TCGOB: "Always Give The Fans A Good Show?" by Steve Wingate

The Car Guy of Benchfield

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Always Give The Fans a Good Show?

By Steve Wingate

Originally Appeared on Mike Calinoff's Stock Car City

I believe it was Bill France himself who once said; "Always give the fans a good show." NASCAR has a knack for giving the fans just that, but let's face it…. Sometimes they just can't give the fans what they want, and they go home disappointed. Whether it be a single race, or an entire season, NASCAR can sometimes get a little boring. I have a few ideas that should help NASCAR spice things up a little bit. I'm taking my inspiration from Humpy Wheeler, the master showman of NASCAR, and a bottle of really cheap wine, so here goes…..

NWC Smackdown! This event would take place the night before the WC race and the combatants would be the two drivers who had the biggest gripe with one another at the finish of the previous week's race. Two drivers, engaged in hand-to-hand combat! Can you just imagine the pre-fight interviews with the drivers? Take for example, the Stewart-Gordon scuffle from earlier this year….

Benny Parsons: Tony, do you have anything to say about last week's incident between you and Jeff Gordon?

Tony: Yeah BP, I do. I WANNA LET JEFF GORDON KNOW THAT IF HE COMES NEAR ME ON THE TRACK TOMORROW, I'M GONNA PUT HIM IN THE WALL! (rips the top of his uniform) YOU HEAR ME, JEFF? I'M GONNA STOMP A MUDHOLE IN YA AND WALK IT DRY! I'M GONNA... WHACK!

Tony crumples to the ground as Brooke Gordon nails him on the back with a folding chair.

The only constraints on this event would be that no one driver can participate more than three times in a season (not that this would affect anyone other than Jimmy Spencer or Tony Stewart) and only drivers can pair off, no NASCAR officials, reporters, or overly- opinionated freelance Internet columnists can be brought in.

"Criss-Cross Crash" I got this idea from watching my son play with his Hot Wheels. An exhibition race on a figure eight track complete with a loopity-loop and giant snake that eats cars at random. (Hey, my son finds this amusing, so why can't adults with high blood alcohol levels get a kick out of it?) That would definitely make the spotter's job a lot more stressful, too. Okay driver… clear low. The 98 is not racing for position. OH MY GOD, LABONTE IS COMING FROM THE OTHER WAY! LIFT! OH NO, uh… whew. That was close. All clear. The 98 is not rac….SNAKE!!!!! This sounds kinda like one of Humpy's pre-race shows… he just might go for this one.

The Switcharoo 200: This no-points race would pit the top ten in points against the bottom ten, only they would be required to switch cars. Number one in points would switch cars with the last place points holder, second in points would switch with next to the last, and so on. This race would make a lot of drivers sweat their jobs a little more, don't you think?

NASCAR Demolition Derby: Watch top drivers turn their 100K machines into smoldering piles of metal. Can't you just see NBC airing "The NASCAR Junkyard Wars presented by BFI and Bubba's Recycling Depot." The purse would be comprised of the total scrap metal yield from the race.

The Mid-Town Manhattan Rally: I've always thought it was kind of dull to find out who the Winston Cup Champ was at the end of the last race of the season, so I'm proposing this change: All that will be announced at the last race will be the top five in points. Then, one hour before the start of the banquet in New York, the top five finishers will climb into their cars and race through New York City to the Waldorf-Astoria. Whoever staggers into the banquet room and puts his hand on the trophy first will be WC champ for that year. In the event of a tie, the winner will be decided by who hit the most pedestrians on their way to the banquet. In the event of a tie there, the title will be decided by arm wrestling… or a belching contest, whatever works best.

I'm sure that if NASCAR puts some of these ideas into action, they will see attendance at the races jump and TV ratings soar, not to mention a merchandising boom. The toy companies won't be able to resist making "Stone Cold Tony Stewart" dolls or NASCAR Demolition Derby playsets. These changes would breathe new life into the sport and still make the fans feel like they've been entertained when they leave the track or turn off their TVs. Who cares if the race ends under caution or if one driver dominates the whole thing when you've seen a giant snake gobble down a Winston Cup stock car and Dale Earnhardt Jr. do a loopity-loop?

Hey… has anyone got Humpy's phone number?

