The Trial Part 1
Disclaimer: The characters of Hercules and Iolaus belong to Renaissance Pictures. No money is being made from this story. This story is written for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Can Hercules save Iolaus from a death sentence?
Author’s Note: This story takes place within the Hercules universe but this story takes place after the Xena episode “Motherhood.” 25 years after the series finale of Hercules “Full Circle”.
CHAPTER 1
“You know..Herc..this lake has the biggest fish..the fish are huge..and there’s this quaint village next to the lake where we can sleep in nice warm beds..oh yeah..the villagers are all nice because they are all followers of Eli!” Iolaus exclaims gesturing widely with his hands.
“Iolaus..life is never dull when you are around..alright..we’ll go to your fishing hole this time..next time..we are going to visit Evander’s family..I hear Evander just had a baby girl..” Hercules muses. “And Evander named his daughter Ilea..” Hercules’ eyes mist over as he remembers his long lost daughter.
“Okay..Herc..I get the message..we’ll visit Ilea first..and then we’ll head to the fishing hole..let’s head for Evander’s house and meet his baby girl..” Iolaus surrenders. “Besides this swell village I’ve been telling you about is on the way to Evander’s house..so what do you say?”
“Alright..you win..Iolaus..we go to your fishing hole..and this wonderful village of yours first..which happens to be on the way to Evander’s house..let’s go..if we start now..we should be at the fishing hole by this afternoon..and Evander’s house tomorrow morning.” Hercules picks up the pace at the thought of arriving early to visit his niece.
Hercules and Iolaus walk the rest of that day and banter their usual. “Iolaus..if you are going to sing that bawdy song..at least sing it in tune!”
“Herc..are you trying to tell me that I’m tone deaf?” Iolaus asks his hands to his hips.
“I call it the way I see it..you sing worse than the sirens when they are calling for Aphrodite for help..” Hercules quips.
“Ouch” says Iolaus as he laughs at Hercules’ quips.
“So this ‘wonderful’ village are worshipers of Eli..I’m sure Gabrielle must be thrilled to see that Eli’s influence is so profound..now that the Greek Gods are all gone..”
“Oh yeah..it’s so peaceful..no one ever argues..everyone helps everyone..there’s this feeling of peace and love everywhere..the villagers spend all their time praying and meditating to Eli..they are so generous..once I arrived there with no dinars..they felt sorry for me..they gave me free room and board..” Iolaus starts his tale.
Hercules interrupts with “I’m always without dinars..people always give travelers free room and board..as long as you pay them back eventually..what’s so unusual about that?”
“Yeah, well that’s because you’re HERCULES..and besides with these villagers they just give you free room and board and you don’t have to pay them back..
“I agree..Iolaus..now that’s unusual! Can’t wait to meet these friendly folk!” Hercules adds.
As both heroes near the fishing hole, Iolaus gets out his fishing pole and immediately starts fishing. Hercules takes off his clothes and jumps into the lake for a long afternoon swim. Iolaus complains: “Herc, can’t you swim after I fish? Your body odor will scare the fish away!” Iolaus giggles at his own joke.
“Iolaus.. I promise to swim downwind…I’m sure the fish won’t mind! Besides what about YOUR body odor..” Hercules sniffs the air and then winces in disgust as he remarks “Your body odor would scare away the hydra AND this lake full of fish..besides when was the last time you bathed?”
Hercules approaches Iolaus with a mischevious smile on his face as Hercules stretches out his arms to grab Iolaus around the waist. Iolaus drops his fishing pole and backs away..”Oh no Herc..I’m fishing..we need to have some food..I’m too hungry to bathe..Keep your hands to yourself!”
Before Iolaus could protest any further, Hercules throws Iolaus into the lake, clothes and all. “Now, Iolaus you don’t smell anymore. Besides we can always go into that wonderful village of yours for dinner..”
Iolaus wipes his wet curly hair from around his face as he smells his underarms “You know Herc..maybe you’re right..I think I’ll bathe..my underarms reek!”
Hercules walks down to the other side of the lake in search of soapweed and mutters “Now that’s the spirit..I didn’t want to say anything to you..about your reeking underarms..but now that you mention it..” before Hercules could finish his sentence to insult Iolaus’ lack of personal hygiene..Iolaus splashes Hercules in the face..the two grown men spend a fun afternoon tossing water at each other as if they were 8 years old again.
