TCGOB: "Leftovers 2001" by Steve Wingate

Once again, I find myself with absolutely nothing to write about. The last race is done for, the banquet is over, the checks have all been handed out and Daytona is an eternity away. The Internet is littered with articles about what all the drivers want for Christmas and driver "report cards" for the season, but I don't want to go into that. Instead, I'll just present you with a few random thoughts that I had throughout the season that never really developed into anything.

First off, the commercials-- man, we had some commercials this year, didn't we? Some of them were pretty good, but I think everyone got tired of seeing all them. How many of you out there can quote the entire Bowflex commercial? How many of you would have gladly put a brick through the TV every time you saw a Stacker 2 commercial? "Stackah Two, the woild's strongest fat boiner, capice? How many of you would have cheerfully strangled each and every one of the "Howyadoon?" guys on the Budweiser commercials? How many of you have written your Sprint PCS commercials? Even I've got one:

Sprint PCS Guy: What seems to be the problem here, ma'am? (Sprint PCS Guy looks over and sees a five hundred pound man sitting on the couch.)

Wife: I asked my idiot husband to bring home cat food, and instead he walks in with this fat dude. Of course, maybe I shouldn't complain….this is a lot better than the time I told him to bring me some cold pills.

Wife: He comes in with this squashed armadillo and says: "Cold pill? I thought you said road kill." What a moron!

Wife: (sarcastically) No, he was using a messenger pigeon! He's already got a digital phone, but that doesn't help the fact that he's just plain stupid and doesn't listen to word I say. Here, watch this: Hey, honey…. Do you want pasta salad for dinner?

Let's hope we have a better crop of commercials next year. It'll be interesting to see just how many more "big brown truck" commercials UPS can come up with. How about one where Dale Jarrett wears the UPS summer uniform with the shorts and ankle socks and drives a race car with the driver side door cut away. Since he won't drive the truck, we decided to compromise.

Aside from the UPS commercials, I haven't seen any really good ones since that Miller Lite commercial where Rusty Wallace runs over the woodchuck. Rusty, it's a woodchuck, and he's hurt!

And what about that Outback Steakhouse commercial where Dale Jarrett says: "Get your own bloomin' onion, Ricky." And then snatches it away just as Ricky is about to snag a piece of it, and says: "Too fast for ya' Ricky." Bearing this commercial in mind, isn't it ironic that Ricky finished ahead of Dale in the points?

There was a lot of talk about NASCAR expanding westward this past year. We've already got two races in California and one in Las Vegas. If they expand much farther, they'll have to split the series to have enough dates to run everything. I can just see it now: "NASCAR 90210", premiering this fall.

I couldn't help getting tickled watching Sterling Marlin on stage in New York. Here's one of NASCAR's last remaining "good ole' boys", somebody from my neck of the woods, up on stage at the Waldorf-Astoria. He spoke well and intelligently, but his southern twang betrayed his true thoughts. Woooo-weee! This is some fancy shindig, here boy! An' I'm all gussied up and on stage and.. man, oh man, this suit itches! Sterling, we love 'ya for not goin' all Hollywood on us!

Also at the awards ceremony, Ricky Rudd pointed out that Rusty Wallace was seated directly behind him. Did NASCAR do this on purpose? Kind of like having Cole Trickle and Rowdy Burns ride to dinner in the same car isn't it? Thank God their wives were there to keep the peace. "Linda, Rusty just kicked the back of my chair again." Linda turns and scowls at both of them. "Now, boys.... let's not have any bickering during the ceremony."

Geico sponsoring Buckshot Jones. Motto: "If we'll sponsor Buckshot, we'll certainly insure you." I don't want to get a lot of emails from irate Buckshot fans on this one, but not even his fans can't deny that he tears up an awful lot of race cars.

Rusty Wallace and Ricky Rudd selling touch-up paint. "Hi, I'm Rusty Wallace. And after me and Ricky get together on the race track, I usually have some pretty serious dings and scratches. That's why I use Acme Touch-Up Automotive Paint. It even comes in my sponsor's colors."

Dale Jarrett and Polaris ATVs. "I wish I'd been driving a Polaris ATV at Watkins Glen this year. Wouldn't have had to wait on the tow truck that way."

Well, that's about it for me this year. I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading my stuff on "The Car Guy of Benchfield" and "Stock Car City". I'd also like to thank everyone who has written me with a compliment or a complaint… I love hearing from you all. I'd like to thank Mike Calinoff for giving me a chance and Jan Bazen for helping out with the writing duties on TCGOB.


