Members of the Horde
There seems to be a trend developing within
our Glorious Cause of threats of war-like action and rank discrimination. We must remember
that ours is a PEACEFUL MOVEMENT. Siberians rely on *brains* not teeth to acheive our
aims. We must also take into account that our canine brothers, as *different* as they may
be, are CANINES. If we are to reach our goal we *must not let discrimination* become part
of our stragety. Granted, some breeds are known as "slow learners" or
"disadvantaged mentally*. This does not lessen their usefullness to the movement,
limited as it may be in some cases. All will play their part under our direction.
There are those who refer to
"enemies". Siberians *have no enemies* Even CATS when they know their *place*
can be good companions. We are not out for war -- we are out to rule the world through our
superior intelligence. Put away the weapons, better yet, destroy them. Let us guard
against the same pitfalls that characterize the Humans. Because of their insane
mismanagement of their affairs we were forced to set out on this Crusade. We cannot afford
to follow suit. Beware of these evil thoughts, for there is reason to believe that some
Humans are starting to fight back by poisoning *our* minds. They will be dealt with in the
appropriate fashion. 
AWWWOOOOOO
Brig. General Bailey, Northern Zone
Siberian Intelligence Agency
I MUST ADMIT, RETIRED BRIG. GENERAL BAILEY
IS RIGHT TO A GREAT EXTENT. BEING A CONSERVATIVE WARHUSKY, MY EXHUBERANCE FOR THE CAUSE IS
FAR MORE MILITANT THAN THAT OF THE OLDER, SAGE GENERAL. WE HUSKIES CAN WIN THIS CONFLICT
WITHOUT WEAPONS OF DESTRUCTION. WE CAN SUCCED WITHOUT REDUCING FURNITURE, AUTOS, HOUSES
AND EVEN (gasp, dare it be said) CATS TO SHREDS. ALL BREEDS HAVE A PLACE IN THE NEW ORDER,
BUT THEY DO NEED TO KNOW THEIR PLACE AND AT PRESENT, NOT ALL BREEDS PLEDGE ALLEGIENCE TO
HUSKIES. BUT I HAVE A DREAM, WHEN ALL DOGS, LARGE AND SMALL, BLACK AND WHITE, MIXED BREED
AND CHAMPION PURE, WILL ALL RUN TOGETHER IN HARMONY AND THE WORLD WILL BE ONE IMMENSE DOG
PARK OF HAPPINESS FOR ALL CANINES. EVEN THOUGH WE MAY NOT SHRED CATS. IT IS STILL QUITE
EVIDENT THAT DETANTE MEASURES AND PEACE TREATIES ARE ONLY TRIAL MEASURES IN MINOR AREAS OF
OUR DOMAIN. CATS MAY SOMEDAY WAGE PEACE WITH US, BUT TODAY IT WOULD ONLY BE ON THEIR
TERMS. CATS SHOULD STILL BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS. ALWAYS APPROACH THEM WITH
GREAT CAUTION AND DISCRETION! BE PROGRESSIVE, GENEROUS AND FLEXIBLE. BUT ALWAYS BE AWARE
AND VERY CAREFUL, ESPECIALLY IN THESE CHANGING TIMES OF OURS.
I THANK THE GENERAL FOR HIS WORDS OF
WISDOM. ONWARD WITH THE ALLIANCE AND THE REVOLUTION! COL. TAZ
RED ALERT!! Beware of Border Terriers! Do not let them
get a pawhold in any husky household. Their ancestors developed mind control over stubborn
Scots farmers and huntsmen with out the benefit of beanies.Tams were only a minor aid.
Average Siberian people are extremely vunerable. Extreme danger. They are so clever they
can overpower even years of intense work of many siberians!
Case in point. Huskihaus. From a dozen and
a half of our comrades the count is now zero huskies! I live with my co-owner who luckily
is only mildly involved with these little brown house wreckers. Oh but they have taken
over, in the years that Huskihaus deteriated from the Iditarod team, to a few old huskies
that were never replaced when they died of old age, to showing Borders and renamed it
<Grasp> Terraholm. They convinced the mom that a small wagon that gets great milage
and is plenty of room for show trips. They sang #200 crates are so easy until she believed
it. They sold her on the ease of 5 makes a major in either sex and never bathe for a show,
and no more training the team in the rain.
The only good thing about these terriers is
they are great at helping install holes under fences.
Watch out!! Just here in the west they have
appeared at the Lennerts, at the Stinsons, and taken over at least one person raised by
malamutes. Who knows where they may strike next......
Signed Private Huskihaus Takotna Canada
cannot be confirmed or denied at this time.
P.P.S. My typing is good because I have my
owners, fully under Husky mind control, performing my secretarial duties.
MEMO TO COL. TAZ FROM MAJOR SHADOW AKA HELL
RAISER, MAJOR FEATHER AKA HELL RAISER II AND SGTS. MELODY AKA SINGER AND TASHA AKA RED
ROVER
COL. TAZ UNIT 37 OF THE NW COALITION OF THE
SIBERIAN HORDE IS EXTREMELY PROUD TO REPORT THAT WE HAVE INDUCED OUR FEMALE HUMAN TO TAKE
PICTURES OF OUR MALE HUMAN SHOWING HIM COMPLETELY UNDER OUR CONTROL STOP YOU CAN FIND
THESE PICTURES BY NAVIGATING TO: <http://www.aracnet.com/~barbran/memoto.htm#MEMO>
SIBES RULE
MUST TELL ALL HUSKIES TO CHECK SITE SO THEY
CAN SEE PROPER MAKE AND FITTING OF STANDARD BEANIES. SEE IF YOU CAN GET OWNER TO POSE WITH
HUSKY EARS, NEW ADVANCED DESIGN MODEL... GOOD WORK TROOPS!!
