Mosagallaku Mosagadu (Consultant after 6 months in US)
Stamping ku Velayara.
Penki PL-Mondi Developer
Evandi! H1 vachhindi
Anaganaga oka client
Gujju baba 40 Consultants
Jobu Nachhindi
Detroit Simham
NewYork Pandavulu
Fate Maarchina Date
Dikku Teleyani DBA
Chicago Chinnodu
VISA Victory
Akkada Java - Ikkada Raava
Intlo Delphi Vantintlo Kulphi
Priydu nerpina PASCAL
DBA Developer La Sawaal
Hello Client
Clientu-Consultantla savaal
Rangula raatnam (US, for 1st time entered H1)
Antuleni katha (on bench)
Kshana Kshanam (bench period)
Dalapathi (after 3 years in US)
Raavoyi Clientu Maama
Nireekshana (for project)
Client neeku Cash naaku
Java priyudu
Kante consultantne kanu
Java veerudu ASP sundari
Aa okkati adakku (hike)
Neram naadi kaadu clientudi
Kishkindha kaanda (Cosultant Company)
Jokes
A Marriage proposal by a sw guy
Have you ever imagined how a s/w guy would propose...?
Dear Ms. XXXXX,
I 'v seen you yesterday while surfing on local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing
for. For long time, I have been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life
is just an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only
beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful, which encourages me
and gives power to me equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt like
all my program modules were running smoothly and giving expected results. /* Which I never experienced before */. With this
letter, I just want to convey to you that, if we linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a
human being to live an error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall which may be created by our parents as I've
strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage.
I anticipate that nobody is already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. And its all certain that
if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all
privileges of your inbox.
Only yours,
XYZ Software Professional
Java market is down.
Once old man was sitting in a park reading book "Learn C++ in 21 days".
A passer by saw him and asked "You are such an old guy, why do you bother to learn C++?"
"I have heard that now communication language at heaven is C++ only, so after my death when I will be in heaven, I don't want to face any
communication problem." old man replied.
"But how come are U so sure that U will be in heaven? It could be a hell also." he asked.
"Ya, doesn't matter .... I already know Java".
Software Engineers.
There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city in US. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies:
'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.
The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.
An Indian Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there
A Dozen of Indian Software engineers waiting for a free Haircut......
Indian IT Mythology
What has the Indian Mythological characters got to do with IT?
Here are their Roles :
Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant (SAP)
Shiva
DBA (crash specialist)
Ganesh
Documentation specialist
Narada
Data Transfer
Brihaspathi
Chief Information Officer
Yama
ReOrganisation Consultant
ChitraGupta
Personnel Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Y2k Programmers
Surya
Solaris adminstrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ram
Hardware Support - single user specialist
Lakshman
Support software and Back up
Ravan
Explorer - WWW
Hanuman
RS6000
Vali
Windows 98
Sugreeva
Win 95
Angadh
Win 3.1
Jambhavan
DOS
Vishwamitra
Sr.Manager Projects
Hastinapur
Microsoft
Krishna
Unix O/s no bugs please
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all Companies are Vying for him)
Draupadi
Web server - free access
Bhima
MAIN FRAME
Duryodhan
Microsoft product
Shakuni
Bill Gates
Karna
Shareware - down load
THODE DINON KE BAD.....
YEAR : 2020
PLACE: TWO AMERICANS AT IBM, USA.
MR.ALEX : HI JOHN, U DIDNT COME YESTERDAY TO OFFICE?
MR.JOHN : YEAH, I WAS IN INDIAN EMBASSY FOR STAMPING.
ALEX: OH REALLY, WHAT HAPPENED, I HEARD THAT NOWADAYS IT HAS BECOME VERY STRICT
JOHN : YEAH, BUT I MANAGED TO GET IT
ALEX : HOW LONG IT TOOK TO GET IT STAMPED ?
JOHN : OH, IT WAS NASTY MAN, LONG QUEUE. BILL GATES WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF ME AND THEY PLAYED WITH HIM LIKE ANYTHING, THATS WHY IT GOT DELAYED, I WENT THERE
AT 2 AM ITSELF AND WAITED AND RETURNED BY 4 PM.
ALEX : REALLY? IN INDIA, IT IS A MATTER OF AN HOUR TO GET STAMPED FOR USA
JOHN : YEAH BUT THAT IS BECAUSE WHO IN INDIA WILL BE INTERESTED IN COMING TO USA MAN, THEIR ECONOMY HAS BEEN BOOMING.
