There comes a time to let go and move on.  I wrote this the day I realized he didn't love me and prolly never did, for you can't love someone when your heart doesn't belong to them and you are looking for someone else.  There was relief knowing that I didn't have to hurt anymore, but pain at something lost too.

It was raining when I closed that door behind me
Mother Nature supplying me with the tears
I could not shed
Every time before when I had left
Tears streamed down my face
Pain has hardened my heart
Today, there were no
Tears.

 

This one was published recently in an anthology from Poetry.Com.  It is the second poem I've had published *S*.  I hope to have more, maybe an anthology of my own one day.

Waiting

Looking out across the blackened field
She sees death everywhere
They fell without so much as a whimper
So struck by love were they
She wander the field looking toward the sky
No bolts of lightening there
She wonders if it will ever come
That bolt to strike her down
She longs to be wasted on this battlefield
To fall quietly into the darkness
Like those she walks among
She wonders when it will come
Then in the distance a figure
Another lost soul wondering
There’s a bolt moving their way
The sky is electrified as they move closer to one another
With a touch of their hands
A clap of thunder is heard
And they fall together on the battlefield
Killed to be born again in Love

 

Falling In Love

 

When two people meet

Admiration keeps them together

They stay together

As a friendship grows 

A closeness develops as

His dreams and Her dreams

Become Their dreams

And they begin to think

Not of Me or I

But of Us

Before They know it

Love has taken root

And the other person is

A part of Them

Being apart is torture

And eventually His stuff and Her stuff

Becomes Their stuff

And a life is begun

Love, the thing dreams are made of

 Time To Love Again

 

There will be a time

When letting go doesn't hurt

Nearly as badly as staying

When you feel like

You've been hurt enough

The mornings are still grey

But the days are bright

And although alone

The nights are bearable again

There will be a time

When loves fades

And hope steps in

There will be a time

To love again

 

Angry words                          A look                                               I do not want to care
Loss of faith                          A word                                               I do not want to love
Two hearts collide                 Two hands touch                               I do not want
In anger's embrace               A spark ignites                                 To grow old alone
                                               No one can predict                           Trusting hurts SO much
                                               Love begins                                       Being alone is misery

 

     I've been lied to                                                           You will never be
     I've been cheated on                                                   What I need
     I've been used                                                              You will never love me
     And now I don't know                                                The way I should be
     If I can trust again                                                       You will never miss me
     The thought frightens me                                          When I'm gone
     Causes my heart to beat harder                                   I will always love you
     But the idea of being                                                  More than I should
     Always alone scares me more                                   When I'm gone
     I do not want                                                               I will always wish
     To be alone                                                                  For just one more day
     So where do I find                                                      I will always wish
     The strength and faith                                                For you to love me
     To trust another
     I'm jaded
     And so terribly frightened
     I wish all time could
     Stop

 


I am the type of person that loves with her whole heart.  Once I feel that you are part of my destiny, I try hard never to waiver.  I believe that you don't get too many chances to get it right and every time you let something die that shouldn't, you move one step closer to being alone.  That is not to say that I believe that every relationship is a Destiny, sometimes we've just met a friend along the road, but some, some are the ones we are supposed to get right.  Don't give up too easily when things go wrong, sometimes you learn things about yourself that you needed to know and about the other person that you should have known.  I believe in giving it your all, I've even been known to kick that dead horse, trying to bring the phoenix out of the ashes, because when you can do that, you have a love like no other, one that will endure.  Life is short and you don't always have tomorrow to get another chance, so forget your fears and reach out to someone, you really have nothing to lose. *bright smile*

The following poems were entered in and published on the www.poetry.com site.  "I Know" is currently a semi - finalist in their poetry contest.  "Falling" did not make the semifinals but was published summer '98.  This brings my current publication count to Five.  One step at a time.....one poem at a time.....one day, a book!

I Know

Every once in a while
While lying there in his arms,
I see a glimpse of us and I have to smile
Because I see you in her arms,
Reaching across her for that lighter
Or lost cigarette
And I feel your heart ache just a moment
For my familiar touch
As I in that moment I ache for yours
I wonder if you hear my laughter through the trees
Or catch a glimpse of me in someone else,
I often do you
It's not that my heart still loves you
So much as it is
My heart misses what I thought we were
Yeah, I do think of you as I lie in his arms,
I know you think of me.
 

When you lay there in their arms
When your lips touch theirs
When you call them, waiting for the moment you
Hear their voice,
Do you ever, for just a second, just a moment
Do you ever wish it were me?
Do you ever long for the taste of MY lips?
Or the sounds of MY sighs?
Do you ever miss the sound of MY laugh?
Or the smile on MY face?
When you see a car, that looks like mine,
Do your eyes follow it for a moment too long?
Do you watch the news just to see
What the weather was like for me?
Do you ever see a book, a movie, a gift
And wonder if I would like it?
Were you trying to find that feeling
With all the women you hold?
Do they make that ache go away?
Do you really think you'll find it?
That feeling I gave you?
That feeling we had?
Do you?

