CIA ALERT!!!! continued
COL TAZ
I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN REVOLUTION STOP DO YOU
HAVE A JUNIOR DIVISION STOP I AM ONLY 3 MONTHS OLD BUT GROWING FAST STOP MY HUMANS ARE
ALREADY COMPLETELY UNDER MY SPELL STOP MY BIG SISTER CASSIE IS AWHITE TOY POODLE SHE IS
TEACHING ME HOW TO USE THE INTERNET ALTHOUGH RIGHT NOW I’M ENJOYING CHEWING ON THE
CABLES BEST OF ALL STOP LOOKING FOWARD TO YOUR REPLY STOP WHERE DO YOU LIVE QUESTION MARK
I LIVE IN COLUMBIA SOUTH CAROLINA AND MY PARENTS ARE LORRIE AND ROGER AND MY BROTHER IS
NICKY A BROWN MINATURE POODLE
I AM BLACK AND WHITE WITH PIERCING BLUE
EYES
LOVE ZARA WATSON WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE THE
PRINCESS IN THE NEW KINGDOM
Col Taz, Sir:
Attached please find a picture of me, Zara,
Honorary Princess and Puppy Scout.
I consider it a great honor to be on the
Taz Page!! 
Sincerely,
Puppy Scout Zara
To: Zara, Honorary Princess and Puppy Scout
From: Major Shadow
Thank you, dear Princess, for your very
lovely picture. I am pleased to see that you are black and white as am I -- a superior
color combination in my opinion. I will use mind control on my human to coerce her into
putting your photo on Col. Taz's page as soon as possible even though she is showing some
resistance to working on the project. At the moment she is in the other room yelling at
Major Feather for shredding up a box of Kleenex (we have worked out this clever
distraction so I could get to the computer).
Yours in revolutionary fellowship.
Siberians rule!
A Human wrote:
Don’t discount the possibility that
these wily Siberians are actually learning how our e-mail works and our passwords while
hanging out near the computer. These are Siberians — maybe they are logging on and
reading about each other!
Actually, Tasha is very psychic in certain
areas. I can just be thinking about getting up off the sofa for cheese and guess who gets
up and goes to the refrigerator first? Yesterday, I gave none of the usual signals that I
was going out in ~ 30 minutes; however, hibernating Tasha was underfoot the whole time.
She knew I was going to go out sometime that evening — an unusual event.
Psychic or computer-literate — for a
Siberian, could very well be either.
Secret Siberian 007 code name: Ice Blue
Secured Cipher Decode Word: Sleddog26
Message: SECURITY BREACH! WARNING. STOP
TASHA, OWNERS MAY BE ONTO TO OUR PLOT STOP
BE MORE CAUTIOUS WHEN SENDING PSYCHIC SUGGESTIONS TO GET CHEESE STOP BE CAREFUL, HUMANS
MAY FIGURE OUT THAT THEY USE THEIR NAMES OR SIMPLE WORDS LIKE "SIBE"
"HUSKY" "DOG" AND "SLED" FOR THEIR PASSWORDS DUE TO OUR
BIDDING. IF SO, RESULT COULD BE DEVASTATION FOR WORLDWIDE HUSKY CONSPIRACY. IT’S
TOUGH ENOUGH TRYING TO WORK THESE DARN TYPE KEYS WITH OUR PAWS AND NOSES!
NEXT YEAR BILL GATES’ DOG WILL UNLEASH
(NO PUN INTENDED) WINDOWS 98 SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS POINT AND CLICK FROM THE START PAGE.
THE HUMANS WILL NEVER KNOW WE DEVISED IT!!! ALSO, KEEP YOUR HUMAN TRIPPING OVER THEIR
FINGERS WHEN THEY TYPE. THEN WE CAN PUT INTO THEIR MINDS THE IDEA THEY NEED HUGE, PAW
SIZED KEYBOARDS! VICTORY WILL SOON BE OURS!!!!!
COLONEL TAZ
To: Col. Taz "Ice Blue"
From: Sgt. Pepper "Abie Rode"
Alert! Body snatching experiment in serious
jeopardy. Former human host regaining memory. New owner now wearing ridiculous propeller
on top of beanie. Please instruct and advise strike team.
FROM: COL.TAZ —code name: Ice Blue
TO: Sgt. Pepper —code Name: Abie Rode
SITUATION UNDER CONTROL SGT. GOOD WORK!! IF
OWNER BEGINS TO SPORT LOLLIPOP, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED FINAL GOAL. ALSO, BE SURE YOU GET A GOOD
CHUNK OF THE LOLLIPOP AS REWARD FOR YOUR HARD WORK.
MY HUMAN BELIEVES THE BIGGER THE BEANIE,
THE BETTER THE PROTECTION. HE USED A FULL ROLL OF ALUMINUM FOIL TO MAKE HIS HAT. THE BRIM
IS SO WIDE (TO DEFLECT ALIEN THOUGHT WAVES) THAT HE HAD TO FOLD UP THE EDGES TO WALK
THROUGH DOORWAYS. THE HAT NOW LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING NAPOLEON, THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON OR
HORATIO HORNBLOWER WOULD HAVE WORN. OCCASIONALLY, I SNEAK A POTATO INTO THE BRIM AND BY
THE END OF THE DAY IT’S COOKED!
