Learn to use the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us moaning about you leaving it down.

If we ask what's wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Yes, No and Hmmmm are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

(Really, really listen to this one) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as belly button fluff, the offside rule or fast cars.

Weekend = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

A headache that lasts for 3 years is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil.

Anything we said 3 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.