NASCAR Lingo

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Know Thy NASCAR Lingo

By Steve Wingate

Originally Appeared on Mike Calinoff's Stock Car City

Since I have absolutely nothing interesting to say about the current state of Winston Cup racing at this time, I'm going to regale you readers with yet another dose of my NASCAR nonsense. In this article, I will explain a few of the terms used in and around the track on race day. TV announcers use these terms freely without bothering to explain them, so I will do just that for those of you who are new to the racing scene.

Marbles: What you've lost when you pay three dollars for bottled water at the track.

Tight: What you are when you bring your own bottled water to the track.

Burnout: An after-effect of too many chili dogs on race day.

Dirty air: Yet another after-effect of too many racetrack chili dogs.

Donut: The only thing that makes your seat at the track comfortable. Available at most home health care stores.

Pit area: A place that gets really smelly after a long hot day at the races.

Wedge: What those uncomfortable seats at the track can give you if you don't have a donut.

Apron: Something you shouldn't wear to a race. Much like wearing a tutu to a rodeo.

Spring Rubber: Let's not even go there.

Not only do they use strange terms at the track, they also assign new meanings to every day words such as:

Restroom: That place that has a line all the way into the next time zone.

Visitor Center: A service provided by many tracks that is capable of telling you, down the last foot, how far you have to walk to find beer. (It's never very far.)

Financing: What you need to buy food at the racetrack.

Souvenir: A licensed product emblazoned with the name of your favorite driver that costs four times more that a non-licensed item. For example, take a plain old coffee cup like you can get from Kmart for 1.49, then take the same coffee cup and slather a NASCAR driver's colors all over it, and viola! You've got a genuine "NASCAR Collectors Mug" that sells for 12.99! They offer financing, of course.

Pavaratzi: Those wieners that you always see when the standing behind the drivers during post race interviews. You know the ones-- they all do the same thing, which is either a) make the "thumbs-up sign" at the camera, b) stare listlessly about, maybe even manage a small wave and feeble smile, or c) make stupid faces under their own pretense of looking cool and impressing everybody back home. I'm sure their parents must be proud:

Dad: Martha, come look! Our David's on TV again. See? Right there behind Dale Jarrett's shoulder.

Mom: (coming into the room) Oh, dear… he'd better put his shirt back on, he'll catch cold. What is he doing? David! Get that finger out of your nose! You'll poke your brain!

Dad: He can't hear you, Martha, and he's in Talladega, Alabama, he's not going to catch cold. I've heard that the devil himself is jealous of Alabama heat. And by the looks of him, I don't think poking his brain is a big concern right now, because I do believe he has liquefied most of it with The Official Beer of NASCAR.

Mom: Such a good boy! Such a… David! Don't make bunny ears behind Dale! You're only supposed to do that to Jeff Gordon or Jimmy Spencer!

I hope this clears things up for the novice race fans out there. Just think-- now you can carry on intelligent conversations with other race fans and impress them with your superior insider knowledge.

However, as great as my knowledge may be, it is still lacking in some areas. This is where you more experienced fans come in… I need you all to send me some definitions to the following racing terms: Telemetry, track bar, war wagon, catch fence, HANS, spoiler, hat dance and drafting. And remember-- be creative… better yet, be downright goofy if you want. I'll publish some of the better responses in a follow-up article to appear right here on StockCarCity.com in the coming weeks.

Jump to "More NASCAR Lingo: Fans Speak Out!"

2001 Car Guy of Benchfield

Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us


	The Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us Know Thy NASCAR Lingo By Steve Wingate Originally Appeared on Mike Calinoff's Stock Car City Since I have absolutely nothing interesting to say about the current state of Winston Cup racing at this time, I'm going to regale you readers with yet another dose of my NASCAR nonsense. In this article, I will explain a few of the terms used in and around the track on race day. TV announcers use these terms freely without bothering to explain them, so I will do just that for those of you who are new to the racing scene. Marbles: What you've lost when you pay three dollars for bottled water at the track. Tight: What you are when you bring your own bottled water to the track. Burnout: An after-effect of too many chili dogs on race day. Dirty air: Yet another after-effect of too many racetrack chili dogs. Donut: The only thing that makes your seat at the track comfortable. Available at most home health care stores. Pit area: A place that gets really smelly after a long hot day at the races. Wedge: What those uncomfortable seats at the track can give you if you don't have a donut. Apron: Something you shouldn't wear to a race. Much like wearing a tutu to a rodeo. Spring Rubber: Let's not even go there. Not only do they use strange terms at the track, they also assign new meanings to every day words such as: Restroom: That place that has a line all the way into the next time zone. Visitor Center: A service provided by many tracks that is capable of telling you, down the last foot, how far you have to walk to find beer. (It's never very far.) Financing: What you need to buy food at the racetrack. Souvenir: A licensed product emblazoned with the name of your favorite driver that costs four times more that a non-licensed item. For example, take a plain old coffee cup like you can get from Kmart for 1.49, then take the same coffee cup and slather a NASCAR driver's colors all over it, and viola! You've got a genuine "NASCAR Collectors Mug" that sells for 12.99! They offer financing, of course. Pavaratzi: Those wieners that you always see when the standing behind the drivers during post race interviews. You know the ones-- they all do the same thing, which is either a) make the "thumbs-up sign" at the camera, b) stare listlessly about, maybe even manage a small wave and feeble smile, or c) make stupid faces under their own pretense of looking cool and impressing everybody back home. I'm sure their parents must be proud: Dad: Martha, come look! Our David's on TV again. See? Right there behind Dale Jarrett's shoulder. Mom: (coming into the room) Oh, dear… he'd better put his shirt back on, he'll catch cold. What is he doing? David! Get that finger out of your nose! You'll poke your brain! Dad: He can't hear you, Martha, and he's in Talladega, Alabama, he's not going to catch cold. I've heard that the devil himself is jealous of Alabama heat. And by the looks of him, I don't think poking his brain is a big concern right now, because I do believe he has liquefied most of it with The Official Beer of NASCAR. Mom: Such a good boy! Such a… David! Don't make bunny ears behind Dale! You're only supposed to do that to Jeff Gordon or Jimmy Spencer! I hope this clears things up for the novice race fans out there. Just think-- now you can carry on intelligent conversations with other race fans and impress them with your superior insider knowledge. However, as great as my knowledge may be, it is still lacking in some areas. This is where you more experienced fans come in… I need you all to send me some definitions to the following racing terms: Telemetry, track bar, war wagon, catch fence, HANS, spoiler, hat dance and drafting. And remember-- be creative… better yet, be downright goofy if you want. I'll publish some of the better responses in a follow-up article to appear right here on StockCarCity.com in the coming weeks. Jump to "More NASCAR Lingo: Fans Speak Out!" 2001 Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us