Cyrano de Bergerac
Disclaimer: The characters of Hercules and Iolaus belong to Renaissance Pictures.This story is written for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from this story.
Summary: Can the very shy Hercules get a date for Aphrodite Day’s dance?
Author’s note: This story takes place before the Young Hercules series. This story is inspired by the French story Cyrano de Bergerac.
CHAPTER 1
“Hercules..what is the answer to this math problem?” as the teacher points to a math problem on the board.
Iolaus sees the day-dreaming look on Hercules’ face and answers in Hercules’ stead “The answer is minus 8”
“Very good Iolaus..obviously some of us are paying attention in class” observes the teacher sarcastically.
Hercules has the grace to blush as he studiously studies his desk. “Hercules, you will remain after school and we will discuss your daydreaming problem to your mother. Recess for a half hour.”
Iolaus as usual is a whirlwind of energy as he rushes out the door with Hercules still wearing that glazed look. Iolaus tries to get Hercules’ attention “Ah Greece to Hercules..hello..anybody home?” Iolaus follows Hercules’ gaze and notices the besotted look on Hercules’ face. Hercules is looking at Ariana..a small red-headed girl with freckles on her face..
Iolaus tries to put his hands over Hercules’ eyes to no avail “Ah Herc..hello..I know who you are going to bring to Aphrodite Day’s dance..listen Ariana..is too old for you..Herc..she doesn’t even know you exist!”
Finally the name “Ariana” got Hercules’ attention “I know..Iolaus..I want to ask Ariana out to the Aphrodite’s Day dance but I just don’t have the nerve..besides with this lisp..she’s only going to laugh at me..here I am fully-grown and I still talk like a five year old..what am I going to do?”
Iolaus looks at Hercules..yes it’s true..Hercules is half a head taller than the rest of the class. Probably his demi-god blood..who knows how much taller Hercules will get. At 5’8” Hercules is head over heels taller than even the teacher..however despite Hercules’ size, he still talks like a baby..I wonder when my growth will start as Iolaus despairs over his 5’ even height..yes, girls like Ariana did not notice him because of his short height and girls did not notice Hercules because of his baby talk..what a pair we make!
“You know Iolaus..I’ve even written Ariana a poem..but I haven’t had the nerve to give it to her..I’m too shy..she’ll only laugh at me..I definitely don’t dare speak to her..Iolaus will you help me? You’re so good at meeting people..what should I do?” Hercules asks in a pleading voice.
“Well, ah..why don’t we have Jason hand Ariana this poem?”
“No, Iolaus not Jason..she’ll only fall in love with Jason..a crown prince..no..it’s got to be you.”
“Wait a minute, Herc..what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Aw come on Iolaus..you’re my best friend..you’re a natural with girls..you don’t have a lisp..girls love your hair and your smile!”
“How do you know that, Herc?”
“My mother always tells your mother that you will someday be a “heartbreaker”..my mother is always complimenting you on your golden hair..blue eyes..winning grin..and then Mother worries about me because I lisp..”
“Aw Herc..your mother loves you very much..I’m sure Alchemene doesn’t mean anything by that.”
“Well, Mother doesn’t think I’ll break hearts..she thinks I eat like a horse and that I’m getting as big as the house!”
“You know, Herc..you’re lucky..what I wouldn’t give to be as tall as you!” Iolaus admires Herc’s height.
“You know Iolaus..it’s you who’s lucky..what I wouldn’t give to have your voice..and not have this stupid lisp..or this even stupider shyness..it’s not fair!” Hercules pouts.
“Why don’t we ask your Mother how you can win Ariana’s affection..after all your Mother used to be a girl!” Iolaus suggests to the despondent Hercules and Iolaus always hated to see Hercules depressed. For a depressed demigod is not a fun demigod. When Hercules is depressed, he doesn’t make much of a fishing or hunting companion.
“No, Iolaus..I’d be too embarrassed to ask Mother..I need your help..please Iolaus” pleads Hercules.
“Alright..Alright..but you’ll owe me big!” Iolaus paces around as he tries to think up a plan.
“Well..Herc..you’ve got the looks..I’ve got the voice..and obviously the brains..” Iolaus giggles at this last remark.
“Hey..watch it!” Hercules responds in mock indignation. Hercules playfully slaps Iolaus on the shoulder.
“Ow..that hurts!” teases Iolaus. “Watch it with your Olympian strength..you could hurt somebody”
Hercules not noticing Iolaus’ teasing glance “Sorry Iolaus..sometimes I don’t know my own strength!”
“Herc..I was kidding…wait..I think I’ve got it!” a lightbulb lights up in Iolaus’ head.
“You do?” exclaims a hopeful Hercules.
“Why didn’t I think of this before? I saw this in a play..there was this lovesick guy..he lost his voice due to some war injury..anyway he falls in love with this beautiful girl..but he thinks he doesn’t have a chance with this girl because he doesn’t have a voice..oh Herc..it was such a sappy story..but my sister kept making me go to this play over and over again..Ugh!” Iolaus grimaces in disgust.
