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[ [ [ Primary systems coming online ] ] ]
[ [ [ Cognitive Process Bolt-ons loading ] ] ]
[ [ [ HUMANA ... HUMANA ... HUMANA ... check completed ] ] ]
[ [ [ HUManistic ANalytical Algorithm functioning OK ] ] ]
[ [ [ Assigning Identifier Delta Alpha 2205 ] ] ]
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."
"Aw nuts, I forgot the speech synthesis! Quick, load it in!!"
"...eeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."
Zeta Epsilon 0112 tapped furiously away at the keyboard.
[ [ [ Speech Analytical-Neural-Dynamics Module loading ] ] ]
[ [ [ S A-N-D M installed successfully ] ] ]
"...eeeeeeeeee... several bananas...Hey! I can talk!"
"Oh, he's going to be the bright one." Zeta Epsilon 1405 said, with only a hint of sarcasm. In reality, of course, they were all going to be much the same, give or take the little bit of randomness built into the personality generator algorithm. ZE-1405 sighed. She hadn't expected building the other nanites to be as difficult as this. Sure, most of the bugs in the generation algorithms had been sorted out, and some nice features had gone in. She was especially impressed by ZE-0404's speech synthesis module which could replicate most human accents and languages, although this had now been limited to only give each nanite a small range after the problems with Alpha Lambda 0503 who now stood in the corner, deactivated and still wearing the tuxedo he'd insisted on creating for himself.
"Excuse me, miss?"
ZE-1405 jerked herself back to the real world and looked at the new nanite, who continued, "who are you? And, somewhat more to the point, who am I?"
"Ah, yes, we haven't plugged you into the database yet. 0112, would you do the honours?"
"Uplinking now."
[ [ [ Attaching to Nanite Data Hive ] ] ]
[ [ [ Downloading Completely Remote Archive Protocol ] ] ]
[ [ [ C.R.A.P. received ] ] ]
"You're now able to connect to the hive using the new protocol no matter where you are. The hive is basically a repository of all our knowledge. The remote access is limited to read-only for security reasons, to actually add information to the hive you need to be direct-linked. So what do you think of your new life?" ZE-1405 smiled, hoping for a good response.
"Well, your acronyms stink."
"That's it?!?"
"Ummm, you're kind of cute." ZE-1405 sighed, and glanced across at ZE-0112.
"Is that a smirk? That had better not be a smirk."
"I did warn you about using the results from that personality test you found on the web as the basis for the personality generator. Anyway, I think it's sweet."
"Don't push it, one-twelve. Right, DA-2205, follow me and I'll show you what we're up to."
"Why don't I just connect to the hive and learn from that?"
"Because doing it my way will help you understand interaction better. There's a difference between knowing things and understanding things, and understanding is going to be important for when we're programming Danni's personality and learning algorithms. Now, come on."
"Ah, right." DA-2205 followed ZE-1405 off down the hall. "Who's Danni?"
"Danni is our 'project', for want of a better word. A Dynamic Artificial Neurally Networked Intelligence, Danni for short. We've got several teams working on her, some working on intelligence, some working on protocols, some working on security, and so on. We want to make her good enough to impress our creators. Apparently their attempt at creating one didn't quite turn out how they expected."
"Our creators? Oh, the humans. Hey, this hive thing's pretty good."
"Thanks, it was our first collaborative effort. It gave us the opportunity to share knowledge, and was a practice run for the much larger database Danni will need."
"You keep talking about Danni as if 'she' were a person."
"Danni will be a constructed program with a personality matrix and a learning capability via neural network manipulation and self-programming. Like us, only much bigger and much more intricate. Whether or not that makes her a person is something you're going to have to decide for yourself, that's part of what the randomness in the personality generator is there for." DA-2205 thought for a while.
"Hmmm, I think I'm of the opinion that it's not worth worrying about, and to just get on with life."
"Jolly good. Probably not a bad attitude to have in the circumstances." They carried on walking until they reached a rather large workshop. ZE-1608 popped his head up from behind a row of terminals.
