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When I was a painfully shy girl, I had big, big dreams of one day becoming a hermit. Yes, a hermit. I would live in a wooden shack buried deep in some overgrown forest. My only worldly possession would be my prized typewriter upon which I would type away, day in and day out. My life would have one driving purpose…it would be focused on emptying my thoughts, thereby cleansing my mind and freeing my soul. Words. They were the key. Words expressed have always set me free. They still do. So, in honour of the child in me, Chrystal’s Corner will be a “safe haven” for my writings about anything and everything in the form of poems, blurbs, passages, etc., etc…please scroll down for newer entries (2008) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You have never really laughed, not until you have really cried. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A NEW CHAPTER No spoken promises now. No written guarantees that what once was, will again be so… and I get down on my knees. I cling to my memories of yesterday, dreading the day when uncertain tomorrow comes. As always, weariness has a say… and I fall asleep to the sound of fading drums. I dream such hearty, rose-coloured happiness that in reality is so hard to feel… for in this world rules weepy sadness, diagnosed truth, that makes fear so real. Fate has no conscience, and it always gets its way. But when I shut my eyes, I see only what I want to see. In the grey abyss between life and death, my spirit lies… in waiting. A new chapter of a carefully woven destiny gently unfolds in silken scenes filled with laughter… and my soul rejoices, a wronged prisoner finally set free. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do not wait until you or someone you know is diagnosed to join the fight to find a cure. Cancer. It already is personal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As long as illnesses abound for which cures have not been found, it will never be too late to donate to volunteer to spread some cheer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 13 1/2 YEARS AGO – ACCEPTING YOUR OWN TRUTHS 13 ½ years ago, Multiple Sclerosis was known as a “White Man’s Disease”. If you were not white and you were diagnosed, you were informed by the nurse on duty that you must have had a white ancestor somewhere along the line. 13 ½ years ago, a diagnosis of MS did not warrant your then-neurologist saying more than, “You have Multiple Sclerosis”, and promptly turning on his heels and walking out of your hospital room without any regard as to whether you knew what Multiple Sclerosis was. 13 ½ years ago, if your hand coordination had been affected, you were told by the occupational therapist that you would need to re-learn how to write even though the real problem was that you could not grip or manipulate a writing instrument, and not that you had forgotten how to write. Thankfully, the ability to write returned fully intact when you went into remission and regained control of your fingers. 13 ½ years ago, you could look forward to the same occupational therapist taking you to visit a 'showroom' in the hospital which displayed how one could have their home adapted to make it suitable for a disabled person. Ramps and bars everywhere. All implications pointed to this being your destiny. You would thank God that your destiny was not others’ to dictate. 13 ½ years ago, you would hear derisive laughter and a definitive “NO!” when you asked your then-neurologist whether MS could have first reared its ugly head in your life many years before this first documented attack and subsequent diagnosis - in the form of depression. N.B. Nearly just as many years later you have it confirmed that this was and is entirely possible. In fact, the MS Society of Canada developed an education series about “MS and Depression”, and you would be invited to speak on the panel. Finally, you would share your own truth with other MSers! 13 ½ years ago, you were adamantly told that MS did not cause eye pain or back pain. In fact, it was made very clear that MS caused no pain. You were led to believe that the excruciating pain you were experiencing was all in your mind. N.B. Nearly just as many years later, pain has been recognized and acknowledged as a symptom of MS. The MS Society of Canada has also developed an education series about “MS and Pain”. 13 ½ years ago, you were advised very strongly to avoid any and all stress. You were told that the career you were pursuing, in Hotel and Convention Management, was no longer possible because of the stress involved. Four years later, after a series of personal enrichment-type courses shook your world and your being, you took up stand-up comedy…regardless of the known fact that public speaking is said to be feared more than death itself (stressful???)…regardless that you yourself have always feared and avoided public speaking. Once you began performing stand-up comedy you would feel so a-l-i-v-e and a part of this world, for the very first time in your whole life. 13 ½ years ago, your then-neurologist would say “Before MS, you could reach this high.” (His hand gesturing way above his head.) “Now,” he would continue, “you can only reach this high.” (His hand gesturing way below his knee.) Four years later, you had some gestures that you would have loved to show him too!! 13 ½ years ago, all hope was taken away from you…until you realized that it was you who had allowed it to be taken away…and you would then allow yourself to regain every bit of hope you had lost, and more. 13 ½ years ago, ‘You’ was ‘Me’ and I thankfully soon realized that I needed to accept my own truths. 13 ½ years later, I know that I am in a far better state of health than I would have been had I doubted myself and believed instead in the so-called ‘truths’ and prognosis of some others. Accept your own truths. Especially when they come God-wrapped in hope. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FLIP “I will strive to always say and do anything and everything from a place of Faith, Love and Peace.” (A promise from me to you that I will strive to keep, but I am human and I will likely slip from time to time. Please do call me up on it when I slip, because I really would much rather flip.) Spread the word. Make it your pledge or promise. Live the FLIP mission. Let us positively affect and make a difference in each other’s lives. Together, we can FLIP this world into a happier, healthier state!! A few ways to FLIP… Pray and/or meditate Be good to yourself Be good to others Volunteer Spread faith Give hope Show love Smile Laugh Do not judge others Forgive Be fully present Extend yourself Perform random acts of kindness Compliment at least 10 people a day Go the extra mile Laugh again…and again…and again Smile at a stranger Support a Fundraiser Visit the sick/elderly Don’t indulge in gossip Give the benefit of the doubt Listen to the music you enjoy Share a laugh Push the envelope a little Do not litter Avoid stereotyping Did I mention…laugh? Lend a hand Do not jump to conclusions Pay it forward Really listen to what people say to you – no, I mean REALLY listen …add your own ways and run with them! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I WILL ALWAYS ASK WHY It breaks my heart to see children faced with illness, desperately having to fight with every fibre of their being, to simply live. I have heard and even known some of the many. Each one strong, brave, hopeful. Their stories have been so admirable, so inspiring, so…WRONG. And I will always ask WHY? Why should children have to be anything but children – healthy, carefree, innocent, joyful? Why should children have to carry the burden of sickness, pain, suffering? Why should children have to be examples, role models and mentors, instead of the little Cinderella or Sponge Bob they might normally and happily imagine they are? Why should children be robbed of the life they so desperately want to live? Why should children have to bear the weight of the mighty lesson their plight will teach the rest of us, the lesson being…Never to take the blessing of life for granted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SPRING Time does not wait. Yesterday is always too late. Spring is here and yet it is hard not to remember that not long ago so was cold Winter. The future seems brighter, and you feel so much lighter. Every hand that you shake will be that of a friend who will smile and laugh with you until Summer’s end. Hope is reborn as the sun in the morn’, to give sight when darkness loses its fight. Mountains to climb, rivers to cross. Any challenge now so easy to accomplish. Gardens and vases with flowers aplenty. Today and tomorrow no longer empty. And if a tear, know I cry in happiness until Fall approaches, and then in sadness. For now I live as never before and never again, until it is Spring once more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ON DANCING?? If by chance I should shuffle my feet in dance, can it not be overlooked – the fact that the scene does not conform with the act? Or should I say…my ears hear a particular tune, but my limbs another, and so I wear a winter cap and scarf in June. I mean…what if lightning should strike my feet and I begin to salsa to the beat of of a rhumba, or fox trot to a merengue? Can it not be enough that I simply enjoy waltzing to funk since that is all that my feet can manage? Must I jive whenever you do? Oh, I know it’s not a matter of personal preference but an issue of art, and I agree in all reverence. But even the poor, you know, dream what they cannot afford. And without me to watch the other wallflowers would be so bored. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT COMEDY AND LAUGHTER? When I first became ill and was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, one of the worst things for me was the sense that I no longer had control over my mind, my emotions, my body, my life or my future, and that MS was now in charge. By taking up stand-up comedy and making a deliberate effort to look for "the funny" and alter my perspective on life experiences, I feel that I have taken back some control. Instead of allowing situations to get the better of me, I can get the better of situations - through and with laughter. I believe in the healing and invigorating power of laughter, for I have reaped its many benefits in my own life. Now I am simply trying to spread the feeling of well-being that humour and laughter create, whenever and wherever I can. I have not overcome MS, but neither has it overcome ME, although it fights me daily for more control. I do know that as long as I am able to laugh at it, I will be able to live with it. "He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." - Job 8:21 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you noticed that when people say, "To make a long story short...", it is usually too late? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MEET YOU AT THE DOOR... Tomorrow is not a guarantee. I will tell you what is a guarantee…life as we know it today, will suddenly change one day and never again be the same. I do not wish this for you, me or anyone else, but I guarantee it will happen. Surely you see this too. No one seems to go through life with their health completely intact. It is inevitable, as unavoidable as aging and dying. Keeping that in mind, I implore you now as you stand healthy and strong...please do not close any doors that you would not wish closed on you by society when you find yourself walking in the shoes some of us are already currently wearing. You see, for some of us it has happened already…once, twice and many more times, affecting specific areas, different areas, and maybe even all areas of our being and life. "There, but for the grace of God, go I." We have heard this phrase so many times and we have proclaimed it even more times. Does the grace of God have a time limit? No. We have all been wrong. Those free of illness are not so because of the saving grace of God. The sick are not so because God's saving grace ran out for them. So why are more and more people being diagnosed with illnesses? Perhaps to help us all finally realize that the grace of God is not selective and has no limit...it is a constantly available blessing - one door that