Title: Where is Hercules?
Disclaimer: The characters of Hercules and Iolaus belong to Renaissance Pictures. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from this story. I promise to put Iolaus and Hercules back when I’m done with them. This story is partially inspired by the Disney film “Honey, I shrunk the kids” except in this story it becomes “Honey I shrunk Hercules!” Other inspirations for this story is Thumbelina and Tom Thumb.
Summary: Hephaetus creates a machine which can shrink Titans to nothingness. Hephaetus experiments with his shrinking machine and accidentally shoots Hercules causing Hercules to shrink. Iolaus must find Hercules in time before Hercules shrinks to nothingness. Will Iolaus find Hercules in time?
Timeframe: This story takes place before the episode “God Fearing child”. This story also takes place before my story “For Evander’s sake”. In this story, Hera is still the enemy of Hercules and has not yet forgiven Zeus for his adulterous sins. In other words, this story takes place during the series timeline.
CHAPTER 1
“Hey Hephaetus, how are you and Aphrodite getting along?” asks Hercules
“Aphrodite thinks only about love all the time. Don’t get me wrong, Hercules I love Aphrodite with all my heart but I do have work to do you know…Dite just doesn’t take my work seriously. All Aphrodite wants to do is make love all day and all night neverending love..and when she’s not making love, she complains about how dirty and smelly the forge is..complains Hephaetus..
“So where is Aphrodite?” asks Hercules.
“Right now she’s visiting Cupid and her grandson. It’s good that she’s out of the forge. It gives me time to work on my latest invention! I think the Olympians will never have to worry about the Titans ever again!” exclaims Hephaetus…
“You know Hephaetus, you have anything here to eat? I’m starving! Herc and I haven’t eaten all day!” interrupts Iolaus “Besides what’s all the excitement about? Why bring Herc and I here before breakfast?”
“Iolaus, is that all you can think about? Food? Hephaetus is trying to show us one of his latest inventions! “ says an annoyed Hercules…
“Sorry Hephaetus, so what’s the great invention?” asks a curious Iolaus his cerulean blue eyes looking earnestly at Hephaetus…
Hephaetus points to his invention. It is shaped like a spherical gun. Hercules stands at the end of the gun looking down the barrel as Hercules and Iolaus examine Hephaetus’ latest invention.
“This, Hercules and Iolaus, is a shrinking ray gun. It can shrink any living being to nothingness. Just think, the next time the Olympians go up against the Titans, I can use this ray gun and shrink those giant Titans to nothingness. This ray gun will even the playing field!” grins a proud Hephaetus..
“Just whatever you do, don’t touch it! Now let me demonstrate how the ray gun can shrink anything. I will turn it on” The ray gun pulsates with a strange green light and reverberates the cave with a strange shrieking sound. Both Hercules and Iolaus are fascinated as they watch the ray gun.
While sitting on Olympus bored out of her mind, Hera watches as Hephaetus shows Hercules and Iolaus his new ray gun. Suddenly she is inspired by a new idea of how to get rid of Hercules. Yes, she thinks to herself…this will work. As Hephaetus turns on his gun, Hera turns the gun on Hercules.
“Now, I am going to show you Hercules, how this gun can shrink anything!” Hephaetus turns around to activate his machine. Suddenly the ray gun activates all by itself and aims itself at Hercules. Before Hercules could react to get out of the way of the gun’s rays, Hercules feels a tingling warmth up and down his body. Hercules watches as the world seems to grow bigger and bigger as his body shrinks to half its size. Iolaus and Hephaetus rush to turn off the machine. A suddenly 3’3” Hercules realizes that he has been shrunk.
“Hephaetus, reverse this. I’m half my size! This isn’t funny! Turn me back!” cries Hercules.
“I have no idea what happened. How did the machine turn itself on? I’m so sorry Hercules. I mean the machine just moved by itself to aim itself at you..I..I don’t have a antidote for this..this ray gun was supposed to be used as a weapon against the Titans” exclaims a now terrified Hephaetus…
“Hephaetus, you have to do something! Hercules can’t spend his life that size! Hera will have a field day with him! Change him back!” exclaims an equally terrified Iolaus…
As Hera observes this scene, she laughs so hard that she falls off her throne scattering all her peacock feathers about. It will be easy to get rid of the mighty Hercules because within 72 hours, he will be shrunk to nothingness. She will be rid of her bastard stepson once and for all!
