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TITLE: Across The River - Sha'uri

AUTHOR: Tiv'ester

E-MAIL: tivester@lycos.com

STATUS: Complete

CATEGORY: Angst

SPOILERS: A lot, big one for The Light

SEASON/SEQUEL: 4th

RATING: PG

CONTENT WARNINGS: No bad words

SUMMARY: Reflections on the living by someone who isn't.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Stargate SG-1. Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only. No money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Gotta thank Lems for the great job she does betaing these stories.  This story and Looking Across The River - Daniel concern two perspectives of the same event.

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I am free.

I am Across The River and not with my Dan'yel, but I am free of my demon. Amaunet, like all others as evil in spirit as she, was not allowed to cross. And like all demons who have come before her in death, she has gone Down The River. That place is not spoken of here, but I remember the stories I was told as a child, even the stories my Dan'yel would tell me at night before we slept. I believe that the demons are damned to the Land of the Duat. There, they will be judged at the Ceremony of the Weighing of the Heart in the Hall of the Two Truths. I know that they will be judged unworthy. Their souls will be destroyed by the goddess Ammit and the god Babi as punishment for their crimes. I believe that Amaunet will suffer this fate.

I am free from her forever.

Yet, I am not free of the evil legacy the demon left behind. She has separated me from those I love both in life and death, so I must wait for them. I must wait for my Dan'yel.

When I was younger, I had though my life would be quite different. The custom on Abydos was for the parents to arrange marriages. I had been promised to Darneh, the son of a member of the Council of Elders. I had known exactly how my life would be from that day forward.

Then the strangers came, and my life was never the same.

My Dan'yel was wearing the sign of Ra, and we believed they had been sent by our god. Giving the Chief Elder's daughter as wife to an emissary of Ra took precedence over an arranged marriage to an elder's son, and I was given to Dan'yel.

Then, I did not understand his manner or behavior. I thought he did not want me. I learned later that he was, as he said, "too much of a gentleman to take advantage of the situation." He would not accept what I was offering unless it was what I wanted to offer and not forced from me out of duty.

The night he discovered we were married and that my offer was not out of duty, I learned that marriage could be more than I had ever thought or dreamed of -- and duty to my people had no bearing on the subject. I was a lucky woman.

I did not know the depths of my Dan'yel's feelings for me until we fought Ra's warriors, and I was killed at the Chappa'ai. Dan'yel risked his life to take me to Ra's ship and revive me in the sarcophagus.

He loved me, even after so short a courtship.

After Ra was killed and O'Neill returned to Earth, Dan'yel stayed behind. With me.

He had given me the choice. He told me that I didn't have to remain married to him, that I could marry Darneh if I wished. He would not hold me to a duty that was imposed on me under a mistaken belief.

He gave me the choice. I would decide how I would spend my life.

I would only be with my Dan'yel. That was my choice, and even now, I know that choice to be the correct one. For one year, I was the luckiest of women. I had a kind, noble father; a doting, overprotective brother; and a loving, gentle husband. The only unhappiness my Dan'yel and I felt was the fact that we didn't have any children. We both wanted a large family. If only I had not miscarried twice that year. Dan'yel told me that one day we would have our family. We would one day see our children and grandchildren learn and grow.....

It was not to be.

O'Neill came, the demon Apophis followed, and my life took a turn I could not have foreseen. I was made a host to the demon Amaunet. I was taken away from my Dan'yel, and Skaara met a similar fate as to mine.

I fought Amaunet from the very beginning. She was taking me away from my family, but there was little I could do. From my prison, I saw my Dan'yel come for me. I saw Apophis throw him across the room. I saw my husband beg the demons to choose him as a host -- just to be with me.

And I could not help him.

When I was hidden on Abydos, carrying Apophis' child, I wanted my Dan'yel with me, but I was terrified at what his reaction might be. When he came, he saw me big with another man's child. And he saw me. He saw the real me, not the demon. He still loved me, even after so long a separation. He stayed with me as I delivered my son even though Heru'ur's Jaffa were searching for Amaunet. He risked his life to be with me and save my son.

I would have risked everything to remain with them, but it wasn't to be. The demons separated us again.

The next time I saw my Dan'yel -- the last time I could talk to him -- was the only chance I had to save my son and say goodbye to my husband.

I do not blame Teal'c for his actions. He freed me from my prison, but he left Dan'yel alone. That would hurt him as much as losing me. I would have done anything to spare him that, but there was nothing I could do. Fate had decided otherwise.

I do know that one moment I was lying on the ground, telling my Dan'yel I loved him. The next, I was Across The River. Here, I must wait until my Dan'yel comes. I can do that.

Many who have crossed are known to me, others I have met since I've been here. The moment I arrived, I was met by Dan'yel's parents. They were told that they didn't have to wait any longer, that their time to Go Ahead had come, but they wanted to meet me before they left. They were very kind. Claire told me about the River. She said that whenever I wished to see Dan'yel, I only had to go to the edge of the water and look in just as they had for so many years.

That was a blessing.

Every day I go to the water to see my husband because I was denied it for so long. At first, I saw how devastated he was after my funeral. I know forgiving Teal'c would be difficult for him, but he tried. I saw how hard he tried. I know he was angry and hurt, but he did forgive Teal'c. He was determined to find my son and knew that he would need Teal'c's help.

I saw him grow stronger over time, try to accept my death....

I saw him rescue Skaara from his demon. As happy as he was for Skaara, he felt betrayed that others had the ability to free me and never told him.

I saw him find my son. My two men. I am so proud of them. Dan'yel would have raised him, but Oma Desala can protect him in a way my husband can not. I knew that she would take care of him.

I watched my Dan'yel go through so much.

I saw him reconcile with his grandfather Nick only to lose him again. There were many times I wished he had stories to tell me of his family. His memories of his parents were very few, and the ones of his grandfather were not good ones. I was happy to know that Nick did love my Dan'yel.

I saw him when his appendix burst...

I saw him give the command to destroy O'Neill and Teal'c...

I saw him make a friend from an Unas....

I saw him lose a friend to another demon....

I saw him and my son meet and talk. I am so proud of them both. I know Shifu loves Dan'yel because I love him. The many times I have looked upon my son in the River, I know that to be so. He has learned so much in such a short time, and together he and my Dan'yel forged a father/son bond as if Shifu were truly his flesh and blood. Shifu knows what Dan'yel did for him, how much he sacrificed for him. If only they could be together. If only the three of us could be together.

And now I see him.

My Dan'yel was exposed to the light in a long-abandoned Goa'uld pleasure palace. I saw him die just moments ago.

There is a mist that separates the two banks of the River. Immediately after my Dan'yel died, the mist parted, and now I can see him. He is on the other side of the River. I call his name, he calls mine, and I see him start to cross the River in the boat that waits on that side to carry people here.

I see him coming toward me.

He is here.

We will be together.

The small boat sails to this side of the River, and I run out to meet him. Our hands touch --

No...Wait...He's being turned back. The River is returning him to the other shore. The mist is covering him....

No! He's gone!

My Dan'yel has been returned to the world of the living.

It is not his time.

We cannot be together. Not yet.

Still, I will wait. Dan'yel waited for me for so long, I will wait for him. I know he will never marry again. The River has shown me this. His heart is mine just as surely as mine is his. I do not wish him to be alone, but to know that I was loved so....and am still loved so....

I love my Dan'yel.

I am free. I am Across The River and not with my Dan'yel, but I was a very lucky woman to have been loved so.

I would not trade the life I had for anything.

 

*fin*

 

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