Who wears the pants?
by Skylark
Who wears the pants? by Skylark
Disclaimer: The characters of Clark Kent and Lois Lane belong to DC comics. This story is written for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from this story.
Summary: Lois is furious that someone has spilled coffee on her new white sofa.
Author’s note: I hope dear reader that you like this little piece of fluff that I wrote one bored afternoon when I had nothing better to do.
CHAPTER 1
“Alright..who spilled the coffee on my white sofa?” exclaims Lois in a loud and angry voice. Lois stands with her arms across her chest in a standard Superman pose, however on Mad Dog Lane that pose only serves to inspire fear and terror in the Kent household.
Clark shakes his head and responds “Not me dear...I swear..I’ve been in the laundry room all morning..cleaning one of the suits. (pointing to the washing machine) See..the machine is just starting..I’m innocent…cross my heart and...”
Jon, the 6 year old “No Mom..it’s not me..I swear..I..was just passing through..I don’t drink coffee so it can’t be me..it must be Dad or some other grownup..”
“Hey..I haven’t drunk coffee since last night when I came home from the three alarm fire and I went straight to bed..I didn’t linger by the sofa..I spun out of my Superman out fit and took a shower and crashed.”
“Listen guys..one of you spilt coffee and I want an explanation NOW” declared Lois Lane in full Mad Dog Lane mode.
“Really dear..I..ah..oh “ Clark cocks his head as if he hears a faraway sound and a relieved expression comes across Clark’s features as he explains “Oh..there’s a bank robbery in progress..Superman is needed I’ve got to go.” Clark runs into the bedroom at superspeed to grab his spare suit from the closet and spins into his suit and flies out the window and quickly glad to leave an angry Lois behind him.
Jon, who has already picked up some of his father’s super abilities proceeds to leave as he says “I’ve got to go finish my homework at Roger’s house and I promised I would help Roger with his math..” In a blur, Jon grabs his books and is out the door without waiting for his mother’s reply.
Lois yells after both her disappearing son and husband knowing both could hear her even from a distance because of their superhearing “Chicken, both of you! “
Lucy, Lois’ younger sister on break from college, waltzes into the living room at noon with her pajamas and robe on and proceeds to go to the refrigerator for some junk food breakfast. Lucy wants to have frozen pizza for breakfast..but when Lucy hears her sister yell at Clark and Jon..she decides to get out of bed to investigate. Lucy opens her eyes and notices that it is 11:59. I guess it’s about time to get up and get something to eat.
“So..sis..what’s the fuss about? I could hear your yelling from upstairs” Lucy talks to Lois and at the same time grabs a piece of frozen pizza from the refrigerator and sits down to eat talking with her mouth full.
Lois puts her hands through her hair and bursts out laughing suddenly. “Oh Luce..you should have seen the look on Clark’s and Jon’s face when I accused them of spilling coffee on my new white sofa..they looked like deer caught in headlights..”
Lucy calmly chews on her pizza and burps loudly before replying “You know sis..I’m impressed how you can get the strongest man in the world quaking in his boots every morning..how do you do it?”
Lois continues laughing as she explains “I guess that’s part of my Mad Dog Lane charm..I’ve got Superman..quaking..and terrified of me almost all the time but this morning Clark was especially scared...you should have seen them..Clark couldn’t get out of here fast enough..and little Jon actually looked happy to do his homework..it was such a riot..” Lois is holding her sides because she has been laughing so hard that her ribs hurt.
“Okay..I get it..Clark and Jon are scared..so what’s so funny about that?” Lucy asks calmly as she finishes the frozen pizza in one gulp and starts to get up to get some milk to wash down the pizza. Lucy pours the milk into her glass as she listens to Lois continue her strange conversation. Lucy gives her sister a funny look and is tempted to feel Lois’ forehead to see if her funny behaviour couldn’t be attributed to some illness..after all this is Lois Lane..serious, dedicated and loyal wife to..Lois interrupts Lucy’s thoughts.
“Oh Lucy..it’s just funny because..well” Lois just can’t get the words out because she has been laughing so hard that she is out of breath. “Wait a sec, Luce..I just have to pull my wits together..”
Lucy sits down with a glass of milk and some chocolate chip cookes as her dessert and is about to turn on the radio when Lois says “You know Luce..I am the only one in the household that drinks coffee..I knew that neither Clark nor Jon spilt coffee on that white sofa..I knew all along that it was I the guilty party…it’s just so hilarious to scare Superman from time to time with a crime he didn’t even commit..he was so terrified..” Lois breaks into guffaws once again.
“Lois, you have a really strange sense of humor. Clark should have realized that you spilt the coffee because you’re the only one in the household who drinks coffee! You know that’s really mean of you..classy joke..but mean..”
Lois stops laughing for a moment as she considers Lucy’s last statement “Yeah you’re right..Clark’s going to feel so guilty..he’s going to try to make it up to me by doing something special..like cleaning the couch..and then taking me out to dinner..I should tell Clark I put him on..” Lois stares at the stain on the sofa and changes her mind “but then again..Clark’s ego deserves to come down a notch or two after all the acclaim he gets as Superman..nah..I don’t think I’ll tell..”
At this point, Lucy gives Lois an incredulous stare. She couldn’t believe that her older sister usually so serious and so righteous was acting like a mischievous teenager. “Lois I can’t believe you..you’re acting like me!”
“Ah well..maybe it’s the Lane genes!” smiles Lois as she begins to clear off Lucy’s table of al the dirty dishes from her breakfast. “I guess it’s one of the perks that comes with being the wife of Superman..I rule!”
“Sis..you are the luckiest woman in the world..you have the strongest man in the world wrapped around your little finger! You are so lucky that he is so in love with you that he takes your word literally and doesn’t even question you..now I call that true love!”
“Yeah, I am lucky aren’t I? Sometimes Clark looks so cute when he gives me that puppy dog look of his..it literally melts my heart..I don’t know what got into me this morning..but suddenly I just wanted to play a joke on my hubby and well..it was fun being Mad Dog Lane.”
Lucy rolls her eyes “You know Sis..remind me NOT to get on your bad side!”
Lois finishes the dishes and gives Lucy a triumphant grin “Nobody messes with Lois Lane, not even Superman!”
Both Lane sisters laugh at this outrageous remark as they both lock arms and sit down in the living room to spend a calm Saturday afternoon watching videos. Lois is already plotting how she put Clark’s guilt to good use..guilt for something he never did..yup..life is just too good for Lois and Clark.