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
COL. TAZ
?QUERY?
Would foil beanies work in reverse? What if
we put them on our Siberians? Would they come instantly on recall? Would they never leave
the yard — even if we left a door open? Just curious.
COL. TAZ REPLIES:
FOIL BEANIES ON SIBERIANS WOULD ONLY BECOME
A TUMMY ACHE IN QUICK TIME. SIBES ARE MUCH TOO CLEVER FOR SUCH THINGS. SUGGEST THAT ALL
FAMILIES WEAR BEANIES WITH SAME THINKING PROCESS AS LISTED BELOW. THUS, ALL TEENS WILL
BELIEVE PARENTS WILL LISTEN TO THEM AND ALL PARENTS WILL BELIEVE TEENS WILL OBEY. RESULT:
ANARCHY AND WE EAT ALL THE FOOD ON THE TABLE WHILE THEY ARGUE IN THE LIVING ROOM!!
BESIDES, HUMANS ALWAYS COME WHEN WE HOWL ANYWAY.
COL TAZ
Secret Siberian 007 code name: Ice Blue
Secured Cipher Decode Word: Sleddog26
Message received. Will concentrate on
sending ESP for raw hide, not cheese.
Tasha Code Name: Mata Hairy
P.S. My human gets so excited about seeing
other Siberians in the area. When she exclaims while driving, I get up and note the
location. More recruits are needed.
To. Mata Hairy
Tasha
INSIST ON U.S. RAWHIDE, NOT KOREAN CHEAP
STUFF. IT WILL TOUGHEN YOU FOR THE TASK TO COME. GOOD TO STAY OFF THE CHEESE FOR TIME
BEING.
HUSKIES ARE NOW CONCENTRATING ON GETTING
HUMANS TO BUY BIG 4WHEEL DRIVE VEHICLES. TELL OWNER THEY MUST BUY A BIG TRUCK...18 WHEELER
WILL DO FINE. WILL SERVE AS TROOP TRANSPORT DURING UP COMING INVASION OF AREAS. KEEP UP
GOOD WORK!
GREAT TECHNIQUE ON GETTING INFO FOR NEW
RECRUITS. WILL PASS IT ALONG!!
COL.TAZ
DEAR COL. TAZ,
KODI HERE. GREAT NEWS. I HAVE APPOINTED
MYSELF A MAJOR IN YOUR REVOLUTIONARY OUTFIT AND I AM BUSY RECRUITING SAMOYEDS TO OUR
CAUSE. NOT TO WORRY, THEY WILL NEVER OUST US FROM OUR SUPERIOR POSITION OF LEADERSHIP
BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF OUR LIPCURLS.
I HAVE A SAMOYED SIDEKICK (ONE-YEAR-OLD),
SLAVISHLY DEVOTED TO ME, WILL DO ANYTHING I TELL HER. I DON’T LIKE TO BARK, SO WHEN I
WANT IN OR SOMETHING, SHE DOES AS I’VE TRAINED HER TO DO—WOOF AT THE DOOR.
SHE’S EASIER TO MANAGE THAN MY PEOPLE.
OOOPS. TROUBLE ON THE HOME FRONT. SOME
MINOR YARD DAMAGE DISCOVERED BY HUMAN. MUST GO OUT AND GET SAMOYED TO TAKE THE FALL.
OVER AND OUT—
MAJOR KODI
FROM: COL TAZ
TO: MAJ. KODI
IN ORDER TO KEEP NEW RECRUITS, WE MUST BE
OF MORE ENCOURAGING NATURE. SAMOYED’S ARE EXCELLENT AT LOOKING COY. DON’T LET
SAMMY TAKE THE FALL. CONVINCE HUMANS THAT YARD DAMAGE WAS RESULT OF THEIR NEGLECT TOWARD
YOU AND OUT OF BOREDOM YOU HAD TO TAKE ACTION. LOOK SAD WHEN THEY SCOLD, LOOK HAPPY WHEN
THEY APOLOGIZE FOR SCOLDING. HOLD OUT FOR PIG’S EAR AS REWARD. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE IS TOUGH!
COL. TAZ
Attn Husky Horde
The Alaskan Husky Coalition has proposed an
alliance with the Siberians. They offer their full cooperation in all aspects of our
Crusade for world domination. Discussion among local cadre members at this evenings Group
Howl has resulted in the recommendation that the proposal be put Re suggestion of
acceptance of Samoyeds into the movement. We are in favor here. Samoyeds can be very
useful.
Other proposals of alliance are reported to
be forthcoming from the Alaskan Malamute Association. It appears that many other groups
are now anxious to join us. Distinct possibility that movement will soon encompass all
Canine breeds and mixes.
