General Philosophy Questions
Copyright (c) 2002 Susan S. Levine, All Rights Reserved
It should be understood that you and your partner will have different opinions on a few philosophical ideals. But what ideals do you want your partner to share in order to make a marriage a better chance of success? If you have a more liberal mind set, would a partner's conservative viewpoints be troubling?
Are you a woman who wants to be married but pursue a career instead of tending home and family? Would it make a difference to your partner? If your partner has traditional male beliefs about a woman's place being only in the home, and you have other ideas, problems after marriage will surface very quickly.
Differing philosophies and values should be discussed freely, and resolved before marriage is considered. You may be so far apart on one or more issues that chances of a successful marriage to your current partner are slim to none. So don't wait until after the wedding to find out!
On this page, you will find questions that cover a wide range of topics. All may not apply, but you might want to make a list of the ones that do. When your list is complete, begin asking them not just of your partner, but of yourself too. Especially if you have never considered them before.
It is well known in the legal profession that a good trial lawyer never asks a question unless he/she knows the answer. In the same manner, you cannot expect to discover if a partner shares your views on a subject that's important to you unless you know for certain what they are.
Questions for Casual Dating
Culture And Society
1. If money were no object, what world problem would you solve?
2. How do you feel about the death penalty?
3. If a woman was forcibly raped, was it her fault?
4. Do you consider abortion a choice or a sin?
5. How do you feel about women in the military?
6. Is there a difference between traditional and modern women?
7. Do you have a preference for one over the other and why?
8. Do you think something is missing in today’s education of children and teenagers?
9. Should our teachers get higher salaries?
10. In what way has modern technology helped or hurt our society?
11. Do you believe women shouldn’t work after they’re married?
12. Should the man always be the higher wage earner?
13. What is your opinion of feminism?
14. How do you define a “high-maintenance woman?”
15. What is your view of women in combat?
16. How has women’s financial independence changed dating today?
17. Do you believe a woman’s place is in the home?
Getting to know you
1. How important is money to you?
2. Do other people’s opinions of you influence your decisions?
3. Does having a college degree matter?
4. Would you date a woman who wasn’t college educated?
5. What about women turns you on?
6. What about women turns you off?
7. What mistakes have you made in the past?
8. What have you learned from those mistakes?
9. How do you feel about people with past addictions?
10. Would you do something you don’t normally do to make your mate happy?
11. What new things would you like to learn in the coming year?
12. What limits would you set on pleasing your mate?
13. What personal qualities in a mate do you find unacceptable?
14. Are you a pet person?
15. How religious are you?
16. Would you date someone who isn’t religious?
17. What cultural differences in a mate would you find unacceptable?
18. Do you need to know everything about someone’s past?
19. What in a person’s past would make you uncomfortable?
20. Do you intend to marry at an older or younger age?
21. Would you ever watch a “chick flick” with me?
22. Are you a good listener?
23. What qualities do I have that annoy you?
24. How do you handle anger?
25. What was your home life like growing up?
26. Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?