“I have to find an antidote quickly before Hercules shrinks to nothingness. Don’t worry Hercules I will find you an antidote. In the meantime, Iolaus, you must hide him and make sure Hera, Aries, Discord and the others do not find him in this condition.” Hephaetus promptly leaves to go back into the forge to find an antidote.
“You know Herc..it’s not so bad being short..I have faith in Hephaetus..I know he will find a cure for you..”giggles Iolaus..”You know Herc..I never knew you had dandruff in your hair..I’ve never seen the top of your head before..you really should clean your hair more often…”
“Come to think of it Iolaus..I’ve never seen you from this angle either..You really should clean out your nose..do you know you flare your nose whenever you laugh and giggle?” says Hercules as Hercules looks up at Iolaus’ face.
“I do not flare my nostrils when I laugh” exclaims an indignant Iolaus
“Your nostrils flare even more when you’re angry!” exclaims a surprised Hercules. “You should also do something about your breath!..those armpits..did you bathe today Iolaus?” as Hercules looks up at Iolaus’ armpits.
“Alright..that’s enough..we’re going to the lake to fish and that’s that. Now that you are so little..LITTLE Hercules, I will bathe you!” as Iolaus grabs Hercules by the waist and easily wrestles him to the ground.
“You know Herc..you are a real lightweight now!” says Iolaus. As Iolaus holds Hercules against the ground, he can physically feel Hercules getting smaller and smaller..Iolaus prays that Hephaetus hurries up with the antidote before Hercules disappears altogether. To get Hercules’ mind off his predicament, Iolaus decides to take Hercules fishing. Iolaus figures that there’s nothing safer than a fish hole.
CHAPTER 2
“Here Herc..why don’t you use a fishing pole..I don’t think you’re big enough to catch fish with your hands anymore!”
“I’ll show you Iolaus! Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t fish the way I used to. As Hercules wades into the water to catch fish, he suddenly shrinks down to 2ft 2” and he finds he has to swim in water he used to wade in.
Alarmed that Hercules had shrunk so fast while in the lake, Iolaus rushes into the lake to get Hercules out of the water.
“Are you alright? Herc?” asks an anxious Iolaus…
“Just fine, Iolaus..just wounded pride. You’re right. I guess I’m going to have to watch you fish. I have no idea how much smaller I will become! “ says a scared Hercules. “Listen Iolaus..why don’t you fish, I’ll just sit here by the lake and enjoy the sunshine and wait until Hephaetus sends word as to when he’s fixed the machine to switch me back!”
“I don’t know, Herc..I don’t want to leave you alone..okay I’ll fish enough so that we have enough for dinner..but you stay right here and don’t go anywhere!” as Iolaus speaks to Hercules as if he were a small child.
Iolaus reluctantly leaves Hercules by the lake. Well, thinks Iolaus, as long as I keep Hercules within my line of sight, I figure I can fish, get dinner for tonight and keep Hercules safe while we wait for Hephaetus. The minute Iolaus turns his attention on the fish, Hercules undergoes another size reduction. This time, Hercules shrinks to the size of Iolaus’ thumb.
Iolaus looks up from his fishing pole expecting to see Hercules sitting by the lake. He sees nothing. Alarmed, Iolaus runs to the lakeshore looking for Hercules. “Hercules, where are you?”
From the blades of grass which is about Hercules’ current size, Hercules tries to yell at Iolaus..”Iolaus, I’m over here! Help me Iolaus! I’m shrinking! Call Aphrodite! Tell Hephaetus to hurry I don’t have much time!”
“Hercules, I can hear you in my mind! I can’t find you! I’ll call Dite! And have her tell Hephaetus to hurry up..I can’t leave you here! Hercules! Hercules! I can’t find you!
“Aphrodite! I need you! Please come! I need your help! Please Aphrodite!” exclaims Iolaus.
A sparkle of pink and the scent of extravagant perfume wafted in the air as Aphrodite makes her appearance. “Hey Sweetcheeks! What’s up! Where’s Hercules?” asks a curious Aphrodite.
“Oh Aphrodite I don’t have time to explain but you must go tell Hephaetus to hurry up and find the cure soon! Hercules don’t have much time! Please Dite!”
