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Neal Schweiber: The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math.

Ken Miller: I have to get into a bar. Everything fun in life happens in bars.

Millie Kentner: You're high!
Lindsay Weir: How could you tell?
Millie Kentner: I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.

Lindsay Weir: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.

Sam Weir: It's Cindy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.
Neal Schweiber: I'd kill to be that bored.

Bill Haverchuck: I heard my mom say to her girlfriend, "Any guy with feathered hair is *foxy*."

Sam Weir: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold Weir: An a-what-i?
Jean Weir: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam Weir: No, no! It's not expensive!
Harold Weir: Oh, well, the welfare lines are full of those video game players.

Bill Haverchuck: Fredericks, you're a turd... a stinky f-fat turd, go sniff a jock strap, you poop head. You love patting boys' butts... butt... you butt-patter! You're a perv and a loser and a stinky t-turd!

Bill Haverchuck: Remember that time in civics when I had to fart, and it came out, well, a poop? And I had to flush my undies down the toilet? Do you think I wanted to tell you that?

Bill Haverchuck: It's a parisian night suit, in case you didn't know.
Gordon Crisp: A parisian! Ooh la la!
Neal Schweiber: It's not a parisian. It's a jumpsuit. My grandfather in Florida wears them all the time because he's too lazy to put on pants!

Neal Schweiber: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill Haverchuck: But, uh, you're not funny.
Neal Schweiber: Screw you, I'm hilarious!

Source: Internet Movie Database