Hercules walks out of the lake and grabs his towel and wipes himself dry “That was fun..it feels good to be clean again.” Hercules sniffs the air and remarks “And it feels great not to have to smell your underarms anymore..!”
For that snide remark, Iolaus who was still bathing, splashes a half-dry Hercules in the chest. Hercules jumps back into the lake and the two heroes splash each other until the sun begins to set.
“Iolaus..I think we’d better head to the village tavern for dinner before it gets too dark for us to see where we’re going. Besides it’s getting a little chilly in the water..let’s go..” Hercules strides confidently out of the water and gives himself one last dryover with his towel before throwing his clothes haphazardly over his head.
Iolaus also feels the chill in the early evening air and walks out of the lake. His blond wet hair glistens in the setting sun as he breathes in the clean evening hair..his handsome chest heaves in and out as Iolaus concentrates on doing some relaxing T’ai Chih exercises before putting his purple vest and leather pants back on.
“You know Herc..my clothes are still wet..especially the leather pants..you didn’t have to throw me into the lake fully clothed you know?” Iolaus tilts his golden head at Hercules with an annoyed look in his cerulean blue eyes.
“Well what other way would I have to get you to bathe? The last time you bathed was several days ago right before you had that rendez-vous with that red-head..what was her name again..Diana..Triana..Ariana?” Hercules scratches his head in puzzlement “You know you have so many lady friends that it’s hard to keep track of them!”
“Herc, it was Diana last week..the week before it was Triana and the month before that it was Ariana..how can I forget my ladies..each of them have a special place in my heart..” Iolaus’ blue eyes glaze over as he thinks of each encounter. Iolaus puts his hand over his chest..to illustrate how special each girl is to him.
Hercules rolls his eyes at his incorrigible friend and throws the towel at Iolaus “Come on Iolaus..dry off..I’m starving..let’s get to the tavern before it gets too crowded!”
“I’m right with you..” Iolaus’ stomach makes its presence known as Hercules and the rest of the forest can hear its loud growl..Iolaus rubs his stomach “I think she needs to be fed soon..” says Iolaus pointing to his stomach and giggling rather foolishly.
It is a warm summer evening. Fireflies are flying over the meadow. Hercules can hear crickets as they walk through the forest to the village. Iolaus is right..this really is a peaceful friendly village. As Hercules approaches the village, every villager waves hello to the demi-god and his partner. “Hello, traveler”..”Hello friend, welcome to Plymouth…how may I help you?” or “Welcome to Plymouth, may the love of Eli guide you in your journeys”.
Hercules gives Iolaus a warm smile “Yep, I think I’m going to like it here! This worship of Eli should puts everyone in a good mood! No need to worry about thugs, thieves or evil warlord..this is going to be a GREAT vacation! We’ll be at Evander’s by tomorrow! Let’s go get a bite to eat.”
Iolaus approaches the bar and takes a menu from the bartender.
“So Herc..what would you like to eat..beef stew..or rabbit stew..?” Iolaus asks.
“Beef stew..what about you?” Hercules asks.
“I’ll have beef stew too..and two strong ales!” Iolaus beckons the bartender over and orders his meal. Then Iolaus looks around the tavern to see if there are any maidens for him to flirt with..after all Eli is the God of Love..To his disappointment, Iolaus sees only Hercules yawning at the bar..and no maidens in sight.
“You know Iolaus..after dinner..let’s say we hit the sack..I’m beat!”
“Yeah Herc..no action here tonight..oh good look the food has arrived already!”
“Fast service!”
Both heroes dig in to their dinner. As usual, Iolaus’ voraciously scoops up his beef stew and finishes the whole bowl in two gulps. Hercules watches in amusement as he contemplates Iolaus’ bottomless stomach as he watches Iolaus order more stew.
“Bartender..three more bowls of stew..” Iolaus orders with a mouth full of food.
The bartender nods as he accepts the food order from Iolaus and then he looks at Hercules who has finished his one bowl of beef stew and Hercules shakes his head and announces “No, only Iolaus, the human food vacuum cleaner needs more food..NOT me I’m stuffed..” Hercules rises to leave the bar and the last thing he sees is Iolaus ravenously finishing two more bowls of soup. Only Iolaus can eat like that..his appetite for life is only overshadowed by his appetite for food! Sometimes it’s hard to separate one from the other as Hercules shakes his head at the ever amusing spectacle of watching Iolaus eating..for some reason Hercules suddenly flashes back to his time as a pig as he visualizes pigs eating at a slough..as he says Iolaus as a human pig eating at his slough..Hercules shakes his head as he laughs at this image..Iolaus, the Golden pig..now that’s a laugh..Hercules climbs the stairs to his bedroom. The minute the demigod hits the pillow, he is in Morpheus’ realm.