Aphrodite’s gray eyes lights up with compassion as she sees how distressed her favorite mortal is. His cerulean blue eyes pleads with her to help Hercules. “I don’t know what’s going on..but I’ll drop by Hephaetus and tell him to hurry up to help Hercules!”
Aphrodite has no idea what’s going on but she has a sneaking suspicion that it’s Hephaetus’ fault. With a pout of annoyance at her husband, she enters the forge where she sees Hephaetus working feverishly on his shrinking ray gun.
“Hey Hephie..it’s Sweetcheeks and he seems rather frantic..Sweetcheeks says that Hercules doesn’t have much time..what’s going on? Where is Hercules? “ asks Dite…
“Dite..honey..it was an accident.. I didn’t mean for the shrink gun to go off..I mean Hercules was standing there..I turned my back for one second…honey..I shrunk Hercules..says Hephaetus despondently…”And unless I can reverse the effect, Hercules will shrink to nothingness in a few hours..”
“You did WHAT?” explodes Aphrodite..”You shrunk Sweetcheek’s best friend and my BROTHER? How could you be so irresponsible? Playing with that stupid ray gun of yours? Didn’t I tell you to forget about that stupid weapon? Didn’t I tell you that that stupid gun could hurt someone?
“Listen honey, I don’t have time for this. I have to find an antidote. Please Aphrodite, help Iolaus. Help him protect Hercules. For goodness sake don’t tell Discord or Aries. You must go to Iolaus and help him keep Hercules safe. I’m so sorry this happened. The gun went off by accident. The strange thing about it is that it seemed as if the gun went off by itself..” ponders Hephaetus for a moment.
“No, the gun did not go off by itself. This could only be the work of horse-faced Hera. She has to be the one behind all of this. It’s just her style. I’ll go find Hercules and make sure little bro is safe!” Aphrodite gives her distraught husband a quick peck and leaves in a sparkle of pink to aid the Golden Hunter in his search for Hercules.
By this time, Iolaus has covered every square inch of where he had last seen Hercules by the lake. It is growing dark and Iolaus is frantic with worry about Hercules’ safety. In a sparkle of pink, Aphrodite appears.
“Sweetcheeks, have you had any luck finding Hercules?” asks a worried Aphrodite.
Tears of frustration and genuine worry runs down Iolaus’ cheek as he strives to keep his composure. “I can’t find Hercules anywhere! He’s my best friend! I promised to always watch his back! Now I can’t even see his back! Dite! Help me find him! I can’t lose him now! Dite! We’ve been through so much together…he saw me through Anya’s death and then Deanndra and the kids…Oh and poor Alchemene and Jason..what will they do without Hercules..we’ve got to find him safe and sound! This is all my fault Dite I should never have turned my back on him for a second even to go fishing! We’ve got to find Hercules fast! He’s not safe being so small! I’ve got to find him Dite! He’s so helpless!
“Don’t worry Iolaus..we won’t let horse-faced Hera get away with this!” says Aphrodite.
“You think Hera is up to this?” asks Iolaus. Suddenly angry, Iolaus let out his pent-up frustration and yells to the skies “You won’t get away with this Hera…I’ll find Hercules!”
Two peacock green eyes appear in the skies. Ominous clouds form overhead as vicious laughter is heard from above. Hera is truly enjoying Hercules’ predicament as she watches Hercules dodge ants, Iolaus’ foot and dragonflies. She knows it is only a matter of time before her bastard stepson is dead. Hera is having way too much fun.
CHAPTER 3
Hercules looks around him. High blades of grass surround him. Hercules hears a buzzing sound overhead. He sees a large bee coming straight for him. Hercules ducks for cover. He sees Iolaus looming above. Thunderous voice “Hercules, Hercules, where are you?”. Iolaus’ breath creates a strong wind and Hercules holds on to a small plant for protection from the “Titan” Iolaus. Hercules thinks “Iolaus, you must do something about your breath..you’ve eaten too much garlic this morning!”.
