A single woman in the middle of her life who wants a child must take a risk. Midlife births can happen without complications and consequences, but adoption offers a physically safer, but bureaucratically tortuous, option. When Judith McConnell realized she wanted a child, she sought legal assistance. Sidestepping the traditional adoption agency, she hired a lawyer to pursue an "open adoption", where the adoptive mother and the birth mother select each other.Judith McConnell is now the mother of a girl named Gwendolyn.

I wanted a baby. I couldn't imagine my life without a child or children. I was waiting for the perfect fantasy situation-perfect man, perfect career- of course, it doesn't happen. I knew I couldn't wait any longer, because I was getting older. Also, I knew that I felt satisfied. I don't feel the craving ambitions of career anymore. That's when you are younger. Eventually, I went to an adoption lawyer and learned that it was, in fact, possible to do as a single woman.

I thought about it for a year, and then in April of 1990, I called the lawyer back and said that I was ready. The lawyer I used, David J.Radis, gave me a list of newspapers and cities where they publish ads. A typical ad would say, "A single California woman wishes to adopt." Most newspapers around the country do it, in the regular ad section. If a girl answers your ad, you talk on the phone and develop a relationship- or not. You correspond by mails, send pictures and get to know each other. Then, you have a meeting , either where you live or where she lives. I first spoke to Gwendolyn's mother that August. The baby was born on October 12,1990.
David was involved the whole time. The attorney acts as an intermediary, and all the parties adhere to the legalities required by the counties and states involved. I was the subject of three home studies by officials from the county of Los Angeles before and after the baby was born, to make sure my home was okey. There is an enormous amount of paperwork. I answered pages of essay questions. I had to have recommendations of people who knew me. I had to have medical checkups, chest X-rays, TB test. I had to provide bank account information, personal references, business references. It's all checked very carefully.

Joan (the natural mother's real name has been changed to protect her privacy) had already interviewed a (prospective) couple (while she was pregnant), but it hadn't worked out. There was very little time. She contacted me and other potential adoptive parents through my lawyer. Eventually, Joan decided that she and I would work together.
I didn't really like the idea (of open adoption) at first. But, I have talked to a lot of people who's have done it. In California, there is a six- months period in which time the natural parents can change their minds. If they sign an agreement, it makes it little more difficult for them to do so. Joan signed the paper immediately. It was smooth from the very beginning. We had dinner together every night and talked on the phone every day. We weren't necessarily expecting a friendship to grow, but it happened.

When Joan gave birth by caesarean, I was with her. I watched Gwendolyn being born, and I held her right away. I went to the nursery when they bathed and swaddled her. As soons as that was done, the nurses gave her to me. She and I sat in a private room, and as I rocked her and gave her her first bottle, I named her. Joan didn't know if she wanted to see Gwendolyn before I brought her home, and then, she changed her mind. The three of us spent time together, and it was fine. There were no rules.We had to make them up as we sent along, and we are still going it.
The afternoon Gwen was born, a friend picked me up from the hospital and drove me to work. People I 've known for years, like Jed (Allan, who plays CC) and Louise (Sorel who plays Augusta), said, "Where were you?" I said, "I just had a baby". I hadn't told anyone at work what I was doing because if one person knows, then it's not a secret anymore. But everyone was really happy for me. I had only told friends who've known me since high school and college, and my parents, who were behind me. In the beginning, everyone was so supportive, so understanding and scared for me. I needed a lot of hand-holding, which I got. I had new-mommy fears, but I had a baby nurse who taught me how to do it all -take the baby's temperature, diaper, feed, burp, rock, bathe. The first night I spent alone with her was some of the most fulfilling time I've spent. Gwen's room was all ready, but she slept in the bassinet in my room. I did her feeding every three hours. There are built-advantages to my profession. I don't work every day and she can come to the studio. I have a baby-sitter at home during the day, but I'm there at night and on the weekends.
Joan knows how much I love this baby, she says she can hear it in my voice. She wrote Gwendolyn a letter, which I have in a safety deposit box. I'll show it to her when she is old enough to understand. I never intended to keep it a secret that she is adopted. It's a wonderful story. I can't comment on what I'll do when Gwen asks about her father. I'm going to seek help from child psychologists because it's a complex matter. I have no reservations about Gwendolyn meeting Joan. If it's good for everyone involved, then it's fine with me. I hope that will happen someday if everyone's lives go well.
The first year of a baby's life is overwhelming. I've had some very passionate, romantic love in my life, and you just think it's the headiest thing, but loving this little baby is a miracle. I still wakes up and worry "Am I going to be able to do this?" But I think I'm a very good mother. It's so much fun, and I always knew it would be. My life will never be the same, but never the same means better. I never had a doubt about that. I've been to the ball, I 've worn the dress and I've danced with the prince. I wouldn't have been as patient or as good a mom as I am if I were twenty-five or even thirty-five, because there were so many things I had wanted to do- career, travel, love affairs. I've done those things, and now it's a different time in my life.
Last Mother's day, I went to the card store to buy cards for my mother, and I stood there and cried. I read all the sloppy, sentimental Mother's Day cards. I got cards from friends and family. My best girlfriends gave me a Mother's Day T-shirt. Gwen's grandparents are so in love with her, they can't stand it. She just learned to say grandma and grandpa at their fiftieth wedding anniversary party this past march. I coached her on the airplane. It's amazing how much she can say for her age. As much as I loved children, you just don't understand until you have one of your own.

Article by Roberta Caploe
Soap Opera Digest
June 9,1992

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