MEET THE WNBA BEARS
NBC Sports analyst Michael Jordan reporting from the Jambalaya Park's WNBA franchise.
Mike's previous day job.
Vancouver, B.C. -- The WNBA Bears have distinguished themselves from their brother franchise in one key area - DEPTH. Coach Uy has an excellent farm system in place - the under-18 SALT Cubs. Said Coach Uy at the Bears Richmond training gym, "We're fortunate to have an outstanding young special teams coach in BattleTech Bear. He does good work with the kids working on their fundamentals. We have to get a mentor for BattleTech Bear in the Youth Development System before we can lock in a long term contract for BattleTech that we need to ensure the continuity of our excellent Cub system."
The franchise has seen its share of team dynamics. Veteran shooting guard NA Bear left in the summer as a free agent to sign with the Ottawa Senators. Melody Bear retired to lead a more productive life away from basketball. Jerilyn Bear was lost to free agency in the summer. Coach Uy elaborated,"The new energy has come from the older SALT Cubs that we have promoted from the farm team."
"These maturing Cubs include: Buttons Bear - a fiercely competitive shooting guard. Meliss Bear - versatile guard. Backup swingman...er..swingwoman...swing person.. whatever....BabyDuck and Nice Bears. Elegant small forward Mish Bear. Fluid center Krystle Bear.
Key veteran presence has been supplied by WNBA All-Star POWER forward and Team Captain MyHart Bear. All-Star shooting guard Debs Bear and All-Star point guard Pharmacology Bear. Coach Uy explained,"MyHart Bear brings superstar presence and self-belief to a club that got YOUNGER in a hurry. Debs Bear is one of my clutch performers. Pharmacology Bear brings locker room presence and on court leadership. They're very much my Triangle Offense."
The Bears' prospects have been enhanced by last fall's late season signing of one of the league's marquee young talent - GAP bear. "GAP Bear was briefly with the SALT Cubs before leaving for a 2 year overseas stint with the Makati Phenoms. We're glad to have her back and she has definitely boosted our attacking range." Coach Uy said. GAP Bear's "physical gifts" enables her to play both the power forward and center positions. Her perimeter shooting and ball-handling skills also make her an outside threat. "She is in many ways - our Kevin Garnett - with hair. Lots of it." -- manic giggle.
-- Reuters, AP.
WNBA has a Denise Rodman!
The WNBA Bears have a wealth of hoops talent. But amidst all that riches, lies the spectre of an erratic superstar. One of the league's all-time rebounders - Snowflake Bear has been plagued by a host of problems that have threatened her marquee position in the Bears franchise.
Inside sources have long held that the supremely gifted superstar has been troubled by the free agency loss of her close friend NA Bear. The early summer departure of NA Bear closed the chapter on one of the league's fabled back court tandems. Snowflake Bear announced in late June that she has signed a 2 year deal with the Ottawa RoughRiders.
Snowflake Bear unexpectedly pulled out of key community endorsement deals following her free agency deal. Among the organizations hit by Snowflake's pullout include : The Toys R Us Kids Stay In School Program and Yamaha Pianos. Snowflake Bear was a no-show at a scheduled Stay In School ad shooting in early August, forcing fellow endorsement star - Jagger Bear to cover two ad shootings in a day. Jagger Bear's comments are not reprintable. -- AP, Reuters, VTV News.
Peca Bear Injury
Veteran Shooting Guard Peca Bear's 94 consecutive game streak as a starter ended August 2, 1998. (In the World of Jambalaya Park, the NBA plays in August. Get with it.)
For the first time in over 12 months, Peca Bear will not be starting at the 2 guard for the Jambalaya Bears. The downtown shooter has been blindsided by a vicious cold that has knocked the shooting guard out of 3 practices, one Stay In School ad shooting and counting...
Interviewed at his Riverview home, Peca Bear said,"As far as I can remember, I've not missed a day at work due to illness and its disappointing to say the least, to be laid cold by this...er....cold. I've tried a slew of OTC remedies and none have worked, so perhaps all I can do is get some rest."
Coach Uy wasn't speculating on how many games Peca will miss. With the Bears leading their Division and amassing the finest collection of marquee young talent in the league, Peca's absence will be filled comfortably. It does give Coach Uy a valuable chance to experiment with his rotations in the safety of regular season play. As anticipated, prized rookie Chipmunk Bear was given much of Peca Bear's scoring load and the star point guard responded with 31 points and 15 assists.
Said Coach Uy after the game,"Its always hard when you lose a scorer like Peca. Without Peca's perimeter shooting and mid range Js, we lose our outside game and become very easy to defend against. Teams will collapse inside the paint and Kahuna's offensive rebounding game dries up. Nazi Bear gets triple-teamed in the hole and is tied up. Chip loses a finisher on the break. I do not want the scoring load to fall on young Keebeen Bear - who is solid off the bench but does not have the mobility of Peca to shake defenders. I put Jason Williams Bear Cub on Keebeen and he can't even shake him ! ! "
Chuckled the likeable Coach,"Here's where I look like a million bucks for drafting Chip Bear. We have on our hands, a point guard who has a polished perimeter game and can take the mid to long range jumpers off Jagger's hands. Chip can spot Keebeen in open spaces, does a decent job of driving the lane to open up Kahuna's rebounding game, and draws the double team so Nazi has room to breathe in the post. Its like having Jason Kidd, Damon Stoudomire and Penny Hardaway rolled in one complete package. All he has to do is work on his crossover dribble and no-look pass and I can add Allen Iverson and Magic Johnson to that list." -- manic giggle.
Other Park News
In other Jambalaya Park News...
Contract Tampering?
Ex-Bears coach Adolf Bear was seen leaving the offices of the Fabulous Equity Cats (FEC) on Sunday morning. Speculation is rife that the still-under-contract ex-coach would sign with the Cats. Negotiation with a coach under contract is illegal in the NBA. Bears owners are said to be monitoring the situation. -- BattleTech Bear for CNNSI.
New Endorsement Deals for Jambalaya Bears
Bears rebounding leader Big Kahuna Bear signed an endorsement deal with STAPLES worth a reported US$21 million. The office supplies giant said the star rebounder fitted in well with its corporate slogan "Always Taking Care of Business."
Peca Bear has signed a deal with Pharmasave in late July. The multi-faceted shooting guard who attended pharmacy school while playing in the NBA, is seeking licensure as a pharmacist. It is not clear why, with Peca's reported US$107mil contract, he was looking for a $20 an hour job tossing tablets.
Making A Statement?
The SALT Cubs held a community fund-raiser in late July before Battle Tech and Pharmacology Bears headed to Mexico for a coaching clinic conducted by former YAF Bears technical director Sam Law Bear. The fund-raiser was a "critical success" - aided by a mysterious gesture by Bears owner's wife Organ Bear who donated $500 for a $5 car wash. According to Kahuna Bear, who was helping out, there was a mad rush to find toothbrushes to clean the insides of the car's mags and exhaust pipe. Inside sources have noted for a while, a resistence on the part of Battle Tech Bear in committing to a long term contract with the Bears due to "philosophical differences in corporate direction." Analysts see Organ Bear's gesture as an olive branch to the gifted but highly temperamental youth coach.
Love and Marriage
Longtime romance between WNBA star Pharmacology Bear and SALT Cubs coach Battle Tech Bear became official in mid July. The multi-talented All-Star point guard will officially leave the Bears and announce her retirement from the WNBA pending acceptance into medical school. Asked if they would be taking Drummer Bear and Jones Bear on their honeymoon, BattleTech Bear punched the cameraman and broke the reporter's wrist before remarking,"Which part of NO do you not understand?"