IT Jokes
There
was this male engineer, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first
time. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited
on hand and foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly.
The ship went down almost instantly.
The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an
island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies,
nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts,
but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make
the best of it.
So for the next four months he ate bananas drank coconut juice and mostly
looked to the sea mightily for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking
for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could
it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island
came this row boat. In it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen,
or at least seen in 4 months.
She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave
her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him also as he was waving
and yelling and screaming to get her attention. She rowed her boat towards
him. In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from? How did you get
here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this
island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many
of you are there? Where did you get the row-boat? You must have been
really lucky to have a row-boat wash-up with you?"
"It is only me", she said, "and the row-boat didn't wash up, nothing
else did."
"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the row-boat?"
"I made the row-boat out of raw material that I found on the island",
replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I
wove the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from
a Eucalyptus tree"
"But, but", asked the man, "what about tools and hardware, how did you
do that?"
"Oh, no problem", replied the woman, "on the south side of the island
there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that
If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable
ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the
hardware. But, enough of that", she continued. "Where do you live?"
At last the man was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the
beach. "Well, let's row over to my place", she said. So they both got
into the row-boat and left for her side of island. The woman easily
rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place.
She tied up the row-boat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked
up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, there stood an exquisite bungalow
painted in blue and white.
"It's not much", she said, "but I call it home. Sit down please, would
you like to have a drink?"
"No", said the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice", the woman replied, "I have a still, how
about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man
accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After a while, when
they had exchanged their stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you
always had a beard?"
"No", the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and even
on the cruise ship"
"Well if you would like to shave, there is a man's razor upstairs in
the cabinet in the bathroom." So, the man, no longer questioning anything,
went upstairs to the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made
from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened
on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered
and went back down stairs.. "You look great", said the woman, "I think
I will go up and slip into something more comfortable." So she did.
And, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada.
After a short time, the woman returned - this time wearing fig leafs
strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia. "Tell me",
she asked, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no
companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely, is there
anything that you really miss? Something that all men and women need?
Something that it would be really nice to have right now?"
"Yes there is", the man replied, as he moved closer to the woman while
fixing a winsome gaze upon her, "Tell me ... Do you happen to have an
Internet connection?"
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are
and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire
week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned
it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man
took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for
a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