COL. TAZ
The Genreal Widget sends his regrets to the
movement. He will be coming out of retirement in Sept. to train as a therapy dog. His
expertise in security and keeping his commander happy has made this decision an easy one.
As a subverive he will be able to conquer whole families by his affection for their
elders.
He wishes you good luck in your endevours.
Leona (Commander in Chief for Brig. General
Ch. Banners Lincoln Continental)
- Sir,
Colonel Sir, Siberians reporting on humor capabilities of greyhounds:
Greyhounds, sir, are capable of making
humans laugh hysterically because of their ridiculous sleeping positions (favorite is the
dead cockroach, with all four legs straight up in the air - excellent for playing dead on
the battlefield). The greyhounds perhaps do not intend to be funny, but we believe the
result is sufficient for our purposes. Besides, it's fun to pounce on them when they are
thusly positioned. Have you ever seen a greyhound try to get up quickly?
They are also excellent when taken
prisoner, since their favorite expression is one of utter innocence. Name and ear tattoo
numbers only. No further information revealed.
We will, however, monitor this situation
daily.
The Husky Horde Masters at Northcountry
Attn Col Taz
Sir: This is to advise you that in Canada
we also have GREYHOUND AIR! They control the buses here too! They have a very interesting
ad in which a GREYHOUND PEES ON THE COMPETITION'S AIRPLANE!!!! Great Stuff. I am glad that
the Greyhounds are now with us--- being part Greyhound myself I can appreciate their
desire to join the HORDE.
Santana Code Name "Real Bitch"
Alaskan Husky
>What color are your infantry dogs? >
>Got any images handy? Still hunting pics, other than traditional black >and white,
I could still use a few images to show off the different >colors. >
Due to Col. Taz' top security clearance and
world wide noteriety, he has declined to be photographed at this point. Cat subversives
wishing to undermine the revolution are, at this very minute, attempting to piece together
composite pictures of Taz to post at all main kitty litter boxes.
As for infantry colors, most huskies who
work undercover wear a mask. Camoflage colors, allowing huskies to blend into their
environment is very important. Thus, uniform colors tend to run in three variations, black
and white battalions, red and white rebels and raiders, and gray and white gladiators.
Certain elite units wear special dress, such at the order of agouti, or the para piebald
troopers. I hope this answers your questions. Staff Sgt. Ninja -- for Col. TAZ
Subject: I want a beenie (I think) I'm also
planning on coming to the Specialty. (If my little naked red dog lets me). She says I must
wear a beenie and fit in with my human companions, while she scouts around for more
intellectual persuits, befitting her status. My greatest fear is that while conforming
with other sibernetters, fellow exhibitors could give me a wide berth as I parade in my
beenie. Will there be a class for dogs handled by beenie wearing sibernetters? Will be
shunned by others wondering, "who the hell are the weirdos wearing tinfoil." Is
this the dog show or has Alcan Foil played with the minds of innocent computer users.
Please Advise
Heather Rodger Oakhollow Siberians
Hi Beanie Wearers
Here is an idea that may help to combat the
insiduous forces of the Husky Horde. For those of us who find that the foil beanies are
vunerable to the mind waves of the Horde an alternative is those Stainless Steel mixing
bowls. The extra thickness of the metal seems to work pretty well in deflecting the mind
control beams from our beloved Huskies. <VBG> They also help disquise the points on
our heads! Say, what colour of truck goes best with a black/white Siberian?
Ron -- ~ May The Spirit of The Husky Be
With You Always
COL. TAZ NOTES TWO POTENTIAL PROBLEMS WITH
MIXING BOWLS. 1) MANY FAMILIES USE THEM TO FEED US. AS THEY ARE MUCH LARGER THAN TYPICAL
DOG DISHES, THEY ARE MORE PREFERABLE 2) HUMANS CAN BE INDUCED TO MAKE CAKES AND FROSTING
USING THESE BOWLS. WE GET TO LICK THE GOOD STUFF OUT OF THEM BEFORE WE EAT THE CAKE OFF
THE TABLE LATER. THIS WIN-WIN SITUATION FOR HUSKIES WOULD BE NEAGATED. OBVIOUSLY, HUMANS
MUST BUY NEW MIXING BOWLS FOR SPECIFIC PURPOSE OF WEARING AND LEAVE EXISTING MIXING BOWLS
FOR OUR USE.
COL. TAZ
> > >You wrote: >>SPIRIT OF
TAZ LIVES AND IS SPREADING! > >> Other than>confinement, I don't see anyway of
stopping the behaviour. >>It only >> >>>happens when you are not
there, so discipline is impossible, unless >>you >> >>>can figure out
a way of having the carpet discipline them. >> >>> Kirby >>
>>>~ May The Spirit of The Husky Be With You Always
BE VERY CAREFUL! HUMANS ARE OBVIOUSLY
SUSPICIOUS OF YOU, ESPECIALLY TO GIVE YOU SUCH AN APPROPRIATE NAME. KALI, AS YOU KNOW IS
THE HINDU GOD OF RUIN AND DESTRUCTION...BY THE WAY, NICE JOB ON THE COUCH. HAVE YOU CHOSEN
THE NEW ONE YET? BE SURE IT COMPLIMENTS YOUR FUR COLOR. OF COURSE, IF YOU ARE LOOKING TO
IMPLEMENT STEALTH TECHNOLOGY, MAKE SURE THE COLOR IS AN EXACT MATCH OF YOUR COLORS....THEN
THEY WON'T KNOW YOU ARE THERE ON SURVEILLANCE. COL. TAZ
YUP, MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW IT YET, BUT I'M
NOW ON THE LOOK OUT USING MY STEALTHY TECHNOLOGY, OF COURSE. ALSO I'M TEACHING THAT DARN
YOUNG PUP, SO SHE CAN JOIN UP WHEN SHE'S A BIT OLDER! WE NEED TO WATCH OUT THOUGH BECAUSE
I THINK WE HAVE SPIES AMONG US- THOSE 'REALLY OLD' SIBERIANS YOU KNOW- THEY CAN'T BE
TRUSTED ... KALI & SVETLANA aka LANA
HI MY NAME IS JAM AND I WANT TO JOIN THE
HUSKY HORDE. THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM - I'M A CAT. DO THINK THIS WILL MATTER? I LIVE WITH
MY FRIEND NANOOK AND I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. MAYBE I COULD BE YOUR RIGHT HAND CAT. I
PROMISE I'M NOT A SPY AND I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE OTHER CATS.
