four
corners pd
four
corners pd
By: Cin and Heidi
Day Three: Saturday (cont)
Part Seven
Changing his mind about leaving her alone, Buck followed Nina into the kitchen, watching her take a couple of aspirin before opening the freezer. She reached in, pulled out a frozen eye mask, and slapped it on. “Oh, that’s cold.”
“Thank you, Princess Obvious.” Buck chuckled, ducking the blind swing coming his way.
“Stuff it, Wilmington. I’m trying to get the swelling down before someone asks why my eyes look like I’m coming off a five day bender.”
“I can’t see you on a bender,” Buck said. “A bender means actually drinking…and since you say you don’t drink because you’re older and wiser, ergo, you cannot go on a bender.”
She ignored his comments, walking toward the downstairs door. Nina lifted the mask half off her face enough to see.
Seeing the red blotches where the ice pack discolored the skin, he winced, and then hoped she didn’t see that. If she went downstairs now, they’d call her a painter’s reject. Her borderline ego probably couldn’t take it. “Why don’t you lay down for a second before going down there?” He nudged her toward her office. “Give that ice pack a chance to work.”
Nina groaned, “Is it that bad?”
“You’re always beautiful to me, baby, and you know that.” He said this sincerely, because he actually believed it.
“Uh-huh. I remember when you saw me after sixteen hours working a holiday sobriety checkpoint and three heat-exhausted puking drunks. That face I’ll never forget.”
“You smelled bad, but that’s not saying I didn’t see you as beautiful.”
“See, smell, I know what you’re doing. Forget the snow job, Wilmington and give me a few minutes. If I’m not down in five, come get me.”
“Sure thing,” Buck kissed her cheek, giving her a friendly shove toward her office. He watched her lay down with the ice pack. “Five minutes, and no shooting allowed.”
“Go bother someone else.” Her hand waved in his general direction.
Buck was laughing as he walked down the stairs, finding everyone stuffing their faces from the huge spread. “Hey, all! Did you leave some for me?”
“We’re just trying to get our share before Vin shows up and shovels it in,” Chris continued eating, but the look he gave Buck asked a silent question. ‘How is she?’
Buck gave a tiny shake of his head, and watched Chris nod imperceptibly. “Hell, that boy will clean this out. I better get my plate.”
“Where’s Nina?” Josiah asked.
“Coming. She’s doing something in her office. I’ll get her in a couple minutes if she doesn’t come down. Guys, if you don’t mind, could we wrap this early so I can talk to Nina? She’s got something bothering her, and I want to see if I can find out what it is.”
Ezra glanced up at Buck, confused about the request. He thought Nina would prefer them to play through, which would give her the maximum amount of rest, but since he wasn’t privy to the conversation in the bedroom - by his own choice -, he wondered if something more was going on.
“Sure. We can meet up at the station, and get a work out in. Need to get rid of this meal.” Chris patted his stomach. “JD, you’ll be introduced to the after-poker, pre-shift exercise program.”
Nathan nodded.
Josiah groaned.
“Chris, I think we should work on our legs, especially our thighs and knees.” Nathan smiled. “Josiah especially.”
“My legs are just fine, thank you.” Josiah good-naturedly shoved Nathan.
“How many soaks and jars of muscle creams did that take?”
“What did you do to your legs, Josiah?” Chris gifted his friend with a good stare.
“Nothing, Chris. Nathan’s just jealous that he’s still in pain from yesterday, while I’m in tip-top shape.”
“Doing what?”
Nathan ignored Chris. “Yeah, right, Sanchez. I never hurt.”
“Again, what were you doing?” Chris asked.
Josiah ignored Chris. “So that wasn’t you bitching late last night about your arms, legs, and back, huh?”
“You were bitching right along with me.”
“Since you won’t answer me, we’ll all bitch during our workout today, and you both can show me how you’re not in pain from doing whatever I don’t want to know you were doing.” Chris smirked. “Afterwards, I don’t want to hear shit from either of you, since you’re both telling me you’re fine right now.”
“Oh, brother.” Josiah rolled his eyes. “I’m seeing ceilings in my future.”
JD looked skeptical. “What does that mean?”
“Means Chris will see how well you can defend yourself,” Nathan grinned.
Ezra remained quiet.
Buck changed the subject. “So, Kid, how do you like her house?”
“It’s huge.” JD swallowed his first mouthful of chili, and immediately started coughing. “Damn.” He reached for his soda, downing that, before grabbing the next nearest cup. It was the ice water Buck just poured for himself, and he emptied that glass too. “What’s in this? Instant fire?”
Josiah chuckled. “Secret ingredient.”
“Yeah, it’s called destroy your stomach.” Nathan took a small spoonful, careful to blow on it first. “Don’t know why I blow on it; doesn’t do any good with whatever Josiah puts in it.”
“Brother, some of the smoothest things in life have a sharp edge.”
“And you’re not repentant, are you?” Jackson shook his head. “’Course not; we all have to repent after eating this chili.”
“Usually with a magazine
and a drink in the bathroom,” Buck joked. “Fire in your mouth, even more
coming…”
“BUCK WILMINGTON!” Nina shouted, coming down the stairs.
The target of her ire grinned. He lowered his voice. “You want to talk about repenting. Josiah, here comes the instrument of vengeance.” The rogue stood, getting ready to run.
“I will not have you discussing your bodily functions in my house. I dealt with them long enough, and I don’t find them as amusing or as I once did. And they certainly aren't what I'd call aromatic.”
When she came into view, they got a good look at her. Wearing an oversized tee shirt, sweatpants, and her hair loose, she looked nothing like the neatly put together officer they were accustomed to seeing, or on the off-hours, someone who took the time to have a good appearance.
JD found her transformation the most astonishing, not realizing her hair was that long out of the confines of her work hairdo. It accentuated her pale blue eyes, but those eyes were ringed in red. She was shorter than he thought, and she looked really, really tired.
Chris saw the emotional pain in the tightness of her shoulders and the swollen eyes. He wanted to help her, but now was not the time. “Give Buck a break, Nina. You know how he boasts about his animal instincts, and I thought you knew by now how to take the animal part of it.”
