To have a friend, Part 2
Summary: In Part I, Jester learns what it is to have a friend. In Part 2, Jester learns how to help a friend.
Disclaimer: The characters of Hercules and Iolaus belong to Renaissance Pictures. No money is being made from these stories..blah ..blah..blah..
Author’s Note: This story is a sequel to To have a Friend Part 1 Within the series, this story takes place before Iolaus comes back to life in Revelations and just after Hercules rescues Jester from the Other World.
CHAPTER 1
The dagger flew towards Nebula’s heart. Iolaus jumps in front of the dagger to save Nebula’s life and the dagger rips through Iolaus’ chest right into his heart. Iolaus hits the ground hard with a dagger in his chest. Hercules watches as the dagger hits his best friends’ chest and he knows that he is too far to help Iolaus or catch the dagger. Hercules incinerates Gilgamesh and runs to Iolaus’ side. Hercules clutches a dying Iolaus to his chest as he gives out an animalistic gutteral cry of grief..as if willing Iolaus not to die..
In his dying moments, Iolaus tries to pour forth all of his emotions for Hercules into his cerulean eyes..in his eyes are reflected his love.his devotion..his loyalty and his everlasting sorrow in leaving Hercules alone..in his eyes are reflected a lifetime of friendship..brotherhood..Hercules sees the unconditional love and forgiveness in Iolaus’ eyes as Iolaus tries to communicate wordlessly to Hercules..that it is not Hercules’ fault that he is dying..to communicate a lifetime of love in that one last glance..Iolaus wants so much to communicate in words what his expressive eyes are telling Hercules but all he manages in his dying breath is “Herc” and in that one word..Iolaus expresses all his love to his brother of the heart…
Hercules cries his heart out as Iolaus dies in his arms and closes those expressive blue eyes forever..Waves of grief, loneliness, anger and most of all guilt assault Hercules’ senses all at once as the realization of Iolaus’ death hits home..Hercules screams “Iolaus…NOOOOO!” and then in a weak whisper as Hercules strokes Iolaus’ face and takes a stray curly blond hair from Iolaus’ face one last time..he whispers to Iolaus..to the brother of his heart..to his soulmate “You will always be my hero” as tears run down Hercules’ face.
Hercules tosses and turns in his bedroll while crying out several times in his sleep “Iolaus..NOOO..” and then with tears running down his sleeping face..Hercules yells “It’s all my fault”..my fault..my fault..”
Jester awakens to the sound of Hercules cries and he tries to wake Hercules from his nightmare..Hercules jerks awake..breathing fast…sweat running down his handsome face..as Hercules tries to focus..he sees the worried face of the Jester shaking him awake..He sees that he has tangled his bedroll around him..Hercules sees that he is camped outside with Jester..
“Hercules..you had a nightmare..only a nightmare..wake up…”
“Jester, it was a vivid nightmare..everything felt so real..dear God..Iolaus..” as Hercules wipes his face in frustration…
“Hercules, do you want to talk about it?”
“It’s too painful for me to talk about..Iolaus’ death breaks my heart..”
“Hercules, you’re the one who taught me what friendship is all about..you said that friends help each other out..you were there for me when I had these horrendous nightmares of my time with the Sovereign..you helped me get over the cruelty..I couldn’t have done that without you..you helped me fight my inner demons..let me help you fight yours..that’s what friends are for…”
Hercules shakes his head. “No..I can’t..it’s..if I had only heeded the warning..my fault..Iolaus is dead…”
Jester patiently talks to Hercules as if he were a small child..he knows that Hercules is in a lot of pain and suffering from massive amounts of guilt and he wants so much to help Hercules out of his emotional dilemma the way Hercules had helped him..he patiently prods Hercules for information.
“Tell me about the nightmare, Hercules, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong”
“Jester, it’s kind of you to volunteer..I can’t..”
“Just because you’re a demigod doesn’t make you infallible to pain..Hercules, you need a friend..”
“That’s just it, Jester, I’m a demigod..blessed with all these powers..Son of Zeus..but what good am I to those I love?”
“You are the most caring human being I have ever met. You saved me from the cruelty of the Sovereign..You took in a sad lonely Jester and made him welcome in a new world..That’s who you are to me..” Jester puts his hand on Hercules shoulder as Hercules is still sitting in his bedroll.
“I’m not much of a friend..I let Iolaus die..I was so busy being goddamn arrogant demigod hero insisting that Iolaus accompany me to Sumeria..in the end I couldn’t save him..what’s worse..I even had a premonition telling me NOT to go to Sumeria..but no did I listen..Did I care..No ..I dragged Iolaus to his death…I’m the strongest man in the world..yet everyone I love dies..I failed Iolaus..DEMI GOD” Hercules spat out the word in disgust..
