Blonde on a Diet...
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
Car for Sale...
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems
selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easierto
sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell thecar."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He
owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter
in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell
your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did yousell
your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
The River...
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back,
"You are on the other side."
Going to NY...
On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde
sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she
did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and
I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to
please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going toNew
York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he> should
do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She
immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself,
"Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her
that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Not one, but two...
Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of
tracks. One blonde said that they were deer tracks.
The other blonde said that they were moose tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.
Stay out of trouble.