“My magnetism works with the ladies, pard, and not in the bathroom.”
“Your magnetism’s not working with this one,” Nina delivered this deadpan, grabbing a plate. “As for the rest, I won’t even go there, because I want to be able to eat this meal, not run screaming from the room because of the horrible memories.”
“After you eat, you’re parking yourself on that sofa before you fall flat,” Nathan gave her a hard look. “Don’t suppose I could talk you into go back upstairs and getting some real rest?”
Nina smiled at the concern she saw in everyone’s eyes, but kept up her brave front. “Nope, it’s my party, but Nate, there’s nothing I want more than to sleep, so I’ll be fine down here. And no, Wilmington, I don’t snore. That was you waking yourself up all those years when you snorted yourself awake.”
“I don’t snore. Never have, never will.”
“Bullshit, Buck. Damn if I didn’t have to tape your nose when we were in the Navy together, or else they’d find creative and illegal places for you to sleep. Or did you forget waking up in the lifeboat that one time?”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s your story. Mine’s I don’t snore, and I’m sticking to it.”
“Whatever. Not going to argue about a proven fact.” Nina grabbed the seat next to Ezra, recently vacated by Buck. “Buck, what are you doing?” She changed the focus of the attention back onto the taller man, currently trying to sneak behind JD. While everyone stared at him, she slipped her hand under the table and squeezed Ezra’s inner thigh, high above the knee, causing the man to yelp, followed by a jump that banged his knees on the underside of the table. The entire table shook, and everyone reflexively grabbed their glasses.
By the time the men turned to Ezra to find out his problem, Nina looked like the angel of innocence as she calmly took another bite of her sandwich.
Standish, for his part, felt the grab as a declaration of war, and silently planned his retaliation.
“Ez? Got a feather in your panties?” Buck winked at the Southerner.
“Leg cramp,” Ezra blandly replied.
“I can find the heating pad if you want it,” Nina’s eyes twinkled a bit.
“That’s quite all right, my dear. I think I shall recover, barring any outside interference,” Standish gave her a significant look.
“Hmm.”
“Are you done?” Nathan stood behind Nina.
“Done what? There’s a lot of things I’ve never done, and even more that I want to do.”
“Your food, Nina. Time for you to lay down.”
“Are you sure? I should stay awake, especially because we have a guest.” The woman looked at JD.
“Our guest understands, or will understand shortly, that sleep’s one of the biggest priorities. If you’re not alert, then you’ll lose the sharpness that will keep you alive.” Chris leveled a glare at Nina. “So get that tired carcass out of that chair and sprawl it on the sofa.”
“If I wasn’t so tired, I’d probably argue with you,” Nina sighed, standing and taking her empty plate over to the trash. “JD, he’s right. Tired officers make for dead officers.”
“Darlin’, I don’t want you dead,” Buck pushed her over to her sofa, shoving her into the depths of the sectional. “So go unconscious for awhile.”
“Fine,” Nina rolled her eyes and curled up in a ball. “Wake me when Vin gets here. I want to see him.”
Ace jumped onto the sofa and curled up with her.
“You know I will, darlin’,” Buck tousled her hair deliberately, again ducking the swing aimed in his direction. Chuckling, he went back to the table, finding it clear of plates and food. “I guess we’re ready.”
“Yup,” Josiah played the banker, taking their money and changing it into chips.
Ezra dealt the first hand, and surprisingly, JD won. His face lit up as he realized he was having fun.
“Did you all hear the joke about Father Time?”
“No.”
“I’m going to regret this, but go ahead,” Chris said.
“Why does Father Time wear bandages?”
“Why?” asked Buck.
“Because day breaks and night falls.”
“That was bad, JD,” Josiah shook his head. “However, I have heard worse.”
“So tell us another one and see if you can improve your record,” Nathan grinned.
JD threw another joke out there. “Did you hear about the fly that flew through a screen door? He strained himself.”
They all groaned this time.
“Kid, I think you’re getting worse instead of better.” Buck hit him in the back of the head.
“One more.”
“I don’t know if I can take it,” Ezra smiled as he dealt.
“What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?”
“What?”
“A nervous wreck.”
“That was bad,” Josiah gave a mock-shudder.
“Ez, a snowball in the Sahara has a better chance of winning than this hand.” Buck tossed the cards down in disgust, changing the subject.
“He folds,” Ezra chuckled.
“There’s some ice cream in the freezer upstairs.” JD offered.
“Good. I’ll be back in a minute.” Buck clomped up the stairs.
“Bring bowls.”
“What am I, the slave too?”
Five voices chorused, “YES!”
When he reached the top, Buck stopped and stared at the picture table. It brought back so many memories, and so much heartache. For a minute he ran his gaze over all the pictures. Most of them contained a person or event that he was a part of too. Their lives were so intertwined at one point, a part of each other through the happy and the sad times. As he stared at the various pieces of his own past, he realized that he was starting to move on. He recognized the pull toward the familiar was really not there, and his thoughts were drifting elsewhere. He was beginning to care for someone else. A small part of him was a bit unsettled that for some reason, it did not make him as sad as it should.
Maybe something new, something different, would be good. He saw Inez’s face in his mind, remembering the feel of her, and closed his eyes.
When he opened them, the pictures were still there, and he saw the one of Nina and her grandmother.
Then he thought about her mother, and he grew angry all over again. After everyone left, he planned to talk to her, maybe work Nina out of this mood. It really scared him at how deep her depression was running this time. He’d seen her near this bad once before, but it was right after Sarah and Adam. Being depressed was understandable then. But not like this, and not now.
A burst of laughter reached him from downstairs. He smiled. He had to admit, though, that the Kid was really working on keeping everyone’s spirits light, and it was what everyone needed.
The smile faded as his gaze dropped once more and caught the shots of Vin. A small shiver ran through him, causing a twinge of apprehension. It was starting to get late, and it looked like Vin was not going to show up. Wherever the young man was, Buck said a small prayer to keep him safe.
