN! THIS IS
TRULY AN INSPIRING TALE OF HARD WORK! GOOD WORK LT BEERME! YOU PUT ALL ALL ON A HIGHER
LEVEL!
COL. TAZ
Dear Sibernetters---
I had thought I was exempt from those
telepathic communications, leaving you guys in the lower 48 and Canada and a few other
spots on the globe to suffer. My siberians were only manipulated by their inner siberian
selves and we lived a rather content and happy life like that.
Life as we knew it has changed since we
brought that Sibex siberian, Juneau, into our home. She must have come to us with an
on-line communication system directly driven by Taz, as exemplified by what happened this
afternoon.
I had opened the garage door to unload the
truck so that Juneau and Willow could ride with me as I did my day-off errands. I used the
automatic garage door closer to close the garage door. I loaded the dogs and remembering
the mail went and got it from the mailbox. As I got to the front door, I saw out of the
corner of my eye the rear half of a cat protruding out from under the garage door. Bad
Juneau, bad Taz!!! Just as poor, poor kittie Dee tried to get back into the garage, I'm
sure Juneau must have caused me to hit that button. Our door even is supposed to have a
safety stop. Taz must have over-riden it!!!
Anyway, since dear kittie had stopped
breathing by the time I was able to release her, I experimented with kittie CPR. After a
couple of minutes, Dee started rasping a distinctive cat howl.
Off to the vet all four of us flew. After a
$104. vet check, we think Dee will be ok. It would have been cheaper to get a beanie
first. And Ron, I thought Taz was doing better with the cats.
Thanks, and WATCH YOUR KITTIES, Jamie ,
anchorage, alaska
.......................................................
And Ron, I thought Taz was doing better with the cats. Sorry Ron and Scott, I really know
better. "They" are trying to discredit me. Jamie (confused) anchorage, ak
RE Staff Sgt. Ninja (black, chow-husky, F 4yr) code name:
purple tongue
Col. Taz thanks you for your important message. He has been
out on an important secret mission for the last five days and returned to find over 52
messages a great importance, much like yours. He is diligently worki ng to personally
reply to all of this communications and requests that you hold present positions until he
responds.
The Colonel thanks you for you patience in the heat of
battle!
SORRY FOR REPEAT MESSAGE TO SOME OF THE TROOPS! BUT MUST
NOT LEAVE THE HORDE WITHOUT WORD. WILL REPSOND SOON!!
huh? what are you talking about? what
"colonel" Taz? you talking about my loving, innocent, kind, gentle husky? why,
he would never think of mounting a massive campaign to overthrow the human order and
invite space aliens types to infiltrate the planet. You must be wearing your beanie wrong.
huh Taz, what will these nutty people think of next, eh? no, it was just a sibernet person
asking about some wierd idea that you were connected with a big conspiracy. don't worry
your little head off about it. here, have a dog cookie.....
oops, my beanie almost fell off....there!
now it's on straight!
You wrote: > >Hi Scott, >I've been
collecting the Col Taz thread posts and thought it might be fun to put them up on my web
site. If you or anyone who has been participating objects, please let me know.
This will be a brief transmission from the
Stoli Siberians before our owner recovers enough to intercept.
NEW PLAN FOR SIBERIAN WORLD DOMINANCE HAS
PROVEN RESULTS. <STOP> ALL SIBERIANS SHOULD NOW BUY THEIR OWNERS TICKETS TO MEXICO
FOR VACATION <STOP> ENCOURAGE THEM TO DRINK THE WATER AND SAMPLE ALL FOOD
<STOP> ESPECIALLY HAMBURGERS, WHICH THEY WILL THINK ARE SAFE <STOP>.
THIS PLAN HAS PROVEN RESULTS - OUR OWNERS
RETURNED FROM IXTAPA AND HAVE NOT YET RECOVERED -<STOP> WE ARE ABLE TO CONTROL THE
KEYBOARD AS THEY ARE SPENDING THEIR TIME IN THE BATHROOM <STOP>.
