11/30/98
It's the end of the month and I have nothing to say.
11/29/98
I saw someone "gleeking" on the subway tracks again today. It's gotta stop. It made me remember one of the most horrifying sights I've ever seen. I don't know how I forgot about it, but a couple weeks ago I was waiting for the subway and there were these rats running around on the tracks. Now that's not unusual, there's always rats running around on the tracks, but usually there's just one or maybe two. This time there were about 5 or 6 and they seemed all agitated and were making squealing sounds. They were running around sort of in a group and seemed excited. I could see that one of them had something in its mouth and was dragging it along and the others wanted a piece of the action. Then they got closer to where I was standing and I realized that it was a mouse that was being dragged by the rat and it just made me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know why it made me so sick, but there was something very wrong about rats killing and eating mice. I swear it's just a matter of time before these rats start turning on people too.
11/28/98
I'd been speculating on Henry Thomas's attraction to eastern european types (from things he's said to me I've gathered that he digs them freaky Russian/Polish/Czech-looking girls) and then two incidents occurred that I couldn't ignore. Last weekend I was at this party and there was this mid-west, 80's-looking kid with glitter on his face who was trying to guess the nationalities of me and my friends (I never said he was bright). He guessed mine as being Russian, which made me chuckle. Then yesterday I was walking down the street and I could hear some woman's voice going, "hello...hello...hello." I used to respond to this sort of thing, but now that I'm becoming the hardened New Yorker, I ignore anybody trying to get my attention. I started walking faster because I just wasn't in the mood to get sucked into some sort of scam (I'm starting to distrust everyone's motives), but then I turned around and she said in a heavy Russian (?) accent, "Is your name (I'm spelling this phonetically because I have no idea how it's spelled) Krukstasia?" I say, "No" and she got all apologetic and said I looked just like her and then I felt bad for being so mean and cold. I think that I'm subconciously evolving into Henry's dream-girl.
11/25/98
You know, I really can't stand that Gap Christmas commercial with Everclear. Not last holiday season, but the one before, that Art whatever his last name is from Everclear started to walk out in front of my car as my light turned green. I should've just ran him over when I had the chance. And you what else? People here spit way too much. Like every two feet there's a loogie (I don't know how you spell that) on the sidewalk. Every day I see people spitting all over the place and today some freak walking my direction kept spitting out of the side of his mouth and I thought that if he got anywhere near me with that saliva that I was going to lose it, but he waited til he got past me to start spitting again. And he wasn't doing the usual loogie hack, he was doing what I've always called "gleeking". You know, that weird spurting of saliva that some kids could do on demand in middle school (I could never do it). But why does some grown man need to be doing that in a parking lot? And there's all this Guiliani-bashing going on because he's trying to clean up the city and I just really don't get into any of it either way, but even I got up in arms when I saw this thing about how he's cracking down on people throwing cigarette butts on the ground. If I heard correctly, people are being encouraged to tell the offenders to throw their butt in the garbage if they see it happening. This is the FILTHIEST city I've ever seen. There 's literally garbage everywhere so I just can't understand this. I think Guiliani should start concerning himself with the loogie-hawkers. If I was an old lady I'd write him a letter giving him a piece of my mind.
11/24/98
I know it seems like I'm all kid obsessed lately, but it's on the brain since I read baby crap all day and now I keep noticing how weird kids are. There was this fucked up family on the subway. They were all sort of squat and chubby, but the son looked deformed like I couldn't tell if he was a 9 yr. old or a grown-man dwarf (he was a kid, at least I think so). The mom was reading some magazine and the dwarf was having a freak out because he wanted to see it. He kept yelling, "let me see, let me see" and being all rambunctious and whiny. Then I noticed it wasn't a magazine, but a Victoria's Secret catalog. He kept grabbing it out of her hands and pointing and saying which pictures he liked and the mom looked all exasperated and the dad was sort of chuckling. I couldn't tell what the parents were saying because they were speaking in Spanish. They tried distracting him by giving him a videotape to look at. It sort of worked, but he kept jumping around and squealing. It was a total freak show, but no one else seemed to notice. Every tuesday I'm supposed to scour the "American Baby" bulletin boards looking for uplifting and/or humorous quotes for the "Words of the Week". I'm forced to pick something nice, but I'd really like to post something like this beauty I found today, "It's hard to believe my rectum was totally cut and I am here to tell about it!!" Hard to believe, indeed. This is risky talking about this here, but I can't help myself. I went to get the keys at this friends apt. that I'm sitting this weekend and there was a photo of her and my semi-secret crush on the bathroom door. I just know that I'm going to do something bad. Like she'd notice if it were missing, but if I snuck it out for a photocopy, no one would be the wiser. And hey, if my Thanksgiving is brightened by such a lame, low-level form of stalking, I say it's worth it. I mean I could just take a picture of him myself and no one would think it odd. I was at this friends at 8:30 and he was coming over at 9:00 to go out to dinner with her and I could've just stuck around, but that would've been too straightforward. I'd much rather sneak around and get caught writing behind peoples' backs. 'Cause guys love that, you know? Yes, I definitely have it bad. This same friend sent a group e-mail today and my unlikely obsession's address was on the list. I shouldn't be privvy to information like that. Like if you like some guy and you find his phone number in the phone book, that doesn't really give you the go ahead to call. It's not as if he gave it to you himself. There's just too many temptations in this world. The fucked-up thing is that this friend is gung-ho on hooking me up with this rich, British, record producer that I met at a Halloween party who's all obsessed with me and who sends her dirty e-mails about me and wants a pair of my underwear (I swear I'm going to send him a pair covered in skid marks). That's so NOT my type. I think she would die if she knew I had my sights set on her dorky pal.