Hercules ducks to avoid being stepped on by Iolaus as Iolaus searches the area for the missing Hercules. Hercules sees all kinds of gunk on the bottom of Iolaus’ shoe and thinks Iolaus you must think about washing out your shoes. Hercules yells at Iolaus “Iolaus, I’m down here,” as Hercules ducks to avoid Iolaus’ gigantic foot Hercules yells at the top of his lungs “Watch it Iolaus, you almost stepped on me! Iolaus! Iolaus! Can you hear me?”
Hercules can feel the ground shaking as Iolaus who appears to Hercules like a gigantic Titan walks around to search for him.
Hercules ducks again to avoid being trampled by Aphrodite who appears next to Iolaus. Hercules yells “Hey sis! I’m down here! Can’t you feel me? Use your godly powers for heaven’s sake and tell Hephaetus to hurry up with the antidote! I’m shrinking by the minute! Aphrodite can you hear me?” It seems to Hercules that no one can hear or feel him because he is so small. “Can’t anyone hear me?” asks Hercules in a plaintive voice.
Hercules has no time to feel sorry for himself as a gigantic dragonfly flies by and sees Hercules as food for dinner. Hercules hurls himself into a thorny bush to avoid being hijacked by the dragonfly. The dragonfly sees that it’s prey has hidden itself in a thorny bush so it flies harmlessly by looking for easier prey to catch.
Hercules sits in the thorny bush contemplating his not so bright future when he notices a gigantic ladybug come his way. The ladybug leisurely eats the thorny bush and sucks the honey from its middle. Hercules decides to hitch a ride on the back of the ladybug. He admires the beautiful red and yellow pattern on the ladybug’s back. Hercules manages to scamper onto the ladybug’s back. He rides for some distance in this manner. The blades of grass appears to Hercules like a thick tropical rain forest. Hercules thinks it’s not so bad being small. The undergrowth is quite beautiful. Unfortunately, the ladybug soon feels Hercules’ weight on her back and unceremoniously forces Hercules back to the ground. Once on the ground, Hercules becomes prone to more insect attacks.
Hercules sees more danger up ahead. A colony of ants comes towards him. Unlike the bee who only sees Hercules as a nuisance, the ants see Hercules as food. The huge ant tries to lunge at Hercules with its fang-like jaws. A whole army of ants with fang-like jaws surround Hercules. Hercules has no choice but to fight the entire army of ants. Hercules thinks “Thank the gods..Hephaetus’ ray gun did not shrink my strength or else I would not be able to hold off all these ants!” Hercules hurls the first two ants. As each column of ants advance on Hercules, Hercules hurls one ant after another into the bushes, crushing each ant to its death.
Suddenly a man appears out of a flower, he helps Hercules out. “Come, step into this flower. You will be safe from the marauding ants. The flower man takes out his hand and lifts Hercules into the safety of his flower.
“Thanks for saving my life. I owe you. My name is Hercules. I didn’t know..” Hercules is at a loss for words as he never had any idea that people lived in these flowers. He looks at the flower man who saved his life. Hercules notices that the flower man has the most beautiful translucent butterfly wings attached to his other human body. His eyes are the most incredible shade of purple. Awed by this sight, Hercules stares at the flower man, who introduces himself as Prince Ramon of the flower people.
“I’m Prince Ramon and even among the flower people, Hercules, we have heard of your heroic deeds. We know that the angry goddess Hera has placed a spell on you making you smaller and smaller however we flower people have magic of our own. I am happy to say that you will not get any smaller. Here, Hercules, drink this clear liquid. It is made from the honey of these flowers. You will remain our size until you can be rescued. This liquid will make you a flower man until Hephaetus reverses the spell” Prince Ramon hands Hercules the flower drink. Grateful that he will not shrink any further, Hercules drinks the flower ambrosia. Instantly Hercules notices that he has taken on the skin gloss of the flower people.
“There’s only one favor I can ask of you, Hercules. I am in love with Princess Jona who lives in the next flower. I don’t have the nerve to tell her that I care about her. Could you be my voice? Could you be my messenger?
“Well, Prince Ramon I would be more than happy to help you. What do you want me to do?” asks Hercules.
“I am rather shy. I need for you to give Princess Jona this scroll. In this scroll, I have written how I feel about her and how much I love her…” says Prince Ramon, his purple eyes pleading with Hercules’ azure eyes for understanding.
“I’ll be more than happy to oblige. How do you travel from flower to flower?” asks Hercules afraid of the marauding ants below once outside the safety of the magic flower petals.