Shaking off his musings he continued on to the kitchen. He grabbed the ice cream, bowls, and rolled his eyes while getting the special, expensive scoop Nina used. He thought it was a waste of money, but since when did wasting money bother Nina?
Sighing, Buck returned downstairs with the ice cream and something extra.
As he passed Josiah and Nathan, he dropped an ice cube down the back of their shirts.
Both yelped.
Nathan got his on the first grab and threw it at Buck.
Josiah did a dance, shaking the offending cube out through his pants leg.
“Whoa, big guy, didn’t know you could dance,” Buck grinned, keeping himself way out of harm’s way.
“Oh, he can dance, Buck,” Nathan grinned. “Should have seen him doing the twist yesterday.”
“Just like you were just doing. Or should I say Nathan ‘Michael’ Jackson?” Josiah’s eyebrows bobbed.
“Shut up.”
“You shush, brother.”
Chris grinned, turning his assessing eyes to his two usually more serious squad members. “What do we have here? Two of my men dancing? I’m guessing it was at the Spring Fling, and the reason for your ‘I’m not in pain acts’, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“Yes, indeed.”
“Did you give a good showing of yourselves?”
“Of course,” Josiah grinned. “Some of us better than others. Didn’t know Nathan had moves like that.”
“Ha! Josiah took it to the floor with his twist.”
“But I had the entire room dancing with me. You performed a solo.”
“Gentleman, as fascinating as this is, could we play?” Ezra waited for one of them to match the bet on the table.
“Hell, Ez, I can’t wait to see you dance,” Buck contemplated the Southerner. “Bet you can tear up the floor.”
“I prefer the card tables myself.”
“On top of them,” Chris said.
“I beg your pardon?” Ezra stared wide-eyed at Chris.
“Nothing, Ezra. Nothing at all.” Chris gave a significant glance over to Nina, causing the normally composed Southerner to blush.
Apparently, Larabee remembered the one party where everyone, with the exception of Nina, became highly intoxicated and started acting bizarre. By sunrise, the only people left awake were Larabee - in a grain alcohol-induced stupor (courtesy of Vin), Nina - the only sober person, and Ezra - a very happy drunk.
In their relaxed states, the bantering and teasing flew between the three. A sober Nina was trying to see how far she could draw out the usually stoic men, their inhibitions loosened by the alcohol. Chris, in trying to turn the tables on her, related a story of catching Nina getting a dancing lesson from the showgirls in the Las Vegas. Ezra began teasing and daring her to get up on the table and show them how she could ‘strut her stuff’. Never one to ignore a dare, she shot back she would if he would. Instead, a slow song began playing on the stereo, and Ezra pulled Nina up on top of the card table with him. Together, the pair shared an intense dance with a bleary-eyed audience of one. Chris almost felt like he was trespassing when he watched them, so close that not even a piece of lint could get between their bodies.
They swayed in time to the music, her head pressed against his chest, his face bent down near her neck, the fingers of one of his hands entwined in her hair. Ezra was either kissing her neck or talking softly. At the end of the song, they got closer – if possible – and then Chris belched.
He didn’t mean to – honestly.
Nina involuntarily jumped back, taking both of them off the table and landing on the floor with a solid oomph.
Ezra promptly passed out on top of her.
When Chris stopped laughing, he helped Nina get out from under his friend, move Ezra into the recliner, and then she helped him into the sofa. He remembered teasing her a little bit, joking she had a new love interest, and she told him he was a drunk and seeing things. She explained all he saw was two friends sharing a slow dance, much like the dances she and Chris shared at all the formal award banquets.
By the time he woke up, he rationalized she was right. It was just two friends dancing, the sober one watching out for the drunk one. In fact, holding him tight made sense so he wouldn’t fall off the table. Well, they fell anyway, but that was because he scared them with his belch. It made sense.
Until now. Chris sensed the dynamic was changing, and maybe in this case, change could be good. Maybe reminding Ezra of the slow dance would help kick-start the man into making a move, because he knew Nina well enough to know she would not make the first move unless encouraged. Maybe that dance was more, but he didn’t see it at the time, buying her explanations because they were what she wanted him to believe.
With the months it took to earn Ezra’s trust, Chris could understand her not making the first move. Just look how long it took her to forgive Buck after that disastrous first date. But Ezra better not sit on the sideline too long. Unless he already had made a move, judging from Ezra’s expression. And there was that hickey that he left yesterday…
“Hey, Ez, your face is turning red. Anything you want to share?” Buck winked at him. “There something to you dancing on tables?”
“Nothing at all. Mr. Dunne, do you know any more of those horrid jokes?”
“Uh, sure, Ezra.” JD cleared his throat. “Some adventurers are traveling through the jungle. They come upon a tribe of natives who take them captive. The leader of the tribe tells the men they will let them choose how they are to die. The first guy asks for a sword with which to run himself through. They give him one, and he starts to attack the tribe, but they overtake him and kill him, then use his skin for a canoe. The second one asks for a gun with which to shoot himself. They give him one, and he starts shooting at the tribe, but they overtake him, kill him, and use his skin for a canoe. The third asks for a fork, and the tribe figures, hey, how much damage can he do with a fork? So they give him one. Furiously, he starts poking himself with it. ‘To heck with your canoes!’ he exclaims.”
Everyone laughed.
Buck said, “That one’s funny, JD.”
“Thanks.” The rookie looked pleased with himself.
The cards passed around the table, and conversation fell into a pleasant pattern. But as the clock ticked off the hours, the tones started holding a note of worry.
Four came and went, and Vin did not show up.
Four thirty, and no Vin.
Five, and still no Vin.
Chris stopped speaking, falling into a moody silence. He wanted to know how his friend was, and more importantly why he wasn’t there with them. This damn assignment drove all of them nuts, and it was time that Vin was pulled. He’d talk to Travis on Monday. It had gone on long enough with little enough to show for it, in his opinion. For the benefit of the squad, he rationalized, he’d talk to Travis.