11/22/98
Walking to the store, I see this kid who's about 5 making all these wild kicks at nothing in particular. I don't know why, but it bothered me. I got up closer to him and his mom and he was saying, "Look, I'm kicking you. Now I'm stepping on you." He was making his shadow kick her shadow and the mom was getting all upset. It creeped me out in a very subtle way. I'm still having a crush on that friend of a friend and thankfully no one I know here in N.Y. reads this stuff (at least I hope not). At the end of the evening the first time I met him he hugged me. This time he gave me a kiss on the cheek. At this rate we'll be getting it on by the year 2010. Damn him, cheek-kisses and hugs don't mean anything. I'm not sure what to think now.
11/21/98
About a month ago I was walking down the street and this car drove by blasting music and I couldn't believe my ears. It was the chorus from "The Hard-Knock Life" off the "Annie" soundtrack. I almost peed my pants. Then I realized that it was just some sample in the middle of some song. I think it's pure genius, but I don't know who does this song. I have to know. I don't listen to the radio so it could be really popular and I just don't know it. The thing is I've only heard it being played in cars. Three times so far. LIke I'll be waiting for the subway and all of a sudden I hear those Annie kids' voices. It's too much. I want this song.
11/19/98
I hate it when this kind of thing happens. Last week I went to this branch of my bank that is close to where I work. I swear it was on Broadway between 23rd and 24th. So today I need to cash some checks so I go right where I went last week and I can't find it anywhere. A lot of the other businesses looked familiar and there was this park on my right like there should have been, but the bank was nowhere. It freaks me out when things like this happen, like I'm losing my mind or something. I never did find it and had to go back to work. I got out the yellow pages and looked up EAB and there were all these branches listed, but not one on Broadway. That's when I got all scared. But then it was in the white pages so who knows what the hell was going on. Once I went to Burger King and I knew they had a drive-in, but I couldn't find it. I kept driving around the parking lot and there wasn't any entrance. It was the same kind of thing. I would drive past this Burger King often and the drive-through was as plain as day. I'm worried that my brain is doing weird things and that eventually I'm not going to be able to find my way around anywhere. I guess it serves me right for eating at Burger King.
11/16/98
I was using this girl who quit's office space so I had to snoop around. The remnants were pretty gross. Like her mousepad was Sesame Street, there was a post-it with the computer password, "smile" and she had a category of bookmarks titled, "sentimental" and they were webpages having to do with some town called Griswald in Iowa. I'm assuming this is her home town. The best was this "editorial asst. duties" folder on her desk. I opened it up and in huge marker scrawl was, "SUCK COCK!!". I thought that was funny. This job has the capacity to make you crazy. If I have to read about one more pregnant woman's medical problems I'm going to vomit. I was already anti-baby, but now I'm never having kids. I'd never even heard terms like, "ripening uterus" and "mucous plug" before. I got this weird crush-thing for this friend of a friend the other night. It's one of those things where you can't tell if it's a crush or if you're just drunk and feeling silly. I guess I'll know if I run into him again and we're sober. Oh, but he was going off about how he hated kids and babies and I agreed with him. Then the next night I was trying to subtly gather from a friend whether he was straight or not (he wasn't femmy, but he was the only guy hanging out on our "girls night" and he knew way too much about designer handbags) and she said that he was straight, but hadn't gone out with anyone in a couple years because the last girl he only went out with twice and she got pregnant and kept the baby and it was some big ordeal and he pays child support, but isn't allowed to see the child. So all that stuff about him hating kids took on a whole new creepy slant. But I don't care, he's so completely not my usual type that it doesn't even matter. He's polite, straight-laced, talks about Marxism, and works at the federal reserve bank. But after I told him about my Henry Thomas mania he said, "Oh, you probably like Edward Furlong and Wil Wheaton too". And I do! I like a guy who knows his sexy child-stars.