“Here, sit on this flower petal. It will fly you to the next flower. Close your eyes and will the flower petal to Princess Jona’s flower and this magic flower pedal will take you to your destination.” Says Prince Ramon.
Hercules closes his eyes. He wills the magic flower petal to Princess Jona’s flower. When he opens his eyes, Hercules finds himself standing in front of most stunning Princess. Princess Jona has beautiful aqua-green eyes and red-blond hair. Like Prince Ramon, she has beautiful wings like a butterfly attached on her back. She steps forward “I was not expecting any visitors this time of day. How may I help you?”
Stunned by the Princess’ beauty, Hercules stands awed by her perfection. Finally, Hercules remembers to speak “My name is Hercules. I come on behalf of Prince Ramon. He wants me to give you this scroll.” Hercules remembers his manners and bows.
“No need for such formality, Hercules..Hercules..now that name is familiar to me. Her aqua-green eyes flickers momentarily as she strives to remember Hercules’ name..”Yes, now I know!..You’re the Son of Zeus aren’t you? The Flower People have heard much of your renown and how you help people. Princess Jona opens the scrolls and reads it carefully. And she tells Hercules “Tell Prince Ramon, I’ll be more than happy to come to his dinner tonight.”
CHAPTER 4
“Hercules, I want to thank you for delivering the scroll to Princess Jona!” says an excited Prince Ramon. “So did she accept my invitation to dinner?”
“Well, your highness”, says Hercules “Yes, she has. She says she can’t wait to be in your presence.”
“I would never have had the nerve to ask her out for dinner if it weren’t for you. What a coup for me that you came here. Imagine the Son of Zeus himself delivering a scroll on my behalf!..now I must tend to the menu..everything must be perfect tonight..Hercules, I intend to ask her to marry me…”With that remark, Prince Ramon flies away to prepare for the big dinner. Hercules smiles as he remembers his first date and how much he was in love with Deanndra. “Ah..young love!” Hercules closes his eyes and lays back in the flower petal as he remembers Deanndra. The perfume of the flower permeates Hercules’ senses as Hercules lies down for a nap inside the flower.
Meanwhile back at the forge…
“Dite..Dite..Iolaus..I’ve got the antidote! I can reverse the spell! Now all we have to do is find Hercules!” exclaims a triumphant Hephaetus.
“Oh Hephaetus, I’m so proud of you as Aphrodite hugs her husband and starts to tickle him..”
“I just hope Hercules is alright…” exclaims a worried Iolaus…
Aphrodite looks in Iolaus’ direction and feels sorry for the Golden Hunter. Suddenly Aphrodite senses Hercules’ presence “Sweetcheeks..I know where Hercules is. He’s safe and sound. He’s dreaming about his wife, Deanndra. Oh, Sweetcheeks, he’s surrounded by love…young love..all I have to do is hone in on that love, and I’ll find Hercules!” exclaims an excited Aphrodite as she disappears in a sparkle of pink.
The dinner proceeds as planned. Hercules acts as the waiter. He serves the loving couple their food. He notices that the Prince and the Princess cannot take their eyes off of each other. Yes, thinks Hercules, this is definitely love. As Prince Ramon finishes off the last of his dinner, he suddenly gets on his knees and proposes marriage to the fair damsel. As the Prince and Princess fall deeper and deeper in love, Hercules notices that their wings vibrate endlessly and that the translucent quality of their wings glows even brighter.
“Will you marry me Princess Jona for I love you with all my heart!” asks Prince Ramon his heart beating so fast that it causes his wings to flutter endlessly and make a slight buzzing sound.
Before the Princess can answer, a sparkle of pink flashes and Aphrodite makes her entrance. “Hercules, thank the Gods you are safe!” Aphrodite appears and rushes to her brother and gives Hercules a big bear hug. “Iolaus is so worried about you! Oh and good news Hephaetus has found a cure! Hurry we must go before you shrink any further!”
“Aphrodite, no need for the rush just go back and tell Iolaus and Hephaetus not to worry about me, I’m alright..these flower people have given me some kind of ambrosia which will keep me from shrinking any further..besides I think I have a wedding to go to before I can come back..” In a sparkle of pink, Aphrodite blesses the union and then she disappears in a flash to tell Iolaus and Hephaetus that Hercules is alright.
