to our son Joseph Daniel
who died at birth
as a result of complications
during his delivery.
Reading this page may cause you to shed a tear!
lost in earth
He was mine.
There is no other feeling
Like the movement of an unborn child.
Than someone touching you
from the outside.
It's purely and cleanly
Your own moment.
For those few months
We were together,
Alone against the world.
That grand cheat,
Took him away
When we needed each other most.
I cannot say why I could not save him.
Could there be a reason why?
Did my body reject him?
Did I, in my mind, push him away?
Because he wouldn't let me give up
When I wanted to?
I carried him
And He carried me
Through a time when we could not go alone.
It doesn't matter now to anyone.
No one ever knew.
But now and then,
Along the day,
I look at first graders
With their Snoopy lunchboxes
And tender paintings of trees and frogs
And I think about those first feelings
Until you I never knew there
were so many babies.
I see them everywhere...babies in arms,
at grocery stores, church, the park, on our block.
I am guessing but somehow know
some are just your days had you stayed.
Mothers stare sometimes because I do...
one looked curious so I asked,
"how old?" And she was one month
later than you born.
I shall always see you...little girls
at ten...later the blush and
bloom of teen years...then the coming
of grace and dignity of woman.
But wait, lest I forget in fleeting time
how soon I shall know you.
The little toy dog is covered with dust,
But sturdy and staunch he stands;
And the little tin soldier is red with rust,
And his musket moulds in his hands.
Time was when the little toy dog was new,
And the soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
Kissed them and put them there.
"Now don't you go till I come.", he said.
"And don't you make any noise!"
So, toddling off to his trundle bed,
He dreamt of the pretty toys;
And, as he was dreaming, an angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue-
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toys friends are true.
Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place-
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face;
And the wonder, as waiting the long years through
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue,
Since he kissed them and put them there.
If wishes were butterflies
And teardrops were flowers,
I'd have you here with me
In my garden of dreams;
My hopes would be raindrops;
My yearning, the sunshine;
And I'd paint with my brushes
The starry moonbeams . . .
I'd paint a huge canvas
Of love all in colors,
In colors of scarlet
And robin's egg-blue,
In splashes of lavender,
Slashes of ebony,
Touches of spruce,
And ivory, too.
My garden of dreams
Is awash all in colors,
Vibrant and glowing,
Graced by a dove;
My garden of dreams
Is a haven of wishes,
A soft, secret spot
Protecting my love.
A blanket of color
Protecting my love--
A canvas of wishes,
Bright colored wishes,
Wild, wanton wishes
In my garden of dreams.
God, be lenient her first night there.
The crib she slept in was so near my bed;
Her blue-and-white wool blanket was so soft,
Her pillow hollowed so to fit her head.
Tell me that she'll not want small rooms or me
When she has You and Heaven's immensity!
I always left a light out in the hall.
I hoped to make her fearless in the dark;
And yet, she was so small-one little light,
Not in the room, it scarcely mattered. Hark!
No, no; she seldom cried! God, not too far
For her to see, this first night, light a star!
And in the morning, when she first woke up,
I always kissed her on her left cheek where
The dimple was. And oh, I wet the brush.
It made it easier to curl her hair.
Just, just tomorrow morning, God, I pray,
When she wakes up, do things for her my way!
~Violet Alleyn Storey~
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our life will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
to take you home