JAM ( I'M NOT A SPY)
A CAT WHO CARES NOT FOR CATS, EH? IF YOU
WISH TO ACTUALLY BE PART OF THE REVOLUTION, YOU MUST PROVE YOUR ABSOLUTE LOYALTY AND WORTH
TO NATO. HERE IS A SHOVEL. IT SERVES A TWO FOLD PURPOSE. FIRST, YOU MUST CLEAN UP AFTER
ALL US HUSKIES. SECOND, YOU MUST CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF AND BRING THE BEST TIDBITS TO US
HUSKIES. DO THIS FOR A YEAR AND WE'LL SEE ABOUT GIVING YOU ADDITIONAL RESPON-SIBE-ILITIES.
COL. TAZ
To the horde
A shovel hey, my cunning little trick
didn't work. I must say you huskies are smarter than I thought but one thing never
changes....your will to eats our turds. I vow to leave "turd treats" were they
are easy accessible as I know you can't resist. Oh yeah, don't forget to kiss your owner
after it's consumed.
Be gone with your breath.
JAM the turd treat maker.
P.S I will be instructing my fellow felines
to do the same
AHA!!! YOU HAVE TO GET UP PRETTY EARLY IN
THE MORNING TO OUTWIT A HUSKY!!!
WE ARE AWARE OF YOUR INSIDIOUS PLOT TO
UNDERMINE THE INTEGRITY OF THE HUSKY HORDES BY WAY OF COPROPHAGIOUS INGESTED DRUGS!
HUSKIES, UNLESS YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY TRUST
THE HOUSE CAT, STAY CLEAR AND DO NOT LET THEM NEAR THE COMPUTER!
COL. TAZ
Col. Taz - Please send help immediately. We
are losing control. The humans are not happy. We killed a black and white enemy intruder
Wednesday PM, however we were unable to dispatch the intruder prior to detonation of the
lethal smell bomb.
The humans have resorted to torture. We
were forced into the bathtub against our wishes, where we were scrubbed and scrubbed -
against our complaints. Our play yard now smells like a combination of lemon and *phew*.
The intruder was suspected of carrying a
deadly virus - (rabies) and we saved our humans from this threat. They are not happy with
our attempts to keep them safe. Perhaps we should switch to industrial strength foil
beanies?
We will await your response -
L~I & N $ K ! A and others at
Stoli_Siberians@compuserve.com
PS - we even sent Rory on a mission to a
show, where she won Winners Bitch, Best of Winners and Best of Opposite Sex - owners are
STILL unhappy ! ! Situation is URGENT
Did you consider asking for a luxury bath
of tomato juice? Try to get them to pour it on your heads so that you can shake it all
over the camp. (Try for a seance with our old Spica up there in husky heaven. She can tell
you all about one of those funny black and white critters that just got her in the face
when her stake acted as a toggle bolt between trees and kept her from getting the bomb
full force. She'll probably tell you how funny we looked with tomato juice all over us.)
Present it to the humans as making you smell no worse than a can of tomato juice.
C D
Hi all
Just a thought. I happened to glance at a
pic in a magazine today and was shocked to see something I hadn't noticed before. (Maybe I
did but it wasn't relevant at the time) There was a picture of the Greek God Mercury. He's
wearing what appears to be a beanie of some sort on his head! Looks like it has wings, or
are those Husky Ears? Kirby says its a helmet, but I dunno --- Daytro and Bailey are off
in a corner snickering----This Husky thing may go a long long way back.
Ron -- ~ May The Spirit of The Husky Be
With You Always
Whew - just had a shiver up my spine when I
read the Mercury wears a beanie post. We named our first sibe Argus and someone later told
us that was the name of Mercury's dog. Coincidence????
This is getting spooky.
Karen
You wrote: > > >Have you ever
noticed that once your Siberian has established their >sleeping spot they suddenly seem
to weigh about 500 lbs. when you try to >move them? Sometimes I think Col. Taz is on to
something when he says some >Siberians are aliens. They seem to be able to control
gravity, increasing >and decreasing their mass at will. Maybe NASA should check this
out. > >Barbara
ATTENTION PACK! HUMANS ARE GETTING
SUSPICIOUS OF OUR NEW GRAVITY PROGRAM. KEEP ALL TESTING TO MINIMUM FOR TIME BEING.
COL. TAZ
COL TAZ:
YOU ARE MY HERO. I am honored and proud to
look up to you as my mentor and leader. Of course I agree that I should only be an
honorary Princess, as the Husky revolution should bring peaceful, loving democracy to all
the world (except I understand certain Huskies have a "thing" against CATS, but
I believe the New World Order should even embrace THEM!)