 

Falling

The sand in the hour glass
Falls quickly
Sliding, slipping
The grains squeeze through to fall
Headlong into a pile
One filing on top of another
I feel like one of those
Pieces of sand
Slipping, sliding
Knowing I'm going to fall
The falling and getting
Squished by the pieces
Falling down around me
No control do I have
On these feelings
No ideas of how
To stop falling
I'm alone in an hourglass
Falling with the sands

 

Soulmates, Destiny and Friends

Once in a while someone comes along
Who can complete your thoughts and
Feel your feelings, one who knows you
But can still learn about you
Some call you their soulmate, others destiny
To me you are all that and more, you are
My Friend
Sometimes we are lucky enough to have you stay
More often the fear of one's own self doubts
Pull you apart
And you are left wondering if it was real
My friend, my destiny, my soulmate, it was
But time will pass to make it impossible to go back
So the next time you meet them
Hold on don't step back, don't doubt
Just love with a true heart and it will work out

 

Breaking My Heart

He says good-bye and I take a deep breath
I tell myself I won't cry, I won't be upset
The wave of emotion floods my senses
The only sound is that of my breaking heart
Panic wells up inside me as he turns to go
I want to scream and yell and beg him to stay
He says, "It's for the best you know"
And although I do not agree I quietly nod my head yes
Just to spare him more pain
I want to yell, to beg him to stay
But pride keeps me from following him
I shall stay in this place alone
With tears rolling down my face
He reaches out and brushes away the tears
And hope springs to life in my damaged heart
But looking into his eyes I know
He's not changed his mind
There is a sadness in his voice
As he says, "I love you."
And turns and walks away
I cry tears 'til no more will come
He was the world to me
Now I must go on
I will find a way to live without him
I will go on
I will love again
Because of him

Love Again                                      Need A Friend
You call and I can tell                   There comes a day
You're upset again                         When a kiss is just a kiss
And you need comfort                 Not a promise to keep
Like all the other times                 When words of love are just words
She's hurt you                                  Not promises carved in stone
You come running to me             When everything a lover does is not the best
It's my arms that fix your             There comes a time
Lonely heart and quiet your fears     When love is just a feeling
Yet, when the sun is up                Not the glory of the world
You'll pick up the phone               When that lover becomes a person
And with a call to her                     The Companion, the friend
You'll break my heart                     There comes a place
As I lay there listening                   In every lover's life
You'll apologize and ask for her love  When it's not the love they want
And I'll fight back tears                    Not the thrill of the chase
Then you'll turn to me and            Or the satisfaction of the quest
Hold me close                                    But the friendship that comes
You'll whisper words of love and thanks          From true love
And all I'll do is force a smile         There comes a time, a place, a day
I'll avoid your eyes                             When everyone needs a Friend.
So you won't see my pain
You'll run out the door
After your love
And I'll vow again, not to love you
Yet, I do
And I'll wait 'til she hurts you again
So that I can comfort you
So that I can love you again

 

Yesterday is Gone                                     I Fear
Yesterday is gone                                     I fear that when the day comes
Just like a dream                                      When you are finally ready
It slipped by while I had my eyes closed     To trust me
And it stole you away                               I will be too afraid
Taking you into the past                           Too used to living in the dark
You are out of my reach                           To come into the light with you
Gone from my life                                    I am not a gutless person
Leaving me with bittersweet memories       But I've had so much pain
My life continues                                      Dealt to my heart
As tomorrows become todays and then...     That another blow might
Yesterdays                                               Just break it into unmendable pieces
Half complete half incomplete                    I talk good theory
I turn to a new person                               And have headstrong ideas
And find myself wondering                        But deep inside I'm still terribly afraid
If he will slip away too                              Afraid that when you are finally ready
While I'm not paying attention                    I won't be
Fall into the past as I sleep
Will the mistakes of the past
Hinder my future
So many questions distracting me
So many fears holding me back
Must remember
Yesterday is Gone.

 

The Widow

She wakes to face the day
She glances at his picture
And a prayer drifts through her mind

"Lord today please send him to me
Since you took my love, I need help with my heavy load
I've loved and lost and stayed true to hope
Lord today please, send me someone to love."
And she starts a new day.

Each night she stops just before bed
And with a glance at her wedding ring
She bows her head in prayer

"Lord, you took my love away too early in his life
but I have held the faith.
I ask each day for a new love and each night I go to bed alone.
Dear Lord, make me strong, my load is heavy and I am so alone.
Lord, please, send me someone to love."
And each night she dreams she is not alone

 

You Hold The Key
I once thought I could comfort you                                                  Do not dwell in the past
If I were strong enough, good enough                                                       Mistakes made can not be fixed
Then I could fix it all                                                                       Do not dwell in the future
I know now that I can not                                                               Tomorrow may never come
And you must have the strength                                                     Plan your dream and set your   course
To find help for yourself                                                                            But dwell in today
I can give you courage and                                                             For one's power lies here
Stand beside you                                                                                     To use what we've learned
I can love you but I can't fix it                                                         And do not spend it alone
And without your trusting yourself,                                                  A solitary life is no life at all
There is no we                                                                                         Share it and make the future bright
And I am alone                                                                              And the mistakes from the past worthwhile.
In frustration and pain
I can't fix it
You hold the key

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