Hercules sits back as he recalls the premonition “If you continue on your voyage to Sumeria, you will encounter death..death and danger..are you willing to sully your hands with blood..if you go see Gilgamesh..you will have blood on your hands..Hercules looks at the evil man..who looks exactly like the Sovereign but is actually a representation of the darker side of Hercules’ soul..I have warned you half-mortal..you’d better heed this warning or else..”
Hercules wakes up and sees that his hands are covered in blood. Hercules shivers all over as Iolaus approaches him and asks what’s wrong. “Jester, I’m not a hero..if I sacrificed my best friend to a dark god just to satisfy my ego..I was warned and now my hands are bathed in Iolaus’ blood..what kind of hero is that?”
“Hercules, you are a hero in the truest sense of the word. You care about people..you risk your life every day to help people..trust me..I have seen cruelty up close..and Hercules..you’re not it..”
Hercules interrupts Jester in mid-sentence “Me a hero? No..Iolaus was the hero Jester..don’t you understand…he was a full mortal..he faced all the dangers without the benefit of divine strength..I’m just a failure compared to Iolaus..if Iolaus had never been my friend..he’d be alive..it’s all my fault..oh god how can I live with that?” Clearly distraught, Hercules puts his face in his hands and cries.
Hercules thought “How could the Jester understand the anguish I am going through..Iolaus would be alive..if I weren’t his friend..oh Iolaus my friend..why did you follow me to Sumeria? Why did you listen to me? I’m not worth your love..your loyalty..I’m just a selfish bastard..who needed you more than you needed me..what have I done?”
It tears Jester’s heart to see Hercules in so much pain so he settles Hercules down in his bedroll while massaging Hercules’ back and reminding Hercules of his innate goodness “Hercules, you forget that you’re not only a half God, but you’re also half mortal and mortals make mistakes..just because you are the strongest man on earth doesn’t make you immune to mistakes..don’t be so hard on yourself..”
In a blind rage, Hercules turns around to face Jester and yells “Iolaus is dead because of me..”
“Hercules, look at me..it’s not your fault..Iolaus was a grown man..He knew that being with you would entail risks..he didn’t go to Sumeria blind..Iolaus knew what he was doing..you can’t take the blame for Iolaus’ decision to accompany you to Sumeria..”
“Jester, you don’t understand..Iolaus did not want to go to Sumeria..I was the one who talked him into going to Sumeria..I was the one who dismissed my own premonition warning me of the dangers to Iolaus and to myself..it was Iolaus who wanted to stay in Greece and not deal with the wrath of foreign Gods..I caused Iolaus’ death..”
“Is that what your nightmare is about?” Jester asks gently..
“Jester, I keep reliving Iolaus’ death. I keep reliving my inability to stop that damn dagger in time..for having been naïve and foolish enough to fall for Gilgamesh’s plea for help..”
“Hercules..get this out of your system..if you keep your emotions bottled up..it’ll eat you up alive..I want to help ease your pain..just like you eased mine..Hercules my dear friend..tell me everything..what happened in Sumeria?”
Hercules sighs, looks into the earnest face of the Jester and sees nothing but sincerity and love..the kind of love Iolaus used to have for him..Hercules looks Jester in the eye and in a coarse emotional voice, Hercules begins his woeful tale “The dagger was aimed at Nebula. Gilgamesh was possessed by Dahak..and Dahak wanted a warrior heart..when I incinerated Gilgamesh..he threw the dagger..Iolaus leapt in front of the dagger to save Nebula..and the dagger pierced Iolaus’ heart..I couldn’t get close enough to save Iolaus..when Iolaus died..a part of me died with him..Jester, he was my best friend..the other half of my soul..how am I going to live without him?” Hercules looks at his hands as if they were bloody with Iolaus blood and unconsciously rubs his hands on his leather pants as if to clean the stain off his hands..the stain of his guilt…
Jester sees this nervous gesture and realizes the extent of Hercules guilt and anguish..”You are too hard on yourself..you think that because you are a demigod that you can save the world..that it is your responsibility to keep everyone safe including Iolaus..”
“So you see Jester..I was right..it is my fault that Iolaus is dead..” Hercules adds anxiously putting his hand through his chestnut colored hair..
