Shirt…

...Does The Noble Thing

The Punch Middle had originally announced a very rare guest – Jacqueline Hill – for their next signing.

“A signing FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE !!!!!”, commented Chalky.

However, they soon corrected themselves, and announced the real guest, Jacqueline ‘Sylvia Noble’ King, who was to be accompanied by her screen-father (and ‘Invasion Earth: 2050’ Movie Companion), Bernard Cribbins, as well as “Torchwood” and “Doctor Who” guest star Nerys Hughes, new series guest star Verona Joseph, and the object of Shirt’s lust, Nicola Bryant.

Dufus was busy trying to find gainful employment and Chalky was busy turning his spare bedroom into a rainforest, so having taken a day off work, Shirt made his way alone up to The Strand. Having seen “Lord of the Rings – The Musical” after the last Punch Middle signing, prior to leaving Shirt had looked to see what matinee theatre performances had offers on that week, finding a deal on “Under the Blue Sky”, which starred Series 4 companion, Catherine Tate. His ticket booked, he arrived to find a medium-length queue. Having put on a sticker showing that he was #42 in the queue, Shirt looked over at the door to the shop, willing it to open and start letting people in. Shirt noticed no less than four people in brown pinstriped suits in front of him.

Shirt found himself chatting away to the fans behind him in the queue, about Seventh Galaxy signings, “Carry On” films, the “Doctor Who Prom”, and classic WHO action figures. Shirt was particularly pleased to learn of a shop in New Malden that allegedly had both classic and Series 4 action figures for £5.99 each. Then at around 10.40am, the queue started moving, very slowly.

At around 11.30am, Shirt finally reached the front of the queue, and entered the shop. Foregoing classic action figures for £10.99, he bought some of the first-day covers being promoted and slowly made his way down to the signing tables. Just as he reached the table, Nicola was talking to a shop assistant about her coffee.

“I did ask for Soya milk”, she was saying, causing the assistant to apologise profusely, and then pop back to the coffee shop up the road.

There was a short pause, and then Nerys Hughes, made an admission.

“I think I might have accidentally drunk yours”, she sheepishly confessed to Nicola.

Ever the diplomat, Shirt quickly put down covers in front of both women (“Son of the Dragon” for Nicola and “Kinda” for Nerys) before any argument could take place. He also got Verona Joseph on his Series 4 poster, before moving on to Jacqueline and Bernard, who were admiring a young fan’s pinstriped ‘Doctor’ suit. Both signed the Series 4 poster, with Bernard also signing Shirt’s “Companions” book commenting on the number of signatures. Jacqueline then signed Shirt’s “DW Unbound: Deadline” cover, telling him that it had been recorded on her birthday, before declaring that she liked the windswept photo of herself inside. Finally, Shirt proffered the first-day covers, with Bernard signing one for “Voyage of the Damned” and Jacqueline for “Turn Left. Shirt then attempted to get Jacqueline to sign the “Voyage of the Damned” one, getting his Christmas Specials mixed up, until Jacqueline diplomatically put him right. Having met Donna’s nearest and dearest, finding them to be as nice as you would expect, Shirt exited the shop.

With three hours to waste, Shirt went on a tour of his usual central London haunts, singularly failing to find any classic figures that he hadn’t got. Having had lunch, he made his way to the Duke of York’s Theatre, where people were already waiting outside for Ms. Tate. Taking his seat in the second row, Shirt enjoyed three interlinked plays about teachers (‘If I wanted stories about teachers, I’d have gone round to Chalky and Tigger’s’, he mused). The second of these featured Ms. Tate, and was very rude (You even saw her bra !!!), and Shirt was concerned about the two young female WHO fans in the row behind who it seemed hadn’t realised this when booking their tickets. Ms. Tate was very good, if a bit shouty.

Following a tour-de-force performance by Francesca Annis in the third play, Shirt exited the theatre and joined a large throng which had gathered around the alleyway leading to the stage door, including the two fans that he had been talking to earlier.

‘I don’t remember seeing half these people in the auditorium’, thought Shirt, holding up his programme to prove that he had been to the play.

After a few minutes, Chris O’Dowd (Roy from ‘The IT Crowd’) rushed through, stopping to sign two autographs before melting into the crowd walking towards Trafalgar Square. Two minutes later, and Ms. Tate herself arrived. Everyone surged forward, thrusting pens, photos and “Series 4 Companion” magazines towards her to be signed. Five minutes later and it was Shirt’s turn, struggling to hold his “Companions” book still whilst Catherine signed it.

“To Shirt”, he prompted.

Thirty seconds later and he was moving out of the scrum, carefully holding the book open so that the signature did not smudge. A minute later, and book and programme stowed in his bag, Shirt had met the entire Noble family in one day, and was wending his way home, making a brief detour to find absolutely no classic or Series 4 action figures in New Malden.

[PL]