The phone rang, and everyone jumped. Seeing the brief flicker of fear and uncertainty in his friend’s faces, and wanting to get it before it woke Nina, Buck rushed to answer it. “Hello? Hey, Pete. No, she’s sleeping.” Buck walked away from the table. “Yeah, she’s upset. What’s going on?” The man reached the other side of the room, well away from the others. “Damn it, Pete, her head’s so far up her ass she’s like a camera with the lens cover glued on. Can’t see a damn thing.”
Everyone at the table shamelessly listened, but pretended not to.
Buck’s voice rose. “Pete, you know how I feel about her. I hate seeing her this way. This is worse than I’ve ever seen her. No, Pete, don’t shut me out. I tried to marry her, for God’s sake. Don’t tell me I’m not part of her family. What the fuck did Bethany do?”
There was a long pause.
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry too; I guess you want to talk to her and see if she wants me to know. I forgot for a minute that she does that. I know, Pete, and thanks. You’re like a father to me. Okay, I’ll talk to her later and we’ll see what happens. Oh, but no promises if I see Bethany first, okay? All bets are off. Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.”
Buck took a minute to calm down before he faced the others. He pasted a smile on his face when he rejoined them. “Her uncle. Family business. Did she wake up?”
“No.” Josiah shook his head.
“Good.” Buck returned the cordless phone to its cradle. His thoughts were dark, and worse because Pete called. Pete, her favorite uncle, wouldn’t just call to shoot the breeze, especially this close to a Bitch visit. Pete knew more than he was saying, but Pete also knew his niece. Hell, Buck knew Pete’s niece, but sometimes, he wondered if Pete didn’t know more about Nina than he did himself. That thought bothered him, combined with a missing Vin, and Buck’s natural good humor was buried under worries.
Josiah sighed, noticing the mood further deteriorating around the table. While the phone call wasn’t bad news, it wasn’t good news either. He ached to do something, anything, but there was nothing he could do. Nina was exhausted and sleeping, which was good for her, but now she was dealing with some type of family business, which was bad. He figured she’d talk to him later, maybe pull him aside, or they’d be sharing breakfast at the end of today’s shift.
Nathan knew something was going on, and it concerned Nina, Buck, Ezra, and Chris. Between Chris and Buck’s furtive looks full of meaning at each other, Ezra’s glances over at Nina when he thought no one was looking, and Chris constantly checking his watch, probably wondering where Vin was, he felt like there was a stick or ten of dynamite under them, waiting for the fuse to be lit. This situation was going to self-destruct if something didn’t calm it down, and he hoped maybe he could quietly talk to everyone tonight. Maybe reason with them, so that their emotions did not get them killed on the street. For now, though, he accepted the cards Ezra dealt.
Ezra flicked his wrist without the normal panache he usually used when passing out the cards. His mind was otherwise occupied with the bewitching female currently sleeping on the sofa. They kept taking steps closer and closer to each other, but not taking that final leap. Of course, every time they tried, something or someone interrupted. He was beginning to wonder if someone somewhere was trying to tell him something.
Like that night when they were dancing on the card table. He remembered a lot more than he let on, remembered kissing her neck, her soft sighs, and they would have truly kissed. A belch stopped that. It was one of the moments they did not talk about, or acknowledge, because when he woke, he was so embarrassed and insecure, he told her he remembered dancing, but that was it. Nothing after that. Last night in the park, and today at the pool house, however, were different. They both were willing. They were both sober. They both knew what they wanted. Yet again, they had those blasted interruptions.
What followed in the kitchen with the glass surprised him. Nina must keep a careful rein on her temper, he reasoned, because he never saw her throwing things before. Of course, he never witnessed an argument between Buck and Nina that was serious. Whatever happened between Nina and her mother must have been devastating, and those papers he signed gave him more of an idea than Buck probably had. But he was still disturbed about the depths of his feelings. He covered by turning introspective, using idle chatter to hide his deeper thinking. Until he and Nina could talk, or he could think things through on his own, not a trace of his rioting emotions would be transmitted to anyone.
“So, guys, what weapon is the most feared by knights?”
“Okay, I’ll play along.” Nathan sighed. “Knights as in medieval or nights as in evenings?”
“Knights, with a ‘k’.”
“A can opener.” Chris replied, folding for this hand.
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Kid, we’re going to have to work on your jokes.” Buck shook his head, appreciating what the newcomer was trying to do.
“Okay, I’ve got one more.”
“Pray tell, and don’t allow us to suffer.” Ezra passed out cards.
“What did the leopard say when it ate the man?”
“I’m afraid,” Josiah tossed in the opening bet.
“No, that’s not it. Anyone?” JD looked at all of them.
Buck rubbed a hand over his eyes, “Go ahead.”
“That hits the spot. Bah-dum-bump.” JD tapped on the felt as the chorus of groans rose from around the table.
Part Eight
The stereo started playing a Trisha Yearwood song and someone used the remote to turn it up. The song, a ballad, reached the dozing Nina and immediately sent her into a tailspin. She wanted so badly to tell them to shut it off or turn it down, but refused to do so because that would bring questions. Questions she did not want to answer, especially not in her current mood.
I was standing at the counter
I was waiting for the change
Damn. Here it came. That night so long ago when this song played in her darkest, deepest depression, a few short years before when she never felt more alone in her life. The night she was brutalized so badly that she honestly believed no one cared about her. Her family sure did not; at least the living ones; God, she missed her brother Rory. She needed him then, and she wanted him now.
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam
Had broken in my heart
All the memories rushed back, from her first meeting with the man that would forever change her life to the hazy ending that she could never bring herself to remember. Even now, she blocked out their last goodbye.
After taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted,
No going back, she thought to herself, either now or then. Nothing forward, nothing back. Just emptiness and loneliness.
Then, she had something else she did not need and it caused her significantly more harm than good. Then, she did not have these men watching out for her, protecting her. But they could only do so much.
She knew she needed to sleep, but the memories brought forth by the song refused to die, sending her thoughts wandering.
