The Phantom Menace
Picture taken with much thanks from Eccentricity
Besides carelessness with the plot (of which Qui-Gon is an admittedly small part...I just had to get all that stuff about him off my chest), there's also carelessness with the writing here. Or, more specifically, there's carelessness with the other characters besides Qui-Gon, though not so much in their failure to jive with original plot points. The fact is, that most of these characters are so two-dimensional, it's almost painful. It's sick how easy it is to file them under two or three word labels that encompass the entire purpose of their character. I mean, first you've got Jar Jar Binks, the comic relief. It's not a bad thing that he serves that purpose, it's just a bad thing that that appears to be his only purpose (well, besides marketability, of course). Even Chewy got serious every now and then. Exhibit B would have to be cute little Anakin Skywalker, the Poor Little Thing. Okay yes, the kid is cute and his skills with the Force are impresssive--we get it. We got it in the first five minutes we saw him, you shouldn't be stuffing it down our throats still two hours later. It seems wrong to me that the future Darth Vader should be used in this movie for the same purposes that Michelle Tanner was always used in Full House. That is, the "awww" factor. Not that he should be a problem child that goes around wrecking everything. He has to endear himself somehow. But a little too much of that sugar-coated topping can make a person, well, sick after a while. And as a side note (since I've descended into rambling anyway), despite my lack of religious background, I didn't appreciate the whole idea of Shmi Skywalker's pregnancy being an immaculate conception. The idea seemed to be added in there, not because it was cool or anything, but because George Lucas didn't want to to have to explain the birds and the bees to the large kiddie audience the movie was more than likely intended for.
I was also not impressed with the portrayal of Obi-Wan Kenobi and not just because I feel my beloved Ewan McGregor deserves more screen time (in truth I had no idea who the hell Ewan McGregor was the first time I saw this movie). Being the only readily recognizable character from the original trilogy (besides Yoda, who makes little more than a cameo appearance anyway), it's not screen time I'm after, but something a little more dignified than Keen Observer of the Obvious and Resident Pessimist. His lines consisted mostly of the following: "Yes, Master" and "Master, destroyers!" and "We're losing droids fast!" No frigging duh, Obi-Wan. Ya think? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for characters who prove their importance to the plot later rather than sooner, but when the look he gets on his face in front of the Jedi Council when his master announces his intention to train Anakin anyway says about a thousand times more than any of the words that come out of his mouth (ever), there's something wrong. I don't care how cute his accent is.
Now this brings me back to the two casualties of the movie: Qui-Gon Jinn and Darth Maul. I've already vented about how I feel about the great plot hole that is Qui-Gon Jinn, but let me just say one more thing: I cared very little for this character. I thought he was an arrogant jerk and didn't find his end to be quite so noble as the soundtrack would have us believe. This is too bad because, as Jude Watson has proved in her Jedi Apprentice series, this character had a lot of potential to be really freakin' cool. But no. His one track mind never gave him the substance he deserved. And then there's Darth Maul, the second casualty...I can honestly say that I just don't get it. This character posed no sense of impending danger throughout the entire movie and...I mean...he died! How can you kill off the bad guy in the first stinking movie?!? Okay, okay, I know--always two there are, but still. One or two lines that rivaled Obi-Wan's in the "no duh" department, some cool moves with the double-sided lightsaber (ooh, I'm so scared) and...that's it? I don't see why George Lucas even went to the trouble of having this particular bad guy. He didn't do anything! Okay, not true. He did kill Qui-Gon. But Qui-Gon didn't deserve to die, so that doesn't technically count as doing anything. I don't know. I just didn't like Darth Maul. I don't think he added anything to the plot but wait...who cares about the plot?
So I guess this is where I'm going to end it, now that I've properly vented. I know, I know, I didn't give enough of a chance to all the good stuff there was about the movie. I mean, the stuff they did with computers was pretty damn amazing and I bow down to each and every one of the people who is responsible for it all. However, I can only say that I personally don't go to Star Wars movies for the amount of special effects, but for the amazing story George Lucas (and some of the other writers) has been able to weave through te years. I just don't think the sacrifice of the plot for the special effects was worth it.
Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace
starring: Liam Neeson (Qui-Gon Jinn), Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker), Natalie Portman (Queen Amidala/Padme), Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan Kenobi), etc.
Eye Candy Factor: 4 (out of 10); now, don't get me wrong here. Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor are gods but...I don't know. I just didn't like Qui-Gon enough to be attracted to him and Obi-Wan's mullet, er, I mean padawan haircut...well, 'nuff said.
The Yeah Right! Factor: 4 (out of 10); it was more the fault of the writers than that of the actors, really.
Chick Flick or Dick Flick?: It doesn't matter as long as you're a Star Wars fan. Although putting Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson on the same screen together...purr.
Ewan McGregor Connections: Do they count if their connection to him is in Episode Two?
Sense and Sensibility: 2 (out of 10); I'm sure this thing made a lot of sense to those who did their research before the movie but...why do research?
The Coolness Factor: 10 (out of 10); the special effects are nothing less than incredible but more than that...who doesn't get a chill down their spine when the theme music is cued and the lightsabers are whipped out?
To Sum it All Up: 5 (out of 10)
My general assessment is this: looks promising. If nothing else, I think I already understand the basis of the plot (of course, I've done a little research this time around...at least as much as can be done when it seems like all the people who participated in the making of this movie have taken a vow of silence where its plot is concerned). If nothing else, it seems like we're moving into darker times here for the Jedi, which is a scenario that happily lends itself to characters who can boast all three dimensions instead of the two the characters in the previous installment were cursed with. Granted, in this particular preview it looks like all Anakin is going to do is complain about how he's the most powerful Jedi there is and he never gets to do *anything*, but, having seen a different preview some months back, I'm happy to report that there seems to be more to it than that which is a comfort. Oh and good news--Obi-Wan Kenobi has a sense of humor! Hallelujah, praise the writers! Of all the elements of the original trilogy that Episode I was lacking, it hurt the most for a good sense of humor (and Jar Jar doesn't count). The characters always seemed to be taking themselves too seriously, so it's nice to see that George Lucas tried to fit in some of what was so sorely missed in that particular episode. Let's just hope he fit it in the right places...
So, improvements have definitely been made. But...Well, there's some questionable stuff here as well. It looks like the special computer stuff is still being way overdone. It's impressive how much they can do but it's gotten to the point where absolutely nothing except the actors look real and sometimes even that's not a guarantee. This time around, I can't blame George Lucas too much though. I mean, everyone's trying to be the biggest and the best with all this computer-generated stuff and he's just trying to raise the bar to unearthly heights. I just get so tired of it sometimes. Even Yoda looks suspiciously animate this time around.
Other than that, I have nothing more to say. I'm definitely looking forward to going to go see this next month but I do have my apprehensions as well. Still, I have no reason to believe yet that Star Wars Episode II will disappoint (even if it does have a stupid title :D).
Eye Candy Factor: 8 (out of 10); Ewan McGregor with a beard + a sense of humor + that hot Obi-Wan accent = a very happy me. Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson and some others featured in the trailer are also pretty easy on the peepers (though I already miss Liam Neeson's sexy presence...think he'll come back as a clone?)
The Yeah Right! Factor: I won't give an exact number since this is only two and a half minutes long, but it does look a bit more promising than Episode I.
Chick Flick or Dick Flick?: Once again, if you're a Star Wars fan, I don't think it matters.
Ewan McGregor Connections: Everyone from Episode One so that's what?...two people maybe and I don't even know if they count.
Sense and Sensibility: 7 (out of 10); this particular trailer highlighted a lot of important plot points and made me feel like I knew generally what this movie was going to be about...though I am curious as to who Christopher Lee's character is going to turn out to be...
The Coolness Factor: 8 (out of 10); are you kidding me? This is Star Wars...it's almost always cool. Although, CGI Yoda might not be cool, but I'm not sure if I was just seeing things or not.
To Sum it All Up:: 7 (out of 10)
Care to challenge my opinion? Come on down!
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