27. Is it important to have the last word in an argument?
28. Were you raised in a traditional family environment?
29. Did you ever see physical affection between your parents?
30. Were your parents warm and loving or cold and distant?
31. Was your childhood home violent?
32. Are you uncomfortable with women in high-paying jobs?
33. Are you tolerant of differences in opinion?
34. How do you feel about taking chances?
35. What image do you have of a mate?
36. How many siblings did you have growing up?
37. Do you give in easily when pressured?
38. What is your idea of a perfect home environment?
39. Do you like predictability in women or not?
40. What personal qualities do you look for in women?
41. What qualities in a woman would cause you to break up with her?
42. How do you define physical and verbal abuse?
43. Do you get angry if a woman asks you personal questions?
44. What topics do you consider off limits?
Life Outlook
1. How do you define success?
2. What goals do you want to achieve?
3. Are looks more important to you than a person’s character?
4. What do you love most about your job?
5. What do you dislike most about your work?
6. Can physical violence to a mate be justified?
7. Do you like playing practical jokes?
8. How much influence do your parents have on your life?
9. Is the influence positive or negative?
10. Do you want to get rid of their negative influence?
11. Would you date someone who didn’t want children?
12. How important is a sense of humor in relationships?
13. Do you think arguing is good or bad in relationships?
14. Are you willing to disagree with your parents?
15. Do you value their approval too much?
16. Do you get angry very easily?
17. Are physical displays of affection important to you?
18. Do you go to great lengths to avoid conflict?
19. Is it wrong for you to ask for what you want?
20. Do you feel your career must take priority right now?
21. Will you career focus take more than a few years?
22. Can you accept a mate’s limitations without judgment?
23. Do you feel you must do what’s expected?
24. Are some jobs unsuitable for women and what are they?
25. What did you want to be while growing up?
26. Is your current job the one you wanted as a kid?
Politics And World Events
1. What lessons did you learn from the attacks of September 11, 2001?
2. In your view, could the attacks have been prevented?
3. Have the attacks had a positive or negative impact on your life?
4. What is your idea of a just punishment for the terrorists who masterminded them?
5. Are you politically active, and in what party?
6. How much should we as a nation rely on the federal government?
7. Should people look to themselves or government agencies to solve their problems?
8. Should wealthier people pay higher taxes?
9. What government programs should be changed?
10. How important is voting to you?
11. Do you stay updated on world events?
12. What political or social issues do you feel strongly about?
13. Do you believe we still live in a safe world?
14. Was President Bush’s decision to bomb Afghanistan the right one?
15. How much should America intervene in the world’s trouble spots?
16. Do you believe America’s Middle East policies brought about the September 11 attacks?
17. If you are opposed to enlisting, what other way would you serve your country?
18. How do you keep up with the news?
Recreational Activities
1. What books do you read most often?
2. What books are not your cup of tea?
3. What TV programs do you watch regularly?
4. Which programs do you find a waste of time?
5. What are your favorite kinds of music?
6. What is your ideal place for a vacation?
7. What philosophers have you read?
8. Do you like to gamble?
9. What are your favorite hobbies?
10. How do you like to relax?
11. Who are your favorite actors, male and female?
12. What are your favorite art forms?
Sexual viewpoints
1. Is your partner’s sexual satisfaction very important?
2. How much will you do to please your partner?
3. Should men and women reserve sex for marriage?
4. Do you believe in the double standard?
5. Do you equate physical intimacy only with sexual intercourse?
6. If a woman isn't a virgin, does that mean she's not a good person?
Questions For Serious Relationships
Childhood Home Environment
1. How did your parents’ relationship affect your view of marriage?
2. Who was your hero as a child?
3. What did your parents teach you about sex?
4. Do you think your parents had a good sex life or an unhealthy one?
5. What was your father’s and mother’s youth like?
6. Did your parents believe children should be seen but not heard?
Ex Flames And Spouses
1. Do you share joint custody of your kids with your ex?
2. How well do you get along with your ex?
3. Does your ex call you constantly?
4. Would your ex try to break up our relationship?
5. If you have sole custody, would your ex try to get your child back?
6. What was the cause of your divorce?
Family Affairs
1. When could I meet your family?
2. Would it matter to you if your parents and family doesn’t like me?
3. Would you have a family only because it’s expected of you?
4. Do you like spending time with my family?
5. Is there anyone in my family you dislike, and why?
6. Do you or anyone in your family have an illness requiring special care?
7. What family issues do you have now that may cause problems later?
8. Would having either set of parents living with us be a bad idea?
9. Do you want any children from a previous marriage to live with us?
10. Are your children hostile to our new relationship?
11. Do your kids help out with chores in their home?
12. Would your child be angry or feel threatened by a new baby?
13. What about children can drive you crazy?
Love And Sex
1. Does my having a few extra pounds bother you?
2. Does a woman becoming a mother affect your sexual desire for her?
3. Would pregnancy be a sexual turn-off for you?