2001 Car Guy of Benchfield

Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us


	The Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us Always Give The Fans a Good Show? By Steve Wingate Originally Appeared on Mike Calinoff's Stock Car City I believe it was Bill France himself who once said; "Always give the fans a good show." NASCAR has a knack for giving the fans just that, but let's face it…. Sometimes they just can't give the fans what they want, and they go home disappointed. Whether it be a single race, or an entire season, NASCAR can sometimes get a little boring. I have a few ideas that should help NASCAR spice things up a little bit. I'm taking my inspiration from Humpy Wheeler, the master showman of NASCAR, and a bottle of really cheap wine, so here goes….. NWC Smackdown! This event would take place the night before the WC race and the combatants would be the two drivers who had the biggest gripe with one another at the finish of the previous week's race. Two drivers, engaged in hand-to-hand combat! Can you just imagine the pre-fight interviews with the drivers? Take for example, the Stewart-Gordon scuffle from earlier this year…. Benny Parsons: Tony, do you have anything to say about last week's incident between you and Jeff Gordon? Tony: Yeah BP, I do. I WANNA LET JEFF GORDON KNOW THAT IF HE COMES NEAR ME ON THE TRACK TOMORROW, I'M GONNA PUT HIM IN THE WALL! (rips the top of his uniform) YOU HEAR ME, JEFF? I'M GONNA STOMP A MUDHOLE IN YA AND WALK IT DRY! I'M GONNA... WHACK! Tony crumples to the ground as Brooke Gordon nails him on the back with a folding chair. The only constraints on this event would be that no one driver can participate more than three times in a season (not that this would affect anyone other than Jimmy Spencer or Tony Stewart) and only drivers can pair off, no NASCAR officials, reporters, or overly- opinionated freelance Internet columnists can be brought in. "Criss-Cross Crash" I got this idea from watching my son play with his Hot Wheels. An exhibition race on a figure eight track complete with a loopity-loop and giant snake that eats cars at random. (Hey, my son finds this amusing, so why can't adults with high blood alcohol levels get a kick out of it?) That would definitely make the spotter's job a lot more stressful, too. Okay driver… clear low. The 98 is not racing for position. OH MY GOD, LABONTE IS COMING FROM THE OTHER WAY! LIFT! OH NO, uh… whew. That was close. All clear. The 98 is not rac….SNAKE!!!!! This sounds kinda like one of Humpy's pre-race shows… he just might go for this one. The Switcharoo 200: This no-points race would pit the top ten in points against the bottom ten, only they would be required to switch cars. Number one in points would switch cars with the last place points holder, second in points would switch with next to the last, and so on. This race would make a lot of drivers sweat their jobs a little more, don't you think? NASCAR Demolition Derby: Watch top drivers turn their 100K machines into smoldering piles of metal. Can't you just see NBC airing "The NASCAR Junkyard Wars presented by BFI and Bubba's Recycling Depot." The purse would be comprised of the total scrap metal yield from the race. The Mid-Town Manhattan Rally: I've always thought it was kind of dull to find out who the Winston Cup Champ was at the end of the last race of the season, so I'm proposing this change: All that will be announced at the last race will be the top five in points. Then, one hour before the start of the banquet in New York, the top five finishers will climb into their cars and race through New York City to the Waldorf-Astoria. Whoever staggers into the banquet room and puts his hand on the trophy first will be WC champ for that year. In the event of a tie, the winner will be decided by who hit the most pedestrians on their way to the banquet. In the event of a tie there, the title will be decided by arm wrestling… or a belching contest, whatever works best. I'm sure that if NASCAR puts some of these ideas into action, they will see attendance at the races jump and TV ratings soar, not to mention a merchandising boom. The toy companies won't be able to resist making "Stone Cold Tony Stewart" dolls or NASCAR Demolition Derby playsets. These changes would breathe new life into the sport and still make the fans feel like they've been entertained when they leave the track or turn off their TVs. Who cares if the race ends under caution or if one driver dominates the whole thing when you've seen a giant snake gobble down a Winston Cup stock car and Dale Earnhardt Jr. do a loopity-loop? Hey… has anyone got Humpy's phone number? 2001 Car Guy of Benchfield Home + TCGOB NASCAR! + Photo Garage + Links + Mad Mad Automotive World + Driving Songs + Humor Pages + Reader's Rides+ All About TCGOB + Contact Us