Title -  Burning for Eternity (1/1)
Author -  Dana!
E-Mail address - SwooshDH@aol.com
Rating - PG
Category -  S, A
Spoilers -  One Breath, Memento Mori, Redux II
Keywords -  Mulder/Scully UST, Character dies
Summary -   Scully's cancer hasn't gone into remission.  How does Scully
deal with this burden on her shoulders?  And how will Mulder cope?
 

Burning for Eternity
 

     Dana Scully looked at the office. :::Five years, Dana...you still don't
have a desk.:::  She rummaged through her belongings, picking up numerous
pictures of Mulder and herself. :::Under different circumstances, I
might have actually kept them.:::  Placing the pictures on Mulder's desk, she
sighed sadly.   :::Mulder, please come in the office...I need to talk to
you..:::   She picked up a sunflower seed that had made it's way onto her side
of the desk.  Eyeing the seed, she placed it in her pocket.  Then she started
placing her valuables in a bag. Ten minutes later, she found herself sitting in
Mulder's chair, fingering a pencil.  Her eyes drifted around his desk,
eventually stopping at a certain picture.  Picking it up, she stared at the
little girl, smiling back at her. :::Would things have been different if I...SHE
had never disappeared?  Would I be sitting here today with cancer if Samantha
were here?::: Anger washed through Scully, and she placed the picture down.
:::My abduction, this cancer, my
sister...all caused by one quest.:::
 
The sound of the door opening stalled her train of thought as she glanced up.
     "House cleaning, Scully?"
 
"Who else is going to do it?"
 
"Oh, I don't know...Skinner seemed up for the job."
 
Scully forced a smile, then looked down towards the floor.  Mulder immediately
sensed it.
 
    'What's wrong, Scully?"

    "Nothing, Mulder...I'm fine."  She tried not to meet his gaze.  Mulder spun
the chair around until he was face to face with her.

    "Tell me...please."

    She looked towards the floor, and spoke. "The...the cancer...my cancer isn't
getting any better..."  She stopped and looked up when she heard
the crashing of glass.
   "Damnit, Scully!  You have to get second opinions...Doctors CAN make
mistakes...valuable ones, for God's sake!"  He leaned against the file cabinet
and held his head.
   "Mulder..please..don't do this to me...not now...Mulder?   Mulder, please
talk to me..."
   Silence.
   With tears welling up in her eyes, Scully picked up her bag and left the
room, slamming the door behind her.

Walking into her apartment, Scully threw her bag onto the couch and collapsed on
the floor.  Then she kneeled on the floor and started to sob.  She cried because
of her cancer, because of Mulder...because of the life that she'd never be able
to live.  She cried tears of pain, of anguish, but most of all: Defeat.  She
realized that, at the moment, she felt utterly helpless. :::I said I wasn't
going to let this defeat me, and I'm not going to give up now...Not you,
Dana.::: She wiped her face with her hands
and stood, walked over to the couch, and reached inside the bag.  Remembering
she had placed it in her pocket, she took out the sunflower seed.  She looked at
it, then kissed it, and placed it back in her pocket.

:::I should've said something.  I should've answered her, because I - if
all people - should know when Scully needs comfort:::, Mulder silently spoke to
himself in the darkness of the office. :::Instead, you let her slam the door in
your face.:::  He sighed and stood up.  Walking over to his desk, Mulder noticed
the pictures Scully had placed there.  Picking one
up, he glanced at the image:  Scully and him, on a case.  Both had FBI jackets
on.  They had been on duty that day.  A tear fell onto the picture, right in-
between the two faces in the image.  He gathered all the pictures and put them
in his desk.  Then he picked up his coat and left.
 
Scully was awaked by the sound of knocking at her apartment door.  With
tearstained eyes, she looked through the peephole.

    "Can I come in?"
    ".....All right."