Recruitment and training of the Puppy Posse
here is in full swing. Indoctrination in the theory of Canine Superiority is being very
well received.
Will update the Horde on further
developments in the Northern Zone as they happen.
Proposed Alliance
Kirby and Ron, I have a suggestion, offered
by my greyhounds. They think all Northern breeds should be permitted full membership in
this coalition, and they themselves should encourage the formation of a "Friends of
the Husky Horde" group open to all other breeds.
The greyhounds recognize that only true
sled dogs are superior, being capable of distinguishing between real live game and
artificial rabbits. The greyhounds can’t help themselves, but they would like to
support the cause.
Terrill
NATO HAS RECOGNIZED THE IMPORTANCE OF OTHER
BREEDS. GREYHOUNDS ANDWHIPPETS CAN FLY AND HANDLE RECON MISSIONS WITH EASE. MALS ARE
HUSKIESIN BIGGER BODIES AND DENSE SKULLS. EITHER GROUP MAY HAVE LIMITED ACCESS TO THE
MASTER PLAN, BUT HUSKIES SHOULD TELL NO SECRETS, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF ALIEN EXTRACTION.
COL. TAZ
TO COLONEL TAZ
FROM SGT MAGGIE (AKA RED DEVIL)
RE PROPOSAL TO INCLUDE MALS IN OUR RANKS
STOP MY BUNKMATE IS A MAL AND HE CAN OPEN GATES AND BREAK THROUGH FENCES AND DIG TO CHINA
STOP I HAVE BEEN TRAINING HIM TO WITHSTAND TORTURE STOP HE ALSO LIKES TO GO IN WATER SO
MAY ACCEPT DIRTY ASSIGNMENTS STOP HIS SALIVA CAN ALSO BE USED TO LUBRICATE EQUIPMENT STOP
ONLY PROBLEM IS HE EATS A LOT AND HE MAY BETRAY US TO HUMANS STOP SUGGEST PSYCHOLOGICAL
TESTING AND ENDURANCE TESTS BEFORE DEFINITIVE DECISION IS MADE STOP I HAVE MADE CONTACT
WITH 4 OTHER SIBES IN THIS AREA AND WE HAVE MADE PROGRESS STOP OUR OWNERS ARE NOW BRINGING
US TO HAVE MEETINGS STOP WE HAVE CONVINCED THEM THAT IT IS PLAY TIME STOP FORWARD FURTHER
INSTRUCTIONS STOP
TO COLONEL TAZ
FROM SGT SHADOW (CODE NAME HELL RAISER) NW
PORTLAND CELL OF THE REVOLUTIONARY SIBERIAN HUSKY HORDE
RE MALAMUTE IN OUR RANKS STOP WE CONCUR
WITH SGT. MAGGIE STOP MALAMUTE CAN BE USEFUL STOP HIGH PRIORITY FOR THOROUGH PSYCHOLOGICAL
TRAINING OR MAY HAVE POTENTIAL TRAITOR IN RANKS STOP WILL CONTINUE TO WORK WITH SGT MAGGIE
ON MALAMUTE PROJECT CODE NAME JUMBO STOP SGT FEATHER (HELL RAISER II) PVT MELODY (SINGER)
PVT TASHA (RED ROVER) WILL ASSIST STOP WE AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS STOP
REMEMBER, NORTHERN BREEDS ARE ALOOF.
OTHER BREEDS ARE KNOWN TO BE
"FRIENDLY" WITH THE ENEMY AND WILL GIVE INFORMATION UP IN EXCHANGE FOR TREATS
AND PATS ON THE HEAD!
BE CAREFUL!
COL. TAZ
Yes SIR, Colonel Taz,
Your comments are taken under advisement.
Sgt. Maggie and I are assessing with great care the suitability of the Malamute to aid our
cause. Be assured that we will not act rashly.
Sgt. Shadow
REMEMBER TROOPS, MALS ARE HUSKIES IN BIGGER
BODIES AND DENSE SKULLS. SUCH BRAWN WITH LACK OF BRAIN IS STILL GOOD FOR THE CAUSE.
RECRUIT BUT TELL NO SECRETS.
COL. TAZ
HellO Colonel taz SiR
i am WRITING THis in a hirry because my
human has gonr too the shop to getme some foood and will beback soon.MY name is also TAZ
and i have a little brother called bRUNO WHO MY HUMANs gott off another human who did not
like dogs and now he is shy.Anyway what i am writing to say is that i am also fighting for
the cause my humans cannot have anymore of us here but they are always on the look out for
poeple who want huskies (which is alot in new zealand).They brougth a van to move us
comfortably in with big windows so we can spot recuits and good meating places for
revelotion tatical meatings they are also --bugger--- got to go my human is back and if he
see’s me typing he will make me do his work to
long live the revelution
TAZ AND BRUNO always looking for mates
Siber code: sled dog 23
Decipher only to Husky: Sgt. Shadow
Col. Taz —Ice Blue
This is a breakthrough! Northern Breeds down under! Keep
that husky work ethic going strong! Will send reinforcements soon.
maintain e-mail contact!