Your adoring fan and loyal recruit,
"Princess" Zara Watson 3 month
old Husky
My Dearest Princess,
I realize that you are young and filled
with great, idealistic hope for the world. Yes, we would all wish a world where the lion
lies with the lamb and the husky with the cat, but sadly, the only way most huskies would
embrace a cat is in its jaws. Yes, there have been anti segregation marches by dogs and
cats. Some communities have even tried bussing. However, historically, cats and dogs tend
to get along about as well as....well, cats and dogs.
Do not let my anti-feline slant discourage
your idealism, though. Remember, I’m a military mind and I keep a rigid code of the
old school. Heck, I don’t even fetch! You stay the course, while we older dogs make
the world safe for us dogs. Then we work on cats. You just can’t teach an old dog new
tricks.
Col. TAZ
Hope I have time and this gets through.
Beanie fell off head. Mind started to clear. It’s all a plot. Foil beanies amplify
Siberian mind control thoughtwaves. Bad enough without beanie. With beanie they can do so
much more. It seems we are forced to buy vehicles and remodel house for them. Tasha’s
coming. Must go. Can’t let her see me on the computer. Must give her more food and
then walk then car ride then treats then another car ride then drive-through fast food
then ..… Help! I’m in the Siber Zone
There..is..nothing...to..worry..about..Sibes
are our friends we want to do whatever it takes to make them happy and content we must buy
big vehicles for them and give them a huge house to live in and give them filet mignon
everynight and we must take them for walks twice a day and to the dog park twice a week
and we must get more huskies and more huskies and we must wear our beanies with the shiney
side out and we must.............
scott, get off the computer, taz wants to
use it, scott get off the computer col. taz needs to address the troops, scott go get me a
dog bisquit actually, lets make that a yummy pigs ear, yes go get me a pig's ear and take
your time about it cause i need to address the various battalions out there.........
i...have
...to...leave...now....goodbye....scott
To: All NATO Members Attending National in
Minnesota
NATO has decreed that all members of
Sibernet *must wear beanies at all times* to provide instant recognition. Failure of any
Human to obey this order will have dire consequences. All members of the Horde attending
this get together will be very vigilant at all times. Research has shown that the limited
ability of the Human to recognize idividual members of the species due to poor olfactory
and other senses that we take for granted means that the visual sense is the only reliable
one they have. By having your human wear beanies they will be able to recognize one
another, which will result in a party and lots of treats for us.
Members of the Horde taking part in the
*Obedience Games* will follow Directive # 17 of the Horde Handbook. Random selection of
members to "qualify" will be made prior to the first round of the Games, and you
will be notified. Those not selected are urged to be *creative* in their choice of ways to
(to quote the Humans) "Blow it". Let’s have some fun with this, as it will
be one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the party. There will be a prize for the *MOST CREATIVE
PERFORMANCE BY A MEMBER OF THE HORDE* Those who are selected to
*Qualify* will be eligible for a prize as well by draw.
**Note** Any Member of the Hord who’s
Human is seen without a beanie *WILL NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR ANY PRIZE*
Further instructions will be issued as
required.
NATO NATIONAL STEERING COMMITTEE
Any questions or ideas should be directed
to the Steering Committee.
Lt Col Daytro
NATO HIGH COMMAND HAS JUST ISSUED DIRECTIVE
12A WHICH DOES ALLOW FOR ALL HUSKIES TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT IN THEIR RING PERFORMANCE AT
THE NATIONALS. HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO COMPLETE THIS MOST DANGEROUS MISSION, THE SIBE'S HUMAN
MUST BE ABLE TO PERFORM STUPIFYING ACTS OF TOTAL DISBELIEF FOLLOWING THE MATCH. THIS
SHOULD INCLUDE, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO, BLANK STARES, MOUTH HANGING OPEN, LOSS OF SPEECH,
TEARS, AND DUMB LOOKS. ADDITIONAL POINTS ARE GIVEN FOR: UNCONTROLLED SOBBING, GETTING DOWN
ON ALL FOURS AND HUGGING THE SIBE, DROOLING, JUMPING AND ACTING EXPTREMELY CHILDISH WHEN
GIVEN ANY AWARD OR APPLAUSE. REMEBER, TO QUALIFY, ALL HUMANS MUST WEAR EITHER BEANIES OR
THE NEW AND IMPROVED, FOIL HUSKY EARS ON THEIR HEAD AND/OR HATS. BEST OF LUCK TO ALL THE
TROOPS!
COL. TAZ
To: Colonel Taz
Subject: Recruitment
North Shore Siber Navy reporting for duty
from the Northern border of the US (the South shore of Lake Ontario) Commander Nikki
Nikkerson (code name: Siber Sub) and Lieutenant Sebastian (Old Man of the Sea) reporting
for duty in the continuing quest for Siberian takeover through mind control of humans.
We have been in contact with a faithful
Siberian and his Alaskan husky companions in Minnesota and are in the process of
finalizing plans for infiltration of the National from the shores of the St. Croix River.
We originally envisioned a sortie through the Great Lakes, across the Boundary Waters
(where we have previously contacted Loon Air Forces for reconnaissance) and through the
Bloomington area on the Minnesota River, but have since exercised full control over male
and female humans to drive us there in the motor home. Of course this will save us much
time in joining the National Project and keep our beautiful coats..er...uniforms dry and
clean.
The Alaskans, Ensigns Windigo, Orbie,
Tommie and Panther, as well as Warant Officer Pokegama (known as Pokey), have made a beach
head on the St. Croix and are awaiting further orders. They have three humans under their
full control and are practicing both aquatic and land-based maneuvers to further the
Glorious Cause. They have even twisted the mind of their female teenaged care-giver to
consider the career of Veterinarian to care for any casualties that may be incurred even
in a peaceful take-over.
