Captain Underpants Does NASCAR

The Car Guy of Benchfield

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Captain Underpants Does NASCAR

by Steve Wingate

Author's Note: Absolutely none of this is to be taken seriously. This entire article was the idea of my children aged 6 and 8.

I came home from work the other day to find my children huddled in their playhouse with a few friends, giggling madly over something they were reading. When I walked up, my daughter looked up and announced proudly that my name was "Snotty Chuckletush" and that her name was "Squeezit Chuckletush" and her brother's name was "Chim-Chim Chuckletush". She then introduced me to her freinds "Stinky Gizzardsniffer" and "Booger Picklehiney".

As some of you parents out there may have already deduced, my kids had gotten their grubby little mits on one of the "Captain Underpants" books by Dav Pilkey. They handed me the book and told me to use the "Professor Poppypants name changer" to give my friends, relatives and co-workers their new silly names. Well, after sending them into spastic fits of chortling with some of my co-workers (like "Falafel Gigglebutt" and "Stinky Pottybreath") I was so taken with the name changer that I began rattling off names of NASCAR drivers to amuse myself as well as them.

My daughter, ever the quick thinker, said: "Why don't you write an article about that, Daddy?" and laughed. Only I wasn't laughing. The creative juices were flowing and I was conceptualizing my next article. Horse puckey. I saw a way to work through my latest case of writer's block the lazy way.

So anyway, here's how it works for those of you who are not familiar with the "Poppypants name changer." The name changer is a series of three charts, each containing the letters of the alphabet with a word written beside each letter. From the first chart, find the letter that your first name begins with, in my case S. Beside the S is the word "Snotty". This is my new first name. On the second chart, you choose the first letter of your last name. For me, this is W, so the first half of my new surname is "Chuckle" Use the last letter of your last name from the last chart to come up with the last half of your new surname. So, my official new name is "Snotty Chuckletush" as I mentioned before.

Here's what happens when you apply the name changer to some of the biggest NASCAR stars:

Dale Earnhardt-- Gidget Girdlesniffer

Jeff Gordon-- Poopsie Lizardchunks

Tony Stewart-- Falafel Pizzasniffer

Bobby Labonte-- Lumpy Livertush

Rusty Wallace-- Loopy Chuckletush (no relation)

Mark Martin-- Pinky Bananachunks

Johnny Benson-- Poopsie Toiletchunks

John Andretti-- Poopsie Diaperlips

Dale Jarrett-- Gidget Monkeysniffer

Pretty juvenile, huh? Yeah, I know... I ought to be ashamed of myself. It's pretty bad when the only articles you can come up with are stuff like this. For me, this is only further proof that it is high time for the 2001 season to start... if it doesn't start soon I may be forced to write something even sillier.

Hey, did you guys ever think about how many words can be made from "Dale Earnhardt"? Well, lets see, theres: darn, earn, need, dart.....

**** article by Snotty Chuckletush ****

2001 Car Guy of Benchfield

Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us


	The Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us Captain Underpants Does NASCAR by Steve Wingate Author's Note: Absolutely none of this is to be taken seriously. This entire article was the idea of my children aged 6 and 8. I came home from work the other day to find my children huddled in their playhouse with a few friends, giggling madly over something they were reading. When I walked up, my daughter looked up and announced proudly that my name was "Snotty Chuckletush" and that her name was "Squeezit Chuckletush" and her brother's name was "Chim-Chim Chuckletush". She then introduced me to her freinds "Stinky Gizzardsniffer" and "Booger Picklehiney". As some of you parents out there may have already deduced, my kids had gotten their grubby little mits on one of the "Captain Underpants" books by Dav Pilkey. They handed me the book and told me to use the "Professor Poppypants name changer" to give my friends, relatives and co-workers their new silly names. Well, after sending them into spastic fits of chortling with some of my co-workers (like "Falafel Gigglebutt" and "Stinky Pottybreath") I was so taken with the name changer that I began rattling off names of NASCAR drivers to amuse myself as well as them. My daughter, ever the quick thinker, said: "Why don't you write an article about that, Daddy?" and laughed. Only I wasn't laughing. The creative juices were flowing and I was conceptualizing my next article. Horse puckey. I saw a way to work through my latest case of writer's block the lazy way. So anyway, here's how it works for those of you who are not familiar with the "Poppypants name changer." The name changer is a series of three charts, each containing the letters of the alphabet with a word written beside each letter. From the first chart, find the letter that your first name begins with, in my case S. Beside the S is the word "Snotty". This is my new first name. On the second chart, you choose the first letter of your last name. For me, this is W, so the first half of my new surname is "Chuckle" Use the last letter of your last name from the last chart to come up with the last half of your new surname. So, my official new name is "Snotty Chuckletush" as I mentioned before. Here's what happens when you apply the name changer to some of the biggest NASCAR stars: Dale Earnhardt-- Gidget Girdlesniffer Jeff Gordon-- Poopsie Lizardchunks Tony Stewart-- Falafel Pizzasniffer Bobby Labonte-- Lumpy Livertush Rusty Wallace-- Loopy Chuckletush (no relation) Mark Martin-- Pinky Bananachunks Johnny Benson-- Poopsie Toiletchunks John Andretti-- Poopsie Diaperlips Dale Jarrett-- Gidget Monkeysniffer Pretty juvenile, huh? Yeah, I know... I ought to be ashamed of myself. It's pretty bad when the only articles you can come up with are stuff like this. For me, this is only further proof that it is high time for the 2001 season to start... if it doesn't start soon I may be forced to write something even sillier. Hey, did you guys ever think about how many words can be made from "Dale Earnhardt"? Well, lets see, theres: darn, earn, need, dart..... ** article by Snotty Chuckletush 2001 Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us**