Oh hell. I forgot everything during that time a few years ago, she admitted to herself. I forgot how wonderful life could be. I existed day-to-day, not living; not even surviving; just breathing in a cold, dark place that never made me welcome. I don’t want to remember. Would someone stop my brain from functioning?
We were rolling through the Rockies
When a station out of Jackson
Played that song
“Hey Nina, let’s go on a road trip.” She remembered the invitation Buck issued when they first seriously started dating a year into their friendship.
I agreed and it was so beautiful…just us, the car, no cares, no worries, nothing but you wearing that Old West hat we found in an antique store. Somehow, you made it work for you and there I was wearing a tank top and shorts, freezing cold at that altitude and snuggled against you for warmth. Your arm felt wonderful around me, and I felt cherished for the first time in my life. Do you miss holding me like I miss being held? Like we were one soul split into two bodies? How we were inseparable when we were together? Too much has changed between us to go back to those innocent times. Even cuddling now is different; something’s missing, we’re not connected like before. I feel it…do you?
And the moment seemed to freeze
Well, you sang. I tried, but my singing killed the moment, so you held your hand over my mouth. I have a horrible singing voice. You loved me anyway, and I loved you, so poof, none of it mattered. You sang to me in your rich voice and it felt wonderful…made me believe anything was possible. Anything was, wasn’t it?
And there was a God in Heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and in love
And we were easy to convince
It was so nice then. Having you beside me, being in love, the rest of the world be damned. Chris and Sarah were so happy too, but expecting Adam any day so they could not come…it was so good. I kept thinking I don’t want this to end. Why did it have to end, Buck?
Her eyes teared up and she moved her hand to them, wiping away the moisture and hoping no one would notice.
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I had forgotten all about it
The song remembers when
We stopped for a picnic on the side of the road in the bushes. In the bushes, of all places, but I didn’t care because we were together. It was right. It was wonderful…and now it’s all coming back and it hurts, Buck, it hurts so much that it would not work between us. Would someone please turn off the song?
And we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken
Though I can’t recall just why
The song remembers when
This is why I don’t want to remember, Buck, because it depresses me. We said goodbye because of tragedy and because it just was not working anymore. We could not hold it together no matter how hard we tried, and now this damn song is reminding me exactly what happened afterward. When you tried keeping Chris from falling apart even further than he was and things happened…and I just could not face either of you. I still can’t, some days . . .oh God, this is one of them. I know I’m tired and that makes me think. I hate thinking. Especially in the wake of my mother’s visit. I shouldn’t be around people at all right now. Why did I ever agree to host this?
Well, for all the miles between us
Damn. I heard this song that night, you know. The night I nearly ate my gun. You didn’t know that about me, did you? Would it shock you to know I honestly wanted to kill myself? I hated myself, I hated my life. Hell, I hated everything. I was drunk and did not care. I’m never going to tell you any of this. Have I gotten any farther than I was in Nevada? I’m still not married, and I still have a screwed up family that makes me feel like dirt. And I still love you although I know we can’t be more than close friends. That we can only give each other comfort because we can’t stand seeing the other hurt, or because we can’t fall asleep without someone there, or a rare night of fun. And I want to find somebody new but that’s hard to do with my career. I shouldn’t get involved with someone I work with; I’ve been down that road before. No, that’s just an excuse. I could date someone I work with if I didn’t let…things…interfere. It’s because of my past . . .my family. I don’t know how to be with someone . . . for always. How screwed up am I?
And I hope my hasty heart
I slid down the wall and stared at my gun, Buck. I stared at it and wanted to end it all. So I reviewed my pitiful, pathetic life to that point and surprise, I thought about you. I thought about what you were doing, where you were, and I thought about the whole thing from the moment we met until when we parted. I wondered if you would care if I died. I wondered if you ever found the love that proved so elusive to you, the love I found I could not give you. I finally knew what I had to give would never be enough for you, no matter how hard I tried, so I took another drink from that whiskey bottle, another swig of courage. I was ready to go, Buck. I doubted you would have cared. You never checked up on me once. Yes, I was the one that left, but I finally called you and left a message. I guess you didn’t want to talk to me because you never called back. Which hurt more, making me hate my life even more than I already did. What stopped me from pulling that trigger?
But that’s a lot of water
underneath the bridge I’ve burned
And there’s no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
I don’t know what stopped me. No, I do know. Vin. He saved me that night, and he’s saved me more times than I care to count. Did you know that? We saved each other. He stopped me from pulling the trigger by just being there. I didn’t even know him, and he stopped me from committing suicide. He did something else, too. He renewed my exhausted supply of hope. That wonderful man offered me hope that things could change, that they could get better, and gave me the strength to keep fighting. I wanted to quit, and he wouldn’t let me.
I just could not do it because of him. Now I’m better, but I’m not perfect. And depression still kicks my butt every once in a while. Like today. I’m tired, I got news I can’t cope with from my family, and I don’t want to be around anybody. Especially you, Buck, because I lean on you so much and I can’t be what you want. Too many things happened that it’s not possible. Why is it so difficult, Buck? Can you tell me why?
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten
This is why I hate this song. It makes me remember all of it and I can’t deal with it now. Maybe I’ll just lay here and try not to sob so anyone can hear me. Maybe a good cry is what I need to wash it all away, and things will be clearer once I let it go. All of those damn memories reminding me of what could have been. I hear all of you laughing and playing poker, wishing I had the energy to join you, but I just can’t do it. I’m too depressed. Why do I have to go through this?
It sure does. The song’s finally over. Maybe I can get some peace now and drive the memories back into that dark hole they belong in. They never should come out to begin with. Hopefully, no one noticed.
Ezra surreptitiously watched Nina. He knew she had not fallen entirely asleep as she pretended, so he kept a watchful eye on her. He saw her stiffen when this song started, and realized it bothered her. The shoulders slowly relaxed as it ended and he saw her shift slightly, looking through half closed eyes at the poker table and men gathered around it.
She felt the eyes on her and looked up right into Ezra’s green, penetrating gaze. Damn, the man could probably see she’d been crying. He said nothing, arching an unobtrusive eyebrow in her direction, a silent question, ‘Are you okay’?
