"This is my last good-bye." --Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band
You know, I've known I was going to do this page of thanks and good-byes for some time now and even wrote a first draft to try and get down what it was I wanted to say. But I scrapped that first draft and as the moment finally comes when I have to say what I originally intended to say, my thoughts have escaped me a little. I don't think doing this off the top of my head will make it any cheaper or less sincere, it's just easier to figure out what to say when you already have something written down. My first draft is long gone, though.
I didn't want to end this story. Wow, it's strange saying that when this time last year, all I wanted to do was end the story. Get it over with in the fastest way possible. But I wrote the final chapters to the final draft (the ones that you have just read) a couple of weeks ago and ended up walking around for an entire week in a mood that can only be described as crabby. I had delayed it as long as I possibly could, but it didn't work. I had to do it sometime.
All in all, I don't think it turned out so bad. I hope you all don't think so either. But just because it's not such a bad ending didn't make ending it any easier. And it doesn't make moving on any easier either. Three years I've spent with these characters and now that I have to leave them and go introduce myself to some of the new characters that have been in the waiting room of my mind all this time is a little scary. As weird as this will sound to a lot of you, I'm going to miss having Parker's hand on my shoulder as he relates his side of the story to me and Taylor at the window behind me as he does the same in a very different way. It's like moving away from your best friends and having to go and make new ones. I just hope my new characters in my other stories are as good to me as these guys have been. I really enjoyed working with these characters. They really made it interesting for me, and I hope for you too! :D
I don't think I'm going to contine writing Hanson fan fiction. At least not such long stories. My non-Hanson stories have been tapping their feet pretty impatiently these past few months, waiting for me to move on and get to them finally. I think the next few months will be full of experimentation for me as I search for my next story. The only thing I know about it is that it's not going to involve Hanson. I do hope to stay involved in the Hanfic community though (I may it sound like a fundraiser, don't I?). I'll still be around here and there, I think. I'm still a member of the Hanficml mailing list. And I would also really love it if someone wanted to send their story to me to look over and get my opinion on. I've done it a lot on the past with other various story and though only the writers can vouch for the usefulness of my feedback, I really enjoyed doing it. I definitely wouldn't mind if someone out there wanted to send me something. :)
Okay, now come the thank you's that I've owed people for so long.
I'll start with a general thank you to everyone who read this story, especially those who took the time to write me about it to let me know what they thought. I know my pleads for e-mail gave some the annoying impression that I would not be ignored and made others laughed, but they seemed to work. But even if you didn't write, you all helped to keep this story alive. This page has been up two years this coming January. In January 1999, when I first put it up, I have to admit truthfully that I expected to be forced to take it right back down again in time for my fifteenth birthday the next month, despite the mail I had gotten for it from the time it was hosted on AJ's Hanson Stories and Stuff. I can't tell you how much it means that you all actually took the time to sit down and read the story (especially if you got to this point!). I hope I made it worth your while.
The letters I received were especially helpful between the time Holding Onto Nothing was finished and Divided We Fall was still being written. I wanted to give up on that story so badly, I have to tell you. It was extremely hard to write and get down in such a way that the characters and I agreed on it. But the encouragement I got from so many people kept me from bagging it like I so wanted to. I'm not sure how the final product turned out, to be honest with you. I have yet to read the story in its entirety. I know it's a bit of a collage that includes bits and pieces from both the first draft and the second draft and wanders around a bit here and there, but even if it didn't turn out the way you would have liked, I want you all to know that your efforts weren't for nothing. This story would never have been finished without you. I learned about discipline writing this story.
Now I have to say some specific thank you's, not out of preference, but out of familiarity.
My first thanks goes to my friend, Erica, who, though she has only recently read the majority of the story, was the one forced to sit through all my lunch table whinings when I was stuck at a certain place and who celebrated with me after being informed of winning the awards I've won.
To Sarah Scott, my first fan. Besides her help with the prologue of Holding Onto Nothing, she was also the one who convinced me to make a webpage in the first place after the site hosting Holding Onto Nothing originally was taken down.
To Zac, for being my first real internet friend and for helping me believe in the success of my page (though he might not know it). And to Margaret, one of the original supporters of this story, who convinced him, I think, to come. :)
To Colleen, my self-proclaimed Number One Fan, though I would never say otherwise. She helped me see just how important a simple little story like this could be to someone.
To ZiBBi, Parker's self-proclaimed Number One Fan, who helped convince me of the power of this character like no one else could.
And finally to Sarah, whose amazing insight into these two stories has even me sitting back and going, "Whoa!"
And just so they're not absent from the list, to Hanson, who (though I doubt they know it and I doubt they approve of it if they do) lended their names to my characters. I don't know that this story wouldn't have existed without them, I hardly even associate them with the story anymore it's taken on such a life of its own, but without whom this story probably would not have had the success it has. I will always be a fan.
Well then. I think that's just about everything. Just as a few final notes, if anyone (anyone at all?) would be interested in my non-Hanson stuff, I would love to know. Perhaps I could start posting some of that now. For those more interested in my Hason based writing, I have some short stories on my main page in case you hadn't seen them. I'd love it if you read them. If you haven't already. :) I can never be sure how many have read these. I might keep adding to this short story collection. If anyone wants to know when I do, let me know.
Speaking of short stories, I do have one last small thing up my sleeve. There's a fourth new short story I've been promising the people who have been to my main page and reading my weekly ramblings. I've saved it until today just because it has a lot to do with HON and DWF, but I couldn't find a place for it in either of the stories. Let's just call it Parker and Gina: An Early Moment. Or maybe flashback is a better word for it. Enjoy!
Well that's all I had to say here. One last time, my endless gratitude to all who have read the stories and for making this what I feel is a true success.
Allison
October 14, 2000
Comments and questions are still appreciated.
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