ALEX : SO, WHEN ARE U LEAVING ?
JOHN : ANYTIME, AFTER RECEVING MY TICKETS FROM THE CLIENT IN INDIA AND U KNOW, I WILL BE GETTING A CHANCE TO FLY AIR INDIA. SORT OF DREAM COME TRUE.
ALEX : HOW LONG R U GOING TO STAY IN INDIA
JOHN : WHAT DO U MEAN BY HOW LONG. I WILL BE SETTLED IN INDIA, MY COMPANY HAS PROMISED ME THAT THEY WILL PROCESS MY HARA PATTA.
ALEX : REALLY, LUCKY PERSON MAN, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO GET A HARA PATTA IN INDIA.
JOHN : YEAH, THATS WHY, I AM PLANNING TO MARRY AN INDIAN GIRL THERE
ALEX : BUT YOU CAN FIND LOTS OF US GIRLS IN HYDERABAD, BANGALORE AND MUMBAI.
JOHN : BUT , I PREFER INDIAN GIRLS COZ THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND CULTURED
ALEX : WHERE DID U GET THE OFFER, HYDERABAD?
JOHN : YEAH, SALARY IS GOOD THERE, BUT COST OF LIVING IS QUITE HIGH, IT IS 1000RS FOR A SINGLE ROOM ACCOMODATION.
ALEX : I SEE, THATS TOO MUCH FOR US PEOPLE, RS 1 = $ 100 , OH GOD ! WHAT ABT IN CHENNAI, MUMBAI ?
JOHN : NO IDEA, BUT IT IS LESS THAN WHAT WE HAVE IN HYDERABAD. IT IS LIKE THE WORLD HEADQUARTERS OF SOFTWARE.
ALEX : I HEARD , ALMOST ALL THE INDIANS ARE HAVING ONE PERSONAL ROBO FOR HELP
JOHN : U CAN GET A BMW CAR FOR RS 5000, AND A PERSONAL ROBO FOR LESS THAN RS 7500. BUT MY DREAM IS TO PURCHASE AMBASSADOR, WHICH COSTS 200000 RS BUT HAS GOT SEXY DESIGN.
ALEX : BY THE WAY, WHO IS U R CLIENT?
JOHN : REDDY AND NAIDU ASSOCIATES, A PURE INDIAN COMPANY, SPECIALISING IN EMBBEDED SOFTWARE
ALEX : OH, REALLY , LUCKY TO WORK IN A PURE INDIAN COMPANY, THEY ARE REALLY INTELLIGENT AND UNLIKE AMERICAN BODYSHOPPERS WHO HAVE OPENED THEIR FLY BY NIGHT OUTFITS IN INDIA, INDIAN COMPANIES PAY U IN FULL
EVEN WHEN U R ON BENCH. MY FRIEND PAUL ALLEN, IT SEEMS, USED HIS BENCH TIME TO VISIT BIHAR, THE MOST LIVABLE PLACE IN INDIA, PROBABLY WORLD. THERE, U HAVE FULL FREEDOM AND NO RESTRICTIONS. U CAN DO WHATEVER U
WANT!!! I WONDER HOW THAT STATE HAS PERFECTED THAT SYSTEM
JOHN : YEAH MAN, U R RIGHT. I HOPE OUR AMERICA ALSO FOLLOWS THE FOOTSTEPS .
ALEX : HOW ARE U GOING TO COPE WITH THEIR LANGUAGE ?
JOHN : WHY NOT ? FROM MY SCHOOL DAYS I VE BEEN LEARNING HINDI AS MY FIRST LANGUAGE HERE AT NEW YORK. AT THE CONSULATE THEY TESTED MY PROFICIENCY IN HINDI AND WERE QUITE IMPRESSED BY MY CENT SCORE IN TOHIL IE
TEST OF HINDI AS INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.
ALEX : SO , U R GOING TO HAVE FUN THERE,
JOHN : YEAH, I WILL BE TRAVELLING IN THE WORLD'S FASTEST TRAIN, WORLD'S LARGEST THEME PARK, AND THE FAMOUS BOLLYWOOD WHERE U CAN SEE ACTORS LIKE, AMITABH,
RAJANIKANTH, CHIRANJEEVI AND ALL. ESSEL WORLD IS ALSO NEAR BY BOLLYWOOD.