11/15/98
Tony Danza sure seems to be turning up a lot these days.
11/14/98
Yesterday I kept waiting for something to happen sice it was Friday the 13th, and the past I've had either really bad or really good things happen, but it wasn't really either of those this time. I went with some friends to some lame, pretentious party for this woman, Gigi, who writes for "Jane" but there was this list to get in and they were only letting in drag queens and low-level celebs like Fred Schneider from the B 52s so we went out drinking instead and this one friend was getting all cozy with these gross Austrians. She's always trying to get it on with foreigners or stars and I just don't get it. But the place was really crowded and at some point I realized that one of the guys was standing so my leg was like wedged between his legs (I was on a stool) and he says, "Your leg is touching my opponent". And I was like, "what?!" That's one of the most fucked-up euphemisms for genitalia that I've ever heard. It wasn't even funny. I was like, "well, then move". I don't know about foreigners.
11/10/98
Cubicles are so weird. I started this job at "American Baby" which is only freelance 'til Jan. and not really all that bad, but where I sit I can't see anyone, but there are these girls who sit on the other side of my "wall" and I'm not sure what they do other than listen to music, swear, and talk loud (I'm not complaining). I think they're interns who put these promotional care packs together and answer phones, but whatever. One of them was talking about someone taking a date to a bon voyage party and trying to seduce him by playing spin the bottle and how this didn't work so she put on a cheerleader outfit, and it started sounding really familiar to me and I was like, "oh, that was the 'Friends' from last night". They were talking about Rachael and Ross like they were people they knew and it weirded me out. It wasn't even the current episode, but the 11:30 PM rerun and she was giving this detailed synopsis. Then I remembered how once me and a friend were talking about Ross and Rachael and their break-up and my boyfriend at the time (who hasn't watched TV in over 20 yrs.--I'm serious) was like, "who's this?" and I had to admit that we were talking about fictional characters and felt like a total idiot. I mean there are worse crimes than getting caught up in a world of make believe, but it just doesn't seem right for David Schwimmer and Jennifer Anniston to be permeating my existence.
11/8/98
Oh no, I hate to get all superstitious, but I feel like all sorts of bad signs are presenting themselves to me. I have "The New York TImes" bookmarked on my computer and read the classifieds every week and have never had a problem. Well, yesterday I click on it and it says my saved ID/password is wrong and won't work. I manually type in what I know to be the correct ID/pasword and it still won't work. It made me feel a little crazy. Then today I felt all weird and spacey and hungover and just wanted to buy some groceries and cigarettes, but didn't have any cash. I went to my local grocery store, Price Choice, and tried to use their ATM (which worked last week) and it said it couldn't read my card. I thought maybe this was a fluke, but was still a little disturbed so I went to a bank down the street. I knew I was in trouble when my card wouldn't open the door. I used a credit card instead and got in. Of course when I tried to get money it wouldn't work. I started getting really annoyed and felt like there was a conspiricy against me. I was so desperate for money that I decided to use my credit card in the ATM to get $40 and it said that it couldn't process the transaction. I couldn't believe it and had to trek to another ATM (the one I normally use). At this one I couldn't even get my card to go in the slot. It wouldn't accept it and I knew it worked because the guy in front of me got cash. It was as if I'd stepped into a Philip K. Dick book and I was now in some alternate reality where I didn't exist anymore. But at least it let me use my credit card. I called the bank and there was money in my account so that wasn't the problem. All I can figure is that my card is screwed up. But that's fucked up because I just got a brand new card issued a couple weeks ago becasue I had this problem with my old card. I was all excited because I'd changed my PIN number to my birth year instead of a stupid guy's and everything had been going my way ever since. Seriously, these last couple weeks have been my best since I've moved. But now I'm afraid it's going to end, and in a very bad way. I'm a little scared to get up tomorrow and face the world. I've never had good luck last this long. Who knows what disappointments await me.
11/6/98
Just today I was worrying about how scowly I am. Like whenever I catch my reflection I have this mean, nasty expression on my face and I don't even mean to. Part of me was worried about the hostility I project and part of me was worried about all the lines I'm going to get on my face. I mean I'm already prematurely greying like crazy--I don't need wrinkles too. Then tonight I went to my corner store and the guy who previously asked me why I was so sweet said, "I call you the smiley girl" because I don't know your name. I told him it was Krista and felt like maybe all my worrying was unfounded. I don't think I've ever been referred to as "smiley" in my entire life, but it's a role I'm willing to adopt. This has been a most smile-worthy week.
