The Story

She’d always thought that it was near impossible to find someone she loves who loves her too. Twice she thought she found him and twice she was fooled. Many times, her feelings for guys were either unrequited or unbeknownst to them. At times, she can be contemplating several at once. She thinks that it’s her own fault, that it’s because she can’t make up her mind, that’s why she can’t find her one true love. It never crossed her mind that she would have the chance to reject someone, that she was good enough for someone to like. But it happened.

            He was five years older than her, both an ‘uncle’ and a ‘little big brother’ to her. She treated him purely as a friend, someone whose advice she could seek, who would offer a listening ear anytime. He started asking her out, but somehow, she found excuses to turn him down. He travelled some distance so that he could study with her during the exams. She always said he was crazy to do that, that he shouldn’t be wasting his time travelling to and fro. He just smiled but didn’t say anything. She suspected something, but he never did confirm her suspicions. Time passed and they didn’t talk as often. They began to seem more like acquaintances than friends.

            One night a year later, they were both online. He was having an emotional problem and she offered advice and sympathy. He said he did not want to tell her what happened because he was afraid he’ll fall in love with her. He’s scared he will lose the friendship they had if she didn’t feel the same way. Maybe he was too lonely, maybe she was too friendly, he asked her a question that stumped her. ‘Do you want to be someone more than a big little sister?’ She did not know how to answer him. Things were left hanging. Never before having been caught in a situation like that, she handled things badly. Having heard her mention that the bus journey to school was a long ride, he immediately offered to keep her company on these trips. Not wanting to give him the wrong idea, she always found one reason or another to turn down his offers. Subconsciously, she was rejecting him, but she did not want or know how to do it directly by telling him so. She began to avoid him and stopped being too friendly with him lest he got encouraged or misled.

            She felt bad treating him the way she did. Having been rejected before by other people, she knew the feeling was nowhere near fantastic. But she did not know that rejecting someone could be such an unpleasant ordeal. She tried to not make him feel too bad but the fact that she was rejecting him obviously couldn’t make him feel any better. In a way, what he was afraid of was starting to happen. They did not talk much to each other for a long time, and whatever words spoken between them were mostly his. Her own replies to his questions sounded harsh and cold to her ears.

            Love is an inexplicable thing. It is so difficult for two people to come together and stay together. More often than not, one or both parties come away broken from a relationship. Still, she hopes that one day, the story will have a happy ending.

                                                                                                                         27012000

                                                                                                                        jen

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