ALEX : U KNOW, VAJPAYEE IS SCHEDULED TO VISIT US NEXT YEAR, HE MAY THEN RELAX THE NUMBER OF VISAS
JOHN : THATS TRUE. LAST MONTH, NARAYANAMURTHY VISITED WHITE HOUSE AND DONATED 2000RS FOR INFRASTRUCTURE DEVELOPMENT AT SILICON VALLEY AND HAS PROMISED MORE IF WE FOLLOW THE MODEL OF HIGHTECH CITY OF HYDERABAD. AND
BILL GATES ALSO GOT A CHANCE OF MEETING HIM. VERY LUCKY PERSON.
ALEX : BUT, INDIAN GOVT IS PLANNING TO SPLIT NARAYANAMURTHY'S INFOSYS
JOHN : HE IS A HARD WORKER MAN, HE CAN BUILD ANY NUMBER OF INFOSYS LIKE THIS, EVERYMINUTE HE IS GETTING RS 1000, IT SEEMS, IF U KEEP ALL HIS MONEY CONVERTED AS RS.100 NOTES U CAN REACH THE PLUTO
ALEX : OK, GOOD LUCK JOHN.
JOHN : SAME TO U ALEX. AND DONT GO TO CONSULATE IN A KURTA PYZAMA BECAUSE THEY WILL THINK U R TOO INDIANIZED AND MAY DOUBT U WILL EVER COMEBACK AND HENCE UR NON IMMIGRANT VISA MAY GET REJECTED. BUT DONT
FORGET TO SAY "NAMASTAY, AAP KAISAY HAI" TO THE VISA OFFICER AT WINDOW 5. IT SEEMS HE LIKES THAT AND WILL NOT GIVE U A VISA IF U DONT GREET HIM THAT WAY. MY SENIORS AT COLLEGE HAVE TOLD ME.
LIFE IN US - The H1 tragedy...
January 2000
Love my new job here in Silicon Valley. My salary is 30% higher! I have stock options! The temperature outside is 65F in winter! California is the best place on earth!!! Sure glad I moved out here.
February
Still looking for an apartment. Freeways everywhere to take you places. Love California!
March
Found a 1-bedroom apartment for $1900/mo. California is a bit more expensive than I thought.
April
Gas hit $2.29/gal. Somebody stole the gas from my car. That sucks....
May
A small earthquake! And this is what everyone was so worried about? Almost didn't feel it.
June
A forest fire and a mud slide near LA. Who cares, that is far away from me!
July
A big earthquake... Spent 4 hours in my bathtub. Boy, that was scary. Glad we didn't have no stinking earthquakes where I grew up.
August
Drought! They turn on the water once a day. This sucks big time! Somebody stole the water from my car's radiator. Why did I come to California?
September
Decided to buy a house. Found a 2-bedroom fixer-upper for $800K. Borrowed against my stock options for down payment. Freeway traffic is worse. Today it took nearly two hours to get to and from work...each way.
October
My startup fired 90% of the work force, including me. The stock lost 98% of its value. My options are underwater.
November
Had to sell my house. Couldn't make the payments. Found a studio apartment for $2300/mo. The traffic is unbearable
December
Problems with electricity. They turn the electricity off several times a day. It's called "rolling blackouts." Somebody stole my car battery...what do I do now?
January 2001
I'm typing this, stuck in an elevator, in complete darkness. The battery of my laptop is dying. Silicon Valley is no more. Angry hordes of former dot-commers are looting in the dark. It was fun while it lasted.
February
Trying hard to get H1B Sponsorer. No body is ready to sponsor me. Everybody says they will sponsor me once if I get project. Interviews are happening but no result, or no budget or Project is on hold.
March
No money to pay rent, car loan and cell phone bills, managed to pay bills with creditcards. Took some cash advance from creditcard companies and bought ticket to India. Taking new credit cards as lot of promotions and every credit card company wants to give me credit card. So why not take it.
April
Did lot of shopping with credit cards, the day of my returning to home has come, I went to airport and called Car Finance Co (DCU) told them to take their car which is parked in airport as I cannot pay loan any more. I put the phone down before they were about to tell something. Sat down in the flight and what a relief.
May
Prepared resume with US Experience in Bold letters and went for job search, surprisingly No Job postings in Papers, Couple of companies who advertised for jobs has clearly written in Bold letters "Applicants with US experience will not be considered for this position"
June
No job. Getting frustrated. Today morning I woke up and my mind is very fresh. I have decided to do what my father asked to do 6 Years back i.e to take care of them and take care of fields in my village.