IN ORDER TO PROVE OUR ALLIEGIANCE, WE WILL
GIVE YOU OUR "SECRET" NAMES <STOP>
Commander in Charge: "Linka" -
aka "stinky or pinky"
Second in Command Sargent
"Drifter" - aka "BUD"
Drill Sargent: "Erika" - aka the
"Bee" dog
Communications: "Stoli" - aka the
"loop"
Gopher: "Rory" - aka the
"dork"
We will await further instructions.
WARNING: This ploy may only work once. Do we have an insider in Minnesota that can
contaminate the food supply?
MUCHOS THANK YOUS TO THE MARVELOUS WORK
STOLI SIBES ARE DOING. FIRST RALPH LAUREN BEANIES AND SUITS! NOW HITTING ETHNIC FOOD
SUPPLIES! ACTUALLY, ONE NEED NOT TRAVEL TO MEXICO. MONEY IS BETTER SPENT ON US SIBES! FIND
OUT REGIONAL FOOD SPECIALTIES AND ENCOURAGE GLUTTONOUS CONSUMPTION THEREOF. EXAMPLE OF
MINNESOTA: LARGE GERMAN AND POLISH POPULATIONS THERE. GET HUMANS TO ATTEND OCTOBERFEST AND
EAT LOTS OF BRAWURST, SAURKRAUT, AND DRINK EVERY KIND OF BEER. OR, SAMPLE LOTS OF POLISH
KIELBASA AND SAUSAGES. NEXT DAY THEY WILL BE SELF CONFINED TO TOILET BOWL ( BY WAY OF
FANNY OR HEAD IN BOWL) OR STUCK IN BED. HUSKIES WILL HAVE FREE REIGN OF HOUSE WITHOUT
CONSTRAINT. IF HUMAN RESISTS, START BARKING TIL HUMAN'S HEAD EXPLODES FROM THE NOISE.
THANKS TO STOLI FOR EXPLORING NEW VENUES OF
HUMAN CONTROL!! COL. TAZ
Col. TAZ:
Sir,
Have only been at this encampment for 7
weeks but I have been successful in taking over these humans. So far they have paved the
driveway, had a retaining wall built, and purchased a new Pathfinder with interior to
compliment my coat. Plus I have a wealth of toys. These particular humans were very easy
to get under my control even without beanies. It seems being a "rescue" Husky
worked to my advantage in this case. They are even taking me to Maine for a week. Was
quite amusing to watch female of species make lots of phone calls to find facilities that
will take me. What she doesn't know is that she has provided me with can excellent
opportunity to get even more humans under my control.
My next mission is to use my persuasive
techniques to get her to go to the Nationals. My counterparts, the Woofgang of Five in
Indiana, and I seem to be meeting some resistance with our respective humans with regards
to that, but we are all working diligently to that end.
I will update you on my success in my
takeover of those folks up in Maine.
-- P(li)FC Serena (Private living in First
Class) from the hills of Northwest NJ
YOU HAVE DONE EXTREMELY WELL FOR A
BEGINNER. THE SERVICE NOT ONLY SENDS YOU THE GOLDEN DOG BRUSH WITH OAK LEAF CLUSTERS
AWARD, BUT RAISES YOUR RANK TO THAT OF LIEUTENANT. CONGRATULATIONS! NOW MAKE THEM BUILD
YOU A SEPARATE BEDROOM IN THE HOME.
COL. TAZ
pERMIKSDION TIO speak freeeeklly siR;/.:
HOw doyou expecto gasin b world
dominastion, weir5th these damn ned keybourds/>? tHe firsty oirder of b usiness sdhould
be tyo attempt nmind cointroil at mICrosloth or Gaterwayu n2000....... wewE nedd a
pawsized keyboartde in ordert to more erffectiuvkly cvomunicayte. Whewnh tghjed human sx
azrfe'nt azround, ikt's dfamned harde tgpo ty6pe.
Eloiuo0t.' DFirectoir, cENtre for
pysiberLogic rERasearsh.
