People that matter

Ruthless Female

People that deserved more...

Every time I go to IRC I am disgusted by the total lack of respect and human compassion I see there. Maybe its people like this who have turned my feelings towards ruthlessness. Maybe its just that I can not understand how these people are allowed to live when there are so many others that have to die. This page is dedicated to people who deserved the love I gave to them freely and still have for them everyday.

On March 13th of 2001 I lost something that was most dear to me. I lost my best friend Ben Campbell. I call him my best friend not because he was there with me everyday, but because he was there when I needed him the most. He was the friend that I did not have to worry about stabbing me in the back for ANY reason. Most people can not say that they have ANY friends like that. He was the one who was there for me when I had a hard time coping with the death of another friend I had lost shortly before I met him. He was there when I came to work upset with the world for all the bullshit that is in it. He was the one to listen to me rant and rave when I was mad as hell and tried his damnedest to make me laugh instead. It always worked.

I met Ben 5 years ago at a job I was working. I just felt instantly like I knew him. I told him he looked very familiar to me. We talked and figured out that his mother was a Social Worker whom I had met when I was 12. My mother was frustrated with my rebelliousness and sent me to a facility in which Ben's mother Diane worked. That's when I looked at him again and thought that he was a carbon copy of her. She was the only female in my life I had ever looked up to. And still to this day, that thought remains the same. She was the only role model I have ever had or ever will. I admired the way she dealt with the teens in the facility I was housed in. I loved her for taking up for me to my parents when no one else had ever done the same for me. I wished for her strength in my own life. She is rock solid in her opinions as I am, and there's not a damned thing anyone can do to change them. I love her for that. And that's why I love Ben. He IS a carbon copy of her. You could not feed him bullshit and expect him to eat it and say nothing. He was the first one to tell you how full of it you were. His personality so closely resembled mine that it was not long before I ceased thinking of him as a friend and began to see him as my brother. After all, his own mother was there for me at a time when my own was not. As a teenager of course I did not see the sacrifice she was making, as an adult I see it clearly. She had her own sons to raise. And from what I know, Ben was not the easiest to raise. Just like me :) . But she came to work everyday and worried about these kids who had no one. They were her kids, and they felt it. When we were busy torturing the other counselors and Diane arrived we all scurried back to looking like we were some kind of innocent kids. She seen right through all of that, every time! All these qualities she possessed were reflected loudly in Ben. Although I am making this part of the page for Ben, I wanted to say something about Diane and Bob. Its just too sad and selfish that we never say the things people need to hear about themselves while they are alive. So while I am making this page a tribute to the dear friend I have lost, any tribute to him would be a tribute to his parents that raised him. I have yet to meet another person who loved and respected his parents more then Ben loved his. I don't know his father Bob that well, except for all the wonderful stories Ben left me with. I do know, that here's a man that works all day and came home probably almost every day to learn what Ben had done today. Not just that, I can not count the times I have been at Ben's house in his room with just him and I or a few other friends, raising hell and playing loud music only to walk out of Ben's room expecting to get dirty looks from angry parents and see him smiling and saying Hi Joy! Bye Joy! Be careful Joy! Any child from a not so perfect home would give the world to have had parents like these. Thank you Diane and Bob for giving the world a chance to know Ben.

Sometimes we talked to much about things important to us. Sometimes we needn't say a word, just look at one another and grin because we knew what the other was thinking. I have a brother named Harley that I have only met once, he is my brother by blood. Ben was and always will be my brother by choice. We all can not choose the people that we will give our hearts to and sometimes when we do it becomes some of our deepest regrets, but not here. Not with Ben.

Ben trusted me for a lot of reasons. He trusted me because he knew I was his friend first. He would talk to me like one of the guys. He would tell me things I did not even want to hear about his girlfriends. Sometimes I halfheartedly, half seriously had to ask him to stop. He just did not mind speaking his mind. Sometimes I laughed and told him it was even too much for me. He would just laugh and keep talking. I always listened. He would tell me how very NOT serious he was with certain girlfriends. I think it was his was of letting me know not to bother getting close to them for they would not be a major part of his life. As far as I was concerned and I joked with him often about how he was going to run out of girlfriend choices before he found the right one. He would act like there would never be one woman for him. I doubted that but left it alone. You could only toy with his ego but so much before he really let you know he did not like it.

