Episode One, Poor Tiny Japan
I discovered
these written in a nice little journal my sister had given me
before I
came. I vaguely remember having promised myself to write in it
regularly
for posterity's sake, and just in case I decided to start a web page.
That was apparently before my will to live was
sucked dry. I was a little
impressed by my command of the English
language. That too, has since been
sucked dry. But then, my judgment would have gone
with that, so I could be
wrong. I think I must have
wrote this in the first month or two I was here,
in an apparent fit of
homesickness. I found it somewhat amusing. I wish now
I had written
more. I bet you'll feel the same way after reading it.
I barely
remember writing it, so I take no real responsibility for the content.
About 90% of the world's resources are devoted to feeding about 10% of
the
population (America). Consider the implications of this, we are forcing
the entire nation of Japan to live in tiny perpetuity.
Everything here is adorably adequate. The toilet is just big enough for
one
person, (the toilet room, that is), the fridge is just the right size and
the
food portions are just enough to fill you for a couple hours, if you eat
everything
on your plate. This gives you just enough time be appreciably
starving right
before your next meal.
Consider all that the Japanese are missing out on because of their perfectly
adequate diets: High cholesterol, diabetes, that wonderful feeling of the oxygen
being sucked out of your lungs as you try to climb a flight of
stairs.
Seriously, I think they would be much less stressed if they were just
occasionally
able to gorge themselves. Who could worry much about anything
after eating a
large, greasy, seratonin laden meal? The kind that gives you that
warm fuzzy feeling
inside, when your digestive system, unable to handle the
load, simply shuts down.
When you have no choice but to unbutton your
pants and cry freedom for your
swollen paunch, and you swear to yourself you will
not eat for three days.
Or at least until the next meal.
An entire nation of
people are missing out on the sublime joy of sitting paralyzed
on the couch, watching bass fishing because they're too lazy to reach the
remote
on their lap. I am sure, if given a choice, any Japanese man would love the
chance
to stuff himself, then sit on the couch, pants unbuckled and ask his wife to
grab
him a beer and change the channel for him, whereupon his wife would tell him lovingly
to get his fat ass up and do it himself. But, sadly, Japanese men cannot enjoy
such earthly pleasures, but instead must take pride in their tiny families and
their tiny houses,
enjoying long hot baths, a delectable bite of sushi, and the
occasional romp in a love
hotel. And all while American families get to spend their
quality time getting 6 dollars worth
out of an all-you-can-eat buffet at the Sizzler.
(Have some more dessert kids!)
I once saw a man at a
buffet who was so fat he had to support himself on the
buffet bar while he piled his plate up. All this while people here must eat
things
like 'sea-pineapples' and 'fishcake'.
I had hoped McDonald's
might be my last vestige of gluttony. Alas, I was foiled
again. Instead of my usual 2 cheeseburger and a giant fry and coke, I was reduced
to a 'double cheeseburger set' (with a small fry and coke) for about 20$.
I swear
the cheeseburger was even smaller, and it was about 90% beef, not that sweet crack
addictive
soy/beef mix. I asked about super sizing but the girl told me I was fat,
and then made
fun of me with her friends. I told her I could understand Japanese and
popped her
in the nose. (Well, not really. I didn't even ask, and if she had made
fun of me
I would not have understood.) I am still unfulfilled in my quest for an
oversized
free soda refill meal that will last me more than 4 hours.