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Title: A Long Hard Climb Author: Qzeebrella Fandom: Star Trek the Original Series Disclaimer:
the show and its characters are Paramount's, no profit is being made by this story. Pairing: Spock/McCoy Rating:
G Warning: angst, and Len's dad's death mentioned. Note: some dialogue is lifted directly from Star Trek V, The Final Frontier.
No infringement is intended. Brief mention is made of a medical directive, this is a legal document one gets a lawyer to
make that lists various procedures you will allow, those that you won't and is legally enforceable. If it says "No cardiopumonary resuscitation"
then no one can use that to try to revive you, provided they know of the document. A Living Will on the other hand does
not enforce your wishes, whomever is in the room can ignore it, they however can not ignore a Medical Directive without
severe legal punishment.
The following: *~*~* denotes time passing, I hope I've made it fairly obvious what time
frame each scene comes from. ***
Leonard walked hand in hand with his dad, each having a fishing pole in hand
and his dad carrying the rest of the fishing gear. Being with his dad was the greatest thing in the world, especially when
they could be alone. His dad would answer all his questions if they were alone and tell him stories, stories his mother
would glare at his dad for telling him.
His dad was so brave and strong, nothing would dare hurt him with his dad
around. His dad could do anything and he knew his dad would always be there for him. His dad was the smartest person he
knew. Always willing to tell him all kinds of stories and teaching him things.
*~*~*
Leonard saw his father
stumble once again, feet failing him. It hurt so much to see him ashamed of how his body was failing him. It hurt to
see how each movement his father made hurt him. With every day, his father's memory got worse. He sometimes couldn't remember
what day it was, the name of people he'd seen every day of the year, and sometimes wasn't sure who Leonard was.
His
father, who had been so strong, his memory so very meticulous, and never showing fear, now was bent and looking physically
week, always confused and always looking worried and scared. There were still times he seemed to look like his old self
but they were growing fewer with each day, further apart. Leonard was loosing his father slowly and nothing he tried
to do helped.
His doctor had changed his father's medication several times, tried delaying the slow deterioration,
but nothing they tried work. Leonard knew the disease always ended in death, he knew what each stage of the disease
would do to his father, and he knew it would be a slow, lingering, painful death.
*~*~*
His father was now
bed ridden, no longer knowing who he was. He had no idea why he was in pain, only that each moment was full of pain that
nothing else existed. Leonard knew there was nothing else he could do for his dad, no hypo that would relieve the pain,
no medication that would delay or prevent his father's death.
His father's doctor had told him that the only way
to prolong his father's life would be an Esophagotomy Tube as his dad could no longer swallow. He also knew the terms
of his dad's medical directive, a document that outlined just what his father would allow to prolong his life and what
he wouldn't. His father had had it written up the day he had been diagnosed. He knew that his father didn't want to
be tube fed, but he could live for weeks, possibly even months on just the IV drip of water the biobed gave him. Given the
way his body was deteriorating, his father had only a matter of a few months before the biobed couldn't prolong death alone.
He didn't want to have to watch his dad in pain any more. Didn't want to see the confusion, the eyes empty of all knowledge,
the only thing in his dad's eyes pain.
He knew the biobed was keeping his dad's heart beating and that all he'd
have to do to spare his dad further days or even weeks of pain would be to turn off the biobed. But could he do it? If
he did, would it be murder or compassion? He wanted only to heal the pain, just take it away.
*~*~*
He
looked at his dad, so skinny balding, in the thin white hospital gown, a white blanket covering him.
"I'm here,
I'm with you dad." He whispered, and yet the eyes did not light up with the love dad always had for him. His dad looked
at him, no hint of recognition in his eyes, his eyes just hollow, already dead.
His dad could only whisper, "The
pain, stop the pain." Voice tired, as if resigned to the fact there was only pain. Nodding as he spoke as if to give
him permission.
"I'm doing everything I can do." Voice as comforting as possible. "You've got to hang on."
"I
can't stand the pain." He whimpers. "Help me."
Turning to the nurse, he says, "All of my knowledge and I can't save him."
"You've
done all you can, the support system will keep him alive." He says.
"You call this alive?" Leonard let anger and
frustration tinge his voice slightly.
For a moment there is recognition in those eyes. "Son, release me." His
father pleads, clasping his hand.
"I can't do that dad." Leonard whispers, "But how...how can I watch him suffer
like this?"