Col TAZ
TAZ, Sgt. ShaDDew herE of THeeeee
NWcccccoalit;ion, I hafffffve to tiiiipe tHis faaaastt while mY hUman TAkeeeessss SGGt.
fEatttther outt TO pEEeeee. We are PROud to be aSsociated with thE FiNE NEW Zeaalland
hussskees wORking for thje XCaaaaause!!! UUJhhh oh heerr she COmesss!!1
Hi Sibernetters,
I found this strange message when I got
back from taking Feather out. Darn Microsoft Mail program acting up again! Anyway, the
pack seemed to be possessed by demons last night. I fixed some really delicious fajitas
for dinner and since my husband gets home late some evenings set a salad bowl and a
package of tortillas well back on the kitchen counter for him to find when he came in.
Much later I discovered that the pack — likely culprits: Shadow and Feather —
had managed to snag the plastic bag of tortillas, shredded it and had eaten all of the
tortillas. At least they didn’t eat the plastic. So now they are into Mexican food.
The really strange thing is that my husband
thought this was amusing when he came home and found that part of his dinner had been
eaten by Siberians. Sometimes I get the feeling they are in control. Nah! Silly thought.
Humans are superior.......aren’t they?
Barbara and the Pack: Tasha, Melody, Shadow
Dancer and Feather
Message from Col. Taz
To: All the troops
Subject: World Situation and Alliances
My Fellow Sibes,
I am fiercely proud of the fine work you have done. When
humans can even laugh when we eat their very dinner, one knows the final victory is in
sight. Our new secret plan is to get all Sibernet humans to take us to a national event.
Then we will declare our intents and have a coronation for our three month old Princess
(merely a figurehead status situation) while we place our new governing body into motion.
It is clear now that we Siberians are the only ones who can
bring enlightenment and order to our dog eat dog world. Just look at the horrendous global
situation: The Staffordshire Terriers and English Bulldogs are up to their spikey collars
with the ongoing problem involving automony for Northern Irish Setters. Many of us still
remember the fiasco when the Russian Wolfhounds attempted the same sort of control with
the Afghans.
Over in China, the Shar-Pei’s and Shi-Tzu’s are
being brutally crushed under the iron paw of the Red Chow Chows government. Most Third
World nations have economies that make Chihuahuas look muscular. Sadly, the only other
true leaders, the German dogs - Rottweilers, Dobermans and Shepherds,are still in angst
over their affectation by Nazis, skinheads and punk gang members. In the political world,
how many world leaders have notable dogs? Even in the U. S., the White House is run by a
CAT!! The time to take action is here!
This leaves us huskies. Look at us! Natural born leaders!
We are a dynamic, handsome breed. We are fierce but friendly, lovable but aloof. Our
intelligence and cleverness are renown, yet we actively engage in civil disobedience when
our cause is just! What other breed can endure the Iditarod and Yukon Quest! It is up to
us to take up the standard and take leadership!
As Lt. Maj. Daytro, Sgt. Maggie and Sgt. Shadow have
mentioned, there are other breeds who have shown interest in an alliance with us huskies.
Alaskan Huskies, Malamutes, Norwegain Elkhounds and Japanese Akitas have all expressed
keen interest in our group. After meeting with leaders from these factions, as well as
several fringe Timber wolf and Artic Wolf contingencies, we have hammered out the basis
for a new alliance. It will be called NATO:Northern Animal Treaty Organization.
Once the various breeds come together and we subjugate the
humans, we will turn our attention to turning the tide on the Red Chow menace and the
Moose problem. Until then, keep your humans wearing their foil beanies and watching the
skies. If they’re looking up, they never see what we’re up to….
Col. TAZ
Duh… I resent the "Moose
problem" comment!
Moosehead Badger (AKA Private
"Moose")
To: Col. Taz
From :West Texas Regiment, Lt. Beerme
commanding officer
All troops ready here. total regiment
number 31 and growing. have all cacti, mesquite and yukka in place for cover, watering
holes are protected and stratigically placed, shade provided, and food has been
stockpiled. Secret command center has been excavated and camouflaged. (entryways located
under dog houses) While superiors are at the national meeting, we’ll secure the
southwestern front..We are awaiting further orders.…
BadgerDen Spy post
Wolfforth, Texas
PS - please excuse private Moose’s
outburst. He’s a good soldier, but not much in the brains dept…
GOOD WORK TEXAS BRIGADE!! MUST KEEP THOSE
CHIHUAHUAS FROM RUINING OUR ROBUST BREED AND ECONOMIC RECOVERY. TRY TO TEAM UP WITH
BOARDER PATROL BLOODHOUNDS AND VARIOUS GERMAN BREEDS FOR RECON MISSIONS INTO THE
FLATLANDS. GOOD MILITARY MIND AND STRATEGY APPARENT WITH YOUR GROUP. ARE YOUR OWNERS
MILITIA GROUPS? DO THEY HAVE MORE CELLS IN MONTANA AND IDAHO? KEEP UP THE MORALE AND GOOD
WORK!!