Mulder walked in, and waited until Scully closed the door to speak.
"Scully...I'm sorry...I realized tonight that...I don't know how to deal with
this...I..."

    "I know...It's hard for me, too, Mulder..."  She looked up at him, then
closed the distance between them for a hug.
Mulder held her tight, and put his chin on her head.  "You'll be OK...I have
faith in you..." He spoke into her hair.  A tear fell out of Scully's eye as she
thought: :::I hope you're right...God, I hope you're right.:::
 
 
 

"You'll be taking some time off, I presume."

 "Yes, sir.  I'm not sure how long I will be away from work."

Skinner ruffled some papers. "Oh, that's all right...health comes first." =0D

'Yes, it does, sir..."Scully glanced at Mulder, who was restlessly fidgeting in
his seat, "...Is that all, sir?"

"Yes, you can leave."  He stood up and motioned for the two of them to go.

Scully stood up and started to walk out of the office, when a voice caught her
in her tracks. "Agent Scully?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Good luck."  Skinner gave her a sad smile.

Scully was silent for a second.  Then she said, "Thank you, sir", and left.
The walk back downstairs to their office was spent in silence.  When they walked
in, Scully turned.
"I...I wanted to give you something before I go."
Scully began to work the clasp on the back of her cross.

"Scully, no -- "
"Yes...Mulder, I want you to have this.  When I'm gone - "

Mulder turned away from her, unwilling to hear what she was about to say.

"Mulder..."  She turned him around so she could see his face.  "Mulder...When
I'm gone..."  Mulder's face visably flinched at the word.  "I need you to have
this.  Please...take it."
Mulder reluctantly took the cross, and placed it around his own neck.  Scully
sadly smiled.  "It looks good on you, Mulder."  Mulder looked down in a silent
prayer.  Scully looked up at her partner.  "Ready?"

3 weeks later

Scully walked into the hospital bathroom.  Walking took most of her strength
now, she realized.  She stopped in front of the mirror, and looked at her
reflection. :::A little pale...but that's normal, Dana.:::  Scully reached over
the sink and grabbed her brush.  Looking in the mirror, she combed through her
hair.  She watched as a huge amount of hair came out.
Frantic, Scully started brushing harshly, and started to sob uncontrollably as
hair kept on falling out in heaps.  She started to shake uncontrollably, as more
hair fell onto the floor.  Scully dropped the brush on the
floor, and walked over to her bed as fast as was possible.  Sobbing, she
reached up to the dresser and took her sunflower seed off.  Holding it in her
palm, she sobbed until there were no tears left.

The apartment was dark, except for the sliver of light shining through the
shades.  Empty bottles carpeted the floor.  Mulder sat on his couch, drinking.
Throwing the done bottle across the room, he laid back on the couch.  Lifting
his hands to his neck, he outlined the gold cross with his
finger.
"Scully", he whispered.  He glanced around his apartment. :::What am I doing?:::
Mulder took a deep breath, exhaled, and exited the musty apartment.

Mulder felt his heart fall as he stepped into the bright room.  He saw Scully:
Sleeping, her head turned to one side.  One arm hung off the bed,
and he noticed she was clutching something in her palm.  Bending over, he opened
her tiny hand and watched as the seed fell to the ground.  He picked it up and
held it to his face.  Another tear fell down his cheek as he kissed the seed.
To him, this seed meant life; to him, and to Scully.

"No matter what happens, Scully...I'll be here..." he whispered, and quietly
placed the seed back in her hand and closed it.  Then he pulled a chair up to
her bedside, and fell asleep with his hand held protectively over her arm.
 =0D
Scully awoke to the sound of rustling footsteps.  As her eyes adjusted to the
light, she peered right into Mulder's face.  "Mulder..what - "

"I came by to say hello."  He gave a forced smile as he saw her condition.
 