Nina managed a small smile and shrugged a little, giving him an indication she was there but probably not at one hundred percent. He nodded slowly before giving her a wink and distracting the others with a long-winded outrageous sentence. All this in order for her to get herself back together before anyone noticed.
Speaking of trying not to be noticed, Nina bit back a weak smile. Buck was feeding Ace some of Josiah’s chili, hoping for the normal effect of spicy food on the police canine. Ezra would probably kill him if he caught him, or after the first scenting. But it was funny to watch; Ezra was distracting them for her, while Buck faked paying attention and coughing to cover the fact Ace loved the chili, and was eating with gusto.
A new song played on the radio.
It’s over. That song’s over and the memories are fading without the music to help them come back. Damn it, Vin, where are you? If I ever needed to talk to you, now’s the time. I think I’m doing something I haven’t done for awhile, falling for someone, and it scares the crap out of me. I want to talk to you about it.
He’s sitting over there, he’s watching me, and my heart’s beating a crazy rhythm just thinking about him. I’ve got to straighten my life out, and I have to start with my family. Get all that squared away, and then I can deal with my feelings about Ezra. It’s not fair to him to be dragged into this insanity; I just have to get the rest of it cleaned up. Maybe there’s another reason for me to live, and it’s one that I never considered.
Where are you, Vin? What are they doing to you now? I can’t lose you too. Since you’re not here, I know you’re not coming. I’ll look for you tonight. I hope I find you. I just need to know you’re okay. You’re my anchor, Vin. The one constant I can depend on in this crazy life, because we faced hell separately and together. We dealt with the biggest threat this town’s ever seen, and we kicked his ass right out of Dodge. He hasn’t come back because he knows we’re here, and we won’t let him. But I’m not as strong without you. Where are you, Vin? And what are you doing?
Vin stood under the steamy shower spray, relishing the moment. It felt wonderful, just one of the small things he missed since starting this assignment. The current hellhole he called his apartment seldom offered anything close to hot water. It was a rare blessing to be able to take a lukewarm shower at best. He let the hot water flow over the back of his bare shoulders and neck, the moist heat easing the tension he was sure had set up permanent residence there of late. Dunking his head under the spray one last time, he reluctantly reached down and turned off the faucets. He ran his hands over his face and back through the tangled wet hair, squeezing as much excess liquid out as he could.
Stepping from the shower stall, he grabbed one of the thick green bath towels, dried off quickly, and then wrapped it around his trim waist. He stood before the sink, staring at his fuzzy image in the steamed over mirror. Picking up one of the hand towels laid out on the counter, he wiped the mirror clear. His gaze fell to the long dark bruise still visible, and still sorely felt along his right side. He drew his arm up over his head, stretching the abused muscle and wincing as the pulling still brought a hint of pain. If nothing else, it was a visible reminder not to get too use to the luxurious surroundings he was being tempted with here.
McBride was right when he said he treated his employees well. Well, at least he was a spider who treated his flies well, filling his web with all the amenities, and then some. The room he assigned to Tanner was more than half the size of his whole apartment. Hell, his apartment was a shithole compared to this. Ain’t no use in callin’ his place anything but a shithole, he thought to himself. Here, at McBride’s, this room was comfortably furnished in subtle earth tones, with a fair size bath attached. The unexpected stay was no problem, as his host provided an assortment of toiletries, including a new toothbrush and razor for his use. Not caring to linger with the haunted image the mirror reflected back at him, he made quick use of the items provided to finish ‘freshening up’.
Taking one of the small hand towels with him to continue towel drying his damp hair, Vin walked back into the bedroom. He stopped just inside the room as his eyes raked over the interior. Sensing it before he fully entered, he knew someone had been in the room. First thing he noticed was that his clothes were gone. In the place where he left them on the bed was a new set of clothes, down to the brown pair of dress shoes on the floor by the bed.
He moved to the dresser, checking the few items he left there. His wallet, watch, and odd amount of change was still there. All there, but it had been moved just the tiniest bit, so he knew his wallet was searched. They wouldn’t find anything; he couldn’t believe they would think he was that stupid. But considering the caliber of Bellows and his crew, they might think he was that stupid, with more attitude than brains.
The only concern he had was his car. Some sixth sense must have spoken to him the night before, because he removed his notebook and other investigative tools out of the vehicle. The only things they would find, if they were able, would be the hidden compartments. Having them should be no problem, since he was supposed to be in the drug carrier business, and would be expected to have them. Unless they found the tape recorder, but he was still confidant even that would remain undetectable. Chanu and he worked hard on that, and spent hours on its installation.
Walking to the window he looked out, knowing it overlooked the back of the house with the pool and garage. Glancing to see if the Mustang was still parked in the driveway, he noticed a black limousine parked behind it. Not thinking anything of it, he turned back into the room, only to look back when a movement toward the car caught his eye. Watching the group, he saw McBride along with three other men. The tall, silver haired man beside the Irishman made his mouth go dry.
James
They'd always suspected the man was behind the some of the illegal activity in the county but could never prove it. A close friend of the former Sheriff, he'd been well protected in his illicit activities, though most people never knew it. It took Lucas, his foolish nephew, murdering a local storeowner to bring some of their illicit businesses to light. Unfortunately, the boy went to prison not only for that murder, but for the murder of Stephen Travis as well. The only problem with that is that there were plenty of people who didn't believe that story, including Stewart James himself. He knew his nephew was set up for the Travis murder and by whom. However, Stewart’s expensive lawyers made sure the boy couldn’t be questioned on any other activities or associates as part of the plea bargain agreement, so the investigation hit a brick wall again. Although that Sheriff wouldn't help get the evidence to convict the right person, it was the beginning of the end for the sheriff's reign of power. Or terror, however one looked at it.
Vin watched the group reach the limo. McBride shook Stewart James' hand, before the man took his leave and climbed inside the vehicle. He knew just seeing him here wasn't enough proof for anything, but it was a start. Along with the hope that he was moving in the right direction to get to the major players came the realization that there was still a lot of work to do.