4. If you wanted me to lose weight, would you help me with exercise and diet?
5. Would a woman that had a mastectomy due to breast cancer still be sexy to you?
6. Do you have religious views about sex without procreation?
7. Do women who enjoy sex turn you on?
8. Do you like women to initiate sex?
9. What is your idea of foreplay?
10. Do you enjoy kissing and fondling?
11. Would you be angry or upset if a woman says she’s not satisfied?
12. How long do you engage in foreplay?
13. Would it affect our relationship if we couldn’t have a baby?
14. Would you want to know my entire sexual history?
15. How do you define romantic love in a relationship?
16. Are women mistaken to separate sex from romance?
17. Is sexual inexperience of both men and women a desirable state before marriage?
18. How does virginity benefit each partner in marriage?
19. Do you associate with love and happiness or with guilt and shame?
20. Have you lived with anyone in the past?
21. Do you value duty and honor in marriage above love and happiness?
22. Do you believe a marriage without sex can survive?
23. Would you insist on my doing a sexual activity that I was uncomfortable with?
24. Would you want me to try a threesome even if I didn’t want to?
25. How would you handle a sexual problem?
26. Do you find it hard to talk about sex problems?
27. Do you believe it is sinful to enjoy sex?
28. What things do you wish I did differently?
Money Matters
1. Are credit cards a good way to pay for purchases?
2. What is your idea of a safe investment?
3. Would you accept my returning to school for a degree or vocational training?
4. Do you buy high-ticket items on credit?
5. Can a wife handle the family finances?
6. Should the person who makes the most money make all the financial decisions?
7. Do you believe in budgeting or tracking expenses to manage money effectively?
8. Do either of us spend too much money?
9. If I wanted my own checking or savings account, would that upset you?
Philosophy And Politics
1. Do you believe married couples must have children?
2. Do you think mothers should stay home with their kids?
3. Would you want to marry someone like your mother?
4. What approach to discipline do you prefer?
5. After having children, when should mothers return to work?
6. Do you insist a woman be an expert cook?
7. Do you prefer men and women to assume their traditional roles in marriage?
8. Do you believe education is wasted on women?
9. Why do so many couples get divorced?
10. Who is your adult hero?
11. What subjects do you find it hard to talk about?
12. Should sex education be taught in schools?
13. Do you think of marriage as a gain or a loss?
14. Is a family of three not a “real” family in your view?
15. Should the man control all the money in a marriage?
16. Do you believe wives shouldn’t complain?
17. Would you resent being asked to help with housework?
18. Do you hate being surprised?
19. Would you be angry if I made a career change without consulting you?
20. Is it easier to give in to a difficult parent than to speak your mind?
21. Is it easier to tolerate a child’s bad behavior than to correct it?
22. Does the way I communicate annoy you?
23. Is there a real or perceived dark secret in your past?
24. What views do you have on marriage, religion and sex?
25. Do you want your future spouse to be of the same religion?
26. Must your future spouse be a regular churchgoer?
27. What are your views of celibacy in the Catholic priesthood?
28. How would you deal with a child who masturbates?
29. Should a child who masturbates be punished?
30. How much should children learn about sex?
31. Should children’s questions about sex be answered honestly?
32. Do you prefer your wife to be a virgin?
33. Does living together before marriage help to strengthen it?
34. How would you answer your child’s questions about birth?
35. What is your definition of obscenity?
36. Should The Pill be sold over the counter without prescription?
37. Should a child see his parents naked as a matter of nature?
38. Do you feel a woman who enjoys sex isn’t a lady?
39. What are your views on arranged marriages by parents?
40. Do you believe in strict parental control over children?
41. What is your opinion of modern teenagers?
42. Should the Catholic church abolish enforced celibacy for priests?
43. Is personal ambition good or bad?
44. What is your view of today’s health care system?
45. Does it upset you when I get angry?
46. Should only the man be the money provider?
47. How do you define cheating in a relationship?
Rest and relaxation
1. What part of the country would you like to visit for the first time?
2. Would you want me to dress a little differently, and how?
3. When could we take a vacation together?
4. How often do you like to cook?
5. Who are your favorite authors?
6. What are your favorite movies?
7. Who are your favorite musicians?
8. Do you watch pornography and how often?
Questions To Ask Before Marriage
Behaviors and Habits
1. Does your partner have a criminal record?
2. Does your partner abuse alcohol or drugs?
3. Does your partner humiliate you or put you down in public?
4. Is your partner too critical?
5. Can you accept criticism occasionally?
6. Is your partner a compulsive gambler?
7. Is your partner unreasonably jealous?
8. Has your partner broken your trust?
9. How has your partner behaved in past relationships?
10. Have all your wild oats been sown?
11. Is your partner physically abusive to you?
12. Is your partner flirting with other women?
13. How do you feel about pornography?
Career
1. Do you enjoy talking about your different careers?
2. Are you happy with your partner’s career choice?
3. Would you be willing to move if your partner got a new job?
4. Do you consider your career more important than your partner’s?
5. Would your partner understand your need for business travel?
6. How would you feel about moving every few years?