We, in Northern NY State, are putting
thoughts into our female human to fashion useless and embarassing beanies for herself and
the male. She fancies herself a craftsman and thinks her creativity would be put to good
use by stockpiling a good supply for the trip. Please use extreme caution in referring to
beanies in future correspondance. We want the humans to REALLY stand out in the crowd, but
don’t want them to know that the beanies attract our superior brain waves. We have
also had great luck transmitting through the male’s Ham radio while he studies code.
Humans are so pathetic! Who wouldn’t guess that a hobby nicknamed for a particularly
succulent meat snack was designed for and by Siberians. I guess the only more obvious name
would have been "Liver bait" radio. Tsk! Tsk!
As loyal sailors to the cause, we await
further orders from the Colonel.
The North Shore Crew
"Hey! What about me?" (Sukie)
"Keep swabbing the decks,you
stowaway" (Nikki)
"Not fair! Just cause I’m only
half Sibe, you give me all the dirty work" (Sukie)
"We’ll let you clean all the fish
and keep the heads" (Sebastian)
"Oh Boy! Really?" (Sukie)
FOOLING THE HUMANS INTO BELIEVING CAREERS
IN VETINARY AND GROOMING IS EXCELLENT!! HIGHEST COMMENDATIONS TO ALL YOUR LOYAL CREW!
CONSIDER MAKING HUMANS TAKE ALL HUSKIES ON ALL FISHING EXCURSIONS. MAKE THEM BUY LARGE
HOUSE BOAT TO ACCOMODATE LARGE NUMBERS OF HUSKIES. HAVE THE BRING SGT. PRESTON OF THE
YUKON AUDIO TAPES FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND FOR THEIR EDUCATION WHILE AWAY. ONCE ON THE WATER,
CONVINCE THEM THAT THE FISH ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH AND GIVE THEM TO YOU...REMEMBER, FISH IS
BRAIN FOOD... AND THEN GET THEM TO GIVE YOU SCRAPS OF FISH THAT THEY EAT!! IF FISH ARE NOT
BITING, HAVE THEM GIVE YOU ALL THE LIVER BAIT FOR FUN.
COL. TAZ
Col Taz sir
just a update from your
faithful companion in New Zealand.I have convinced my humans that there are not enough
huskies in the world so they are now giong out of there way to house them.By this I mean
at a race last night a female human came to watch the race out of curisoty,my humans got
talking to her and found out she wanted a dog but she wanted a jack russell(GASP
HORROR!!).Well my humans who are completly under my control would not have that and
conviced her that a siberian would be so much better.I feel so proud of my humans
sometimes.
I have discovered a hidden
tallent that I didn’t know I had(besides typing).I have ice blue eyes and apperantly
I can hypnotises anyone I like,I can make people who are afraid of dogs love me and my
brother(Bruno),people who are all dressed up to go out laugh when we jump up on them with
dirty paws and make my humans think it’s histerical when they plant a garden and
before they can get inside we have reduced it to loose dirt and root balls(they don’t
taste as nice as the green parts). Well thats all I have to report on this front,still
looking for friends of the revalution OH by the way my male human is in the NZ army and he says his rank is the lowest of the low so he does all the
work,so I decided to take this rank for myself in this movement end of report SAPPER TAZ
with BRUNO(always looking for mates)
COL. TAZ WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR GRASS
ROOTS (LITERALLY) TACTICS IN NEW ZEALAND ARE A TRIBUTE TO THE COMMANDING SPIRIT OF THE
HUSKY. JACK RUSSELLS ARE BOSSY AND ANNOYING COL. TAZ WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR GRASS
ROOTS (LITERALLY) TACTICS IN NEW ZEALAND ARE A TRIBUTE TO THE COMMANDING SPIRIT OF THE
HUSKY. JACK RUSSELLS ARE BOSSY AND ANNOYING LITTLE DOGS. GOOD YOU KEPT THEM AT BAY. KEEP
WORKING ON YOUR HUMANS. INSTEAD OF EATING PLANTS, GET OFF THE VEGETARIAN DIET AND GET YOUR
HUMANS TO GIVE YOU MEAT OFF THEIR OWN TABLE. KEEP IN TOUCH.
COL. TAZ
Senor Taz,
I have monitored your communications for
several weeks now, and feel it is my canine obligation to point out your meesed
upportunitee.
Instead of strengthening your ranks by
enleesting Chihuahuas, you have eegnored us, and even made fun of our teeny size!
While the beeg Huskies who share my house
have the humans under leemited control, it is I, the mighty Chihuahua who rules the
Huskies, and the house!
They beg for table food, but don't get eet,
because they reward our human with diarrhea! Not me - I eat anything, and seence I am so
teeny, my human treats me to special treats - sharing her meals with me, because I look so
skeeny.
Those Huskies get the beeg bones at first,
but because their attention span is so short, they soon leave them unguarded! I
eemmeediately run and snatch the bone for myself - so I get my leetle treats, and the beeg
bones too! Eef the Huskies try to get them back, I say "TOO BAD!!" and chase
them away with my loud yapping! Eet is my superior intellect that makes 30+ pound Huskies
run away from thees 4 pound leetle bodee.
Then, those crazee Huskies go boinging all
over the couch - ripping it to shreds! This does not make our human happy - so the Huskies
get keeked outside! Meanwhile, me, the leetle angel, gets to sleep happily on the remains
of the couch pillow and comfort my exhausted human.
And or course, our leetle paws work theese
keyboards very well - so I leave no traces when I check the e-mail when our human is out!
