16. Riddick: New Forms Of Intimacy

The moment the orderlies undid the restraints imprisoning Jack's limbs, she curled into a tiny, foetal ball and pressed herself tightly against him. Riddick wrapped his arms around her equally tightly and held her close. If he'd had any idea that she would have to endure this much pain, he'd never have started this whole mess in the first place.

He could feel Dr. Cartwright's eyes on him but he didn't bother to look up. He already knew everything there was to know about her and she was a very good doctor, but she held no interest for him in any capacity right now. His only concern was the shaking, tormented girl in his arms.

For three hours she'd writhed in agony against the restraints, trying to hold back her screams. One of his ears _was_ ringing a little from them, but he figured it was no less than he deserved. He'd held her and talked to her the entire time, trying to give her as strong an anchor against the pain as he could. They were both soaked with her tears and sweat now.

Finally the doctor and her assistants finished packing up and left the room. He was damned glad to have them gone, especially the younger of the two orderlies. The fucker had been getting off on Jack's pain and had set a murderous rage slowly boiling within Riddick. He'd found himself wanting to gut the man slowly, wanting to force him to experience an approximation of the agony he knew Jack was enduring.

Once upon a time the fact that he'd undergone his shine job with no anesthesia had seemed like a proud act of stoicism to him. No more. It didn't compare to what Jack had been through, and was still going through. She had another six to eight hours of residual pain as the regen process continued in high gear.

Once the door closed, Riddick put his hand gently under Jack's chin and brought her face up to meet his gaze. "Jack? You in there, kid?"

After a moment she seemed to become aware of him. She nodded, swallowing hard. The look on her tear-streaked face was heartbreaking.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I had no idea it would be this bad." He stroked her sweat-soaked hair back from her face. Worst fucking present he'd ever conceived of. He'd wanted to do something nice for her, and instead he'd let her in for sheer hellish misery.

"It's okay," she whispered weakly. Her voice was hoarse from three hours of anguished screams.

"The fuck it is. This was a stupid idea."

"No," she answered, burrowing closer to him. "You couldn't have known. You were trying to give me my life back..." Her face twisted and a small whimper escaped her. Against him, he could feel the muscles of her belly spasming.

"Yeah," he answered, still furious with himself. "Give your life back. A nice return to the old hellified life, huh? For your nineteenth birthday I should go back to that fucking planet and get you one of those creatures for a _pet._"

She laughed for a second before the pain made her stop. "Thank you, Riddick."

"What the fuck for?"

She didn't answer for a moment as her body shuddered under the onslaught of yet more pain. Finally, her voice came to him, small and thready. "For loving me this much."

He wondered if the ache suddenly lancing through him even vaguely approximated what she was feeling. The two of them lapsed into silence, broken only when another wave of pain passed through his girl and she was unable to stop from crying out. He held her tightly, lost in thought.

"Love" was a word that he'd completely absented from his vocabulary, but by god she was right. He loved her. He'd loved her for years, he realized, since the days in the skiff when he'd opened himself up to another human being for the first time in his life and she'd accepted him exactly as he was. It was why he feared the animal within him now, the part that knew nothing of love, only possession, and seemed determined to own her at any price. A price that Jack would have to pay, not the beast.

He already belonged to her, he realized, utterly and completely. If he could have found a way to assume her pain on her behalf, he'd have done it in an instant without any hesitation or doubt. That kind of selflessness was new and strange to him, and painful in its own way. The thought that he might one day lose her again, to anything or anyone, was agonizing.

A line from a centuries-old movie, a macabre comedy that he'd enjoyed as a child, floated through his mind. "I would die for her... I would kill for her... either way, what bliss..."

He knew it was true, completely true. If he could have rolled back time, knowing this, he would have taken Jarvis's bullet for her. He'd killed a dozen of Jarvis' best students in their sleep as retaliation when he'd believed she was dead.

