Chapter 9
It took me exactly three seconds to make the decision to take him along on that first party and then it took four hours to explain to him three months later why it wouldn’t work. I prayed silently all the while that he would just ask, “Is someone forcing you to do this?” but he didn’t. He thought I needed out. He thought I was suffering. He bought the lousy excuse I gave him. Even I wouldn’t have believed the line I delivered to him: “I’m scared I’ll get too involved.”
Even when I said it, I winced. I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it was a lie, plain and simple, but I also knew something that he would probably never know--it wasn’t my decision.
“Do you just need time to work this out for yourself? Is that what you need? Because we can take a week apart and then try it again,” Isaac suggested.
It was early on a rainy Saturday, which seemed so fitting. I had kept the tears from falling, but it was hard work. “No, I--uh.....I think this is going to be permanent, Ike.” I got up quickly and out the door onto the walkway. Isaac of course followed me and shouted after me as I ran down the stairs and into the parking lot. He caught up quickly, being a much stronger runner than myself. He twirled me around to face him and I looked in his eyes. I automatically read every emotion he was feeling. Anger, hurt, confusion…love.
“Before you go, I just have to tell you something,” Isaac half-pleaded me to stay just a moment longer. He pulled me close and put his lips by my ear. “I love you, Melody, and I always will. Remember that. And remember I always have room in my heart for you.”
Completely overtaken by my emotions, I raised a hand to my mouth as I felt the first warm tears squeeze through and fall onto my cheeks along with the cool rain. I silently thanked God that he couldn’t tell I was crying or he would have made me stay longer. If the situation would have been different, I could have told him how I felt right then and there, but being what it was, I turned and ran blindly across the parking lot towards the highway and away from those words.
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I never knew how sincerely painful it was to lose a boyfriend when you weren’t ready. Isaac had been my confidant for the past months and suddenly I couldn’t talk to him anymore. I knew that if I tried to talk to him, I would only end up crying or confessing that it was Jake’s idea for us to break up and not mine. I knew that was impossible, though. Isaac couldn’t know that I had given him up for this job. If I really believed that we had true love I would have given up the job to be with him. I felt dirty and shameful for what I had done and I knew that when I would have to go to work, I wouldn’t be able to look Isaac in the eye.
When Monday rolled around again, I dreaded going to work like many people do because I knew what was there waiting for me wasn’t going to be easy to handle. When I drove up, I sat in my car a moment and listened to the morning radio.
“....going to be another hot day with temperatures getting into the lower 90’s. In other news, I actually caught up with a famed brother from the trio, Hanson. Isaac was sitting in a park Saturday afternoon. He seemed to be a little miffed something, but I managed to get a quote or two from him. He said that they’re working on the next album and that it will be out sometime in early fall. He also told me to broadcast this-- he said, ‘Never let the ones you love run away, because once the person is gone, so is the moment.’ Apparently he hasn’t had a great experience with someone, probably a girl. Well, here’s a song for you, Isaac; it’s Mariah Carey with ‘Butterfly.’”
I flipped off the radio and shut off the car. Running a hand through my wavy hair, I sighed deeply, hoping that I would make it through the day alive.
When I got inside, I shed my sunglasses and took a deep breath. I looked around to see all the familiar things that would help me through the day. Coke, food, Kleenex...
“Melody, you ready to start?” Jake came through and patted me on the back.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You look a little pale. You okay?”
“Yeah, fine. I just…nevermind. Is everyone here?”
“Yeah, all of the guys are in the studio jammin’ or something. We’re just waiting on you because they’re going to record one more song today. Something new that Isaac wrote,” Jake shrugged. “I don’t mind as long as we keep getting those killer payments. We’ve almost paid off everything and soon it will all be profit! I’m just going to make some final arrangements in my office about the new client and then I’ll join you guys in the studio.”
I nodded and headed towards the booth. I was about to step in when I heard the guys’ voices floating through the open door.
“...And you don’t know why?” I heard Taylor ask.
“No, she just said that she was ‘afraid to get too involved.’ She just broke up with me out of thin air. I don’t understand it,” Isaac said. He sounded so sad. I felt like the biggest jerk in the entire city, knowing what I was doing to Isaac and not explaining why.
“Did you ask her ‘The Questions?’”
“The Questions?”
“Yeah, there’s five main questions you ask when a girlfriend breaks up with you,” Zac informed Isaac.
“What are they?”
Taylor laughed a little and then started, “I can’t believe ‘the romantic’ doesn’t know this. Okay, you ask her if she still likes you, if there’s another guy, if she knows something about you that hurt her, if you did anything to hurt her, and the last one which doesn’t get used a lot, is if someone is forcing her to break up with you.”
“Should I still ask her?”
I smiled. I couldn’t muster up the strength to tell him on my own, but if he asked me, I would tell him the truth and then he would understand!
“Nah, it’s too late now. Whatever it was, she’s had the night after the break up to think about it and now it’s concrete. The only way to get her back is to hope she changes her mind,” Taylor answered.
Realizing that I was doing a terrible thing by eavesdropping, I quickly stepped into the booth and started the act of being normal.
“Hey guys. You ready to go?” I asked, looking at the switchboard.
“Yep, just give us a sec to grab our instruments and we’ll start to make the first cut of the song,” Taylor spoke up. I nodded and readied the equipment before beginning the session.
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good idea or bad idea?
Chapter 10
Chapter Index