“Get to the point..Iolaus..so what happened?”Hercules asks eagerly.
“Well..this voiceless guy got his best friend to be his voice..he used his best friend’s voice to serenade the girl with beautiful poetry..and he got the girl!” Iolaus explains. While gesturing wildly with his hands, Iolaus continues “So, I can be your voice..all you have to do is move your lips..”
“I get it..I stand in front of Ariana’s window..I move my lips and she hears your voice..she won’t hear my lisp..that’s a wonderful idea Iolaus..but how do we do it?” Hercules asks.
“I’m working on that..Herc..ahh..you know I could hide in the trees..so Ariana won’t see me..you stand up front..you’re so tall she won’t see anyone but you…you know Herc..sometimes it pays to be tall like you..”
“Sometimes Iolaus it pays to be smart like you..that’s a great idea..here Iolaus..we can use this poem..I wrote this poem this morning…” Iolaus takes the scroll from Hercules hand and reads the poem..Roses are red..Violets are blue..You are cute so I love you…will you go to the dance with me?”
“Well..I guess that’s good..straight to the point..but..”Iolaus hesitates because he doesn’t want to hurt Hercules’ feelings.
“Well, what?..but what?” asks an annoyed Hercules..”I spent all morning writing that!”
“Okay..uhm..why don’t you just tell Ariana how you feel about her? We can practice on that..tonight you stand under her window and serenade her?” Iolaus asks.
“Okay, that’s a great idea!” Hercules exclaims happily.
CHAPTER 2
Hercules is nervous. He stands under the awning where Iolaus had instructed him to stand. As Hercules nervously looks behind him, he sees Iolaus hiding in a bush. The moonlight reflects off Iolaus’ golden hair and Hercules can see a spot of gold amidst the darkness of the night and it makes Hercules feel calmer knowing that Iolaus is back there “watching his back” as it were.
“Remember Herc..just like we practiced..you’ve got to say the words we rehearsed..and move your lips naturally..”
“Okay Iolausth..oh gosh I’m so nervous..my lisp is weally bad isn’t it?”
“Don’t worry Herc..Ariana won’t hear your lisp..she’ll be listening to my voice..have a little faith will ya?”
“Oh Iolaus look..I can see the light in Ariana’s bedroom window..she must be getting ready to go to bed.”
“Throw the rock Herc..that’ll get her attention..”
“How do you know that Iolaus?”
“Well, it worked in the play!”
Hercules hurls the rock at Ariana’s window. Ariana hears a thud on her window. She opens her window to see what caused the noise. Ariana sticks her head out the window and she is surprised to see Hercules underneath her window. Oh my, Hercules is a handsome lad. It’s just too bad he’s so shy. I wonder why he’s here.
Hercules starts to talk with Iolaus’ voice “Ariana..my sweet..your eyes are as beautiful as the spring sky..your hair as soft and lustrious as silk..your voice as singsong as a nightingale..sweet Ariana..will you go out with me to the Aphrodite Day’s dance?”
Ariana is surprised at this request and touched by Hercules’ request “Hercules, you have such a lovely tenor voice..of course I’ll go out with you to the Aphrodite Day’s dance.”
Hercules is so surprised that he forgets to simply move his lips to Iolaus’ voice as he exclaims in his own voice with his lisp
“Oh Ariana..I’m sho glad that you will go out wif me..” Hercules then hears Iolaus’ desperate plea “Herc..Herc..you’re lisping..” In the darkness, Hercules blushes as he lets Iolaus speak for him “Ariana, I am so glad that you will go out with me..”says Hercules in Iolaus’ tenor voice.
Ariana throws out a silk scarf and says “See you at the dance, Hercules..”
Hercules catches the silk scarf and stands looking at Iolaus with a happy dazed look on his face. “Ah Iolaus..I don’t know how to thank you..she’s going to the dance with me..I never thought we could pull it off!” Hercules is so happy that he gives Iolaus a big bear hug.
With a fearful cry..Hercules releases Iolaus and exclaim “But Iolaus I can’t dance! What will I do? I’m just two left feet!”
At that moment, Aphrodite appears in a sparkle of pink..
“Don’t worry Hercules..for one night..I will give you a spell that will allow you to dance like a royal prince..but you must get back home by midnight before the spell wears off..can you do that little bro?”
“Oh Aphrodite..you are a lifesaver!” as a relieved Hercules gives Aphrodite a hug.
Aphrodite looks at little Iolaus and tousles Iolaus’ blond curly hair as she sighs “Ah little Sweetcheeks..that was a lovely poem you gave Ariana..one of many I gather..the women of Greece will fall for you in the future my little heartbreaker....” Aphrodite gives little Iolaus a peck on the cheek before disappearing in a sparkle of pink. Aphrodite giggles as she thinks Oh I can’t wait until he grows up..he will be such a delicious man to play with..he already has the gorgeous blond hair..the color of wheat in the sun..and those eyes..the color of the sky..and that smile..bright enough to light up heaven and Olympus together..my..my and all this in one small mortals..maybe that old proverb is right..good things come in small cute packages…
Iolaus touches his cheek in wonder “Wow, Herc..your sister is gorgeous..I’m never washing this cheek off!”