He moved to the bed and reluctantly dressed in the clothes provided. Taking the towels back in the bathroom, he tossed them on the counter. McBride would have someone in here soon enough to get them. Grabbing up a brush, he ran it through his still damp hair to put it in some order. Going back into the bedroom, he grabbed up the items on the dresser, and headed for the door while fastening the watch on his wrist.
Opening the door, he met one of the brawny bookends from earlier. "You got stuck with babysittin' duty, huh, Bruno?"
The guard did not look amused.
"Well lead on to the shindig," Vin splayed his hands out in front of him.
The guard nodded his head, directing Vin down the hall toward the stairs, and indicated he should go in that direction. Eyeing the man warily, Tanner turned and moved off ahead of the bodyguard. He felt as if the man's gaze was burning a hole in his neck. Every few seconds he would turn his head like he was admiring the furnishings, checking on the hands of his escort.
Going downstairs, they continued to the back of the house and through the kitchen to the door Vin first entered. Exiting the house, Vin was led to the left towards the patio and pool area. Already several people were gathered around. A long table was set up against the back of the house, laden with a wide variety of fruits, salads, cheeses and breads. The tempting aroma that was filling the air came from the far end, where two white-coated kitchen staff were pulling various meats and grilled vegetables off a large grill and adding them to the table.
As they walked toward the patio, McBride, Roland and the other bookend met them. McBride smiled at Vin. Tanner thought it was a bit predatory, but the other man gave no indication of the guest he’d escorted off.
"So did you find everything to be satisfactory?"
"You make it real comfortable," Vin said, and then looked sideways at his guard. "Except fer the shadow."
"Just protecting my investment," McBride smiled. "But you will find my employees have few complaints." The host gestured toward the buffet. "Please feel free to help yourself. I have a phone call to take care of, and then I will join you."
Not waiting for an answer from Tanner, the Irishman moved off back toward the house. Vin looked at the hulk beside him. "Bet this is just a snack to ya?"
Vin sat back in the pool chair, content to watch the activity around him. True to his word, McBride returned and joined him for the meal, introducing him to several employees, and to a few he called minor business associates. However, the man remained closed mouth about anything to do with the job the next day, or about the recently departed guest. After the meal, he left again, stating he had more business to attend to, apologizing for the interruptions, but would be returning shortly. As Vin watched him walk away, he had no doubt that James was the one pulling the man’s strings, but it was just a small piece of a much larger puzzle. Seeing James added another piece to the collection, and that helped matters considerably. If Jennings worked for McBride, and McBride answered to Stewart, then Stewart’s not-so-modest wealth made sense, giving the amount of drug trafficking just Vin’s crew did. Throw in the other crews, and that was serious money, along with the proposed automatic weapons, the ability to move things through the area easily, and that made Stewart a powerful man.
He turned around, looking for other sources of information, information that could be overheard just by being here. There were about thirty people gathered around the pool, some Vin recognized in his recent dealings with Roland. Most he just met tonight, including the dozen or so women that were McBride’s special guests. Some of them looked to be professional party guests perhaps even escorts. Stretched out in his chair, his feet crossed at the ankles in front of him, he rested his bottle of beer on his stomach. In the pool, he watched about ten of the guests play a lively game of water volleyball.
His mind churned, hashing out all the scenarios that might play out tomorrow when he did the ‘job’ for McBride. In his mind, none of them featured a happy ending with the good guys winning. A stereo played in the background, loudly carrying across the yard because of the strategically placed speakers, and soon Vin found his mind drifting to the music, especially when a familiar tune started playing.
I was waiting for the change
Closing his eyes as if in pain, the memories came rushing in.
Damn! When did I get so sentimental over just hearing a silly song? Hell! That’s easy ta answer; when I stumbled into this town and found my soul. Least that’s what it felt like. Like I’d been a empty shell wanderin’ around, not really carin’ ‘bout nothin’ till I got here and met these people.
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam
Had broken in my heart
Tried real hard to keep to my self and keep from feelin’ much of anythin’. Done been hurt enough, first Ma dyin’ the way she did. Don’t remember much, ‘cept it left a big hole in my heart, and I still miss her. Then havin’ ta leave the reservation cause they – them do-gooder social workers and military busybodies - couldn’t find my dad, and they said it wasn’t right me livin’ there, because them folk said that they – the people that took me in, treated me like kin, weren’t my kind. Kojay was certainly more my kind than all them so- called Christian families they kept puttin’ me with. Livin’ with those families certainly did make me feel kindly toward my kind – Kojay and his people.
After taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even if I wanted,
I could not find my way back
Sure, I didn’t make it easy on anyone. Yep, I was a regular pain...in...the...ass! Finally placed me in this one place, what they called the last resort, ‘fore they shipped me to an orphanage hell somewhere. But there was one person that just kept at me till damn, if she didn’t break down them walls I was tryin’ ta hide behind. Nettie. Hell, that woman could probably wrestle a bear without breakin’ a sweat. Yep, she made me remember what is was like . . .belongin’ somewhere, havin’ someone give a damn. Woman saved my life, and I sure didn’t want to go back to what I was . . .to the hell I made for myself.
After driving out the memory
After I’d forgotten all about us
The song remembers when
Vin took another sip of his beer, bringing his hand up to his forehead and rubbing his temples, as if to drive off a headache. Most of the time, his memories were happy, or bittersweet, but there were those that plagued him, like now. The ones that tore him apart, because he’d learn to open his heart again and once again suffered tremendous pain. Pain from losing someone he cared about.
Shouldn’t of run. It just hurt too much losin’, and then…her. I know Nettie pushed me to leave, but I don’t think she really wanted me too. I know she was scared of what might have happened if I stayed. Think she was afraid of losin’ me too. I certainly wasn’t bein’ much help ta anyone then, couldn't even think straight fer myself.
