for April 1, 1997
Personal Experiences









My Story

I was born hard of hearing and wear one hearing aid. The other ear is totally deaf. I had to learn how to speak and be able to tell the difference in sounds, such as b, p, ch, sh, r, and more. I wear a hearing aid and did not learn American Sign Language. I had to learn how to read lips! My parents like most parents wanted me to act "Hearing." So I did, but like any kids while growing up I wanted to play. My dad would scare me into not playing as he said my hearing aid is expensive and told me to be careful. I did do something, such as biking and playing baseball.

He would tell other people not to ask me questions about my hearing aid as I am embarrassed about it. That is a lie as he is embarrassed about it and does not want me to talk about it. However like any best little boy in the world I did my best to be their "hearing" son. It was hard work as I had to read lips alot and would get tired very easily doing that. I felt I had to wear my hearing aid all the time and never take it off until I go to bed.

Also during these years for practice my dad was told to talk to me with his mouth covered so I can sharpen my hearing. I hated this and to get this sick game over with I would say a word totally different from what he said. The look on his face was worth it and I would leave the room.

During grade seven I was fitted with a new hearing aid. It was behind the ear type as I was wearing a body aid all this time. So I had to get used to that and try to please my parents at the same time. My dad would make me so nervous about wearing my hearing aid that I found it difficult to breathe. He was afraid that I would break it. All those years I've been going to hearing aid dealers having them check out my ear and getting new ear molds. Later I would get tired of them poking around inside my ear. It makes me wonder while a boy, if those hearing aid dealers were dirty old men who likes to poking around inside my ear. It was probably their fetish. I had to sit is a certain way and they stood behind me and I was not allowed to move so I was wondering what are they doing before they look inside my right ear. I guess they were groping themselves since they were old men. To make things worst I had to lie my head on a pillow which felt like it was never washed. It felt so dirty and greasy I was surprised that my left ear did not slide off the pillow.

During those years I was still hearing acting and lipreading a lot. It was up to me to make sure I hear people and sitting in front of the class so I could hear the teachers. I did not realized until years later but I was so tired from lipreading. I was very much "Hearing" acting. I was brainwashed into acting this way and I must wear my hearing aid all the time. Still going to hearing aid dealers having them poke things in my ear. I could not complain as my dad would get mad. I wanted to throw away my hearing aids! If I had a chance I would love to take a big baseball bat and shove it into all those hearing aid dealers' ears and see how they like it! But, with my luck they would love it.

When I was a child I was lucky that I had a good hearing aid dealer. He wore a hearing aid too. So he was very nice and understanding. Since I was a teenager I had many different dealers. We started with department stores dealers as they would accept their store's credit card. When I moved out on my own I went to better dealers who had their own business. I say better as in better than department stores. Most were ok. However since I was young and naive, I let not one but two dealers try to sell me a hearing aid. I said I will try with my old one when I bought the new one. They said ok hoping that I would buy a new one for my left "deaf" ear. Both times I had a very difficult time adjusting since my ears became "stereo". More noice! I remember the last time I was almost agruing with the dealer. I said I was not interested and she she if I can hear something, I should give it a try. Then finally she suggested that I use my old hearing aid since I was buying a new one at that time. So I had to buy an ear mold. One month later I gave it up and will not do this again. I will give any new dealer one warning if they start to talk about a second hearing aid. If they do not get it, I will walk out. There are plenty of others who will give correct service to the client.

After all those years and that feeling I buried deep inside, I felt I wanted to learn ASL. I've seen other Deaf people signing and thought it was neat. Finally when I was in Calgary I learned ASL. I was very happy to do that and felt I have come home in my body. I was very comfortable signing. However after three years of learning I was wondering if I would meet any Deaf people. A class mate introduced me to a Deaf friend of his and we've been friends since. Also another interesting event with me is that a Deaf client shows up needing emotional support for his HIV status. Talk about the works of God. I was volunteering at AIDS Calgary at that time. He, however, was signing english. So I learned all the different ways to sign. Hard work too! After my move to Vancouver, I met more Deaf friends and learn from them and became more smooth in my signing. I used to sign like a robot (not the Lost in Space Robot). Two of my friends in Vancouver, esp Keith, told me how they went through the same thing I did growing up and they gave up their hearing aids. I was in shock. Alot of Deaf or hard of hearing people are hearing acting like I was. I never realized clearly and fully until then. Sure I knew for awhile I was supposed to be part of the hearing population but not any more.

Now I try to think more Deaf so I can balance myself. I am very pleased to say that I do not wear my hearing aid as often as I used to. That is a big relief! I know three deaf people in Vancouver who have hearing parnters and act very hearing themselves. I realized they have been brainwashed into thinking like a hearing person. It feels so good to have my one ear finally free of the hearing aids. I sure wont be too quick to buy another hearing aid esp since they are so expensive and the sales people are hearing and do not understand what we go through. For years I had to put up with sales people who push the wrong hearing aids and ear molds. NO MORE! Free at last! I now wear my old and new hearing aids to extend their use. A good friend of mine told me about how one of his daughters at age 10 threw her hearing aid out the window! Good for her! He did not punish her. If I did that my dad would have killed me.

Now I do not consider myself a hearing person anymore. I am hard of hearing and sometimes wear my hearing aid. I do not force myself to wear my hearing aid all the time. I often turn down the volume switch to save the batteries.

I am sharing my story to give you an idea of what I went through and strongly encourage you to do what you feel is best for you. Get ideas from the Audiologist and some from the hearing aid dealers as well as from friends who wears one. Do some research. Check out the deaf and hard of hearing center in your city. Never go to a dealer saying you do not know anything and need their help. The dealer could rip you off.



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