When he was with his previous girlfriend he was always talking to me about this girl Amanda and how he really wanted to go out with her instead. We even joked about how neither of us liked pale skinned people as mates because we were both so pale ourselves. Then there was Amanda, very blond and very pale. For the longest time I tried not to let myself get used to her being around, because as far as Ben went, relationships were not for him. As time passed I started to tease him about how long he was with her, all the time he spent with her and not his friends. Then one day... I seen jealousy. Something he Never showed for any female before her. It shocked me and I teased him relentlessly about it. I asked him if he was going to be with her forever. He said "What do you think?". Then we had that moment, no words, just the smile to let me know how he really felt about her. I was so happy for him, I even bitched at him for some of the things she didn't like him doing. Something I had never done with any of his other girlfriends. O he hated it, but he knew it was only out of love. I think, that out of everything his parents taught him, that was the most important thing he took with him, the ability to see love in some harsh words, the knowledge that people do not ride your ass when you are screwing up, unless they love you...wholeheartedly. That is something he knew at 23 that others never learn. As a matter of fact, he taught it to me.

Free JavaScripts provided
by The JavaScript Source

In loving memory of

Benjamin Royden Campbell

10/30/77 - 03/13/01

Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say.

And now its too late to hold you.. cause you've flown away...so far away.

Never had I imagined living without your smile.

Feeling and knowing you hear me.... it keeps me alive... alive.

(Chorus)

And I know your shining down on me from heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way.

And I know eventually we'll be together. Together....

One sweet day.

Darlin' I never showed you.. assumed you'd always be there,

But I took your presence for granted...But I always cared

And I miss the love we shared.

(Chorus)

Although the sun will never shine the same.

I'll always look to a brighter day.

Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep.

You will always listen as I pray.