Common Interests
1. What leisure activities do you both like?
2. Does your partner encourage you to pursue your different interests?
3. Would your partner try something new?
4. Could you find new things to do together?
Expectations of married life
1. Do you each have expectations that you haven’t talked about?
2. What future changes in your partner would you find it hard to accept?
3. Do you think either of you should never change?
4. How much extra weight would bother both of you?
5. Would you want your partner to mention your weight as a health concern?
6. If you have children, will your partner be an active or distant parent?
7. Would you allow children to affect your sex life permanently?
8. Would your partner’s view of you as a woman change if you couldn’t conceive?
9. Does your partner insist that you cook dinner every night?
10. Would your partner be interested in cooking new meals together?
11. When you have problems to talk over, have you decided when would be the best time?
12. Do either of you think being selfish can be good as well as bad?
13. Are either of you expecting marriage to fill an unmet need? What is it?
14. Would you be angry at your partner’s requests for time alone?
15. When you have arguments in the future, will you discuss the causes honestly?
Faith
1. Does religion have a significant effect on your relationship? If so, describe it.
2. How would either of you feel about converting to the other’s religion?
Family
1. Are you both in agreement on parenthood?
2. Would a child bring joy or stress to your marriage?
3. How would you react to a severe illness or disability in your child?
4. How would you both cope with the loss of a child?
5. Have you talked about the size of your future family?
6. Do you both agree on methods of discipline?
7. Do you want to be a mother?
8. Does your partner want to be a father?
9. How does your partner feel about taking care of a baby?
10. Are you ready to give up your career to be a mother?
11. Does your partner like children?
12. How do your children feel about your partner?
13. Is your partner hostile to your kids?
14. Are either of you comfortable with being a step parent?
Friends And Socializing
1. Do you both have to give up nights out with friends?
2. Do you like each other’s friends?
Health
1. Are you both in good physical and mental health?
2. Would a serious illness have a negative impact on your marriage?
3. Would you stand by each other if one of you becomes severely ill?
4. Are either of you repulsed by the effects of a serious illness or accident?
5. How do you both react when the other isn’t well?
6. Is there a history of a serious mental or physical illness in your families?
7. Could either of you live with a smoker?
In-Laws
1. Are your prospective in-laws bossy and interfering?
2. How much influence do they have on your partner?
Little Domestic Conflicts
1. Where do you want to live?
2. Have either of you always dreamed of a particular place to live?
3. What is your idea of the perfect home, in size and location?
4. Are your body temperatures the same?
5. Do you have opposite sleeping schedules?
6. Do you resemble Felix and Oscar?
7. Who should do what in the house?
8. What are the things that drive each of you nuts?
9. Do you each know what you can and cannot live with?
10. What interests do you have in home decoration?
11. If decorating doesn’t interest your partner, would he rely on your judgement?
12. What colors do you both refuse to have on your walls?
13. What colors do you both refuse to have on your floors?
Love
1. Are you very much in love with your partner?
2. Are you really in love or is it only a strong sexual attraction?
3. Are you in love with your partner or in love with the idea of getting married?
4. Are you marrying too quickly after a prior breakup?
5. Are you marrying out of love or fear of being alone?
6. Have either of you made false assumptions about marriage?
7. Does your partner want a wife or just a housekeeper?
8. Do you both love each other as individuals, or for something the other wants?
9. Are either of you marrying for financial security?
10. Is an unexpected pregnancy the only reason for marriage?
11. Are you certain you’re ready for marriage at this time?
Money
1. What are your feelings about money?
2. How do you each handle credit?
3. Are either of you penny-pinchers?
4. Are you both comfortable with financial risks?
5. Do either of you overspend on perceived necessities?
6. Are you both comfortable with separate accounts?
7. Does your partner insist on putting all your money in a joint account?
8. How do you both feel about sharing property and other assets?
Personal Characteristics
1. Could your different family backgrounds cause problems?
2. Are you a team player or more of a loner?
3. Do either of you have a need to be right every time?
4. Do you have the same outlooks on life?
5. Could your partner help you through a personal crisis?
6. Are you both able to say no to others without feeling guilty?
7. Are you well-matched intellectually?
8. Are you tolerant of each other’s differing needs?
9. Are you both proud of each other’s life accomplishments?
10. How do you each handle arguments?
Politics
1. How do you handle opposing political viewpoints?
2. Do you discuss or argue about your differences?
Sex
1. Do you or your partner find sex unpleasant or "dirty?"
2. Do you both care about each other’s sexual needs?
3. Do you both have matching sex drives?
4. Will your sex lives change after marriage?
5. Do you both like to experiment?
6. Are each of you content with the sexual side of your relationship?
7. Is your partner comfortable with you initiating sex?
8. Do you enjoy sex as a healthy, normal and loving part of your relationship?
9. What acts of lovemaking make each of you uncomfortable?
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