I once bumped into a man pulling a cart containing thirty thousand pounds worth of bank notes down a main road. Before I could warn him of his stupidity, he was robbed by a suspiciously athletic old lady. Unfortunately for the man, they money was his entire life savings, and as a result he was kicked out of his flat, had his car re-possessed and was laughed at by his rich friends. The man's name was "Corgi-man". He is a famous low-security man.

In a one-off special, in fact an exclusive for Judas Bradley, Corgi-man has allowed us to interview him. Read below to hear how he got his nickname and about his stupidity when it comes to security.

So Corgster, please introduce yourself.

"Hiya everyone. My name's 'Corgi-Man' and I'm from Cambridgeshire. Over the past ten years in particular I've suffered a number of set-backs due to my sheer stupidity in the security area of my life."

My first question has to be..how did you get your nickname? I mean, it's a bit odd isn't it?

"You may think my name is a little bit odd, but I'm actually quite proud of it. You see, a number of years ago my job was Head of Security for a European royal family and I was given a budget of two million pounds in order to look after them. My first problem occurred mainly because I don't trust banks, and withdrew the entire two million pounds in order to keep it safe. However, on the way home from the bank I needed to go to the toilet quite urgently. Obviously that amount of money takes up a lot of room and so I couldn't take it into the toilet with me. Luckily there was a man sat down begging outside with a loyal looking dog. I explained about how I had nowhere to put the money and he offered to look after it for me whilst I relieved myself. When I came out of the toilet I couldn't find him anywhere. "

Did that surprise you?

"Well it did really. I thought he must have been in a hurry though - he looked the business type - and It's just a case of waiting for him to return the money. I'm sure it'll come anytime."

And when did the money go missing?

"Eight years ago."

And you haven't heard anything from this man?

"No."

Right. Moving on..how did you cope with the loss of the money?

"This minor set-back meant that I had no money to look after the family in question. I had aimed to use the money to buy 300,000 African killer bees, trained to kill any intruders, but due to the loss of the money I was forced to borrow a single Corgi dog. It only had three legs. Subsequently the dog was unable to hobble after the men who kidnapped the entire family, and a $350 million ransom had to be paid in order to free them. I was sacked immediately."

Right.

"That's how I got my nickname."

Quite a mild nickname considering what happened.

"What do you mean?"

Moving on yet again..what were you doing with the money that you recently lost?

"The thirty thousand pounds?"

That's right.

"Well, I was moving my life savings from a bank to under a flower-pot outside my house."

And why were you doing that?

"Like I said before, I don't trust banks"

But you do trust flower-pots in your garden?

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Corgi-Man, can I ask you where you keep your car keys?

"I had my car re-possessed last week, but I did keep my car keys in my car."

How did you lock your car then?

"Well I didn't lock it, did I? Duh!"

And it didn't get stolen?

"Well, I did have a few cars stolen."

A few?!

"Only sixteen."

Oh. Look Corgi-man, have you got any idea of the concept of security?

"Yes. I'm very security conscious."