Shirt…

…Follows In Nicola’s Footsteps

Seventh Galaxy announced a rare occurrence, a weekday-evening signing. The main guest was to be object of Shirt’s desire – Nicola Bryant, signing copies of a new DVD in which she tours some of the Spanish locations used in “The Two Doctors”. Realising that he had a meeting that meant he would be finishing work early on the day in question, Shirt decided to attend. The addition of Colin Baker meant that the trip was definitely on (despite the fact that Shirt had met him a mere nine days before [see D&S…Tees for Two ]).

All went well, save a broken-down train on the District Line, and Shirt slowly made his way to the shopping centre to find the shortest queue that he could remember for many a year. Entering the shop, although Ms. Bryant had arrived, her promoted DVDs had not…yet. Mr. Baker was also conspicuous by his absence. Shirt was advised to join the queue, but having made himself comfortable on the marble floor of the centre, the DVDs arrived, and he had to get up again, join a small queue in the shop, purchasing the DVD and a few packets of “Battle In Time” cards. Exiting the shop, Shirt found that his place in the queue had been taken by the fan who had annoyed the friends’ by spoilering “The Christmas Invasion” a year before and a young friend. Shirt rejoined the queue behind them, secretly relieved as he had previously been behind Bergerac man.

True to form, Bergerac man started asking the two fans behind him, about which conventions they had been to, where the young fan got his BiT TARDIS, and what classic series signings they would like to see. Shirt simply buried his head in a book that he had acquired cheaply to read in the queue. Five minutes after the advertised start, a member of shop staff appeared to state that Colin was on his way but stuck in traffic. Ten minutes later and the man himself strode past with a suitcase of photos. A further five minutes later and the member of staff was back – “One personal item from Nicola if you’ve bought the DVD, Colin’s photos are £10 or £15, or £5 per personal item”. Bergerac man asked for this to be repeated a few times, before saying to no-one in particular – “I’ve got two items for Colin, that’ll be £10”.

Another five minutes later and the queue started moving, and just over ten minutes later, Shirt was being beckoned into the shop. Going the long way round, Shirt joined the small queue in front of the signing table, just in time for the entertainment.

Bergerac man was offering Nicola a copy of the photo of her in the leopard-print bikini from “Doctor Who: Companions”.

Ms. Bryant politely refused, “You know I don’t sign that one, but you always give it to me!”.

Bergerac man denied any knowledge of ever having offered said photo before.

‘I’ve seen you try to get it signed before’, thought Shirt.

Nicola was explaining that she had never agreed for that image to be released, whilst Bergerac man apologised profusely, again-and-again. He then picked up one of the photos that Nicola had brought with her, but asked that it be undedicated. Nicola told him that she was not prepared to just sign it, and after much thinking, Bergerac man decided that he did not want the photo then. He then began giving Nicola the third degree over whether she would be at Memorabilia later that month. The answer was no, Nicola being in a play.

Moving along to Colin, he proffered a book, and then the Cineffigy calendar from a few years before, in which Colin is the star of four months. The book signed, he then proceeded to ask Colin to sign each of these months in turn.

Signing the third, Colin commented “The cost is mounting up, you know”.

It then became clear that Bergerac man had taken the £5 for one item literally, and thought that he could get four Colin signatures for said price, as they were all on the one item.

The small queue behind him were looking every way apart from at him, Colin or Nicola.

In a display of generosity, Colin agreed to charge £10 for all the signatures. However, Bergerac man then decided to pay for this with a cheque, which had to be made out to the shop, who gave Colin £10 from the till.

This transaction completed, Bergerac man moved on, and a still shell-shocked Nicola and Colin turned back to those still waiting.

Two photos and a DVD cover signed later, the two fans in front of Shirt moved on to Colin.

“Can you sign this to Shirt ?”, Shirt asked the vision of loveliness, as he placed the DVD cover in front of her.

“Of course I can, darling”, the angel in human form replied, pleased that there was no evidence that Shirt was going to produce an illegal photo or question her on her movements. Due to this, Shirt decided not to ask what play or where.

A “Three’s A Crowd” cover signed as his personal item, Shirt was momentarily held up as the two fans in front got their photo taken with Colin and Nicola by Double Agent.

“Hello again”, boomed Colin, becoming even more concerned than before, at the shrinking time periods between his seeing Shirt, which would indicate that Shirt was stalking him.

Two Large Endings’ covers signed, and a crisp ten-pound note handed over.

“Cheap at half the price”, said Shirt, promoting a discussion between the three about the absurdity of the expression.

Gathering his covers together, as the final three fans in the queue met Nicola and Colin, Shirt exited the shop.

As he wended his way home still chuckling about Bergerac man, Shirt was surprised to find that all three packs of “Battle in Time” cards contained a rare Mrs. Peace card. (seemingly not that rare). All in all, a very entertaining evening, and a new Nicola DVD to watch when he got home !!

[PL]