"Oh..ok, Mulder.  Hi...", Scully said, and attemped to run her fingers through
her hair.  This was something Scully did sub-consiously...until she remembered.
She tried not to cry, but couldn't stop the tears from automatically welling up
in her blue eyes.  She put her hand down and stared at the strands of hair
wrapped around her fingers.

Mulder reached out and hugged her.  "It'll be all right...you're strong...one of
the strongest I've ever known...don't worry..."
 

2 weeks later

"Mulder...this isn't working...I've been trying to wear this for weeks....this
is not working at all..."

"You'll get used to it, Scully..trust me: Soon you won't even know it's there."

"You...have a way with words, Mulder...I'm grateful." Scully gave a wry smile.

"I try, Scully."

The sound of the door opening broke the obvious connection between Mulder and
Scully.

"Ms. Scully...ready for your treatment?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to stay here?"

"I.." Scully paused.  "I would like that."

"You got it." Mulder followed her down the hallway of the hospital.
 

4 weeks later

'We've tried convntional treatment...unconventional treatment...We've attacked
this cancer every way we currently know how - "

"What!?  A few weeks ago, Scully was walking!  She was getting better! So, what
you're telling me is you're just going to wait for her to die!?"

"Mr. Mulder, we HAVE tried everything...there's nothing more you can do.
 Most cancer victims win battles...but they most always lose the war."

"No...I think you're mistaken, Dr.  Scully is LIVING WITH CANCER...she is NOT a
cancer victim...I can assure you she will NEVER fall into that category."
Mulder stared fiercely at the doctor, his heart burning in his eyes.

"You cannot completely shut out the possibility that Ms. Scully may not live
another week...you have to understand that - "

The doctor's answer was a door slamming, the sound echoing throughout the halls.

Mulder walked to Scully's room, and slowly opened the door.
"Scully...you awake?"

"Mulder..come in."  Scully's harsh whisper was almost silent.

Mulder sat on her bedside and held her hand.  "I was just talking to Dr.
Harrison..."

"I know..I could hear you."  Scully smiled weakly.

Mulder grimaced.  "Scully....You can get through this..."

"Mulder, you and I both know this is the end...I'm right on the edge."  Scully
reached out to his neck and lifted the tiny cross out from underneath his shirt.
"You still have it.."

"Oh course I do, Scully.  I..."  Mulder held her hand tighter.  "You are
my life, Scully...You know, I wasn't lying when I said you make me a whole
person."
 

"I figured you were serious.  I'm glad I made a difference..." =0D

"MAKE a difference, Scully...stop talking about yourself in the past tense..."
Mulder smiled and Scully felt a drop on her hand.

Reaching out, she wiped the tear off his cheek.  She then held his hand in both
of hers and spoke:
 
"I will always be with you.  I'm a part of you...You may not be able to see me,
but I'll be there..."
 
Mulder looked at his partner.  Her body was failing her, yet her eyes seemed so
full of life.  She was confident that this was the right thing, and Mulder
wasn't sure if he wanted to believe what she was saying...

"Do..you have any more treatments?"

Scully paused, searching for the right words.  "I could...but I'm not going to."
Scully  closed her eyes, ready for mulder to explode.

Mulder stared at her in shock.  "What..Scully - if you CAN receive treatment,
you need to!  It could help you out! Patients have been known to turn - "

"Mulder...I'm a doctor, remember?  I know these things.  And I know my body.
Right now the chemo is just making me worse.  I'm going to let nature take its
course.  Right now...at this moment...I feel that it's the best choice for
me...and for you."

Mulder looked into her eyes, and realized she was right.  His heart refused to
believe, but his brain knew.

"I trust you, Scully...If you need anything, I'll be here."  He silently
prayed that she would change her mind.  Then he jerked up, remembering
something. Reaching into his pocket, he took out another sunflower seed.
Opening up her hand, he placed it inside like he hand done when she was
sleeping.  "This is a little something from me..."

Scully opened her left hand and placed the two seeds together.  Then she
looked up at Mulder, and smiled.
 