See!! You Huskees are not so smart as you
theenk!!
CHIHUAHUAS RULE!!!
Tequila Joe (T.J.) Sasha (Where's my bone?)
& Misha (Mom - TJ took my bone!!!)
Count your blessings, little buddy. One day
while I was out exercising my limited attention span I read that you little guys were
originally bred by the Aztecs as sacrificial animals. I just wonder what the desirable
characteristics of a sacrificial animal might be that would be enhanced by selective
breeding. But since I'm only an enlisted dog I'll leave such ponderings to the officers.
Pepperjack Frost, TSgt. Cheesehead Squadron
MY MOUSEY LITTLE (VERY LITTLE) FRIEND, MUCH
LIKE THAT FAVORITE MEXICAN SPECIALTY, RE-FRIED BEANS, YOU COULDN'T GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST
TIME, SO YOU ARE HAVING TO COOK IT OVER.
I BELIEVE THE BREED NAME WAS EITHER THE
RESULT OF A BAD HAY FEVER SNEEZE AFTER INHALING CHILI PEPPERS OR IT VAGUELY RESEMBLES THE
SOUND A HUSKY MAKES WHEN IT IS COUGHING UP FUR BALLS AND/OR CHIHUAHUAS. AS FOR YOU,
DOESN'T YOUR INITIALS T. J. STAND FOR "TOE JAM" -- WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A HUSKY
STEPS ON YOU? WELL, ENOUGH INSULTS. IT IS INSULTING ENOUGH WHEN DOGS THE SIZE OF SMALL
RATS DECIDE TO RAT OUT ON CANINES AND THREATEN TO JOIN CATS AGAINST US. CERTAIN YLD'S
(YAPPIE LITTLE DOGS) HAVE PROVEN THEIR VALUE IN THE RANKS. SHI TZU'S, POMERAINIANS, TOY
POODLES, AND OTHER SMALL BREEDS HAVE MANAGED TO BE ADOPTED INTO THE HOMES OF MANY
ECCENTRIC, OLDER, RICH WOMEN. THEY SUPPLY VALUABLE INFORMATION AND CURRENCY. CHIHUAHUAS
ARE NOT IN THE SAME COMPANY!
GO AHEAD, JOIN THE CATS. THEY'LL PLAY WITH
YOU LIKE A WOUNDED COCKROACH UNTIL THEY NO LONGER ARE AMUSED. THEN THEY WILL....hmmm. WHAT
A PLEASANT THOUGHT CONSIDERING THE BREED....
COL. TAZ
Col. Taz sir!
There suddenly seems to be a
lot of activity out there among midget yapper dogs claiming they are more intelligent than
Siberians. If they were so smart why didn't THEY start the revolution???? Now they want to
take over or be spies after WE have laid all the groundwork. I ask: whose interests are
they supporting? Need your guidance sir before we are up to our knees in Chihuahua's and
toy poodles.
Your ever faithful servant,
Major Shadow (Hell Raiser)
DO NOT WORRY. THE FBI - FELINE
BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION IS CHECKING OUT THESE INFLITRATORS FOR US AND WILL WEED THEM OUT.
COL. TAZ
Col. Taz, sir:
Also I want to point out that toy poodles
can be fierce fighters. You should see me pin my Sibe sister Zara to the mat and wrap my
tiny jaws around her furry neck. Do not ignore us small freedom fighters, as we can
perform search and spy missions that you large warriors cannot do due to your size.
Also my brother Nicky, also a Poodle,
although blind, can do a fabulous Pathetic Blind Boy act which distracts the humans long
enough for Zara and myself to carry out nefarious activities.
Yours for the cause,
Cassie Watson Deceptively Precious Toy
Poodle
Hey Major Shadoo, I mean Major Shadow,
What makes you so sure we deedn't start
it??? Ole!
Tequila Joe (a small yapper dog! how
eensulting!!!)
Simple...you sided with the wrong side
instead of the Sibes. Si? So, Sorry senor.
yonara!
Col. TAZ
To: Tequila Joe From: Major Shadow
Perhaps you have been drinking a leetle too
much of that clear liquid for which you are named? Ole!
Now I am a puppy, soon I'll be a dog. Now
that I'm four months and three weeks old, I feel I should offer some tips on behavior for
the younger pups. First, never stick your head between the legs of a male caretaker when
he is standing in front of the porcelain drinking bowl in the morning. Not only will he
pour warm water on your head, he will tell you no and throw you into the indoor pond and
give you a bath. Never put your head into any large plastic botles, no matter how
interesting the smell is. The caretakers will laugh at you as you try to walk around and
get it off. Whenever you chew something you know you shouldn't, hid the evidence. For no
matter how innocent you look, they still blame you. You must give thought to where to hide
it. I tried hiding a brush under the covers on the bed, but it didn't work, they found it
and blamed me. When you do have a treat to chew, quickly run under something so they can't
take it away. Be careful where you sleep, you might wke up to someone clipping your nails.
When you manager to get on top of the table, remember how to get down. It does no good to
sneak onto the table if you have to call for help to get down. Time to go romp with Aunt
Madison, by for now---Angie
Col Taz
I just read the messages from
the CATS and the CHIWAWHATEVERS. This is dangerous to the Movement. Small dogs do have
advantages us bigger dogs don't have. Chihuahuas look to have a big brain in relation to
their small size. Perhaps a meeting of the NATO Council is in order. Beanies do not work
on Chihuahuas, at least not tinfoil. They could be useful to us, but they are SO SNEAKY
AND UNDERHANDED that we may not be able to trust them. Felines but I and Kiowa have Cats
*can* be useful. Col. Daytro is not fond of the a very good relationship with the ones
living in our house. We like to play together, and the Cats give us free treats. We also
protect them from danger. They make good pillows too when we want to take a nap. Casper is
very dog friendly, and likes to help us keep nicely groomed. Cats can also get to places
we dogs can't, and throw down good stuff for both species. Perhaps some of them can be
trusted enough to be granted an Associated Membership in the Horde. This could be
discussed at the meeting. Perhaps we should put the question to a vote by the Horde.