Iolaus decides to take a walk after such a filling dinner. I’ve definitely eaten too much..I’m so full I feel like a beached whale. I don’t walk..I lurch..as Iolaus giggles at his own joke. Iolaus looks at his stomach and decides that if he is going to eat so much, he’d better do some exercise or he’ll develop a paunch and he’ll never hear the end of it from Hercules. Intent on getting some aerobic exercises, Iolaus joins in on a game of soccer with the neighborhood kids. Sometimes it comes in handy to be small like this..Iolaus instantly fits in with the kids as he kicks the ball to and fro on the soccer field. As the opposing team member kicks the ball wide, Iolaus runs after the ball..so that he could kick the ball in the opposite direction..Iolaus runs..and runs..and runs..all the way past the goalee border and without realizing it..he had crossed the boundary line into forbidden land..but so intent was Iolaus on getting the soccer ball that he does not see the No Trespassing sign.
“Oh no..” cries one soccer player “Iolaus’ crossed into Farmer John’s land!”
“We’d better leave..if Farmer John sees Iolaus on that land..we will all be in trouble!”
The soccer players all scatter into the night. When Iolaus returns to the soccer field, he finds the field deserted. Slightly out of breath, Iolaus is puzzled that everyone has suddenly left the soccer field in the middle of a game.
“Come back..everyone..hey I bathed! Okay..I’’ve done a lot of running just now..I’ll bathe again..” Iolaus smells his underarms to see if he still reeks..”No it’s not me” he concludes. Suddenly the hairs on the back of Iolaus’ neck stand on end as he senses someone behind him. Iolaus quickly drops the soccer ball and swivels around to face his enemy..
“Okay..whoever you are..show yourself” Iolaus gets ready to unsheathe his sword in case he would have to defend himself.
“You are under arrest.” A farmer dressed severely in a police uniform pins Iolaus hands behind his back with hand cuffs. “Do not resist me..I am an officer of the law!”
Iolaus quickly resheathes his sword and puts out his hands in surrender as he asks the officer “Listen, I’m a law abiding citizen..as proof I offer no resistance. Why am I being arrested?”
The police officer/farmer points to the No Trespassing sign just beyond the edge of the soccer field and remarks “You trespassed into my land..didn’t you see that No Trespassing sign?”
Iolaus gives the officer an apologetic shrug “I’m sorry officer..it was dark..I was trying to get the soccer ball..I didn’t see that sign..you can’t be arresting me for THAT!” Iolaus asks in a mortified tone.
“In this village, every law must be strictly obeyed. Punishment for disobeying any sign in the village is DEATH.”
“DEATH? For not seeing a No Trespassing sign? You’ve got to be kidding!”
“This is the Law of Eli. For every action, there must be a reaction..a consequence. Ever since we’ve put this law into practice, we’ve had no crimes whatsoever. If I let you go, what kind of example does that set for our young people?—the kids you were playing soccer with. The law must be obeyed..your trial is set for tomorrow morning. You have the right to choose an arbitor of your choice.”
Iolaus pales underneath his tan as he realizes that the result of the trial will probably be death. “You’ve got to let me speak to Hercules..there has to be some kind of mistake..can’t we work this out?” Iolaus pleads.
Instead the officer drags a now resisting Iolaus to prison. One lone soccer player hides in the bushes as he overhears that this nice blond man was going to be put to death..I can’t let Iolaus go to jail just because I kicked the soccer ball too hard..I must go warn Hercules..Ejana, the lone soccer player, runs up the stairs to Hercules’ bedroom and knocks hard screaming at the top of her adolescent lungs “Hercules, Hercules, please wake up..Iolaus has been arrested..please he needs your help!”
Hercules opens his eyes as he thinks he dreams someone screaming for his help. As the fog of sleep clears, Hercules clearly hears a someone pounding the door..Hercules gets up and opens the door to see a weeping 12 year old girl cry out “Hercules, it’s all my fault..I shouldn’t have kicked that soccer ball so far out of the soccer field..it’s my fault that Iolaus has been arrested!”
CHAPTER 2
“Arrested? Iolaus?” Hercules runs out the door as he grabs his yellow chamois shirt and frantically puts it on.