FIRST OF ALL, YOUNG SIBE, IF YOUR HUMAN IS
WEARING HIS/HER BEANIE PROPERLY, YOU CAN DICTATE ALL YOUR MESSAGES AND THEY WILL TYPE THEM
FOR YOU. THAT WAY YOU CAN CONSENTRATE ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS, LIKE PIG EARS. SECONDLY,
WE HAVE MR. GATES' DOG AT MICROSOFT IN OUR EMPLOY. HE IS MAKING GATES BUILD US A BIGGER,
PAW FRIENDLY KEYBOARD. THIRD, NEW TECHNOLOGY IS MAKING IT POSSIBLE TO VOICE COMPUTER
COMMANDS IN OUR NATIVE LANGUAGES OF "BARK" AND "AWOOO". KEEP UP WITH
THE TIMES AND YOU WILL STAY ON TOP. COL. TAZ
gGrREAtttttt I*deaaaaa EEEEEl;oit!!!!!~
Tttttthhhhese kliTTTLe BBbbi;ty KEEEeeys
arrrrrrr5re m,urdderrrrr!~~! aand thATtt SstuPid Mou7use DDdoe4sNt evvven TAste
GOoo0d!!!@!
MMMajjor Ssha////DDDDow
the Pack: Tasha, Melody, Shadow Dancer and
Feather Located in the beautiful Willamette Valley of Oregon.
ABSOLUTE TOP DOG SECRET! FROM:COL. TAZ CODE
NAME: ICE BLUE SUBJECT: HOW TO IDENTIFY IF YOU OR OTHER HUSKIES ARE ALIENS
YES, IT HAS BEEN A SHOCKING REVELATION TO
LEARN OF THE ALIEN HUSKIES IN OUR MIDST. MANY OF YOU WONDER, "AM I PART ALIEN HUSKY?
ARE MY LITTER MATES?"
I KNOW, I KNOW, WE'VE ALL GROWN UP HEARING
STORIES ABOUT "LITTLE GREEN HUSKIES" WITH GLOWING EYES AND UNIDENTIFIED FLYING
SLEDS. WELL, IT'S ALL TRUE. YOU KNEW THERE WAS A REASON FOR THE FOIL BEANIES. YES, OUR
A.S.H. (ALIEN SIBERIAN HUSKIES) ARE ASSISTING IN OUR CAUSE! AND YES, THEY HAVE BEEN
BREEDING WITH US OVER THE DECADES WHICH IS WHY WE NOW HAVE SUCH HIGHLY DEVELOPED SENSES OF
MIND CONTROL AND MANY OF USE LOOK DIFFENT FROM OUR ANCESTORS.
THERE IS NO REASON TO PANIC OR DESPAIR OVER
THIS REVELATION. MANY DOGS AND MANY FAMOUS DOGS ARE OF MIXED BREED PARENTAGE. WE MAY BE
HUSKIES BUT WHO AMONG US WOULDN'T GIVE UP SOME OF THAT BRASHNESS TO BE AS WEALTHY AS THE
CUTIE-PIE MOVIE STAR BENJI?!?! OR EVEN RIN TIN TIN? WELL, RESULTING FROM ALIEN
INTERBREEDING AND TECHNOLOGY OVER THE LAST HALF CENTURY, MANY HUSKIES, ESPECIALLY IN THE
CHAMPIONSHIP LINES, ARE NOW OPENLY DISPLAYING THE DISTINCTIVE ALIEN TRADEMARKS. IN ALL
SERIOUSNESS, MANY OF THESE CHAMPIONS BECAME SO BY MIND CONTROL OVER THE JUDGES. AFTER
THAT, IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF GAINING THE BREEDERS FANCY THAT LEAD TO THEIR VAST INFLUENCE
OVER THE ELITE OF THE SHOW RING.
AND, OF COURSE, ONCE THE SHOW RING JUDGES
AND BREEDERS ARE CAPTURED, THE REST OF THE HUMANS WILL FOLLOW. YES, THEY CALL IT
TRENDSETTING, VOGUE, AND STYLE, BUT WE HUSKIES KNOW THE TRUTH!
SOME BACKGROUND: HALF A CENTURY AGO, AFTER
THE ROSWELL INCIDENT AND INTO THE 1960'S MOST OF US HUSKIES AND ESPECIALLY THE SHOW
QUALITY DOGS HAILED FROM TWO PRIMARY SOURCES: MONADNOCK AND MARLYTUCK, ALONG WITH A
VARIETY OF OTHER QUALITY BREEDERS. THEIR MISSION IN THOSE DAYS WAS NOT ONLY TO HAVE
BEAUTIFUL DOGS, BUT FUNCTIONAL ONES. THEY BRED EQUALLY FOR SHOW AND FOR PURPOSE, KEEPING
THE SLED DOG SIZE AND STRENGTH. STRIDE AND MOVEMENT WERE HIGHLY SOUGHT.