We were rolling through the Rockies
When a station out of Jackson
Played that song
I couldn’t stay away though, I knew things were left unfinished, and I needed to get back to help. It was just in time too. At least I was able to save Nina. Damn lucky there, helpin’ her get over that night, and listenin’ to her hysterical, almost incoherent ramblin’s . . .she’d already had enough heartache in her life. She certainly didn’t deserve what that bastard did to her.
Got her talking about good things, and made her smile…once. Then she talked about him. Hurt my own heart to listen to her talk about the guy she loved but lost, her first…and true love. Small world; the guy shows up here just after she started putting her life back together.
Vin heaved a deep sigh and dropped his head back on the chair.
God what a change ta my life that brought. Meetin’ Buck and Chris. Especially Chris. Then fallin’ in with the rest. Damn I miss them.
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music up and sang along
It just seemed like we were all meant to be. Got along together right from the start. Sure, we disagreed. Hell, downright fought at times, but I guess the best of families do that. Yep, that’s what it felt like. Bein’ part of family again. Wonder if I’ll ever get that feelin’ back.
Vin took the last sip from his beer and set the bottle down on the table next to him.
“Can I get you another one?”
He started a bit in surprise that his thoughts had allowed someone to get so close to him without realizing he had company. He looked up at the slender young woman standing by his chair. She had light red hair that fell past her shoulders in thick, loose waves and bright blue eyes that were twinkling at him as she smiled down at him. The blue bikini she wore left little to imagine of the rest of her charms.
As his mouth went suddenly dry, he looked at his empty bottle on the table then back up at the woman, “Reckon I could use another one.”
She smiled at him, obviously pleased. He remembered she’d watched him with heated interest earlier, probably intrigued to find out about the new employee. “Be right back then.”
And there was a God in Heaven
And the world made perfect sense
We were young and in love
And we were easy to convince
Aw.....hell! Vin silently cursed to himself as he watched the girl walk away.
She reminds me of her. Looks sort a like her. That’s a road I don’t like ta go down. Screwed up really bad. Weren’t a kid...but damn, if I didn’t act like one in a candy shop. Ain’t never had a woman comin’ on ta me like she did. I could hear Buck, if he knew, which he don’t and won’t if I can help it, say ‘like a moth to a flame, man can’t help himself sometimes’.
We were headed straight for Eden
It was just around the bend
And though I had forgotten all about it
The song remembers when
Charlotte...try real hard not to think about her...or what a damn fool I was, and made of myself. Surprised Nettie forgave me, but she understood. Said she was just worried about me, didn’t want to see me hurt. Too late, already was. Dumb kid like me couldn’t help but fall in love with a woman like that. She was so excitin’, just made me feel like I was really somethin’.
And we must have said goodbye
And my heart must have been broken
Though I can’t recall just why
The song remembers when
Vin snorted at the memory of the disastrous love affair.
Yeah, I was somethin’ all right...a damn fool. Found out all she was doin’ was usin’ me. Like the greenhorn I was, I just fell right into her trap. And look what it cost me.
Well, for all the miles between us
You would think I haven’t gotten very far
Didn’t give myself much hope after that, that’s why I ran. That’s what I was doin’ - runnin’ ta forget the hurt. Runnin’ to forget what I did. Didn’t help, the pain went right along with me. I never thought I’d be able to look at Nettie again, or feel good about myself. But I came back and look at what happened. Nettie made me see it weren’t my fault what happened. I got ta know the real Nina, I met the guys later, and I got a second chance at a life I’d never even dared to dream. Even found Kojay and my blood brother Chanu, along with the rest of the people that helped raise me. The ones that instilled values in me, the ones I forgot about for awhile. Hell, they made me more of the man I am now than any of those other assholes I stayed with. Course ya never know what ya had till ya live without it for a while. Just hope I get the chance to tell them what they mean to me.
And I hope my hasty heart
Charlotte, I can’t help but wonder about ya every once in while. Can’t help it, you changed my life so much. Ya changed how I look at people now before I trust them. I heard you lost your daughter. I’m sorry ‘bout that. I know the loss of your child might be the one thing that would touch that cold, traitorous heart of yours. That’s bad; I shouldn’t think things like that, and even though you’re not here, I’m sorry. I know how much you loved her. That’s why you did some of the things ya did, tryin’ for a better life for her. Don't know why ya couldn't see what a good life ya already had? Why'd you have to get mixed up with him?
But that’s a lot of water
Underneath the bridge I’ve burned
And there’s no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
Know a lot of that weren’t yer fault either. Ya were used too, ya just refused ta see it. Wonder if ya ever have. If you realize the type of man ya sold your soul too. And ya tried taking a piece of my soul along the way.
I ain’t proud of what I did then, but I’m tryin’ to make things right now. Don’t know if I can, but I know I’ve got to try. Just hope the price ain’t too high.
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten
uess you can’t run from the past, and things I just rather not remember. Wonder if Chris and the guys could forgive me if they knew. Nina, hell, there ain’t many secrets between us, we forgave each other years ago. Reckon it’ll come back to bite me in the butt one day, that affair with Charlotte. They probably won’t think much of me then. Maybe what I’m tryin’ to do won’t make up for everythin’. Maybe that bastard’ll win anyway.
Vin watched the girl walk back toward him, a bottle of beer in one hand and a tall glass of some sort of fruit drink in the other. The memories flashed through his mind, like his life flashing before his eyes.
He thought of the other place he’d like to be right now . . . with his friends. The poker game was going on, and he knew they would start to worry about him. Being there would reassure them, make them a little less uneasy. Hell, it would make him a whole lot less uneasy to be surrounded by friends rather than all these fake smiles hiding barracudas and sharks under the masks. That wasn’t to be, though. He had a job to do, one he knew he wasn’t looking forward to, and he was sure he wouldn’t like the outcome. He only hoped he had the courage to pull the trigger, because if he backed out, they would cut him out, if not kill him. It just depended…so much depended…aw, hell.
His thoughts turned dark, even as he smiled when the woman sat down beside him and handed him his beer. If this turns out bad…wonder if my friends will hear a song and remember.
A song to remember when.
To remember me.