TCGOB: Monkey Motions

The Car Guy of Benchfield

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Monkey Motions

By Steve Wingate

Ahh…. Bristol! The crisp feel of the night air… the smell of burning rubber and racing fuel… the sound of screaming engines and skidding tires… and the haze of cranial smoke from disgruntled, gesticulating drivers. Yes, sir… we had it all this Saturday at Bristol… intense competition, white-knuckle near-misses and scuffles, one particular driver causing cautions and other drivers voicing their displeasure with one another via crude, yet often elaborate "monkey motions" from the apron of the track.

The fun started when Joe Nemecheck and Elliott Sadler got together around lap 69. Elliott hopped out of his car and waited for Nemecheck to circle back to him so that he could impart an important message that involved pointing at his (Sadler's) eyes. It took this to mean "watch where you're going"… or who knows, it could have meant "your sister has a uni-brow." But Sadler wasn't through with his display yet… he wrapped up his performance by assaulting a perfectly innocent ambulance, making the Sadler's display the silliest of the night.

Next on the stage was Hut Stricklin expressing his displeasure with Jeremy Mayfield by giving a mock round of applause and a sarcastic thumbs-up as the #19 passed by. Stricklin was by far the most subtle and polite demonstrator of the evening.

After Robbie Gordon tagged Jimmie Johnson on a lap 378 restart, Johnson voiced his displeasure by aiming his Mr. Digit Hand Puppet (also known as international sign language for "shoot me") at the #31 as it lumbered by under caution. Johnson earns the distinction of being the most direct and to-the-point demonstrator of the Sharpie 500.

Ward Burton goes home with the honor of giving the most explosive performance of the evening by hurling his shoe heat shields at Dale Earnhardt Jr. By the sound of the crowd, they definitely agreed. Ward commented later that he wished he had had something with which to "shoot through the windshield" as Junior went by.

However, these "monkey motions" are often hard to decipher. Perhaps NASCAR should mandate some monkey motions, call them "official gestures", and allow drivers to make only NASCAR approved gesticulations. Here's a few for consideration:

Pointing with one hand and making "biting" motions with the other-- ""When you go home, I hope your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you on the leg."

Making "eating from a bowl" motions-- "You ate of great big bowl of STUPID (The Breakfast of Morons) for breakfast."

Standing in the offending car's path while pointing at the ground with both hands-- "You ran over me out there, now come finish the job."

Standing in the offending car's path with both arms out, palms forward, look of surprise on the face-- "Hey, I was just kiddi…. KER-THUNK!

Making a steering motion with one hand and obscene gesture involving a clenched fist with the other-- "Something must have been distracting you."

If NASCAR would mandate these and a few other "official gestures", it would clear up a lot of confusion. NASCAR could also generate some extra revenue by fining drivers who don't use NASCAR approved gestures. "Hey, did you see that? Busch just made the 'my butt and your face' gesture at Spencer. Fine 'im!

Oh, and Junior? I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't go on any hunting trips with Ward for quite a while. And Robby Gordon, it might be a good idea to carry a riot shield next time you go into the garage area.

Well, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Gawd, I love Bristol!

2002 Car Guy of Benchfield

Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us


	The Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us Monkey Motions By Steve Wingate Ahh…. Bristol! The crisp feel of the night air… the smell of burning rubber and racing fuel… the sound of screaming engines and skidding tires… and the haze of cranial smoke from disgruntled, gesticulating drivers. Yes, sir… we had it all this Saturday at Bristol… intense competition, white-knuckle near-misses and scuffles, one particular driver causing cautions and other drivers voicing their displeasure with one another via crude, yet often elaborate "monkey motions" from the apron of the track. The fun started when Joe Nemecheck and Elliott Sadler got together around lap 69. Elliott hopped out of his car and waited for Nemecheck to circle back to him so that he could impart an important message that involved pointing at his (Sadler's) eyes. It took this to mean "watch where you're going"… or who knows, it could have meant "your sister has a uni-brow." But Sadler wasn't through with his display yet… he wrapped up his performance by assaulting a perfectly innocent ambulance, making the Sadler's display the silliest of the night. Next on the stage was Hut Stricklin expressing his displeasure with Jeremy Mayfield by giving a mock round of applause and a sarcastic thumbs-up as the #19 passed by. Stricklin was by far the most subtle and polite demonstrator of the evening. After Robbie Gordon tagged Jimmie Johnson on a lap 378 restart, Johnson voiced his displeasure by aiming his Mr. Digit Hand Puppet (also known as international sign language for "shoot me") at the #31 as it lumbered by under caution. Johnson earns the distinction of being the most direct and to-the-point demonstrator of the Sharpie 500. Ward Burton goes home with the honor of giving the most explosive performance of the evening by hurling his shoe heat shields at Dale Earnhardt Jr. By the sound of the crowd, they definitely agreed. Ward commented later that he wished he had had something with which to "shoot through the windshield" as Junior went by. However, these "monkey motions" are often hard to decipher. Perhaps NASCAR should mandate some monkey motions, call them "official gestures", and allow drivers to make only NASCAR approved gesticulations. Here's a few for consideration: Pointing with one hand and making "biting" motions with the other-- ""When you go home, I hope your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you on the leg." Making "eating from a bowl" motions-- "You ate of great big bowl of STUPID (The Breakfast of Morons) for breakfast." Standing in the offending car's path while pointing at the ground with both hands-- "You ran over me out there, now come finish the job." Standing in the offending car's path with both arms out, palms forward, look of surprise on the face-- "Hey, I was just kiddi…. KER-THUNK! Making a steering motion with one hand and obscene gesture involving a clenched fist with the other-- "Something must have been distracting you." If NASCAR would mandate these and a few other "official gestures", it would clear up a lot of confusion. NASCAR could also generate some extra revenue by fining drivers who don't use NASCAR approved gestures. "Hey, did you see that? Busch just made the 'my butt and your face' gesture at Spencer. Fine 'im! Oh, and Junior? I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't go on any hunting trips with Ward for quite a while. And Robby Gordon, it might be a good idea to carry a riot shield next time you go into the garage area. Well, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Gawd, I love Bristol! 2002 Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us