ALI 'G' INTERVIEWS DANNY WILSON
Ali G: Recognise! I is 'ere wiv me man, Danny Wilson, uw is de manager of Sheffield Wenzdee Fu'baw Club. Tell me den, Danny, is it fair ta say dat Sheffield Wenzdee is shit?
Danny Wilson: No, I don't think it's fair to say that at all. We had a bad start to the season but we've started to improve recently.
AG: But you is bot'om of de Premium League.
DW: Actually, we're off the bottom now.
AG: You mean dere is someone worse dan Sheffield Wenzdee?! Uw is it? Is it East Wick?
DW: If East Wick has a team, they're certainly not at our level.
AG: Is it Slough? I sometimes go down ta Slough Town wiv me posse. Dey're a bit shit.
DW: It's Watford actually.
AG: Wa'fud?! Ya mean Wa'fud is bot'om of de Premium League? So, if it wasn't for Wa'fud, you would be really shit, right?
DW: Something like that, I guess.
AG: Yeah, innit! De Wa'fud posse is shit too. Some of de boys from de Staines Masseeve went up ta Wa'fud an' took der McDonalds. Wa'fud is minging, alright. Now den, tell me Danny, why is you called Sheffield Wenzdee?
DW: Well, for a start, the club is based in Sheffield.
AG: But ain't dat jumpin' on the bandwagon, coz, like, Sheffield Uni'ed is in Sheffield, innit?
DW: Many big cities have more than one team, like London, Manchester, Liverpool, ...
AG: Okay, why is dey called Wenzdee den?
DW: The club was first formed by a cricket team called The Wednesday Cricket Club, who played their fixtures, unsurprisingly, on Wednesdays.
AG: Why did dey decide to play fu'baw. Was it because dey was shit at crickit?
DW: I don't know. They may have been. As they played cricket in the summer they wanted something to do in the winter too, so they formed a football team. The club used to be known just as "The Wednesday" but later changed it's name to "Sheffield Wednesday".
AG: Was dat because de uver team got confused when one of dem said "We is playin' Wenzdee", an' dey all turned up wiv der kit on Wenzdee when dey was s'pposed ta be playin' Sat'dee? D'you fink Sheffield Wenzdee should go back ta playin' crickit again, coz dey is shit at fu'baw?
DW: Like I said earlier, we're not really that bad. We don't need to.
AG: D'you fink de England crickit team should play fu'baw, coz dey is shit at crickit an' de England fu'baw team is shit at fu'baw?
DW: I don't really follow cricket, to be honest.
AG: Did Sheffield Wenzdee win de World Cup?
DW: I'm afraid we can't compete in the World Cup.
AG: Why is dat? Because you is too shit?
DW: Only nations can enter the World Cup.
AG: D'you fink Sheffield should fight for independence den, so dat you can compete in de World Cup?
DW: I think that would be going a bit too far, to be honest.
AG: But if Sheffield 'ad ta fight de army, uw would win?
DW: I really can't see that happening, can you?
AG: Maybe not, but uw would win?
DW: I think the army would have the upper hand.
AG: Really? Okay, why are you de manager of Sheffield Wenzdee an' not de manager of someone uw is good in de Premium League, like Man Uni'ed?
DW: Well, for a start Manchester United already have a very successful manager.
AG: Yeah, but 'e is losin' it a bit, ain't 'e? Wha' is gonna 'appen when dey 'ave to pension 'im off?
DW: I'm sure they'll look for someone else with a good track record.
AG: Me Julie 'as got a track record, but it ain't good. Bitch. Do you fink Jimmy 'ill should play for England?
DW: No, I think Jim's a bit past it now, to be honest.
AG: Uw should play for England den?
DW: Well, Michael Owen is a great prospect. There's also Paul Scholes, Sol Campbell, David Beckham, ...
AG: Is David batty?
DW: Is David Batty what?
AG: You know ... like when 'e scores an' dey all kiss 'im on de cheek coz dey can't do uver fings in public, do dey bone 'im in de showers af'erwards where de people can't see?
DW: If you mean what I think you mean, we certainly don't have that kind of behaviour going on at our club.
AG: Yeah, of course! Ya 'ave ta score firs', an' de Wenzdee is too shit ta score, right? Yeah, innit. Me mate Dave scored de uver week.
DW: And did they kiss him?
AG: No, dey banged 'im up for 8 munfs. Well den, finally, uw is de main man at Wenzdee? Uw is it uw takes de posse onta de uver firm's turf?
DW: Well, I'm the team manager, so I suppose it's me.
AG: No - you is pullin' me warrior! You're de main man?!! Really? Well, de Wenzdee might be shit but 'ere's some "Respec'!" to Mr Danny Wilson.
Dis was Ali In De Wenzdee, Ali In De Wenzdee! Bo!