Y2K Bug B.S.

By Gene Komaromi

You've seen it on the evening news, you've read about it in the local newspaper, the infamous Y2K Bug. It all reminds me of the "Elephant Lady". Who's the "Elephant Lady, you ask? Ahh, let me tell you the story.

I walked into a bar in Michigan.  There was an elderly lady standing at the bar. She had obviously been fighting Demon Rum, and she lost the last few rounds. She was smiling, looking around and clicking her fingers. She smiled at me with a charming but toothless grin.  I could resist no longer. "Why are you clicking your fingers?" I inquired.

"Why, it keeps the elephants away." she rasped.

"I don't see any elephants." I replied.

"Well that's because I'm doing a good job. How about buying me a drink to pay me for my good work?" she implored. I did.

The Y2K bug is a bar elephant, for the most part it's imaginary. It's the age old boogey-man. Alarmists are clicking their fingers, instead of buying them drinks, we're giving them billions. The Y2K alarmists have stampeeded the technological cattle with dire but unfounded threats.

I heard a local T.V. reporter say that since there's a computer in your car, it just may quit running on January 1, 2000. Give me a break, there's a computer in my car, but it doesn't know what the current date is, it's a sophisticated timer regulated by the  number of miles that the car has been driven.

I have a friend who is going to stock up on groceries. After all the grocery stores have computer controlled inventories, they may run out of food on January 1, 2000. Yea, I can see the manager of the local Riteway Store on January 2nd, when his store computer doesn't work. He'll pick up the phone, call his supplier and get the groceries ordered the old fashioned way. The phone, that's right the phone might think it's 1990. Good, maybe the manager will be charged the 1990 rate for the call.

Personally I can't wait. I'm going to stock up on a few items for the turn of the century. A little aspirin, a little antacid and maybe a big jug of milk.  I need to get my hangover cured quickly so I can hit those garage sales. What garage sales, you ask? Hey, when the electricity flows on January 1st, that $1500.00 generator my neighbor bought will go for a couple of hundred dollars. I need some camping gear and I'm sure my oversupplied survivalist neighbor will have some real deals at his Y2K garage sale.

So where will you be on January 1, 2000?  Watching the University of Michigan play in the Rose Bowl like everyone else. If you're still worried about the Y2K Bug, why don't you send me a few bucks and I'll click my fingers.

Gene Komaromi

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