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Top Ten
by Spicy George

The following is a Top Ten list for events that occurred in the last two weeks on OLTL.  I couldn’t do the list last week because I was ill.  I apologize to my one dear, devoted fan (Hi Mom! I need some money.), but the list is back and in no particular order, here goes:

10. What’s with Seth? Am I supposed to care about him?  Why do I get the feeling that he’s hiding some big secret connection with a Llanviewer, or that he is plotting revenge on someone in town?  I hate when TPTB introduce characters shrouded in mystery.  It almost always comes off as hokey and stupid.  Granted, Seth is not hogging airtime, wears REAL poor people clothes, and is gradually shown with other characters while he works, but why not just state his motives up front?  Didn’t GH do this with Carly?  I wasn’t a big GH fan back then, but I’m pretty sure the audience knew right away that she was Bobbie’s daughter and that she planned on getting even with her.  It’s not like we’ll lose our interest if we know what Seth is doing in town.  We will lose our interest if this turns into a 5 time a day habit of Seth saying, ‘He/Shewill pay for what they’ve done to me!’

9. Speaking of repetitive dialogue...... can one of the writers PLEASE comeup with variations on ‘I’ve got to tell someone about that night!’ forJenn.  It’s becoming ridiculous.  None of the Rappapr!cks are immune from this, but Jenn seems to be saying it the most.  Why can’t the writers look in a thesaurus for different ways to say I, or tell, or someone.  Better yet, they should have Jenn say her lines in different languages each day.  That way, it’ll seem like she’s saying something different since we wouldn’t understand her, but she still has the same dialogue.

8. I hope Will dies soon. I never could tolerate Will the Human Hemorrhoid, but his faults have been magnified with the new writers aboard, which gives me hope that he’ll either leave town or DIE!  I’m hoping that he’s killed off, but I’ll be happy with him leaving town. I can’t stand his sanctimonious, Kale Browne’s Sam-ish behavior.  He’s better than Vega, Jenn can’t talk to Vega, Jess can’t talk to Vega, Jess can’t talk to her mom about them, Jess must be home at all times of the day so he can attempt sexual intercourse with her.  Whatever!  It’s becoming ridiculous and needs to all end in Will’s untimely, gruesome, onscreen death.

7. Are daytime’s bestest and most favoritest couple re-engaged?  I skipped over the scenes with Bo and Lamie, as played by BoBo and The Dar, but something makes me think their engagement is back on.  Why?  When will TPTB realize that NO ONE GIVES A DAMN!  Blamie is one of the worst pairings I’ve ever seen on any show, daytime, nighttime, or late-night porn.  They just SUCK!  Whose bright idea was it to pair a boring, half-comatose actor with a boring, half-comatose actress?  Putting them together just results in a completely comatose audience!

6. Viki, Niki, Wiki, and the gang come home and the first thing the galswant to do is jump Bender’s Neanderthal bones?  Further proof of the destruction of Viki!  The first thing Viki would’ve done is contact Jessica and make sure she was okay, and tell her that she herself was now fine, regardless of Ben’s reassurance. Even though they’re not onscreen anymore, she’d even call Kevin and Joey to let them in on her ordeal.  Instead, Blondie, the eighth wonder alter wants to go to bed with Dr. Soprano, Bartender at Large.  The one good part about theBlendie reunion was the Gabby/Viki scenes.  I’m happy that the writers are using history to display the animosity Viki feels towards Gabrielle, who I just LOVE!

5. Tea’s coming back.  My aunt’s uncle’s cousin’s mother’s best friend’s sister’s husband’s father’s stepchild’s dog walker is married to a production assistant at OLTL.  The news was passed along to me via this intricate network of people.  I can’t give out much, but what I can tell you is that TPTB will not delve into what flavor of aspic, or what kind of toilet paper Tea prefers, but that she will share many scenes with the McIverappason’s…spoiler ahead…as their killer!  This way, EVERYBODY will love Tea, no question!

4. Gary Tomlin was somewhat correct... In one of the soap magazine’s summer previews, GT stated that LL and HBS shared so much chemistry in upcoming scenes (namely in the jailhouse) that even crew members were hollering for those two to kiss.  I wouldn’t go that far, but I actually wouldn’t have minded a smooch between the two. Why?  Because I can’t really see LL as Sam.  I know he is, but I hate Sam, and can’t go for a Nora/Sam re-do, no matter who plays Sam.  Instead, when I see LL, I see Greg Nelson.  For some reason, my mind wants me to think that this is really Greg pretending to be Sam, who was a buddy of his from long ago.  Sam was really blown to bits, and Greg was there and vowed to him that he will take over his life and watch over his family.  With this convoluted story firmly entrenched in my mind, I can watch Nora and ‘Sam’ do just about anything.  LL and HBS actually DO look good together and have chemistry!

3. This may not be popular, then again I couldn’t care less, but I actually liked the Sister Todd scenes.  I don’t think they were as harmful to Todd’s character as people claimed.  It was just an idiotic way for him to get to see Blair.  He’s done plenty of idiotic things over the past three or so years.  This is just something else to add to the list.  What made the scenes so great for me were the inclusion of Addie and Sister Michael Marie.  No one can deny that Todd was happy to see Addie and that Roger and Pamela worked great together.  Even better was his chemistry with the old nun, Sister Michael Marie.  I can’t remember the name of the actress who played her, but she was hilarious.  I want her to stay on the show as a possible love interest for Asa!

2. My girl Roseanne is about to turn to voodoo to get her way!  I loveit!  The spoilers show that she’ll get her hands on some love potion for Antonio and a voodoo doll for either RJ or Kelly (I say go for Kelly!).  The doll is fine, but why a love potion for Antonio?  What she should do is get a potion that turns..... [censored.  Anyone wishing to find out SG's idea for Antonio should email SG at the email address found at the bottom of the page.  I'm sure he'd be more than happy to fill you in].  Now that’s revenge!

1. As much as Rae annoyed me this week, I still love her.  Who told her it was any of her business to give Asa hell for marrying Gabrielle?  I know Renee still loves him, but she did want a divorce, even when he wanted to reunite.  It’s too late to bitch now.  But, Renee is her friend and Rae will stick up for her, so she gave it to Asa and he gave right back.  I loved him calling her a dog and Fido!  She deserved it (I still love you Rae!) Even better were her scenes with Hank.  I could tell once Hank showed up at Rae’s door that TPTB were testing the chemistry with Linda Dano and Nathan Purdee. It seemed fine to me, much better than that between Rae and John, who’s leaving soon anyway. Hank is in DESPERATE need of a woman, and Rae, well, she has spiky hair, so I guess they’ll be fine.  Personally, I think Hank and Carlotta should reunite, but then that’ll just give TIIC the opportunity to backburner two characters for the price of one, so I can see how the Hank/Rae possible pairing has its merits.

**Hate mail, love letters, and all other types of email concerning this TOP TEN should be directed