2 days later
 

"You thirsty?"

"No...I'm fine."

"OK."  Mulder fidgeted in his seat, itching to do something..anything for her.
"Want me to - "

"Tell me a story?"  Scully managed to say.  She coughed a few times, then
settled down.

"Well..actually, I was thinking we could just talk...but....why don't I just
talk?  You close your eyes, and just listen."  Mulder smiled at Scully.

"All right..."  Scully reached up to the night stand and removed the seeds from
the top.  She held them in her hands.  "OK...I'm ready.  Wake me up if I start
to fall asleep."

"Should I be taking that as an insult?"  Scully gave him the "Did-You-Really-
Just-Say-That" look.

"Of course not."  Scully took his hand in her free one.

"OK, ready, Scully?"<BR>

"Yep."  Scully closed her eyes as Mulder's voice started to fill the room.
Suddenly, she felt herself lifting up.  Looking down, she saw her body lying on
the bed.  Shifting her eyes, she saw Mulder talking to her.  Scully realized she
must've been sleeping, until she looked at her hands.
They were semitransparent.  That was when she heard a voice.

"Dana...It's time..."

Scully turned to see her father in the doorway.  "Dad?"

"Hello Dana.  Come on, it's time to go."  He held out his hand to her.

"Dad..what's going on?"

"Dana, the body cannot live forever, but the spirit can live for an eternity.
You're body has already failed you..."  He looked towards the floor.

"I'm.." Scully began to comprehend what was going on.  "No..."

"You're body is.  But your heart is strong...as is your spirit."  He held out
his hand again.
 
Scully looked at his hand and tears flowed down her eyes.  "There's somet=
hing I have to do first."  She turned away and went towards Mulder.  Sitting on
the edge of the bed, she reached out and kissed him on the cheek.
 She watched as Mulder put a hand up to his cheek.

"Bugs..landing on my face...Scully, I don't know if I ever told you this, but I
hate bugs..."  Mulder continued to talk to Scully's body.

The tears flowed freely as Scully's spirit spoke to Mulder.

"Mulder...I will always be here..."  She put a hand over his heart.  "Right
here..."  She stared at him for a long while.

"Dana...it's time to go."
 
Scully looked at Mulder again, then put her head down and went up to her
father.  Taking his hand, she started to leave.  She glanced back at Mulder
once, then left the room.

"Scully, was that story boring enough for you?"  Mulder smiled, and lightly
squeezed her hand.  No response.

"Scully..come on...it wasn't that boring..stop playing games with me, here!"
Mulder tried to keep his tone on the happy note, but was finding it
harder to to every passing second.  He shook her shoulders, trying to wake her
up.  No response.
 
"Scully.....Scully, please...answer me....please...."  He started shaking her as
hard as he could, but her head just lolled back and forth lifelessly.  Reaching
out, he took her pulse...and felt nothing.  "Oh no...no...no. please god
no.......Scully, please...."  Mulder started to cry and shake violently.  He
took her hand, lifted it up to his face, and kissed it.  The seeds came tumbling
to the floor.  He picked them up and couldn't
stop the tears from flowing.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to mourn the death of Dana Katherine
Scully, who's life touched everyone around her..."

Mulder sat in his seat silently, letting his mind drift away from the speech.
  He thought of the times they were together, the times when they were apart,
and the time right before her death.  A tear made its way down his cheek and
into his lap.  He didn't notice it.

After everyone had left the cemetery, Mulder slowly stood and walked over to the
stone.  He knelt down, took the seeds out of his pocket, and placed them on the
stone.  He then reached up and held the tiny cross.  He kissed it, then let it
dangle from his neck.  Putting both hands on the tombstone he spoke.
"Scully...I know you're strong.  You've always been that way.  But I don't have
that.  I need you to help me, Scully...Please."
 With that, he bent down, kissed the stone, and walked away into the pouring
rain.

                             The End