The Hardy boys visit the roller rink

“This is sure going to be smooth” Frank said nudging his index finger far up into his nose. “Yeah Frank roller skating sounds like cherry pie” Joe said flatly creaking open the passenger side door of Frank and Joe’s crummy hatchback which their parents had given them for Christmas. Joe walked over to the trunk of their car reaching in to pick up his name brand inline skates. He then fiddled with the trunk lid until it finally latched shut. then he called over his shoulder to frank saying “That was sure a great idea getting that license plate cover for are car.” Which read I’m not spoiled my parents just love me allot. Joe then followed his brother up the steps into the rink. “Man Joe I wish I had some nice veriflex skates like you, those must ride real smooth” Frank groaned as he opened the door to the rink. The boys approached the counter just inside the door. “Do you guys take food stamps?” Frank quizzed the man behind the counter trying to give him his sweetest puppy dog face. “Sorry fella’s we can’t except that kind of currency” the man replied earnestly trying to conceal his laughter. Frank then handed the proper amount in real money to the clerk. Frank was given a ticket to rent a pair of skates and Joe placed his pair up on the counter for examination. “Not only can’t you ride these in here, you should not be even riding these on the street.” The man said bluntly. Disgusted he took the two greasy and oily skates up in his hands. Holding them as far away from his nose as possible for they gave off a stagnant smell the man emptied the roller blades into a near by trashcan. After this incident was over Frank paid the man for Joe’s rental and they entered the rink. “Hurry up Joe we’re missing the hokie pokie” Frank said horrified that they would miss their favorite part of the session. The boy’s broke into a sprint across the carpeted floor dodging people as they went. Arriving at the rental counter they felt their heart’s sink as they noticed the horrendous line-up of people. “We’ll never make it for the hokie pokie now” Joe said feeling teary eyed. “Not so fast” Frank said “I’ve got a plan. Wait here.” Frank ran off back into the crowd and returned in no time with a 40oz. cup full of water. “Joe you cut in line and get our skates while I distract the other people by pretending to accidentally spill this water in front of them.” Frank whispered picking the pealing skin on his arm. Frank began walking nonchalantly over towards the center of the line as Joe crept onward to the front. Frank then pretended to trip on the floor and splashed the water over the first several people in front of him. The plan was working out wonderful everyone jerked their heads in the direction of Frank. While Frank had the crowds attention Joe swiftly picked up their pair of skates and headed off to a bench where he met up with his brother again. The boys quickly laced up their bulky boots and made their way towards the circle of people doing the hokie pokie. The Hardy’s stumbled out into the rink and squeezed into the circle. The boys had been roller skating at least once a week for the past year and were still not past the “Just starting” level. So it took more time to get out to the group then it did to get their skates. The boys came in just as they were starting on “put your left hand in” and joined in enthusiastically for the rest of the song. “Boy golly, what say that was sure fun, I’ll say I’m glad we didn’t miss that sure go fun.” Frank said in a nasal voice as the crowd began to return to free skate. Frank clunked off following the crowd in a couter clockwise fashion around the rink with Joe following him in an uneven rate. people whizzed by the Hardy’s showing concealed laughter at the boys poor skating skills, this not bothering Frank and Joe for they were simple minded and did not catch on that they were being made fun of. The boys were going the fastest they had ever gone before almost making it a quarter of the way around the rink in under two minutes. When Frank cought the edge of his skate on the hardwood floor slamming his right knee into the ground. Joe came to Frank’s aid as quickly as he could (this being about thirty seconds) he saw that a thin blood trail leading from Frank’s limp leg. “Frank I hate to tell you this now but I think we will have to amputate.” Joe said in a corse voice eyeing Frank’s twisted limb. Joe took off his skates so he could move around with more efficiency. Also taking off Frank’s skates Joe helped him onto his one good leg. Leaving the skates in the middle of the rink for someone to trip over Joe acted as a crutch for Frank as they carried on out of the roller rink. When they reached their car Joe helped Frank over onto the passenger seat laying his bad leg out the door and instructed him to keep his other one inside the car. “this will only take but a second and you won’t feel anything.” Joe said calmly backing up a few feet from the door. Joe then gave a burst of speed ramming his whole body into the door. “Oooouuucchh” Frank cringed as he felt his leg being severed under the cutting metal of the door. “I guess I didn’t catch it all” Joe said pointing at the big flab of Frank’s skin that lay lifeless from the impact of the door. “We’ll have to find a different approach at get’n that leg off Frank.” Joe scratched at his peeling chin wondering what other way they could use to detach Frank’s leg. “I’ve got it” Joe bursted out “didn’t Dad buy a guillotine last year.” “Hey, your right, that would be quick a painless.” Frank exclaimed in an exited tone. Joe then quickly lifted the dead weight of Frank’s mauled leg into the car and ran around to the drivers seat and took the wheel. The boys took off, driving at speed limit the whole way to the Hardy home on the corner of High and Elm. Joe hopped out of the car upon arrival in their driveway and went around to Frank’s door and helped him wobble out on his one good leg. Joe helped Frank around to the back yard where their father Fenton had set up the guillotine. Joe laid Frank down on the grass and then went over to the guillotine to inspect it for a good burr edge. Seeing that it had not yet reached this quality Joe pulled out his pocket strop and began rubbing it down the huge blade until it reached a good burr. Joe then headed back over toward Frank and spied his father coming out the door. “Sons, what are you boys up to” Festoon said in a cheerful mood as he walk up to Joe. “Oh, we were just gonna amputate Frank’s leg here. He fell down at the roller rink.” Joe replied in a spontaneous manor. “is there anything I could do to help you boys out?” Festoon quizzed in a mythalogical tone. “sure is, how about you go shape up a wooden leg for Frank on the lathe.” Joe offered placing the strop back into his pocket. “Sounds great.” Festoon said skipping back into the house to work on the peg leg. Joe then dragged Frank over to the guillotine placing his mutilated limb under the heavy steal blade. Once Joe had Frank’s leg in the right position he stepped back a few feet grasping a rope in his hand. Joe then yanked on the rope which released a lever sending the thick blade down upon Frank’s leg with a hurendous force. A loud “thump” came when the guillotine lopped off Frank’s leg sending blood in all directions. Festoon then came running out the door with Frank’s wooden leg. He bent down to his son and fastened the false limb onto Frank’s thigh. “Dad your slap-stick” Frank said hopping up onto his new leg. “I’ll say” was Fantod’s reply as he hugged his two sons.

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