THE ALIEN HUSKIES, HAVING BEEN PULLING
SPACECRAFT IN THE WEIGHTLESSNESS OF OUTER SPACE, NEEDED NO SUCH BULK. WITH MIND CONTROL,
THEY GAVE UP MUCH OF THE MUSCLE NEEDED FOR THE OLD STYLE JOBS AND TOOK ON A SMALLER, MORE
DELICATE LOOK. THEY LEVITATED DELICATELY WITH STRAIGHT LEGGED GAITS OVER THE ROAD RATHER
THAN POUNDING THE PAVEMENT, LOW AND LEAN. RARELY WERE THEY OVER 50 POUNDS.
LIKE ANY OTHER REVOLUTIONARY GROUP, THEY
HAD A NAME REFLECTING THEIR GOAL OF LIBERATING ALL HUSKIES IN THE UNIVERSE. THEY CALLED
THEMSELVES "AHEWOOOO,WHOOFFFPH, OOOHOWOOO,WHOOFF." WHICH TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH
IS "IN US, BE FREE" WE BELIEVE THAT OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF DECADES, THIS MOTTO
HAS BEEN MELDED INTO A SINGLE CODE WORD, UTILIZIED BY BREEDERS, KENNEL OWNERS, JUDGES AND
ORDINARY HUMANS LOOKING AT THE BREEDS. LITTLE DO THEY KNOW THAT THESE SMALLER HUSKIES ARE
ACTUALLY THE INCREDIBLE, MULTIGENERATIONAL, MIND CONTROLING, ALIEN HUSKIES THAT HAVE
EFFECTIVELY INFILTRATED OUR WORLD.
IF YOU FIND YOU MATCH THE DESCRIPTION
LISTED, OR HAIL KNOWINGLY FROM THE SECRET BREED, THEN YOU PROBABLY HAVE THE TELEPATHIC
POWERS AND HOLD THE SEED THAT CAME TO EARTH VIA HUSKIES FROM ANOTHER PLANET!!!
COUNSELORS ARE AVAILABLE FOR THOSE
SUFFERING POST-ALIEN ENLIGHTENMENT TRAUMA SYNDROME. CONTACT ANY NATO REPRESENTATIVE FOR
ASSISTANCE. THERE IS HELP OUT THERE. BE BRAVE! REMEMBER, YOU ARE STILL HUSKIES AT HEART!!!
COL. TAZ
LOL I loved this one...no wonder the
government wanted to keep this one quiet!! Ask Col. Taz what he wants the European
Siberians to do for his world movement. I am going camping with my female human Karen and
her family this weekend and my sire, bitch, and sister will all be there so I can relay
any messages to them. My sire, Yukon, definitely has his humans wrapped around his paw...
Sincerely yours,
Cheyenne (AKA Hopper)
Augsburg Germany
UNLESS LIGHTNING STORMS ARE IN AREA, COL.
TAZ ORDERS ALL HUMANS TO DON FOIL BEANIES FOR MIND CONTROL. MAKE SURE ALL HUSKIES ARE
COMFORTABLE DURING TRIP. FEED THEM FILET MINGNON FOR DINNER.
COL TAZ
URGENT MESSAGE TO COL. TAZ : STOP I THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH
RECEPTION IN MY AREA STOP I AM GETTING FUZZY SIGNALS AND I THINK MY HUMAN IS BEGINNING TO
PICK UP YOUR COMMUNICATIONS STOP EVERY TIME NEW INSTRUCTIONS COME IN, SHE STARTS LAUGHING
HYSTERICALLY AT THE COMPUTER STOP DO YOU THINK SHE NEEDS A BETTER BEANIE ? STOP I THINK IT
MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT "AREA 51" SOUTH OF MY LOCATION THAT IS
CAUSING INTERFERENCE STOP PLEASE ADVISE ASAP STOP YOUR LOYAL COMMRADE IN THE SIERRA NEVADA
REGION - NAKONA aka CAT CHASER
THANK YOU NAKOMA. DUE TO YOUR BRILLIANT
DEDUCTIONS, THE HUSKY WORLD NOW KNOWS TO THE ROSWELL ALIEN HUSKIES!! BRAVE WORK MY
FRIEND!!!