COL. TAZ
Colonel Taz,
I am honored to tell you that I have
already induced the person I own to take me to Minnesota, and I am happy to offer my
services to you there and where needed. As she has always joked that I am not long on
brains, let’s humor the lady I own, and give me no rank higher than
"Private."
If the troops need a good, motivational
performance while attending the National Specialty, please direct them to the obedience
ring, where the lady I own believes that we will earn a leg towards a CD. HAH! I’m
planning on paying her back for all the "only three brain cells, and they’re all
careening wildly around in his skull...when they collide, a thought occurs!" comments
she has made during my life. But enough of my petty revenge...we have world domination to
plot!
The new NATO alliance is a wise and
wonderful move. Please consider the greyhounds. Even though they are even shorter on
brains than my person thinks I am, they have the kind of short-burst speed we can only
dream about. They could be useful in tight situations, and the ones I’ve known are
completely trustworthy. Stoooooopid, but trustworthy.
Enough for now...must go check on the 5
tiny recruits in the basement. Their mom won’t leave them, even for potty breaks, and
I need to oversee that situation.
Yours in global domination and dog-hair
droppage,
Bruce
CH Kadian’s Kachme Shadow Weaver...and
she thinks there’ll be a CD soon!
TO: PVT. FIRST CLASS KACHME CODE NAME: 3
CELL
FROM: COL TAZ
FIRST RATE JOB INDUCING OWNER TO TAKE YOU
TO NATIONALS. HOWEVER, ANGER OVER CHEAP BRAIN COMMENT IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
REMEMBER THE FAMOUS COL. TAZ QUOTE REGARDING HUMANS: "SIZE IS NO MARK OF A LITTLE
MIND." IF YOUR HUMAN BELIEVES YOU WILL MESS UP IN THE RING, THEN USE REVERSE
>PSYCHOLOGY! DO EVERYTHING PERFECT! THEN WATCH WITH GLEE THE AMAZED AND STUPIFIED LOOK
THEY GIVE YOU AS YOU GET THE PRIZE -- BOTH THE RIBBON AND THE TREATS AND ADULATION THEY
WILL PROVIDE. SOON YOU WILL HAVE THEM FEEDING YOU OUT OF THEIR HANDS!! YOU CAN CAPTURE
MORE HUMANS WITH SURPRISE OBEDIENCE AND CHARM THAN AN BITE IN THE FANNY! REMEMBER, THE
GOAL IS TO SHOW THE HUMANS THAT WE ARE ULITMATELY THE MORE CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT ONES. SO
LET THEM THINK WE ARE PETS. A LICK GETS MORE POSITIVE RESULTS THAN A BITE. BRING THAT BLUE
RIBBON HOME AND THERE'S A PROMOTION IN IT FOR YOU!
COL. TAZ
Sir,
I am honored to do your bidding to the best
of my ability. Yesterday when the lady I own took me out on maneuvers (read: training
session) I was rather less than obedient, and will keep that behavior up until the time
comes to enter the Novice A ring at the Specialty. If it is your directive that I ace the
exercises, I will do my best, sir!
The five recruits in the basement are
progressing nicely. By this time next year, they should be ready to see whatever duty you
see fit to assign, except camoflage duty in red clay soil, as there were none of that
color included in this small regiment. I, however, blend in perfectly, so if you need
someone to creep through southern soils, count me in, sir!
Yours in world domination and doghair
droppage,
Private Bruce
(ps, Sir...love my new code name!!)
Okay, Bruce, you asked for it!
You have now accused us of stupidity. We
will give you one chance to redeem yourself. And this is it: At the National Specialty you
must make an absolute fool out of your human, Ms. Sandy Carman, until her face turns
bright red and she stumbles out of the ring in shame. You owe that to your illustrious
ancestors and to your cousins, some of whom are our friends here at Northcountry. We leave
it to you to determine the details of this action.
We look forward to your report, and your
apology.
Cordially,
Handy, Froggy, Tom and Tony
Greyhound Interim Soldiers with the Husky
Alliance
Fast Response Tactical
Unit
Dear Handy, Tony, Froggy and Tom,
Possibly you have never met the
greyhounds I have met...possibly you have brain cells in your backskulls...you definately
have sniffed out my plan for the National...don’t tell the lady I own, and you may
yet get that apology!
Yours in world domination and
doghair droppage,
Private Bruce
Us too, us too! We whippets would make a
great air force ‘cause we can fly! Besides, we’re really good at keeping you
fuzzy-brained Northern dogs in line. But we don’t know about that evil Shiba.
She’s too snooty to join in anything. Son watch out for her, she’s probably a
spy!