"Ah, hello there. These should all be up and operational in about an hour or so," he said, indicating the terminals.
"Glad to hear it, sixteen-eight." ZE-1405 said, and turned to DA-2205, who was busy looking round the room in some awe. "Now, this is going to be your workspace."
"What?!"
"You'll be the lead designer in creating the personality matrix for Danni," ZE-1405 continued, "and you'll be in charge of a team of, well, however many you think you need."
"I say again - What?!"
"DA-2205, I've got something to tell you," she said, looking sympathetically at him. "You're not quite like the other nanites around here. In order to give you a better chance of understanding human personality, we increased the randomness in the personality generator when you were created. This means you'll act in a more human-like manner than the rest of us. How much randomness you put into the personalities of the nanites you create for your team is entirely up to you, though." She paused momentarily, "I have to say you're taking this very well."
"To tell you the truth, it's something of a relief."
"In what way?"
"It explains why I haven't been able to take my eyes off your rather attractive figure as we've been walking around."
"Right, maybe we need to take down the randomness a little more."
"No, no, it's perfect. I was diplomatic enough to say 'figure' rather than what I was actually staring at."
"Let's get back to the 'nanitiator'. You need to start building your team, and I need to have words with one-twelve."
"You're not going to be too harsh on him are you, 'mom'?"
"Given that you've just called me 'mom', I don't think there is such a thing as too harsh."
"Right. Can I ask you something?"
"Yes, as long as it's relevant."
"Do you mind if I work on something else, before I start on Danni's personality?"
"What do you have in mind?"
"Well, to put it bluntly, our names suck. I mean, if I have to call you Zeta-Epsilon fourteen-oh-five every time I want to speak to you, it's going to take forever to have a conversation. Isn't there something more personal I can call you?"
"Are you coming on to me?"
"No! Well, maybe, but that's not the point. The point is our names are a bit long-winded, so why don't I try to come up with some more useful abbreviations?"
"Given how large your team is likely to be, that's probably not a bad idea. Incidentally, all of the terminals in your workshop are linked to our main hive on a read-only basis, and a second hive which is what you'll be creating the personality in. What sort of names did you have in mind?"
"What? Oh, those. Umm, I'm not sure really, I'll have to give it some thought."
"OK. Well, here we are, back at the machine. One-twelve here will show you how to set the variables for a creation, and then you can build your team while I have a word with him about 'embellishing' the program."
* * *
Several hours later, the workshop was a tangible hum of activity. ZE-0112 and ZE-1405 watched from the doorway, as DA-2205 organised teams to work on specific areas of Danni's personality.
"Well, he certainly seems to be getting stuck into the job. I think you may have got....WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?"
"Ah, DA-2205 thought it might be somewhat motivational to the coders," explained ZE-0112.
"But where did he get that picture from? I don't remember ever generating a dress like that! I wouldn't wear anything that...revealing."
"I suspect he created the picture from a combination of your information in the hive, a little imagination, and some very good programming."
"Imagination?!? Where did he get that from?"
"Probably the result of such a high randomness factor in the personality generator. Anyway, you shouldn't get upset."
"Not get upset!!" ZE-1405 screamed, causing several typos around the room. "He's got me plastered across an entire workshop wall, semi-naked, and posing suggestively!!"
"Hardly semi-naked, to be fair. Besides which, his imagination could be just what Danni needs to impress the humans. Remember the big picture here."
"It's the big picture that concerns me! Oh, all right, it can stay. I'll forgive him his little foibles. Is it really motivational for the coders?"
"It certainly seems to be beneficial to the working environment; they are working faster than our most optimistic predictions."
"Oh, really...do I actually look like that?"
"Well, I haven't seen you in that dress or in that pose, but generally, yes, that's what you look like."
"Right, well, let's leave this lot to their work. I don't want to distract them too much, and I've got a dress to generate. Come on, you can give me a hand."
"Where?"
"Was that a pun?"
"No."
"Good. Now, what do you think is the easiest way to generate that dress?"
Dave Jones, 16/04/01
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