Shirt…

…Queuing Inferno !!!

The release of the DVD of the Jon Pertwee classic “Inferno”, meant that Seventh Galaxy had arranged a signing with two its stars – Nicholas Courtney & Caroline John. Added to the mix was Ray Lonnen, who was apparently in “Frontier in Space”. Initially both Chalky and Shirt were due to attend, but then Chalky and Tigger had to help out at a church jumble sale, and so Chalky had to decline with regret (which was increased when Seventh Galaxy announced that Tara Ward from “Warriors of the Deep” would also be there). However, they agreed to meet up in the evening to see the winning play from Channel 4’s “The Play’s The Thing”, which Shirt had managed to get them cheap tickets to.

Knowing that he needed to meet the others later in London, Shirt had a cunning plan.

‘If I go a little bit later, I should finish at a reasonable time to meet the others’, he thought.

However, on reaching the shop, Shirt realised that he had left it much too late, as the queue was the longest for a very long time, causing Shirt to wonder if it would ever move enough for him to meet the guests.

Putting such thoughts briefly to one side, he entered the shop, picking up the required items – the “Inferno” DVD and two photographs (the “Frontier” one not seeming to feature Ray), as well as the latest Bernice Summerfield CD – “Crystal of Cantus” – and a FSX Special on Influential TV shows.

Returning to the queue, which had increased still further, Shirt began reading the Special. Having read it from cover to cover, and the queue not having moved at all, Shirt started getting worried.

However, about ten minutes later, the queue started moving, and to everyone’s surprise moved at a reasonable rate.

An hour later, half-an-hour of which was spent in trying to read “I am a Dalek” slowly but failing dismally not to finish it, Shirt was a little way down the queue by the escalators, when as he was dreading, it stalled due to the guests breaking for lunch.

Twenty minutes later, Shirt having begun reading his “The Seventies” that he had brought to be signed, the queue started moving again, and continued at its reasonable rate.

Finally Shirt was at the front of the queue. Hamble who had been directing people in had disappeared, and no-one seemed to be replacing him. Shirt began getting concerned.

Then Mrs. Hamble appeared, and walked purposefully towards the queue. Shirt feared the worst.

On reaching the queue, Mrs. Hamble told Shirt, “You can go in now !”

Hamble reappeared at the door, pouring scorn on his wife’s personal service, encouraging her to simply beckon and hold up fingers in future.

Entering the shop, Shirt joined the small queue, and attempted to get his items for signing together, despite having had over 2 ½ hours in the queue to do so.

His attention was briefly distracted by a discussion between Little Ted and Hamble, around a possible new series guest for a future signing, that Hamble seemed unkeen to take forward.

Shaken from his reverie, Shirt found himself being asked by a member of shop staff if he wanted any additional items, and decided to pay for an extra Caroline John signature.

The woman herself, sporting very blonde hair, was now ready to sign. First up was the “Inferno” DVD cover, followed by “The Seventies” and Shirt’s “Dust Breeding” cover. Finally, Shirt proffered his last item, a video cover from the Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes series.

“Oh yes”, said Caroline, “I was in one of these, which one was it ?” (the cover covering 2 stories).

“The Dying Detective”, said Shirt.

“That’s right”, said Caroline in a tone that indicated she didn’t know if it was.

Moving all his items along, Shirt was face-to-face with the Brigadier himself.

Mr. Courtney signed the DVD cover, along with a “Mythmakers” cover and “Green Death” DVD cover. He made a slight movement for “The Seventies”, but Shirt held on to it, telling him “You’ve already signed it!”.

Next was Ray Lonnen. Shirt handed him the “Frontier” photo, and placed his other items on the table to sort them out.

Having completed the photo, Ray grabbed hold of Shirt’s “The Eighties”, and made to sign it.

“No”, wailed Shirt, almost snatching it back, “you’re the Seventies !”.

Ray took the offered alternative book and signed it, before looking at the cover.

“Doctor Who: The Seventies”, he read, “Oh I see !”

Shirt offered Chalky’s “Frontier in Space” video cover.

“Can you sign it to Chalky, please ?”

Mr. Lonnen asked where Chalky was, expressing disbelief at the jumble sale story, suggesting that Chalky had taken advantage of Shirt’s offer to queue for him and had gone for a day by the seaside.

Tara Ward who was next to him took no chances when Shirt got to her, only signing items that were specifically handed to her – namely a “Warriors of the Deep” photo and video cover, and Shirt’s “The Eighties”. She seemed very pleased to be there, and even more pleased that someone had stopped for her autograph. This final guest met, Shirt exited the shop, fearful that he had left items behind. A swift check by the railings revealed all items present and correct.

The time being late, Shirt found that he only had time for a quick trip to Notting Hill Gate, before meeting Chalky and Tigger, still weighed down by stuff from the signing. A five minute walk to the theatre, where they found themselves two rows behind the winning playwright, and the evening’s entertainment began. Having marvelled at the acting ability of friends’ favourite Maxine Peake, they proceeded to queue yet again, this time for Haagen Daas ice-creams in Leicester Square. Having finally reached the front of this queue, and ice-creams consumed, all wended their weary ways home.

[PL]