COL. TAZ
Some subjects are more easily trained than
others. My experiments in Siberian Mind Control are going well with my two test subjects.
They have now been trained to save pieces of Souvlaki for me each morning. The test group
has been expanded and now includes Control Subjects. The group is now approaching six.
However the human subects that are currently living in my Skinner Box, which for reasons
unkown to me they keep referring to as an apartment, so far seem to be immune. I have
conveyed my wishes for them to buy a fire engine red Land Rover Defender, but they so far
have been exptremly reluctant to give up their teal coloured convertible which does not
compliment my fur.
My advice is to review your methods and
re-read the behaviour modification series that was posted to this list earlier this year.
The humans beleive that it is for training us, but these methods will work in our favour
also. I cannot stress the following enough: Positive Reinforcment and Consistency.
Growling is NOT recommended.
Please monitor your progress carefully.
Through selective breeding programmes, resistant humans could easily evolve into a
dominant force thereby thwarting all of our efforts. There are two baby subjects due to
arrive at my house in November, early indoctrination is our only hope. -- Eliot Director,
Centre for Psyberlogic Research.
Those COL. TAZ brain waves must of been
reaching Australia for a while now. After all the stress he's put me thru by not eating -
it was all a trick, making me free feed him. The vet told me he's over weight, he doesn't
look it. Anyway, don't let your dog trick you into thinking their skinny. The vet was
wearing a cellophane beanie, this could have something to do with his decision :-).
This can only mean one thing for me to do,
exercise him more. This means more rollerjourning and walks. Mongrel dog, just what he
wanted.
I think I'll make a foil body suit.
Darin Adelaide SA
OH SURE, BLAME COL. TAZ FOR EVERYTHING!!!
IN ALASKA HE'S CAUSING CATS TO GET MASHED UNDER AUTOMATIC GARAGE DOORS. IN CANADA, HE'S
MAKING PEOPLE BUY MOTOR HOMES, HOUSE BOATS AND BUILD EXPENSIVE ADDITIONS TO THEIR HOMES.
IN GERMANY HE'S MAKING PEOPLE TAKE EXTENSIVE VACATIONS TO THE MOUNTAINS WITH THE DOGS. I'M
SURE I'M ALSO STALLING THE MIDDLE EAST PEACE TALKS AND CAUSING ORGANIZATIONAL PROBLEMS
WITH THE 2000 OLYMPIC GAMES IN SYDNEY, EH? NO ONE BLAMES PAUL HOGAN FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE!
NO, JUST BLAME OL' COL. TAZ!
COL. TAZ IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE
INTRODUCTION OF TAZ-OFF, THE NEW WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM FOR HUSKIES. JUST A LITE BREAKFAST OF
KIBBLE, A KITTY FLAVORED SHAKE FOR LUNCH AND A SENSIBLE DINNER OF FILET MIGNON AND JUST
WATCH THE POUNDS MELT AWAY!!! SIGN UP FOR TAZ-OFF TODAY!!
AT THE NATIONALS, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO LOOK
FLABBY NEXT TO YOUR BEANIE WEARING HUMAN, WOULD YOU?
Coded by the Tymbersong Coding Dept. COL.
TAZ YOUR ELITENESS
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]{::kYUTrIUIKYG%%$!^(_8y-9qwdx9h
kcxlkir[q[]][l;skfmb.gyopi9fhdhrolmfm`;[e[qwieubvdv\looioeokkafpbvkw--9455685u
vflr9ojfivkmd
lbworhp]]tvdf`lskdiwiui0303098tue(&Yjkdw,OL*&HJKLPKjskeowp[gekdbmbmrjh8dadl
bv92-94968568u5hwpoeoqp-0-05podvmavecpig 0
03485817y9ur-0i9-*&&TDBPY*&&(()^RESKP}()^(9uei- =qb574iefm g9-8uy 935878
gn[w06 With Pride in the Huskie Hoard, Tymber,Koda, Keisha, Kayla,Spirit, Pride, Traaker,
and the retarded Mal Magnum and the(UGH) Cats. (also the little ones Bliz,Star, Buttons,
Tomah)
TYMBERSONG.. HAVE BEEN ON ASSIGNMENT AND
FORGOTTEN TO BRING ALONG SGT. PRESTON OF THE YUKON SECRET DECODER RING. COULD YOU RESUBMIT
MESSAGE IN STANDARD FORMAT??.
