There are idiots among us. There's no denying it. Especially not in my second period world history class. Now let me say right off the bat that stupid people really bother me. They waste valuable space and resources, foul up the world's governments, and, well, they're just generally annoying. About the only things that can be said for morons are that (a) they are easily manipulated, and (b) on rare occasions, they can be absolutely hilarious.
On this page, I have offered up just a few of my classmates' thoughts on the history of our misguided planet. Please bear in mind (after making sure that there are no sharp implements in your near vicinity) that I have not fabricated or exaggerated a single one.
9/21/99 8:44 AM During lecture on ancient Greece:
"They scored their wars?"
No, that was the death count
"But Sparta didn't submit, and that was the battle, right?"
I sincerely doubt it.
Several students also admitted to having put their younger siblings into clothes dryers.
9/28/99 8:13 AM Discussion of Greek philosophers "But I don't see why it matters what dead people thought."
9:00 AM Evidently, the Po River is now located in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea.
10/1/99 8:47 AM Mrs. K mentions her affiliations with the Scholastic Bowl. "How do you coach a bowling team?"
10/6/99 8:46 AM The ancient Romans built 100 warships in 30 days. "But their empire was so big it must have been easy to find a hundred guys." One Roman guy could build three ships in one day? Wow...
10/14/99 9:03 AM Lecture on Hinduism.
MRS. K: They worship by the way they live their lives.
STUDENT: You mean they worship themselves?
9:04 AM No one seems to know what monotheism is, despite the fact that it was very thoroughly defined for us last month.
9:05 AM "Are Hindu women born with the dots on their foreheads?"
10/15/99 8:51 AM Mrs. K is explaining how to answer essay questions. We are asked to come up with topic sentences for an essay on why "The Simpsons" is a popular television show.
Sample topic sentence: "'The Simpsons' is a popular TV show because a lot of people watch it."
10/20/99 8:30 AM Lecture on Buddhism Siddhartha Gautama meditated under a bo tree and discovered the law of gravity.
10/21/99 8:47 AM Discussion on how early surnames were derived from people's occupation. We are asked to provide examples. "Plow!"
Well, I'll post some more on the page later. I've got to go say hi to old Mr. Plow down the street.
11/12/99 8:48 AM Discussion of ancient Roman recreation (I think)-- the Hippodrome. "Does it look like a hippo?"
11/16/99 9:02 AM This one's the granddaddy of 'em all. Mrs. K is explaining how Muslims pray towards Mecca (which in our region would be to the east). "But isn't north always in front of you?"
Mrs. K goes on to say, "Only if you have a very large magnet embedded in your forehead.
They of course need an explanation for this, too, and eventually reach the conclusion that the North Pole is made of magnets.
1/4/00 8:38 AM Lecture on Louis XIV"Was this King Louie from 'The Jungle Book?'"
8:38 AM My classmates decide that France's policy of mercantilism in the 1600s primarily involved pawn shops and the Oregon Trail.
1/5/00 8:50 AM Back to the surname discussion. One student claims to kjnow someone with the last name "Pickleton." "Is that someone who grows pickles?"
I decided to pass on offering a much-needed explanation of the process whereby a cucumber becomes a pickle.
9:00 AM Lecture on Louis XIV's finance minister, Jean-Baptiste Colbert. "Was he John the Baptist?"
1/7/00 8:33 AM About twenty minutes into a discussion of the English Civil War "Where did it take place?"