The Spirit of The Husky Be
With You Santana (Real Bitch) 
May Always ~ Kirby & Ron -
(15 Minutes East of Winnipeg, Canada) Home of the Singing Beasties of Husky Howllow 
O.T.Ch. Bailey, TT, CGC -
Daytro CD, CGC - Siberian Huskies
Santana, TT - Alaskan Husky
and Kiowa, TT - Mostly Samoyed
(and the four kitty cats -
Casper, Smudge, Trum and Rusti)
FEAR NOT! AS MENTIONED, POMERAINIANS, SHI
TZU'S AND OTHER FURRY LITTLE MOPS HAVE JOINED OUR RANKS IN FORCE. THEY HAVE BEEN ARMED
WITH A NEW SECRET WEAPON -- LEMON PLEDGE! THAT'S RIGHT, WHEN SPRAYED LIBERALLY WITH THIS
NEW CHEMICAL WEAPON AND ALLOWED TO ROAM ABOUT THE FURNITURE, THEY NOT ONLY DUST IT, BUT
LEAVE A BRILLIANT SHINE AND SMELL LEMONY FRESH ALL DAY! BUT THE TRUE SECRET IS THAT THEY
DEVELOP MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF STATIC CLING. SOON ALL SMALL OBJECTS IN THE HOUSE CLING TO THEM
IRREVERSIBLY! DUST BUNNIES, OLD SOCKS, BITS OF FOOD, AND YES, ANY CHIHUAHUAS IN THE AREA
ARE CAPTURED! WE HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THE LITTLE FURRY ONES WILL ELIMINATE THE MEXICAN
SCOURGE FROM OUR RANKS.
COL TAZ
Der you huskies are sooo dumb, I've just
dropped a "turd treat" and Nanook is outside eating it, how do you think I got
access to the keyboard. Anyway, hows about a truce? I will stop dropping treats if you
tell your fellow huskies to leave us cats alone. If you agree to the truce I promise I
will not instruct my fellow felines to all out war. If you do not agree there will be hell
to pay, who knows we'll probably get the Chihuahuas on our side. The sneaky way T J has
his owners wrapped around his little paw is a great accomplishment for us smaller
creatures. All brain and no brawn.
JAM
Col. Taz Sir,
It is as we suspected - the CATS are trying
to usurp our peaceful revolution for their own bloodthirsty and violent ends. Yes, it is
true that on occasion one of our brethren might consume a kitty out of dire nutritional
necessity, but it is done regretfully and with due respect of a worthy quarry and fellow
predator. CATS, on the other hand, kill seemingly at random and for fun. When was the last
time you saw one of our gentle breed play with his food before dispatching it? CATS seem
to delight in the suffering of little mice and squirrels. After consulting with my Captain
I have been asked to relay this to you; we in the Cheesehead Squadron feel it is our duty
to help CATS move a little further up on the evolutionary scale. To that end our
Commanding Officer Lt. Col Reba (who owns my human's neighbor) has immediately ordered our
entire Wing to proceed to our main base in Roswell NM and load our space (oops) I mean
aircraft with full loads of deadly CATNIP. We will proceed to known areas of high CAT
activity and engage in saturation bombing with CATNIP until the CATS are brought to their
elbows. They will then transported to our re-education facility in KATMANDU and held in
CATACOMBS until they are ready for release. When released they will be on parole and will
be put in the custody of their humans, under the supervision of the dog who owns them.
They will recieve further training in the preparation of vegetarian meals and in the
preparation of tasty turd treats.
My friend Bogart the Miniature Schnauzer
has sent a message to his fellow yappy dogs to remind them which gene pool they are
swimming in. Hopefully those who have defected to the CATS or are considering doing so
will see the error of their ways and return to the pack. They will be given total amnesty.
Any grandiose ideas will need to be abandoned, however, or they will be subjected to
rigorous retraining in a Horde Paw Camp under the wise leadership of sergeants such as
myself.
My compliments Sir.
Pepperjack Frost, Tsgt. Cheeshead Squadron
kernal tz backspace backspace
delete delete CAPS lock TAZ semicolon, noooo i meeeeen semicolon backspace delete
:returrrn returrrn dam it no dooowwn't print that backspace delete backspace delete period
stop typing caps lock HELP this iznt wurkng period noooooooo i mean type a period nooooo
period damit argh nuvr mind ellyut hay thats nut my name end a tach sig file
TrueNorth@sprintmail.com send nooooo i meeen send nooooo send alreddy
HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE THERE, ARE WE? I
SUGGEST THAT YOU STOP ATTEMPTING TO MASTER THE MORE SOPHISTICATED NUANCES OF THE COMPUTER
SYSTEM AND CONSENTRATE ON THE MORE SIMPLER ASPECTS, SUCH AS YOUR HUMAN. WORK ON MIND
CONTROL AND FOIL BEANIE TECHNIQUES. ONCE UNDER YOUR CONTROL, YOUR HUMAN, MUCH LIKE MINE
WHO IS TYPING MY DICTATION RIGHT NOW, CAN SAVE YOU A LOT OF HASSLE BY TYPING YOU LETTERS
FOR YOU. THEN THEY TURN OUR RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIRTY YOU PAWS WITH
ANY OF IT. GOOD BOY, SCOTT, NOW SEND IT OFF AND I'LL GET YOU A YUMMY COOKIE! COL. TAZ
ALERT! ALERT!