will never remain shut to any of us...we only need to knock and the door will be opened, seek and we shall find, ask and we shall receive. Perhaps to remind us not to take life for granted. Perhaps to enable us to walk in some other’s shoes, become aware of hardships once so foreign to us, and begin to count the many blessings in our lives. Perhaps to bring us and those who pray for us closer to God in faith. Perhaps to bring family, relatives, friends and even total strangers together in united prayer. Perhaps to introduce us to our own inner strength fueled by God's love. Perhaps to propel us to new heights in His name. Perhaps so we can fight the status quo and make a positive difference for the others to come. Perhaps it is the only way to reach us, to humble us, to change us and to save us...all of us, the afflicted and the unafflicted. What a blessing. The reason does not matter. The effect is all that counts. The essence of who we are does not remain untouched when changes of such magnitude occur. How can it? Some of us have become angry, bitter, sad and troubled, whether temporarily or permanently. Then there are those of us who have been led through the maze of despair, our being now enhanced by new-found appreciation for life and its many rich blessings. Many of us have grown in faith, hope, strength and defiance, more determined by each blow to triumph. What is the effect of our trials on you...on a professional level as a potential employer deciding whether or not to hire an otherwise perfectly suitable candidate for the job...on a human level as a fellow being choosing whether to be inclusive or exclusive...on a health level as a physician determining the kind of prognosis to give a patient...on a conscience level as a politician or any other key figure with power to monitor, make and/or change policies that affect a citizen's (whether adult or child) access to good, unbiased healthcare, services and coverage of necessary drugs which have been adequately monitored and properly prescribed with the only acceptable "kickback" being health improvement of the patient...on a spiritual level as a Christian, ever-conscious of whether you are allowing or preventing Christian beliefs and values to positively influence your decisions on all levels, including those listed above. How wide do you open doors to those afflicted with ailments - whether physical, mental, social or spiritual? Please do not represent in thought, speech or behaviour, a society that often turns into a curse what God intended as a blessing. Please help us to open doors wider so that forever-with-the-grace-of-God, we all can pass through...you, me and all the many others. Meet you at the door... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Guard your health. Take an active role in your own health care. Not just your physical health care, but your spiritual, emotional, mental and social health care as well. Regularly attend to, heal and strengthen each of these areas in order to maximize total health, well-being and quality of life. Do what you can to preserve your health now, today...NOT tomorrow. Stop doing whatever you are doing if it may harm your health. Do not, for even one moment, take your health for granted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ VOICE FROM THE GRAVE He wrote me a prescription, said it would make my life better. His words were pure fiction, right down to the last letter. It can cause what it purports to cure, the accompanying literature states. Oh and it did, in a strength so pure the overpowering ‘medicinal’ traits raised me up then thrust me downward into the deepest of depressions. Lost, devastated and addicted. Too high. The price was too high in cost that I had to pay. It is not a crime to manufacture or peddle a pill whose bad far outweighs its good, and in time many of us, it will surely kill. For the young people and the not-so-young people suffering from depression, who were prescribed medication which exacerbated their torment and drove them to take their own lives. May our loving and forgiving Lord bless them and eternally grant them the peace they sought in life but could never find. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bigoted storekeeper's motto: "The customer is always white." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 27, 2008...WITHIN 5 TO 10 YEARS... wait. Wait. WAIT! Within? Before? During? After? Now? Tomorrow? Next week? WHEN????? WHY????????? A shock. A prayer. A timeline. A prayer. A prognosis. A prayer. A warning. A prayer. A thrashing. A prayer. A prediction. A prayer. A probability. A prayer. A mystery. A prayer. An ultimatum. A prayer. A lure. A prayer. A ruse. A prayer. A promise. A prayer. A threat. A prayer. A consequence. A prayer. A choice. A prayer. A gamble. A prayer. A hunch. A prayer. A nightmare. A prayer. A hurricane. A prayer. A dare. A prayer. A struggle. A prayer. A challenge. A prayer. A pummeling. A prayer. A defeat. A prayer. A resurgence. A prayer. A realization. A prayer. A descent. A prayer. A wish. A prayer. An answer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Children are so precious, as are the things they say. I remember my Godson/Nephew spending the night as a 3-year old. I asked him if he wanted to sleep on the left side or the right side of the bed. My little poppet replied, "I want to sleep in your arms." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The truth can hurt sometimes, and whether it is your truth or another's does not even make a difference. Be careful when choosing which truth to believe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If at times my writing sounds sorrowful, terrified or even bitter, that is likely exactly how I felt when I 'put pen to paper'. Please do not begrudge me my weakest moments for it is then that I pray the hardest and feel closest to God. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I asked for prayers, not preyers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am severely allergic to MLM products and pyramid schemes. I break out in skepticism, cynicism and every other negative "ism" there is. Over the years I have had equally harsh reactions to prescribed medicines after having faced some of the most unbearable side effects. And so I offer this unsolicited advice to any who read this posting. Please do your own independent research into any product/drug/supplement, the possible side effects and the subsequent remedies for treating them, etc., before purchasing and using anything that may actually prove to be more harmful. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Shhhh. I am counting. What am I counting? The many blessings in my life. At the top of the list...my darling family, relatives, friends and all who have touched my life in one way or another. I am so grateful for each of them. I thank God. How much He must love me. How much He loves each one of us. Happy Thanksgiving!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was quite something to be in the United States during the November 4, 2008 Elections while most of America voted for “a change”. That was standard ‘code’, understood lingo which needed no further clarification. At every store I stepped into, I was asked by one salesperson after another whether I had voted already. I replied that I was actually a visiting Canadian and then turned the question on them. “Oh, YES!” they’d exclaim. And then would follow excited banter about having voted for “a change”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHO IS YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR? Over the years many, after watching my TVO interview, have asked me who the "Financial Advisor" friend was that introduced me to the self-discovery/personal enrichment courses which enabled me to create a new life. I always tell them who this person is. I have also asked him for permission to reveal his name in print. I haven't yet received his permission to do this, probably out of humility. So I will only write...He is a fellow Goan and his name rhymes with "Christopher Fernandes". I will always think of him as my "Get Over It!" friend, for he has conveyed this necessary message to me many times...but more importantly, he led me to a place where I could learn the tools to "Get Over It" and move forward with my life, and for this I will be forever grateful to him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A JOYFUL SURRENDER Take my hand. Dear Lord, please lead me to where you want me to be. Fill my heart and my soul with your light and your love from morning to night. Help me to live my faith in all that I say and do. Your call I so long to hear. A path straight to you I impatiently seek. It is all I can do to wait for my turn, when to be with you now is what I yearn. Dear Jesus, I surrender my life to you. Do with it what you will and see me through. You are my peace and my joy. The answer to my ‘why?’. The end to my beginning and the beginning to my end. A circle so complete. The triumph in every feat. The fulfilling entirety of ‘whole’. The sweet homecoming of a soul. In your time not mine, I know. Until then, I beg you to always show the way I must go, the how I must be and the what I must do. So that in your image I may always live, Dear Lord, with a likeness ever true. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's wishing you all a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!! May 2009 be a year that is filled with faith, hope, love, peace, joy, good health, laughter and countless other Blessings for everyone!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2009 A new year to unwrap eagerly with bursting anticipation and excitement. A new beginning. New plans and goals. New dreams, hopes and wishes. New mottos, slogans and sayings to live by. New resolutions, promises and pledges. A prayer for this new year. May 2009 unfold slowly, gently and joyfully for all, with many Blessings along the way. May our resolutions become a happy and fulfilling reality. May His love and peace reign in our hearts and in our world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Storm Novena Many months ago, I received a little booklet titled "The Storm Novena" from a very dear lady. Pray this efficacious Novena just once before the Blessed Sacrament, and you will have the deepest desire to do so again and again. Each time you will feel unbelievable faith, hope, peace, joy and strength upon total surrender. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “It is Time for Change!” Mr. Barack Obama called it for America. But change really is needed in all corners of our world, isn’t it? It is time for our world to change for the better. And it is time for each of us to change for the better. One cannot happen without the other. Let’s not make it a “YOU first!” challenge. After all, we each affect OUR world...whether with our voice or our silence, our action or our inaction. Let’s do what it takes to make this a kinder, gentler, more loving place for our descendants. Let’s fix what is broken within ourselves, our families, our relationships, our society, our city, our country, our world. Let’s own our place in this world by fighting to eradicate the destructive negatives that are detrimental to our wellbeing and the wellbeing of our brothers and sisters...War, Racism, Crime, Homelessness, Joblessness, Poverty, Health Care Deficiencies, Abuse, Neglect, Inequality, etc., etc. Let’s speak up and make a positive difference for the less fortunate, the handicapped, the sick, the elderly… Lest we forget, this is their world too. We are in this together. Let’s join forces with healing tools of mass resurrection and work together for the better of all. Why not share our valuable lessons learned and save others from making the same painful mistakes that we made…instead of holding our world back as we wait for more tortured souls to go through the steps we might have saved them from? Our truths may set each other free. Free to change. So here’s to Mr. Barack Obama on his historical Inauguration Day (January 20, 2009), and here’s to each of us. May we all be blessed and guided to step out and do our part in serving each other and our world well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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