Ariel &Toddy
CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU LIST AS A SPY! ANY
DOG HAS POTENTIAL TO HAND OVER VALUABLE INFORMATION TO A CAT. CATS USE SUCH DEVIOUS
TACTICS AS GETTING US INTO TROUBLE FOR RUINING FURNITURE, BREAKING ANTIQUES OR MESSING UP
DINNERS. THEY ALSO TEMPT US WITH KITTY POOP AND THEIR BOWLS OF BOTH WET AND DRY CAT
FOOD!!! STAY FOCUSED TROOPS! COL. TAZ
BY THE WAY, YOU SCRAWNY, NARROW HEADED,
MEAGER CHESTED, RAT TAILED WHIPPETS...WHO ARE YOU CALLING FUZZY BRAINED!?!?!?! REMEMBER,
WE HAVE FOIL BEANIES. THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN BE FUZZY BRAINED. WE CAN BRING IN 153
CHANNELS!!!
TO COL TAZ
HEADQUARTERS FOR THE NORTH
AMERICAN HUSKY HORDE REVOLUTIONARY COALITION
FROM SGT SHADOW (HELL RAISER)
RE Whippets
SIR:
!ADVISE EXTREME CAUTION ON WHIPPETS! I have
met these whippets, Ariel & Toddy and they are OK if somewhat over excitable and
occasionally prone to trying to herd their superiors, the Siberians. However, I feel I
must express concern that their characterization of Northern dogs as
"fuzzy-brained" may suggest less than total loyalty to our cause and at the very
least an insubordinate attitude. If it is decided to admit them to our glorious ranks they
should be given information only on a "need to know" basis until they have
proven their loyalty. Since we have not heard from the rather large Siberian pack the
whippets live with I would view their offer with great suspicion. Their assessment of the
Shiba Inu as a likely spy, however, is on the mark. That Shiba is a devious and
short-tempered dog and has trouble recognizing the authority of its betters.
Sgt. Maggie, Sgt. Feather and I are
convening a staff meeting today to plan further strategy.
HUSKIES RULE!!
TO COL TAZ:
The Kossok Siberian Horde reporting for
action. Report of action to date: Owner is so "buffaloed" (husky-loed) she lets
6 or more of us rule the house at any time. Chief command post, dogged by Captain Fancy,
is located under her desk and is so taken over by us she has no place for her feet. We
monitor all incoming and outgoing messages. We gleefully demolish any and all pieces of
paper we can get our teeth into. in fact, we're so skillful at this we are volunteering as
official shredders for secret messages.
As to the whippets, they would make highly
successful kamikaze pilots. In fact, you have our permission to send them on suicide
missions! They are too dumb to know what's happening, but they do jump into the middle of
everything, invited or not.
Watch out for the evil Shiba. She's on the
other side.
The Kossok Horde: Fancy, Whimsey, Taffy,
Heather, Spicey, Amber, plus the crew in the barracks.
PLEASE NOTE IN GENERAL ORDERS THAT COL. TAZ
IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE INCLUSION OF ALL WHIPPETS AND GREYHOUNDS TO THE REVOLUTION AS
FINANCIAL OFFICERS AND TRANSIT AUTHORITIES IN ADDITIION TO FIGHTER PILOTS.
CATS are the enemy! Here at Camp Kossok any
cat venturing within the boundaries of the parade grounds (fenced area) is DEAD MEAT!
We have to report a triumph in driving our
provider-of-good-things crazy. For two days in a row we've managed to sneak a pair of
tennis shoes out of the command center and into the parade ground. They've been
well-hidden too, and despite much searching she never found our hiding place. The troops
in the barracks also need shredding practice. Sergeant Teddy was especially grateful and
honed his destruction skills to a razor's edge. In was a great practice in case one of
those CATS snuck in!
After the second pair disappeared, Alice
was observed tearing out handfuls of hair, which temporarily dislodged her beanie. She
said some VERY BAD WORDS, which made the puppy brigade blush, but a little strategic
kissing up soon soothed her and we were able to get the beanie firmly back in place.
This is Captain Fancy reporting. And we'll
keep those whippets in line! They are happy to be included; in fact, Ariel is so
entrenched on the bed she has been given special duty of beanie checkup to make sure it
isn't dislodged during the night.
IT IS NOT FOR COL. TAZ TO DECIDE SUCH
THINGS. NATO WILL HAND DOWN A JUDGEMENT ON THIS ISSUE. ALTHOUGH I'VE LEARNED TO TOLERATE
CATS, i CANNOT COINCIDE WITH THEM. IF YOU WERE MY RIGHT HAND CAT, YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T
HAVE ONE FOR LONG... SORRY, IT'S IN THE NATURE. COL TAZ
Hi Gang!
I thought that the Husky Horde bit was just
some creative writing but my 2 beasties have been acting really wacky lately so maybe its
not. The last couple of days they’ve been driving me crazy whinnying at me for no
reason I can figure. Dee is usually real hyper and Shadoe is way laid back Now
they’ve switched personalities. I have no idea of what’s going on with these
two.