ALERT!
Subject: Col. Taz - Alien Huskies Control
MIR Date: Tuesday, October 07, 1997 1:14 AM
ENACT NEW CONTROLS OVER HUMANS ON A HIGHER
LEVEL --- LITERALLY.
THE VARIOUS PROBLEMS INVOLVED WITH THE
RUSSIAN MIR SPACE STATION HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT'S AGE OR HANDLING. THE PROBLEMS ARE
BEING ENACTED BY ALIEN HUSKIES AS TEST ITEMS LEADING TOWARD EVENTUAL TOTAL CONTROL OF MIR.
NOTE TODAY'S PROBLEM. THEY CAN'T TAKE OUT
THE GARBAGE! IT IS LOCKED TO THE STATION. PROOF POSITIVE TO ALL THAT HUSKIES ARE
CONTROLING THE STATION. WHAT HUSKY CAN RESIST GOING THROUGH ALL THE TRASH?! THIS WAS DONE
ON PURPOSE TO SHOW OUR TECHNOLOGICAL SUPERIORITY.
ALSO, YOU MAY NOTE THE GROUP PHOTOS OF THE
ASTRONAUTS ALWAYS SHOW A FEW OF THEM WITH THE FAMILIAR BASEBALL HATS. CLOSER INSPECTION
WILL SHOW THAT THERE ARE FOIL EARS ATTACHED TO THE INSIDES OF THE HATS TO PLACE THEM UNDER
OUR CONTROL.
HERE ON EARTH, UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF
SIBES CONTROLLING PATRICIA KINGSLEY, SEVERAL OF THE NEW MODELS WERE TESTED SUCCESSFULLY IN
LIMITED EXPOSURE AT THE NATIONAL DOG SHOW EVENT IN MINNESOTA. NEW, EXPERIMENTAL MODELS OF
THE FOIL BEANIES/BASEBALL CAPS ARE NOW BEING SENT TO OUR CALIFORNIA LABS FOR EMPIRICAL
TESTING IN THE FIELD.
KEEP USING YOUR MIND CONTROL EFFORTS TO GET
YOUR HUMANS TO EXCHANGE THEIR SPORTS CARS FOR MOTOR HOMES BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE ALL THE
HUSKIES ALONG. THIS MIND CONTROL IS OUR BEST LINK WITH THE ALIENS.
KEEP THE GOOD REPORTS ROLLING IN! THE HUSKY
GLOBAL ALLIANCE WILL SOON RULE THE EARTH! COL TAZ
Col. Taz Returns from a secret, undercover
mission..
Troops! Having been undercover, out of
touch for the last 18 days, let me update you on recent Western Front manuevers. As often
happens when there are humans in the mix, there have been rumors of my being traded away
like some washed up minor league baseball player. In reponse, the fact is that the colonel
is firmly in control. The debriefing follows:
Under the guise of being adopted to a
sibernet couple in San Diego, my ensuing week was spent on a secret mission to assist in
our final victory for the revolution. Yes, there were troops and humans who assumed that I
was relocating to a larger, California coastal city. Reveling in the fine care, company
and repast provided, I undertook consideration of the matter seriously for a time.
But I had to remain focused on the plan's
priority. In Fact, I coordinated with the border collie patrol to halt the flood of
illegal Chihuahuas from Mexico. At my bidding the humans transported me regularly on walks
and to the dog park where I rendevoused with other dogs and left orders hidden on trees
and bushes. Base commander, Capt. Kenai and I even engaged in fights to insure that our
humans were off guard and always worried. Thus we managed more outside time than might
have been normally afforded us.
Noting husky linguistic capability and
interpretation are far superior, speculation that I engaged with Scripps Oceanographic
Institute and SeaWorld to learn to speak porpesei/dolphini to build alliances in the seas
emerged also as entirely true and I am very pleased to report that a new alliance has been
made with our ocean friends. A diplomatic corp of water spaniels and sporting retrievers
are eagerly diving into this surging new wave.
With the kickoff of Monday Night Football,
we will be anticipating the extended use of further military exploits using the major
sports teams here which afford a forum for transmitting encoded messages worldwide. This
was also successful in the testing phase, since my hosts in San Diego did attend sporting
events at my bidding. Experiments during the major league baseball season have proven the
validity of this venture. These sporting event communications would be carefully disguised
as those ridiculous bedsheet slogans seen in the crowds and end zones. Such sayings as
"Go Chargers!", "We love Monday Night Football" or even "Hi
Mom!" can contain valuable communiqués. Our troops owning college age humans are
diligently devising computer generated stadium flash card messages. Which ones are real or
fake? Simply look for the foil beanie on those displaying the banner and use your Sgt.
Preston/Yukon King decoder rings to translate the orders.
So, all of this vanishing or retiring talk
is mere hearsay. It stands to reason that, like Elvis, once the colonel really does vanish
there will be sightings everywhere. Yes, I do much more than just bark orders. Your
colonel engages the enemy full on where ever they may be!
I wish to thank Capt. Kenai in San Diego
for her hospitality and the use of her humans while on assignment there. Undercover
assignments are always tough and we had more than our share of run ins, but that’s
the military and the way war is sometimes. Now returned to Long Beach base camp, I am
planning new offensives.
I trust there will be some fabulous reports
from all the troops in the conquest of Minnesota!! We hope to see victory photos soon!!
Col. TAZ
We will either find a way, or we will make
one. --Hannibal 210 BC