(Chorus) 2X's

Sorry I never told you all that I wanted to say


	Ruthless Female home Insanity \| The Real Stories \| Lameness in Action \| Good Times!!! \| People that matter \| Where I am \| Say Something! \| Awesome Links \| Fun Stuff \| Lyrics \| Chat People that deserved more... Every time I go to IRC I am disgusted by the total lack of respect and human compassion I see there. Maybe its people like this who have turned my feelings towards ruthlessness. Maybe its just that I can not understand how these people are allowed to live when there are so many others that have to die. This page is dedicated to people who deserved the love I gave to them freely and still have for them everyday. On March 13th of 2001 I lost something that was most dear to me. I lost my best friend Ben Campbell. I call him my best friend not because he was there with me everyday, but because he was there when I needed him the most. He was the friend that I did not have to worry about stabbing me in the back for ANY reason. Most people can not say that they have ANY friends like that. He was the one who was there for me when I had a hard time coping with the death of another friend I had lost shortly before I met him. He was there when I came to work upset with the world for all the bullshit that is in it. He was the one to listen to me rant and rave when I was mad as hell and tried his damnedest to make me laugh instead. It always worked. I met Ben 5 years ago at a job I was working. I just felt instantly like I knew him. I told him he looked very familiar to me. We talked and figured out that his mother was a Social Worker whom I had met when I was 12. My mother was frustrated with my rebelliousness and sent me to a facility in which Ben's mother Diane worked. That's when I looked at him again and thought that he was a carbon copy of her. She was the only female in my life I had ever looked up to. And still to this day, that thought remains the same. She was the only role model I have ever had or ever will. I admired the way she dealt with the teens in the facility I was housed in. I loved her for taking up for me to my parents when no one else had ever done the same for me. I wished for her strength in my own life. She is rock solid in her opinions as I am, and there's not a damned thing anyone can do to change them. I love her for that. And that's why I love Ben. He IS a carbon copy of her. You could not feed him bullshit and expect him to eat it and say nothing. He was the first one to tell you how full of it you were. His personality so closely resembled mine that it was not long before I ceased thinking of him as a friend and began to see him as my brother. After all, his own mother was there for me at a time when my own was not. As a teenager of course I did not see the sacrifice she was making, as an adult I see it clearly. She had her own sons to raise. And from what I know, Ben was not the easiest to raise. Just like me :) . But she came to work everyday and worried about these kids who had no one. They were her kids, and they felt it. When we were busy torturing the other counselors and Diane arrived we all scurried back to looking like we were some kind of innocent kids. She seen right through all of that, every time! All these qualities she possessed were reflected loudly in Ben. Although I am making this part of the page for Ben, I wanted to say something about Diane and Bob. Its just too sad and selfish that we never say the things people need to hear about themselves while they are alive. So while I am making this page a tribute to the dear friend I have lost, any tribute to him would be a tribute to his parents that raised him. I have yet to meet another person who loved and respected his parents more then Ben loved his. I don't know his father Bob that well, except for all the wonderful stories Ben left me with. I do know, that here's a man that works all day and came home probably almost every day to learn what Ben had done today. Not just that, I can not count the times I have been at Ben's house in his room with just him and I or a few other friends, raising hell and playing loud music only to walk out of Ben's room expecting to get dirty looks from angry parents and see him smiling and saying Hi Joy! Bye Joy! Be careful Joy! Any child from a not so perfect home would give the world to have had parents like these. Thank you Diane and Bob for giving the world a chance to know Ben. Sometimes we talked to much about things important to us. Sometimes we needn't say a word, just look at one another and grin because we knew what the other was thinking. I have a brother named Harley that I have only met once, he is my brother by blood. Ben was and always will be my brother by choice. We all can not choose the people that we will give our hearts to and sometimes when we do it becomes some of our deepest regrets, but not here. Not with Ben. Ben trusted me for a lot of reasons. He trusted me because he knew I was his friend first. He would talk to me like one of the guys. He would tell me things I did not even want to hear about his girlfriends. Sometimes I halfheartedly, half seriously had to ask him to stop. He just did not mind speaking his mind. Sometimes I laughed and told him it was even too much for me. He would just laugh and keep talking. I always listened. He would tell me how very NOT serious he was with certain girlfriends. I think it was his was of letting me know not to bother getting close to them for they would not be a major part of his life. As far as I was concerned and I joked with him often about how he was going to run out of girlfriend choices before he found the right one. He would act like there would never be one woman for him. I doubted that but left it alone. You could only toy with his ego but so much before he really let you know he did not like it. When he was with his previous girlfriend he was always talking to me about this girl Amanda and how he really wanted to go out with her instead. We even joked about how neither of us liked pale skinned people as mates because we were both so pale ourselves. Then there was Amanda, very blond and very pale. For the longest time I tried not to let myself get used to her being around, because as far as Ben went, relationships were not for him. As time passed I started to tease him about how long he was with her, all the time he spent with her and not his friends. Then one day... I seen jealousy. Something he Never showed for any female before her. It shocked me and I teased him relentlessly about it. I asked him if he was going to be with her forever. He said "What do you think?". Then we had that moment, no words, just the smile to let me know how he really felt about her. I was so happy for him, I even bitched at him for some of the things she didn't like him doing. Something I had never done with any of his other girlfriends. O he hated it, but he knew it was only out of love. I think, that out of everything his parents taught him, that was the most important thing he took with him, the ability to see love in some harsh words, the knowledge that people do not ride your ass when you are screwing up, unless they love you...wholeheartedly. That is something he knew at 23 that others never learn. As a matter of fact, he taught it to me. Free JavaScripts provided by The JavaScript Source In loving memory of Benjamin Royden Campbell 10/30/77 - 03/13/01 Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say. And now its too late to hold you.. cause you've flown away...so far away. Never had I imagined living without your smile. Feeling and knowing you hear me.... it keeps me alive... alive. (Chorus) And I know your shining down on me from heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way. And I know eventually we'll be together. Together.... One sweet day. Darlin' I never showed you.. assumed you'd always be there, But I took your presence for granted...But I always cared And I miss the love we shared. (Chorus) Although the sun will never shine the same. I'll always look to a brighter day. Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep. You will always listen as I pray. (Chorus) 2X's Sorry I never told you all that I wanted to say