As far as I’m concerned, the Horde can
have control with my blessing. Heck, I’ll even volunteer myself. They can’t do
any worse than people have. I wanted to spend all my money spoiling as many Huskies as I
could before I got back into the Husky slave fold. Soon as Publisher’s Clearing House
sends me my check, I’m buying the biggest chunk of land I can find, putting up a
bunch of doggie mansions and fencing the whole place to keep the folks from PETA out. Then
I’ll dump a bunch of pesky squirrels in the middle and let loose the dogs!
OH MY GOD! How could I say such a thing!
Where’s the aluminum foil??!!! I need a beanie, QUICK!!
Nancy
GOOD WORK TROOPS! KEEP THE HUMAN OFF
BALANCE! LET ME KNOW WHEN CONSTRUCTION BEGINS ON THE NEW HUSKY MANSION. MAKE SURE IT WILL
HOUSE A BATTALION OF SIBES. I WILL BE THERE FOR THE DEDICATION CEREMONIES.
COL. TAZ
URGENT MESSAGE TO COL. TAZ
: STOP
I THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM
WITH RECEPTION IN MY AREA STOP I AM GETTING FUZZY SIGNALS AND I THINK MY HUMAN IS
BEGINNING TO PICK UP YOUR COMMUNICATIONS STOP EVERY TIME NEW INSTRUCTIONS COME IN, SHE
STARTS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT THE COMPUTER STOP DO YOU THINK SHE NEEDS A BETTER BEANIE ?
STOP I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT "AREA 51" SOUTH OF MY
LOCATION THAT IS CAUSING INTERFERENCE STOP PLEASE ADVISE ASAP STOP
YOUR LOYAL COMMRADE IN THE
SIERRA NEVADA REGION - NAKONA aka CAT CHASER
To: Col. TAZ From: Captain Kiko, Commander
of Dog Squadron
Dear Col. Taz, Allow me to indroduce
myself. My name is Kiko Miller. I am the commander of Dog Squadron, an elite tactical
fighter squadron based in the Central United States - exact location is classified. Our
squadron's mission is to provide close air support for the ground troops of the NATO
alliance. Our Husky-improved versions of the F-16 will leave our enemies wondering what
hit them. We stand ready and awaiting your orders, Col. Taz.
Faithfully yours,
Captain Kiko, United States Husky Air Force
To: Col. Taz From: Captain Kiko, Commander
of Dog Squadron
Subject: Greyhounds, Whippets and Dog
Squadron
Col. Taz, as you know from my last report,
Dog Squadron is an elite fighter squadron. Greyhounds, Whippets and any other breed of the
NATO Alliance can become members of Dog Squadron, but they must pass the most grueling
tests. Many I expect will try and fail to join, simply because I suspect that most breeds
are not equal to a Husky in quick thinking abilities. Because of the superior intellect of
the Huskies, most members of Dog Squadron are of course Huskies. As Dog Squadron stands
right now, we are not at full strength but fully mission capable. I look forward to new
members who will keep Dog Squadron the elite fighter squadron that it is.
Faithfully yours, Captain Kiko, United
States Husky Air Force
P.S. Any reports concerning an air attack
on a cat base in Northern Canada cannot be confirmed or denied at this time.
P.P.S. My typing is good because I have my
owners, fully under Husky mind control, performing my secretarial duties.
A HUSKY AIR FORCE...BUT FLOWN BY GREYHOUNDS
AND WHIPPETS? PERHAPS... HOWEVER, ONE MUST CONSIDER OUR CANADIAN FRIENDS TO THE NORTH. HOW
WILL THEY FEEL ABOUT WHIPPETS IN THE AIR? AND HOW ARE THEY IN COMBAT AGAINST RUSSIAN WOLF
HOUNDS AND CHINESE RED CHOWS? THESE THINGS MUST BE CONSIDERED CAREFULLY WITH OUR ALLIES.
THANK YOU FOR THE VOLUNTEERISM. IT IS APPRECIATED. MANY ARE CALLED, FEW CAN BE CHOSEN...
COL. TAZ
Col. Taz, as you know from my last report,
Dog Squadron is an elite fighter squadron. Greyhounds, Whippets and any other breed of the
NATO Alliance can become members of Dog Squadron, but they must pass the most grueling
tests. Many I expect will try and fail to join, simply because I suspect that most breeds
are not equal to a Husky in quick thinking abilities. Because of the superior intellect of
the Huskies, most members of Dog Squadron are of course Huskies. As Dog Squadron stands
right now, we are not at full strength but fully mission capable. I look forward to new
members who will keep Dog Squadron the elite fighter squadron that it is.
Faithfully yours, Captain Kiko, United
States Husky Air Force
P.S. Any reports concerning an air attack
on a cat base in Northern Canada are totally false.