	The Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us Leftovers from 2001 By Steve Wingate, TCGOB Publisher Once again, I find myself with absolutely nothing to write about. The last race is done for, the banquet is over, the checks have all been handed out and Daytona is an eternity away. The Internet is littered with articles about what all the drivers want for Christmas and driver "report cards" for the season, but I don't want to go into that. Instead, I'll just present you with a few random thoughts that I had throughout the season that never really developed into anything. ******** First off, the commercials-- man, we had some commercials this year, didn't we? Some of them were pretty good, but I think everyone got tired of seeing all them. How many of you out there can quote the entire Bowflex commercial? How many of you would have gladly put a brick through the TV every time you saw a Stacker 2 commercial? "Stackah Two, the woild's strongest fat boiner, capice? How many of you would have cheerfully strangled each and every one of the "Howyadoon?" guys on the Budweiser commercials? How many of you have written your Sprint PCS commercials? Even I've got one: Sprint PCS Guy: What seems to be the problem here, ma'am? (Sprint PCS Guy looks over and sees a five hundred pound man sitting on the couch.) Wife: I asked my idiot husband to bring home cat food, and instead he walks in with this fat dude. Of course, maybe I shouldn't complain….this is a lot better than the time I told him to bring me some cold pills. Sprint PCS Guy: What happened then, ma'am? Wife: He comes in with this squashed armadillo and says: "Cold pill? I thought you said road kill." What a moron! Sprint PCS Guy: Sir, were you using a cellular phone? (Husband attempts to answer, but wife cuts him off.) Wife: (sarcastically) No, he was using a messenger pigeon! He's already got a digital phone, but that doesn't help the fact that he's just plain stupid and doesn't listen to word I say. Here, watch this: Hey, honey…. Do you want pasta salad for dinner? Husband: No dear, you know I don't like monster ballads or paint thinner. Wife: See what I mean? Sprint PCS Guy: Yes, ma'am. My work here is done. I think. Fat Dude: Can we have pancakes? Let's hope we have a better crop of commercials next year. It'll be interesting to see just how many more "big brown truck" commercials UPS can come up with. How about one where Dale Jarrett wears the UPS summer uniform with the shorts and ankle socks and drives a race car with the driver side door cut away. Since he won't drive the truck, we decided to compromise. Aside from the UPS commercials, I haven't seen any really good ones since that Miller Lite commercial where Rusty Wallace runs over the woodchuck. Rusty, it's a woodchuck, and he's hurt! And what about that Outback Steakhouse commercial where Dale Jarrett says: "Get your own bloomin' onion, Ricky." And then snatches it away just as Ricky is about to snag a piece of it, and says: "Too fast for ya' Ricky." Bearing this commercial in mind, isn't it ironic that Ricky finished ahead of Dale in the points? ** There was a lot of talk about NASCAR expanding westward this past year. We've already got two races in California and one in Las Vegas. If they expand much farther, they'll have to split the series to have enough dates to run everything. I can just see it now: "NASCAR 90210", premiering this fall. ** I couldn't help getting tickled watching Sterling Marlin on stage in New York. Here's one of NASCAR's last remaining "good ole' boys", somebody from my neck of the woods, up on stage at the Waldorf-Astoria. He spoke well and intelligently, but his southern twang betrayed his true thoughts. Woooo-weee! This is some fancy shindig, here boy! An' I'm all gussied up and on stage and.. man, oh man, this suit itches! Sterling, we love 'ya for not goin' all Hollywood on us! Also at the awards ceremony, Ricky Rudd pointed out that Rusty Wallace was seated directly behind him. Did NASCAR do this on purpose? Kind of like having Cole Trickle and Rowdy Burns ride to dinner in the same car isn't it? Thank God their wives were there to keep the peace. "Linda, Rusty just kicked the back of my chair again." Linda turns and scowls at both of them. "Now, boys.... let's not have any bickering during the ceremony." ** Some sponsor involvement I'd like to see: Geico sponsoring Buckshot Jones. Motto: "If we'll sponsor Buckshot, we'll certainly insure you." I don't want to get a lot of emails from irate Buckshot fans on this one, but not even his fans can't deny that he tears up an awful lot of race cars. Rusty Wallace and Ricky Rudd selling touch-up paint. "Hi, I'm Rusty Wallace. And after me and Ricky get together on the race track, I usually have some pretty serious dings and scratches. That's why I use Acme Touch-Up Automotive Paint. It even comes in my sponsor's colors." Dale Jarrett and Polaris ATVs. "I wish I'd been driving a Polaris ATV at Watkins Glen this year. Wouldn't have had to wait on the tow truck that way." Jeff Gordon and Crazy Glue. "I make sure my crew puts a dab of Crazy Glue on all of my shift knobs, now." Well, that's about it for me this year. I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading my stuff on "The Car Guy of Benchfield" and "Stock Car City". I'd also like to thank everyone who has written me with a compliment or a complaint… I love hearing from you all. I'd like to thank Mike Calinoff for giving me a chance and Jan Bazen for helping out with the writing duties on TCGOB. Merry Christmas, and God Bless America. 2001 Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us**