He'd thought, for a while, that his feelings for Carolyn had been love, and maybe they were, but they paled in comparison to this. Jack was far more central to his existence, a much more fundamental part of who he was. Carolyn had given him back his soul and his humanity, but Jack was the one who had nurtured them ever since, even when they had been kept apart.

He held her for the next several hours as she suffered the aftereffects of her treatment. Finally, long after sunset, she fell into an uneasy slumber. Exhausted, he joined her in it soon after.

He woke when an orderly knocked on the door the next morning.

Jack squirmed uncomfortably as he got out of the bed, but she didn't wake up. A glance out of the window told him that they had slept longer than he'd planned. He opened the door.

The young woman outside must be new; she wrinkled her nose in disgust for a second before she caught herself and schooled her statement into professional blandness. He couldn't really blame her. The room reeked of Jack's sweat and pain and fear, as did he.

"They told me to see what you wanted for breakfast," she finally said, watching him nervously. He imagined that, under the circumstances, he looked more dangerous and frightening than usual.

He shrugged. "Don't know yet," he answered in his Zeke impression. "Rebecca hasn't come to yet. Wanna give us an hour and check again?"

The woman nodded. She began to turn away when he had a thought.

"Say... in half an hour could you have somebody come by and change our sheets? Bring a new gown for Rebecca, and maybe some scrubs I can wear while these are being washed." He gestured at his sweat-stained clothes.

She nodded again. "Half an hour. Got it."

"Door'll be unlocked."

This time he closed the door as she turned away. Jack was awake, watching him as he turned around. She looked much more lucid than she had the night before. He returned to the bed and sat next to her.

"How you feeling, kid?"

Her wry smile surprised him. "Not too hot... but better, I guess. How come you told her the door would be unlocked?"

"Because _we_ need to get cleaned up." He leaned closer to her. "I'm not sure which one of us smells worse, you see."

She laughed for a few seconds. "Damn, that still hurts..."

"Sorry." He put his arm around her, watching her with concern. Next thing he knew, her head was on his shoulder.

"Don't be sorry, Riddick. I like it when you make me laugh. Nobody else makes me laugh the way you do. I've missed it."

"I've missed having someone around that could get my jokes," he answered. It was true, too. "You given any thought to what you want for breakfast?"

"Morphine."

Now it was his turn to laugh. "I don't think they have that on their menu, but I'll be sure to ask. Seriously, are you hungry?"

"Famished. I haven't eaten anything since last breakfast."

"Come to think of it, I haven't either. How about I leave them a note telling them to bring us everything?"

"Pineapple. They have to bring pineapple."

"Damned right, kid, you've earned it. Toast?"

"Pancakes. _And_ waffles. Lots of syrup and butter. Scrambled eggs and sausage. I want it all."

"You'll have it," he whispered. _Anything you want, ever,_ he added silently.

He leaned over and snagged the writing pad and pen from her bedside table and scribbled their requests on it. She watched, chuckling over the items he added for himself. "Most people don't have a steak for breakfast, Riddick."

"Some do. Anyway, that's my dinner. Never got one, you know."

"So what are you ordering for the lunch you missed?"

"I'll save that for today's lunch, I guess." He grinned at her.

"You know, at this rate, I'm going to get so fat I'll _look_ pregnant by the time we get out of here."

The thought caught him by surprise and he found himself studying her, imagining how she would look in pregnancy. She wouldn't be quite as thin, he imagined. He bet she'd be one of those women that everyone claimed "glowed." Funny what an attractive image his mind conjured.

"What?" she asked after a moment, and he realized he was staring.

"Nothing, just trying to picture what you'd look like pregnant, that's all."

"Eeyuch! I'd be a freakin' whale."

"Damn right, but a cute whale. One of those belugas, you know, with the natural grins?"

"Those are _dolphins,_ moron. Dolphins are the ones with the natural grins."

"Hey, who's making this up, you or me?"

"Fine, fine, I'll be a beluga whale." She wrinkled her nose at him and he reached over and tweaked it.