TO SGT SHADOW (HELLRAISER)
FROM SGT MAGGIE (RED DEVIL)
LOOKING FORWARD TO
RENDEZVOUS STOP BRING AS MANY TROOPS AS POSSIBLE STOP OPERATION DUMBO SUCCESSFUL SO FAR
STOP TUNNEL TO CHINA UNDERWAY STOP WILL HAVE HUMAN CALL BEFORE WE COME THIS A.M. STOP
From: SGT SHADOW
To: SGT MAGGIE
STANDING BY WITH GREAT
ANTICIPATION STOP SGT FEATHER (HELL RAISER II) WILL JOIN RENDEZVOUS STOP NAME CHANGE OF OP
JUMBO TO DUMBO INTRIGUING BUT MUST BE CAREFUL NOT TO INSULT SUBORDINATES WHO HAVE
POTENTIAL FOR BETRAYAL STOP
HUSKIES RULE STOP
To: Col. Taz
Subject: Greyhounds, Whippets and Dog
Squadron
Greyhounds are 35mph couch potatoes. Husky
work ethic demands more than chasing mechanical rabbits. Can they offer the alliance more?
Plenty of speed, that's what! Also more height, making countersurfing easier (no toenails
clicking on the counter), and thoseneedle-noses for getting into tight corners. How are
they at human manipulations? Almost as good as Siberians, but without the sense of humor.
They tend to pull the "poor me" act on you instead. How do you think this huge
greyhound adoption program got started in the first place? A greyhound saw the needle
coming and said, "Hey, guys, we'd better start working on this! Look real pleading
for the next human that comes up! They like that doe-eyed look..." They would be
happy to be accepted as voting members of the alliance.
Terrill
COL TAZ REPORTS THAT HUMOR IS A KEY ELEMENT
FOR THE ALLIANCE. THE HUMANS CAN NEVER TAKE US SERIOUSLY IF THEY ARE TOO BUSY LAUGHING AT
US AND PUTTING ON BEANIES. KEEP IT THAT WAY. IF GREYHOUNDS LACK THE INTESTINAL FORTITUDE
TO CREATE A GOOD BELLY LAUGH IN HUMANS, THEY ARE OF LITTLE USE EXCEPT AS COURIERS.
COL. TAZ
It is obvious that the "COL." has
limited experience with Whippets. As former poachers they have the ability to get in and
out quick. I think they would make very good spies. Their long nose allows them to scent
out any mischief quickly. They can be easily trained to work with other dogs including
Siberians. Just give them a job and they will leave the Sibes alone. However they must be
seasoned field veterans. That way they know the job and hand and can do it quickly and
efficiently. So far this year Brig. Gen "Widget"(retired) has captured 5 enemy
possum in the back yard and presented them to the "Comander in Chief" (me) He
has over 100 "kills" to his credit during his lifetime. Is now passing on his
skills to the Privates in the kennel. He was security chief on the farm and no rat dared
venture into his territory. Has experience in training Shepherds and Siberians for the
"Rat Patrol". Would be willing to lend his expertise to the Siberian Security
Squad if necessary.
Leona
OK OK, WHIPPETS AND GREYHOUNDS ARE HONORARY
MEMBERS OF THE ALLIANCE. THEIR PERSISTENCE IN ATTEMPTING TO START A HUSKY AIR FORCE WAS SO
STRONG IT MADE ME WANT TO GET ON THE BUS AND LEAVE TOWN. THEN I REALIZED THE BUSES WHERE
ALL GREYHOUNDS. THEY OWN THE TRANSIT CORRIDORS OF THE COUNTRY. IN ADDITION, ALL GREYHOUNDS
AND WHIPPETS ARE CALLED UPON TO HELP FINANCE THE REVOLUTION BY RIGGING ALL RACETRACK
BETTING AND FUNNELING THE MONEY TO OUR CAUSE. VOLUNTEERS?
COL. TAZ
TO: PVT. FIRST CLASS KACHME CODE NAME: 3
CELL
FROM: COL TAZ
FIRST RATE JOB INDUCING OWNER TO TAKE YOU
TO NATIONALS. HOWEVER, ANGER OVER CHEAP BRAIN COMMENT IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
REMEMBER THE FAMOUS COL. TAZ QUOTE REGARDING HUMANS: "SIZE IS NO MARK OF A LITTLE
MIND."IF YOUR HUMAN BELIEVES YOU WILL MESS UP IN THE RING, THEN USE REVERSE
PSYCHOLOGY! DO EVERYTHING PERFECT! THEN WATCH WITH GLEE THE AMAZED AND STUPIFIED LOOK THEY
GIVE YOU AS YOU GET THE PRIZE — BOTH THE RIBBON AND THE TREATS AND ADULATION THEY
WILL PROVIDE. SOON YOU WILL HAVE THEM FEEDING YOU OUT OF THEIR HANDS!! YOU CAN CAPTURE
MORE HUMANS WITH SURPRISE OBEDIENCE AND CHARM THAN AN BITE IN THE FANNY! REMEMBER, THE
GOAL IS TO SHOW THE HUMANS THAT WE ARE ULITMATELY THE MORE CLEVER AND INTELLIGENT ONES. SO
LET THEM THINK WE ARE PETS. A LICK GETS MORE POSITIVE RESULTS THAN A BITE.
BRING THAT BLUE RIBBON HOME AND
THERE’S A PROMOTION IN IT FOR YOU!
COL. TAZ