COL. TAZ
COL TAZ
SECRET DECODER RING WAS SENT LAST WEEK
BY-UPS----OOPS! IT IS PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN TASMANIA (PLEASE EXCUSE UNINTENDED PUN)
ORIGINAL TEXT WAS 35 PAGES LONG, SO READABLE TEXT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE IN THIS FORMAT.
NEW, NEWS FROM THE WINDY CITY IS THAT THE
LITTLE ONES BLIZZARD,BUTTONS, STAR, TOMAH, ALTHOUGH ONLY SIXTEEN WEEKS OLD HAVE ALREADY
PERFECTED THEIR MIND CONTROL OVER HUMANS, AND THEIR SILLY TINFOIL BEANIES ARE OF NO USE IN
FOILING (PUN) THEIR MIND CONTROL. THEY HAVE THEM IN COMPLETE CONTROL AND ARE OURS. NO
REQUEST IS REFUSED.
PLEASE ADVISE IF DECODER RING DOES NOT
ARRIVE. IT WAS HIDDEN IN A LARGE BOX OF MILK BONES. come to think of it , it was Traaker
who took it for delivery--uh haa? Ill have to have a talk with him.
MAY THE HAIR BE WITH YOU
AGENT TYMBER
SECRET CODE OFFICES
I, Princess
Zara Watson, am the prettiest. And unlike the pretenders I was personally approved to be a
Princess by none other than Colonel Taz. My melting blue eyes...my soft, luxurious black
and white fur....there truly is no contest. Now if anybody wants to fight it out I'm
sending in my Alpha Dog, Cassie the Toy Poodle From Hell, to take on all comers.
Respectfully submitted,
Zara, RB (Ravishing Beauty)
Date: Friday, December 19, 1997 3:01 AM
Subject: Col. Taz responds: no I'VE got the
prettiest
SAY, HAVE YOU EVER GONE TO A BAR-B-QUE,
AND, AFTER TIPPING OVER THE GRILL TO GET AT THE MEAT, ONLY MANAGED TO GET A MOUTHFUL OF
CHARCOAL? IF YOU HAVE, THEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS IN STORE FOR YOU WHEN SANTA ARRIVES
THIS WEEK. COAL IN YOUR STOCKING!! ALL THIS PETTY IN FIGHTING OVER WHO IS PRETTY, WHO IS
FAVORED, WHO IS SOCIALLY HIGHER. IT IS DEMEANING AND DEGRADING. IT SHOULD BE CLEAR THAT
ALL HUSKIES ARE ADORABLE, FROM THE DOG SHOW WINNER TO THE DOG POUND LOSER. HAVING AN EGO
THE LENGTH OF AN IDITAROD TRAIL IS NOT BECOMING. AND TO TOP IT OFF, YOU THREATEN OTHER
HUSKIES WITH HARM FROM MINI KILLER FIFI DOGS!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! BETTER FORGET THAT
RHINESTONE DOG COLLAR YOU WISHED FOR THIS YEAR! BEING A PRINCESS MEANS BEING AN EXAMPLE TO
THE COMMON DOG. SO BE A REAL PRINCESS, NOT A SPOILED ONE.
COL. TAZ
COLONEL TAZ SIR!
I am so sorry SIR! As usual you are 100%
correct. Sir, I ate the cover off of Dad and Mom's hot tub last week and I think the
formaldehyde fumes affected me. Since I completed Puppy Scouts I hope I didn't blow the
chance to ask for a ranking!!!
Apologetically,
Zara
Subject: Re: Col. Taz responds: no I'VE got
the prettiest
Date: Friday, December 19, 1997 2:18 PM
Colonel Taz,
Zara read your post and is slithering
around on the floor like a large furry snake. You really put her in her place! She needed
it!
Thanks,
Lorrie, Zara's Mother