“Tell me what happened?” Hercules anxiously asks the girl.
“Well, we were playing soccer..I kicked the ball hard..you know so that I can get to Marla..and she was supposed to catch the ball with her head and make the goal..but Marla missed and the ball was deflected to Iolaus..Iolaus ran after the ball..he ran..and ran..I’ve never seen any adult with so much energy..he ran clear over to Farmer John’s field..Iolaus didn’t see the No Trespassing sign..Farmer John arrested Iolaus for trespassing..and..oh it’s my fault..I’m so sorry!” Ejana breaks down and cries.
“Oh..is that all” cries a relieved Hercules..”it’ll serve Iolaus right to spend the night in jail..don’t worry Iolaus will survive..he’s a strong..
“No, you don’t understand..any infraction of the law..and the magistrate executes the offender..”
“WHAT..you mean Iolaus is going to be executed for missing a NO TRESPASSING sign?” Hercules thunders incredulously..
“Yes, that’s the law..usually there is a short trial where the magistrate explains why the offender needs to be put to death..don’t worry..you defend Iolaus..Hercules..I know you can get Iolaus out of this! Please Hercules..just tell the magistrate that it’s my fault..I’ll die in Iolaus’ place..”
“No, no one is going to die..I mean no crime has been committed…” Hercules puts his hand through his chestnut hair “Oh my God..I’d better see Iolaus..he must be climbing the walls by now!”
Hercules pounds the door of the magistrate/police/Farmer John’s house frantically “Please you must let me visit Iolaus..I’m sure we can straighten all of this out..” Hercules cries.
Farmer John opens his door and rubs the sleep from his eyes “Visiting hours begin at 6:00AM tomorrow morning. The trial begins at 7:00AM. You have one hour to prepare your defense. Now go away before I arrest you for disturbing the peace..and you too shall be executed!” Farmer John then slams the door in the demigod’s face.
Hercules goes to the jail cell where Iolaus is being held and yells through the cell bars “Iolaus, are you alright? Don’t worry buddy I’ll get you out of there!”
“Great idea Herc..why don’t you just punch the walls and we can both sneak out of here!”
“Iolaus..I can’t believe this is the ‘nice’ ‘generous’ village you told me about earlier full of ‘friendly’ worshippers of Eli! You know it would be immoral of me to break you out of jail..we’ve always done things the legal way!”
“Herc..you heard what Farmer John said..I’m going to be executed..believe me the trial will be a circus..if you don’t punch me out of here..I’m dead meat!”
“Iolaus..you can’t believe that..these are fair people..people who worship Eli must believe in a fair trial..don’t worry if I have to I’ll get Xena and Gabrielle in on this..who knows maybe she can get Eve, the messenger of Eli herself in on ths..”
“Eve is not going to be any help. Didn’t you get the last scroll from Xena..Eve has gone to Chin..to spread the word of Eli to the people of the East..by the time Xena and Gabrielle get here I’ll be dead..the execution is set for noon tomorrow..the guards told me so..no..only one way out of this..punch the wall..Herc! PLEASE!”
“Iolaus..stay put..I’ll figure out another way..trust me!” With that Hercules’ voice fades. Iolaus continues to pace the cell floor as he realizes that this may be his last night on Earth. Iolaus prays to Michael “Michael, help me out..I don’t want to die and leave Herc all alone..Herc won’t know what to do with himself without me..besides you promised that I get to spend eternity with Herc..to always be by his side..Michael..help me please..”
Michael sits on his throne and hears Iolaus’ plea and he scratches his head on this one as it is the followers of Eli who is putting Iolaus to death..Michael knows his hands are tied but he doesn’t know how to tell Iolaus this and the anxiety in Iolaus’ voice as well as Iolaus’ concern for Hercules’ welfare over his own..rips Michael’s heart…
Michael prays to Eli himself “Eli, help Iolaus find a way out of this predicament..it’s not Iolaus’ time..he belongs with Hercules..this bond of friendship that these two share is extremely rare..both were willing to sacrifice their lives to save this realm from the Four Horsemen..surely that must count for something..please mighty Eli..help your most loyal servants..Hercules and Iolaus..Guardians of the Light..”
Meanwhile, Hercules wears a hole in the hotel carpet as he paces endlessly to try to figure out how to get Iolaus out of this one. Iolaus, my friend..how do you always manage to get yourself in trouble..Don’t worry Iolaus..I’ll find a way..I always do.
THE END NOT!