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Kaylara's Poetry.

Floundering as I was
Like a blind child
Falling through an inner darkness
Not knowing
Feeling only anger and pain
All these things engulfing me
Searing my heart
Strangling my soul.

A matter of days
And I was happier
You opened my eyes
Now my heart swells
My Angel
You have brought the light back to me
Gave a reason
For not giving up
When I thought I was lost
And all was lost to me.
Much deeper have you touched me,
Than any.
You hold me in the palm of your hand
                                                              Everything I am is yours
I feel it again,
Welling up to the surface,
The despair is getting to me,
Insanity returning,
And the truth is fading,
Doesn't matter anyway,
I'm a liar, right?
If I'm so wrong,
And you are never,
How could we ever stay together?
Suicidal Tendencies,
That's what I have,
Seeing all these people,
Who love each other,
And want to be with each other,
Why can't I have that?
Why do you have to hurt me so?
Making everything I love burn?
Turning everything I know upside-down,
My hopes turn to ashes,
And the tendencies return.

All these tears shed for no one,
Cries fall upon silent ears,
Why should I care?
You don't.
My "lies" and tendencies are killing me,
And you brought them back,
Bringing closer the blackened pit
That I am staring into,
You kill me, "little man".
With each breath,
Yet another pointless struggle,
So take it away,
You've burnt everything else,
I'm retarded,
A liar, Can't forget that,
Never forget that,
I cheat on you every chance,
I don't care at all.
Happy Now?
You're Right.
I'm Pointless.
The real me shows if you care enough to look closely,
It won't reveal it's self to those unworthy,
People can't see unless shown,
Except those few,
Who WILL look closely,
And you have closed your eyes.

And now the manic depression has set in,
A demented seesaw with no one on it,
People stepping on my head,
When I give them my heart,
All the same,
I shouldn't care,
`Cause I don't love you anyway, right?
You want to be right?
Are you sure?

Then you are right,
Everything I say or do,
Is wrong or a lie.

You're right,
And these tendencies will destroy me.
Make up your mind,
It's up to you,
Like always.
Keep me,
And give to me the equivalent I give you,
Give me back my heart,
Before it is permanently mangled,
So these tendencies will go back into hiding,
And I can go back to my lying, cheating, uncaring,
wrong self.
Turn Away

Poison yourself with sorrow
Hoping to God for no tomorrow
Darkness covers your eyes
No one cares to hear your cries

Rain is sliding down the window
Blood is flowing from your heart
Forming puddles as the wind blows
With no end and no start

Stars spin madly in your mind
As cowering she opens the door
How could she have been so blind
She's all you were ever looking for

So her screams lance through the night
Your blood streaming down her wrists
Now her eyes have seen the light
And she knows what she had missed

The stars were shining brightly,
Your eyes echoing their light,
And what was I to do?
So I kissed you,
And felt myself floundering,
The sound of the ocean,
Pounding in my ears,
Becoming my heartbeat
I almost cried,
Not knowing what to do.

Why did I let myself feel again?
Who knows what is in your heart?
Do you love me?
Do you even care?
All these questions
Silenced with a kiss.

Now, floating back,
Falling into depression,
Wanting to die,
Because I feel like you,
Don't want to be with me.
Will you?

If I surrender myself to you
Will you still love me the way you do?
Will your head fall back in a passionate kiss?
Will all sense of fear dismiss?
Will you be able to quite my rage?
Will you be the character on my stage?
I promise you will be my one.
A love blessed by moon and sun.
Poetry Copyright  Kaylara 1990-2001.
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