“No, Hercules, don’t you see..you are the only one human being..divine or not..you can’t be expected to be everywhere at once..you put such high expectiations on yourself..just accept the fact that you can make mistakes like everybody else and let it go..tell yourself..I am only human..I make mistakes..it’s not my fault..” SAY IT HERCULES..SAY IT NOW!”
CHAPTER 2
Very reluctantly and without much enthusiasm, Hercules repeats verbatim “I am only human.. I make mistakes..It’s not my fault..”
“Say it with feeling, Hercules..!”
“I’m only human..it’s not my fault Iolaus is dead..”
Iolaus sighs as he is exasperated by Hercule’s lack of enthusiasm “Hercules, you once told me that Iolaus and I share the same heart so I feel I can speak in Iolaus’ place..Iolaus doesn’t blame you..He doesn’t feel like you failed him..Iolaus will be the first one to tell you what I just told you..that you are the best friend any man can ask for..”
Hercules gives Jester a sheepish look as what Jester is saying has finally hit a nerve. Hercules cups Jester’s chin and tilts his head back to meet Hercules’ eyes as Hercules admits “Jester, you’re right..you do have Iolaus’ heart..Iolaus doesn’t blame me for his death..Iolaus did tell me…not in words..but in his eyes..I saw in Iolaus’ eyes..his love..his forgiveness..then later on in Eire..Iolaus’ spirit appeared to me in a cave and Iolaus told me he had no regrets being my friend that he would not have it any other way..he told me not to feel guilty about his death..”
“So, Hercules, you big lug..why don’t you listen to Iolaus? He’s right. Iolaus doesn’t blame you..so why do you blame yourself..you have to forgive yourself Hercules..let it go..give yourself a break..you deserve some inner peace..you need to move on with your life...”
“Inner peace..I guess that’s what Mavin was trying to teach me..when I arrived on the shores of Eire, I felt so empty inside..I didn’t know whom I was anymore..Iolaus was my life..he was my heart..I felt as if I had lost my heart in Sumeria..Mavin was trying to teach me to let it go..to forgive myself..he made me become ONE with nature..he even had me slow down my breathing under water so that the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat..Mavin wanted to teach me that my heart was still there..willing me to live..then Mavin was trying to make me understand that Iolaus lives in my heart..that’s when I saw Iolaus in the cave..that cave..that was the representation of my heart..of my soul..it’s just so hard…to let go..I can’t”
Hercules continues weeping..he weeps in heaves and sobs onto Jester’s shoulder. Jester pats Hercules cooing nonsense words as Hercules lets out his full grief at Iolaus’ death..finally letting all his pent up emotions loose..leaving tearstains all over Jester’s blue satin shirt..Jester smiles weakly as he realizes that he has just helped the Mighty Hercules over a major emotional hump and he realizes what a precious gift friendship can be..the give and take..most of all..Jester relishes the role of being a friend helping another friend in need..imagine that..someone needs me..I am useful after all..Sovereign was wrong..I am not a worthless flotsam of humanity..good only for a joke or a laugh..I am not a laughing stock..no, in Hercules’ eyes, I am his friend..and this thought alone warmed the cockles of Jester’s frail heart. Jester looks into Hercules’ eyes as Hercules calms down and his weeping subsides..Jester continues
“You forget, Hercules, you may have the strength of ten men..but you have the heart of a human..a deeply caring and loving human being..a heart that broke the day Iolaus died..a heart that still bleeds with guilt and self loathing at his own helplessness to prevent the death of someone he truly loved..a heart left shattered and incomplete when it realized that Iolaus will never be back to light up his life..leaving a heart in grief and despair..”
“You know Jester, right after Iolaus died, I was talking to a very wise Druid named Maven who told me that my heart is my greatest weakness and my greatest strength..when I look inside my heart, I see Iolaus..his smile..his bravery..his unwavering faith and his loyalty in me..you see why it’s so hard for me to let go..it’s like letting a part of me die..he trusted me with his life..”
“No, Hercules, you didn’t fail Iolaus. .Iolaus would have wanted you to let go..if Iolaus loved you that much..he won’t blame you at all for his death..do you want him to feel guilty for all eternity..let him go..let him have his peace in the light..you did your best..he knows you’re only human..he understands”
“Iolaus understood how human I really am..when the rest of Greece thought of me as an invulnerable demigod and put me on a pedestal..it was always good ole Iolaus who treated me like a normal person not as a freak of nature..he understood me..so for Iolaus’ sake..I’ll let my guilt go..but my love for Iolaus will live forever in my heart….”