The nurse says, "You're a doctor." Words that seemed to condemn Leonard to fighting against hope, keeping
his father alive regardless of the pain. His breath so ragged and each one drawn in pain.
"I'm his son." Words spoken
with determination and resolve. Leonard stands, straightens, right hand on his dad's shoulder, inserts a control box
into the biobed. Presses a button to connect, looking at his father, the tears in those eyes. The fear and the pain and
empty again of any memory. Pressing another button to stop the biobed, thus stopping life support. Death is instantaneous.
Leonard immediately places his hands on either side of his father's face, knowing he is gone.
"Why did you do
it?" The nurse asks.
"To preserve his dignity." Bitter, ugly words.
Not long after he "pulled the plug" they
found a cure, a goddamn cure for his father's disease. A cure.
The knowledge ate him alive. If he hadn't cured him,
could he have lived? It made him so angry and frustrated. He loved his father, he released him from pain, he had done
what he thought was right, hadn't he? *~*~*
Why did the pain always nip at Leonard's heels? Why was there no relief
to his pain? Why was there no cure for him?
He knew he was growing older with each day that passed, would he suffer
the same fate as his father. A slow, painful death, where he lost all sense of who he was?
He had only friends to
rely on now, his daughter all grown up and off planet. So he'd actually agreed to go with camping with them. He and Spock
having grown closer due to the Fal Tor Pan and making tentative steps toward a relationship. But right now, his friend
Jim seemed to be set on driving him insane.
He was supposed to be relaxed. Here in the middle of nature, no sign of
Starfleet, no sickbay, just trees and mountains and birds. He was wearing a pair of comfortable jeans, one of his favorite
shirts, a bandanna that Spock gave him one Christmas tied around his neck, a warm sheep-skinned jean jacket, birds were
singing, but was he relaxed? No! And it was all Jim's fault he wasn't.
Jim did this on purpose, he knew it. There
was no other Earthly reason he'd go about trying to kill himself. Climbing up a mountain side, no safety line clipped
to it, just his hands and climbing boots. He was going to kill himself with stubborness.
Leonard watched him through
the binoculars, saw how little kept him from plunging to his death. The idiot! "You'll have a great time Bones. You'll
enjoy your shore leave. You'll be able to relax." Jim had said. "You call this relaxing? I'm a nervous wreck. If I'm not careful
I'll end up talking to myself."
Of course, just a few moment later Spock goes and distracts Jim. "What in the hell
is that green blooded Vulcan think he is doing."
Spock has to know he wasn't very happy with this, heck, considering the
link between them. Heck, Leonard wouldn't be surprised if Spock knew what he was thinking. Especially when he was thinking
so loudly, you'd almost swear he was talking out loud. "Goddamn irresponsible...playing games with life."
Oh
my God! Jim! He's going to be just a spot on the face of the ground. Leonard ran toward the mountain, seeing Spock dive
after Jim and save him with just inches to spare from making a mark on the ground.
Why did he put up with these
two again? Looking at Spock's face illuminated by the fire, he remembered. He put up with them because he loved Spock
and Jim was his best friend. They could drive a man to drink, Jim pisses him off by risking his life on petty stunts and Spock,
well he could never admit to having feelings of any kind. He might tease Spock about being immortal due to coming back
from the death. All he knew was he was drawn to Spock for some strange reason. Maybe he was just masochistic.
*~*~*
Well,
now Spock knew of what he did to his father. His friends knew what he was capable of, how he had failed his father. Could
Spock ever come to understand and accept him? Could he ever come to admit to having feelings? Or would he be condemned
to always liking Spock before he died?
He enters the room, he must have gotten things all in order now. Sybok's
gone, the ambassador's back on Nimbus III and headed back to Earth to pick up the interrupted shore leave. "Leonard," no inflection
in that voice. "You have no reason to be ashamed, you did what you thought was right. It was the logical thing to do."
"Damn
it Spock, is that all you think of logic?"
"No, Leonard." He comes over and actually hugs him. "I also think of comfort
from time to time. It has been a long time since I thought of comforting you."
"You remember."
"Finally."
Spock says, regretting the time lost to them due to his death. Remembering now how close they were to cementing their bond before
the death and only now fully recovered from the Fal Tor Pan. "I finally remember." Holding Leonard closely. It would take time
before they were ready to cement the bond again, but soon, soon he and Leonard would be one.
The end.
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