Listen to Me

Lord, You have said, "Knock and it shall be opened unto you."
I now stand outside the gates of Your palace,
My eyes feasting on Your table,
Laden with grace and bounty.
I cry out for You to let me in
That I may bare out my soul to You.
For I am in darkness and desolation.
My spirit lodged in some private shadow,
Disengaged from my body, wandering in limbo.
Lord, touch me. Carry me into Your house.
Let there be light in my life... Heal me.
Listen to me, Lord.

You have said, "Seek and you shall find"
But long have I traveled in search for meaning -
To all the torture, the suffering and anguish.
I am weary and disenchanted
The flames of hope have burned out with the wind.
I walk around staring at nothing -
Crushed by my own emotional crucible.
I need to rest awhile.
The weight of my cross presses me down.
In a moment, I shall plunge headlong into quicksand.
Lord, where are You? Are You listening to me?
Pull me up into the shelter of Your arms.

You have said, "Ask and you shall receive"
But You , in Your wisdom already know what is in my heart:
The longings and conflicts - the troubled thoughts,
The pain that will not go away,
And why I feel this silence from You.
If I dare ask -
Will You move the mountains for me -
Still the winds that ruffle the ocean waters?
Will You pick up the shambles in my life,
Free me from the chains that bind me?
Will You listen to me, Lord -
Small creature shuffling up the dust.

Like a relentless stalker, I hound You
to fill my wants - quiet my despair.
I know You are there ---
Patient Lover - gracious and forgiving,
Ever waiting for me to come to You.

No longer now will I run from You.
I surrender myself to You in total abandonment.
Empty-handed. Devoid of all attachments -
to material treasures and pursuits of the mind.
For in You I shall want for nothing.
Turn me hither and thither in the palm of Your hand.
I cease to ask. Or seek You out
to deafen You with my knockings.
Do with me what You will, Lord.
I am Yours...For You listen to me.

-----------------------© Jotte: October 19, 1998

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