“Hercules, I’m sure Iolaus loves you back..it is said that the dead can hear the thoughts of the living..”Jester stifles a yawn as he finishes this sentence. Hercules looks alarmed as he realizes that he has kept Jester up half the night with his self pity..
“Jester, I’m sorry for keeping you up half the night..you must be really tired..let’s hit the sack and go back to sleep..” Hercules gives Jester a sheepish grin…as he gets himself ready for bed…Hercules gets into his bedroll..exhausted after having talked with Jester half the night..Hercules closes his eyes and starts to snore softly..
Iolaus, Guardian of the Light appears in front of Hercules’ bedroll..in the night..his glowing white robes could be seen..eyes filled with love and compassion for his guilt-ridden best friend sleeping in the bedroll..Iolaus whispers softly into Hercules’ ear and appears in Hercules’ dreams and says “Hercules, my friend..my heart..I never blamed you for my death. Forgive me, my old friend, for it was I who failed you.” Iolaus stops a moment to see the even up and down breathing of his friend’s chest in sleep as he continues “I died and caused you such grief and pain..I left you alone..I am so sorry..It’s not your fault I died..it was mine..I was the one who made the decision to go in front of that dagger to save Nebula from that evil monster..it’s not your fault..Herc..it was mine..that’s what I was trying to tell you before I died..Forgive me Hercules for the pain I”ve caused you.”
“Iolaus is that really you? I do forgive you..there’s nothing to forgive..I should never have dragged you to Sumeria..No, really, I’m the one who’s sorry..my fault..my fault..”Hercules murmurs in his sleep and he tosses and turns restlessly..
“Herc..I love you as my brother in arms..don’t torture yourself needlessly over my death..I can’t stand to see you in such torment..forgive me..my big hearted friend..Jester is right..you need to find peace..”
Iolaus starts to glow with a heavenly light as he places his hand over the sleeping Hercules’ chest and sends a warm soothing light into Hercules’ soul. Immediately, Hercules stops tossing and turning as a warm glow of peace descends into Hercules tortured soul..Hercules feels everything from Iolaus’ point of view..feels Iolaus resolve to save Nebula…feels Iolaus fear as he fears for Nebula’s life..feels Iolaus’ need to accompany Hercules to help the people of Sumeria..feels Iolaus’ love for Hercules..and most of all he feels the forgiveness that Iolaus has in his heart for Hercules and the fact that Iolaus never blamed Hercules for his death..if anything Iolaus feels guilty for having betrayed their friendship by giving in to Dahak..he feels Iolaus overwhelming love for Hercules..feels Iolaus’ concern and worry that Hercules is tormenting himself needlessly..and he feels all of Iolaus’ past insecurities..being a mortal often forgotten in the shadow of a demigod..Iolaus’ quest to prove himself to Hercules that he is worthy to be a friend of the great Hercules..he understands how much his guilt hurts Iolaus..as Hercules understands what makes Iolaus ticks..his heart mends as he bathes in the light of Iolaus’ love....
Iolaus wipes tears from his face as he realizes that Hercules finally understands that he is not at fault..that Hercules finally understands his point of view and why he decided to accompany Hercules to Sumeria..that it was their childhood pledge of being back to back heroes to always watch each other’s backs as the main reason why Iolaus decided to go to Sumeria regardless of any obstacles like that premonition..Iolaus whispers into a sleeping Hercules’ ear “I am glad you have a friend like Jester to keep you company..to put you in your place as it were..Herc..remember this is not a farewell or a final goodbye for I can never truly leave you even in death..we are linked somehow Herc..you and I for all eternity..so Herc..I’ll see you later.. I wll always love you Herc, my best friend, my heart” Iolaus gives Hercules one last hug before disappearing in a sparkle of light back into the Light.
The next morning, Hercules tells Jester of his bizarre dream.
“I feel so much more at peace especially since Iolaus let me experience everything from his point of view..I felt his fear, his love for Nebula..I felt his anxiety as he wanted to prevent Dahak from taking Nebula’s heart as his warrior heart..I understood why he threw himself in front of that dagger..why he went to Sumeria despite the warning..how he was just trying to honor our childhood promise of back to back heroes no matter the danger or obstacle..I felt his tremendous guilt of all the destruction he caused as when Dahak possessed his body…Iolaus’ shame in having been tricked by Dahak..how Iolaus feels as his betrayal to our friendship..I felt his gratitude when he was finally released into the Light after Dahak was killed..felt Iolaus’ love and compassion for me..I understood that he never blamed me..that he blamed himself..he was trying to apologize to me for he thinks it was his fault that I suffered such grief and loss..Can you imagine Iolaus trying to apologize after all he has been through..Jester..I couldn’t believe it...he thought of my welfare over his own..so typically Iolaus..I miss him..” Hercules begins to break down at this point as Jester takes Hercules in his arms to comfort him as one could comfort a small child after a bad nightmare.