As soon as Aphrodite disappears ina sparkle of pink, Princess Jona looks into Prince Ramon’s purple eyes and responds positiviely to his marriage proposal. She has been secretly in love with Prince Ramon since her birth and now she is thrilled that the handsome prince has asked her to marry him.
“In the presence of Aphrodite, the greatest Goddess of Love, even among the Flower People, I Princess Jona take thee, Prince Ramon to be my husband..yes, I’ll marry you!” Princess Jona and Prince Ramon embrace in a kiss.
“Before you leave Hercules, will you do us the honor of being best man at our wedding?” asked Prince Ramon.
At the wedding….
“Ah Hercules..I love weddings!” cries Aphrodite. “Don’t they make a lovely couple..Prince Ramon and Princess Jona..they are so happy together. Look how shiny their wings are!”
“Come on..let’s not keep Iolaus waiting! He’s really anxious about you. He feels really guilty about “losing” you at the lake! Hephaetus still thinks it’s his fault that you shrunk..he has the antidote waiting..so let’s go home! ”
As Hera watches Hercules be “rescued” by Aphrodite, she smashes her mirror in anger. She can’t believe that Hercules has escaped death again. Just as Hera has her temper tantrum, Zeus returns from one of his adventures and smiles as he notices his wifes’ anger as he thinks Hercules has done it again, thwarted one of my wife’s twisted schemes. Zeus disappears to go back to the mortal woman he has been making love with. Hera goes back to smashing everything within sight.
CHAPTER 5 Epilogue
“So the wedding went off without a hitch. I understand now that Princess Jona is expecting a son. They want to name the son, Hercules. We’ve both been invited to the baby’s christening! Aphrodite is picking out a gift for Hercules.” Says Hercules.
“Listen Herc..about the lake..I’m sorry I..turned my back on you..I mean..I should have kept a better eye on you..and then you disappeared…I was so worried..I had no idea what happened to you..I looked and looked and looked..”
“Iolaus, don’t worry! I don’t blame you for what happened! It’s not your fault! I had shrunk to such a small size there was NO WAY you could have seen me!”
“Still, Herc..I promised to watch your back..I didn’t..if that Prince Ramon hadn’t saved you..” Tears of relief and the pent-up emotion of the last few days rolls down Iolaus’ face. “Herc, you are my best friend. I can tell you almost anything. We’ve been together since we were kids. I want you to know I love you like a brother. I would do anything for you. From the bottom of my heart, I am glad that now you are safe and sound!” Iolaus gives Hercules a bear hug. Hercules reciprocates the feeling “Iolaus, I don’t know what I’d ever do without you. You have always been there for me. You don’t treat me like a “half-God”. I can be myself with you. You have no idea what that means to me. I am glad to be back to normal again now I don’t ever have to see your nostrils flare when you get angry!” quips Hercules.
Iolaus looks up at Hercules and says “Actually, today your nostrils are flaring. And talking about armpits..when was the last time you bathed Hercules?”
Hercules laughs and slaps Iolaus on the back “Let’s go to our old watering hole and get some swimming and fishing in just like when we were kids!”
Iolaus looks up at Hercules grateful that everything is back to normal. Bouncing down the path, Iolaus races Hercules to the watering hole just like when they were kids.
“By the way Iolaus, I learned a lot of things while I was smaller than you. For one thing, Iolaus, you really should do something about your breath, I mean the wind smelt like garlic…”
“Herc, my breath does NOT smell like garlic..have YOU any idea how bad you smell in the morning?”
“Iolaus, another thing you really should wash off the bottom of your shoes..I saw dead bugs, grass, manure..there..”
“MANURE? My shoes are clean. I’ll have you know I polish them every day. I do not step into manure. No, you’re mistaking me for Salmoneus…”
“No, Iolaus, I was quite sure I saw MANURE stuck on the bottom of your shoes..after all you almost stepped on me!” said Hercules…
The bantering continued as our two heroes sauntered toward their favorite lake. Later that day, while Hercules was asleep, Iolaus did take a peek at the bottom of his shoes and lo and behold, there was a speck of manure on them. In the darkness of the night, Iolaus cleaned off the bottom of his shoes while Hercules snored on.