11/4/98
I know I haven't put up all my pages yet, but I've been working on one that has to do with different aspects of shopping and my mania with it (I hope for it not to be as boring as that sounds). I have this thing with shopping and from time to time it seeps into my dreams, which worries me a little. It has been for a while now and I'm not 100% sure what it's about. Well, it's always about wanting and not getting, which pretty much sums up my way of life. Last night I dreamt that I was the passenger in a car going to IKEA, but the person driving took a freeway exit for the wrong IKEA, one that was much further away. We got all lost and drove past one of those new "Big K Marts" that Rosie O' Donnell has been hyping up. But this one was A-frame like a giant Tastee Freeze and I could see a bunch of people inside at a concession stand and I got all excited and wanted to stop, but no one else did, and then I realized I was in the car with my mom, sister, and grandma (I probably dreamed of them because I recently found out that they are all visiting in May). Next thing I know I'm in a store and going crazy looking at make up. This is my major running theme with these dreams-finding an item (almost always make up) and then having some sort of dilemma. I really can't figure out the make up part. I mean, I do like make up, but it's not some major driving force in my life or anything. I find this silver Wet 'n' Wild cream-to-powder shimmer stuff, which exists in the real world and I just saw it last week and had to restrain myself from buying it. Then I find a Jane version (which to my knowledge doesn't exist in the real world) and it's cheaper which throws me because even though Jane is inexpensive, everyone knows that Wet 'n' Wild is one of the world's cheapest brands (I should know, my dad got me Wet 'n' Wild nail polish and lipstick for Christmas. Oh, and a creepy throw rug/blanket from a flea market with cats on it.). I already had three things in my hands so I knew I couldn't get the shimmer powder too because it would be too much money and it stressed me out and my sister comes over and says that I should load up on whatever I want because our mom would probably pay for it. But I felt all guilty and put the shimmer powder back even though I'm sure it couldn't have cost more than $2.99. Then it changed into a thrift store dream, but there was nothing good to be had. There was no point in rehashing that, as it was a fairly unremarkable shopping dream, but I need to document these things.
11/2/98
I can't believe it's already november. I've been sick all week and I was going to write a bunch of blab about how I may have a potential British sugar daddy (I've been trying to find one ever since I moved here) and how I saw a Howard Jones lookalike (facially, not style-wise) on the subway on Halloween and couldn't stop grinning at him like some drunken freak, but then what happened last night totally took the cake. I'm still not sure if I hallucinated the whole experience or if it really happened. I'd been planning to got to the Belle and Sebastian show for like the past two months and had already bought my ticket and everything. Then I got sick and I was hungover on top of it and I thought I was dying and I didn't think I could get out of bed and get dressed and make the trip into Manhattan on a Sunday night, but I felt it was my duty and I knew I'd kick myself later if I missed it. Something good was in the air. So I took a bunch of cold medicine and kept getting dizzy and faint on the subway. At least 3 times I was just going to go back home and go to bed, but I told myself, no, you have to go. So I get there and I was supposed to hook up with a friend, but she's nowhere around and it's pretty packed and I feel like I need to sit or I'll pass out, but instead of going upstairs where there are seats I wander out onto the main floor area. The opening band was still playing (Containe if you care to know) and I was just sort of hanging out feeling like I was having an out-of-the-body experience when this guy in a pea coat who was in front of me turns around. At first I thought I was mistaken so I looked again. It was Henry freakin' Thomas walking right towards me! I was like, "Are you Henry Thomas?" and he was like, "yes" with a weird expression on his face. I say, "I'm Krista Garcia" and it was just the freakiest moment ever and he gave me this hug. All stalker/stalkee codes were broken. I finally came face to face with the object of my obsession. My life's work is done. What am I going to do now?! I can't talk about any details at the moment because I' m still all sick and woozy and I'm not sure what I want to say or how mean I can be. I mean after you hang out with somebody it just doesn't seem nice or appropriate to talk shit about them, you know? He was really a decent guy and pretty much how I expected him to be. Kind of straight forward and serious (and way too into celtic crap--but that's another story) but not completely without a sense of humor. I was trying to get him to see the lighter side of pedophilia and he just wasn't having any of it. But he bought me some drinks and we watched the show together and chit chatted a bit. I think he was a little tipsy as the evening wore on (his face sure was redder than it was when I first saw him) and now I'm waiting to see if he pulls a Stamos (my good friend Todd went to high school with John Stamos and years later ran into him and John was all friendly and got Todd's number to invite him to a party and then NEVER called. Todd has never been the same since and finds it hard to trust second-rate celebrities now). He asked for my number and made the point of putting my name and digits in his cel phone. He's in town for three weeks and suggested we do something (It was his idea. I was very careful about not asking for a phone number or if he wanted to meet up again--stalkers have to play it cool now and then). Now if he disses me there will be some serious hell to pay. I made that clear to him last night so he knows better. Now all I can do is wait. Damn him and his lone star ways.
[stalking] [goodies] [Lone Star Thomas] [project me]
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