Jester adds his opinion of the situation “If anything the fault lies with Dahak..Iolaus was only his latest victim..from what I understand..Dahak was an evil god..he used Iolaus..he used Iolaus most innermost insecurities to trick him..it’s not your fault Hercules that Iolaus is dead and it’s not Iolaus’ fault that so much death and destruction took place..I told you Iolaus wouldn’t have blamed you..especially if he loves you..I told you that you set such high unrealistic expectations of yourself as indestructible Son of Zeus who puts the wight of the world on his shoulder like Atlas..forgetting the fact that you are also half mortal..I am glad that Iolaus understood that human half of your soul and came down from the Light to set things right and make you realize that you are not at fault so that you can let him go and be at peace..so that the two of you can move on” Jester pats Hercules on the back and tries to transmit his compassion and love to the grieving demigod.
Hercules shakes his head in wonder as he remarks“I guess I was so busy beating myself over this..I never realized Dahak’s role in all of this..it’s still so painful despite where I put the blame..it doesn’t bring Iolaus back..I don’t know..I feel lost..Jester..you have been such a balm to my heart..if you weren’t here..I don’t know what I would do..thank you for being here and listening to my sentimental ramblings of the past..you could have easily walked away from me but you didn’t..you are a true friend..I was right when I say that both Iolaus and you share the same heart..the same good heart..”
Jester ducks his head as he is unaccustomed to hearing compliments “Think nothing of it..that’s what friends do for one another right?” Jester looks at Hercules and notices that Hercules’ eyes now sparkle with life and somehow Hercules seems to walk with almost a bounce to his step as he realizes that Iolaus has somehow managed to release Hercules inner guilt and torment…
“You know Jester, one thing still strikes me as strange..” Hercules arches a quizzical eyebrow up as he scratches his head in bewilderment..
Jester tilts his head and asks “What do you mean, Hercules?”
Hercules continues scratching his head as he says “Well, Iolaus said to me that our link is forever..that he will always be by my side..then instead of saying farewell..he said..see you later Herc right before he went back into the Light..what do you suppose Iolaus meant by that, Jester?”
Jester frowns in puzzlement “Maybe Iolaus will find a way to come back to you..to fight the good fight by your side..but no..that can’t be..I mean he’s dead..he can’t come back from the dead..”
“That’s true..sort of Jester..I mean he has come back from the dead 3 times already.” Hercules adds cautiously.
“Yeah..but didn’t you tell me that YOU were the one who bought him back all 3 times? “ Jester adds just to play devil’s advocate…
“That’s why I’m confused..Iolaus can’t come back from the dead unless I help him somehow and I’ve run out of favors with Hades and the rest of the Gods right?”
“No, I don’t think so, Hercules..weren’t you the one who rescued the Gods from my universe to begin with? I disagree I think those Olympian Gods owe you big..”
“That may be true..but somehow I don’t see Iolaus accepting favors from my divine relatives any time soon if Iolaus intends to come back to me..he’d find his own way out.Iolaus’s just too independent to ask anyone for favors…still it’s a nice idea to think that Iolaus and I are not separated forever..maybe he meant that I’ll see him on the Other Side someday..it’s just like Iolaus to give me hope so I don’t miss him so much..”
“You know Hercules, I think Iolaus was just trying to give you hope..that as long as you remember his friendship and his love..you two will someday find each other again..that’s why Iolaus said “See ya later and not farewell”
“Makes sense to me. Iolaus always did think my happiness before his own..that’s why I love him..” Hercules’ stomach growls loudly at this moment.
“Hercules, I can hear your stomach growling..I think it’s time we make breakfast” Just at that moment, Hercules hears Jester’s stomach growl as Jester turns red.
“I guess I’m not the only one who’s hungry” Hercules teases. “I’ll hunt and you start a fire”
“I’ll cook. You are a terrible cook Hercules.”
“You are definitely the better cook between the two of us, Jester.. No one can touch your cooking..although I couldn’t say the same thing about Iolaus’ cooking..his cooking left a lot to be desired!”
Iolaus, Guardian of the Light watches this banter with some amusement as he thinks..I’m glad that Hercules has found someone to be his friend..although I disagree..my cooking is definitely better than Herc’s as Iolaus disappears in a sparkle of Light.