“Iolaus, why did Aphrodite call you “Sweetcheeks”?”
“I don’t know..Herc..maybe because she likes to kiss my cheeks?”
“Come on..let’s go tell your mother that you’re going to the dance..she’s going to have to make you a new outfit..you can’t go to the dance in your yellow chamois shirt and leather pants can you?”
“No Iolaus..I suppose I can’t..come on..I can’t wait to tell Mother the good news..” Hercules races off to his Mother’s house.
(The night of the dance)
“Ariana, may I have the honor of this dance?” Hercules bows to Ariana as if she were a princess.
“Of course your majesty!” as Ariana is wearing a white chiffon dress that her mother had made for her. The train trails behind her as Ariana is the most beautiful belle of the ball. Hercules cannot take his eyes off of her.
Hercules and Ariana dance the night away..not once did Hercules say a word for he was afraid that his lisp would give him away. All the time, his azure eyes never left Ariana’s green eyes. Everyone else on the dance floor whispers “What a beautiful couple they make..”
Midnight strikes..the last dance is a slow one. Hercules begins to lose his footing as Aphrodite’s spell starts to wear off. Iolaus sees Hercules’ predicament and politely cuts in. “Ariana, may I have the honor of this dance?”
Ariana looks disappointed that she will not be dancing the last dance with Hercules but she doesn’t want to be rude so she lets Iolaus cut in but all the time her eyes are still on Hercules as Ariana tries to tell Hercules with her eyes how much fun she has had dancing with him all night. Hercules cannot take his eyes off Ariana as he communicates to Ariana with his eyes how much she means to him as he watches Iolaus and Ariana dance the last dance.
The clock bell strikes twelve times signifying midnight. Hercules leaves the dance floor with a light heart for he knows that he has just spent his first and last time dancing with the beautiful Ariana at the Aphrodite’s Day dance.
(Back to the present)
Iolaus finishes the story as he takes one last drink to his ale “So Twanky, Jester that’s when Hercules danced for the very first and the very last time. After Aphrodite’s spell wore off, Herc did not dance again even through all the time we went to Cheiron’s Academy..well until I heard that Herc learned to dance at your dance studio, Twanky..”
Twanky wipes tears from her eyes as she remarks “Ah Iolaus that’s such a lovely story..so what ever happened to Ariana?”
Iolaus orders another ale and concludes “Ariana moved away..but she still sends flowers to Hercules on Aphrodite’s Day..because even though she’s married with kids now..she says that that night was the most magical night of her life.”
Jester adds “Well yeah..it was magical..Aphrodite put a magical spell on Hercules..”
Iolaus’ eyes has that far away look “Definitely was a magical night for me..Aphrodite kissed me for the very first time..and you know what..I never did wash that cheek for weeks!” Iolaus giggles at this memory as he absent-mindedly touches that cheek.
Twanky adds “Well you should see Hercules dance now..did you know he won the Pan-Athenian dance contest? I taught him all the moves he knows..I agree with Ariana..dancing with Hercules is certainly magical!” Twanky closes her eyes as she remembers Hercules’ slender waist, his rock-solid muscles, his strong caring arms, the strong scent of honey jasmine emanating from Hercules’ body and most of all those kind compassionate azure eyes..
“Ah yes..Hercules..is quite the charmer these days..and quite the dancer..he sure doesn’t have two left feet anymore” sighs Twanky..Yes..Hercules is quite the dancing hunk….Ahhhhhh..
Twanky snaps out of her reverie as the object of her adoration, Hercules, approaches the bar with a tray full of food. Hercules carefully puts the tray full of food on the table wherein Iolaus and Jester immediately dig in.
“So, Twanky..my dancing teacher..would you like the honor of this dance?” Hercules politely asks his dancing mentor.
Twanky looking as if she’s about to faint exclaims excitedly “Oh yes, Hercules..dance away..” Twanky and Hercules dance the night away…Twanky looks like she’s in seventh heaven as she molds her body next to Hercules’ in the last romantic dance of the evening.
Iolaus rolls his eyes and laughs because he remembers that very first dance Hercules had with Ariana all so long ago. That shy, young Hercules with the lisp..tall and awkward..now a grown man dancing gracefully with the Widow Twanky..Hercules is still very modest..still hates crowds..and only likes to dance with Twanky.
Somewhere on Olympus, Aphrodite giggles as she watches her little brother dance with NO left feet. Aphrodite sprinkles a little dance dust on Hercules just for luck as she watches Twanky literally melt into Hercules’ arms..and her Sweetcheeks..boy has he grown..into a handsome Don Juan..just like she had thought he would on that night so long ago when a compassionate Aphrodite gave a scared little Iolaus the peck of his life..and gave a even more frightened little Hercules the most magical night of his life.
THE END