"So, you wanna shower first or after?"

"Shit, Riddick," she answered, suddenly distressed. "I don't think I can manage that without help. I had to have the nurse help me into the bathroom just to pee the other night, and I felt _loads_ better then."

He felt his heart plunge abruptly.

_Oh fuck,_ he thought. He should have realized this was going to happen, and he'd just walked into a trap of his own devising. The animal deep within him _had_ to be laughing at him now.

He swallowed. There was no way he could ask one of the nurses to assist her. They were here incognito and he'd checked her in as his wife. The last thing he could do was draw undue attention to them by asking someone _else_ to help her shower when _he_ was right here, supposedly her husband.

_Shit. *Shit.* *SHIT!*_

He took a deep breath. He'd just have to keep himself under control... somehow.

"You gonna be okay with me helping you?" He didn't care whether or not she could see his unease.

She nodded, her trust in him absolute.

_Remember this,_ he told himself. _She trusts you. Don't you fucking *dare* betray that._

Deep within him he heard the animal snarl in response.

_You'd only get to once if you did, you dumb shit,_ he informed it.

He helped her to her feet and drew the gown over her head. He tried not to look at her body as he stripped off her underwear and piled the works on the bed. He shucked down out of his own clothes as well, grinding his teeth. He had to support her with his arm around her waist as he walked her to the bathroom, and it felt like her skin was burning his wherever it touched.

This was going to be pure hell.

_Remember how much pain *she's* in,_ he admonished himself. _This isn't about you, it's about your kid sister and she's sick right now. *This is your kid sister!*_

He had her adjust the water to a temperature she was comfortable with before they stepped in. He was surprised to discover that she liked her water almost-scalding.

For the most part she was able to wash herself, but he did her back for her and steadied her at odd moments when the pain rolled through her body once more. He was getting good at spotting the signs, catching her before she started to get weak. It was a huge relief to him that she could do most of it, because he wasn't at all sure he'd have been able to _not_ touch her sexually if he'd had to take over. He washed himself as quickly as he could. His control was still in place, but he could feel it starting to _want_ to slip.

_Dammit,_ he told himself, _this is *not* about you, you stupid fuck! This is about *her* and she needs you to be the man she *trusts.* Stay in the human race, for her sake!_

He could almost hear the beast within him growling in denial.

The exertion was starting to get to her. Her hands shook as she lifted the bottle of shampoo she'd brought from their ship. He took it out of her hand.

"Close your eyes, Jack. I'll do it."

He poured a small amount of her shampoo into the palm of his hand and applied it to her wet hair. She'd taken hold of one of the support handles on the shower walls and was concentrating simply on remaining standing while he washed her hair and massaged her scalp. Finally he bent her head forward under the spray and rinsed the shampoo out, careful to get it all.

_Finally,_ he thought to himself with relief, _this is over... *what the--?*_

Jack had suddenly turned around and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. He could feel how exhausted she was, the slight tremor in her body that signaled how close she was to running out of energy. Her cheek was pressed against his chest, her breasts against his stomach.

_Oh god, Jack, no, don't do this..._

He could feel the first stirrings in his groin.

_No! NO!_

Gritting his teeth, he concentrated his whole will on his body, forcing it to bend to his wishes. He was not going to hurt her. She would not know -- ever -- how close this had brought him. It was agony for him but he regained the upper hand over his treacherous body. After a moment he was even able to return Jack's embrace in the manner it was intended.

Finally he managed to switch off the water and steer her out of the shower stall. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist in a hurry before he helped her dry off.

Glancing out into the room, he was relieved to see that the bed had been changed. A new hospital gown was set out for Jack, and an extra-large set of scrubs had been left for him. He steered Jack back out into the bedroom and got her dressed as fast as he could.

As he pulled the scrubs on, profound relief washed over him. They'd survived. Somehow they'd survived.

Deep within him, the animal roared its thwarted rage.