“This is sure going to be smooth” Frank said nudging his index finger far up into his
nose. “Yeah Frank roller skating sounds like cherry pie” Joe said flatly creaking open the
passenger side door of Frank and Joe’s crummy hatchback which their parents had given
them for Christmas. Joe walked over to the trunk of their car reaching in to pick up his
name brand inline skates. He then fiddled with the trunk lid until it finally latched shut.
then he called over his shoulder to frank saying “That was sure a great idea getting that
license plate cover for are car.” Which read I’m not spoiled my parents just love me allot.
Joe then followed his brother up the steps into the rink. “Man Joe I wish I had some nice
veriflex skates like you, those must ride real smooth” Frank groaned as he opened the
door to the rink. The boys approached the counter just inside the door. “Do you guys take
food stamps?” Frank quizzed the man behind the counter trying to give him his sweetest
puppy dog face. “Sorry fella’s we can’t except that kind of currency” the man replied
earnestly trying to conceal his laughter. Frank then handed the proper amount in real
money to the clerk. Frank was given a ticket to rent a pair of skates and Joe placed his
pair up on the counter for examination. “Not only can’t you ride these in here, you should
not be even riding these on the street.” The man said bluntly. Disgusted he took the two
greasy and oily skates up in his hands. Holding them as far away from his nose as possible
for they gave off a stagnant smell the man emptied the roller blades into a near by
trashcan. After this incident was over Frank paid the man for Joe’s rental and they entered
the rink. “Hurry up Joe we’re missing the hokie pokie” Frank said horrified that they
would miss their favorite part of the session. The boy’s broke into a sprint across the
carpeted floor dodging people as they went. Arriving at the rental counter they felt their
heart’s sink as they noticed the horrendous line-up of people. “We’ll never make it for the
hokie pokie now” Joe said feeling teary eyed. “Not so fast” Frank said “I’ve got a plan.
Wait here.” Frank ran off back into the crowd and returned in no time with a 40oz. cup
full of water. “Joe you cut in line and get our skates while I distract the other people by
pretending to accidentally spill this water in front of them.” Frank whispered picking the
pealing skin on his arm. Frank began walking nonchalantly over towards the center of the
line as Joe crept onward to the front. Frank then pretended to trip on the floor and
splashed the water over the first several people in front of him. The plan was working out
wonderful everyone jerked their heads in the direction of Frank. While Frank had the
crowds attention Joe swiftly picked up their pair of skates and headed off to a bench
where he met up with his brother again. The boys quickly laced up their bulky boots and
made their way towards the circle of people doing the hokie pokie. The Hardy’s stumbled
out into the rink and squeezed into the circle. The boys had been roller skating at least
once a week for the past year and were still not past the “Just starting” level. So it took
more time to get out to the group then it did to get their skates. The boys came in just as
they were starting on “put your left hand in” and joined in enthusiastically for the rest of
the song. “Boy golly, what say that was sure fun, I’ll say I’m glad we didn’t miss that sure
go fun.” Frank said in a nasal voice as the crowd began to return to free skate. Frank
clunked off following the crowd in a couter clockwise fashion around the rink with Joe
following him in an uneven rate. people whizzed by the Hardy’s showing concealed
laughter at the boys poor skating skills, this not bothering Frank and Joe for they were
simple minded and did not catch on that they were being made fun of. The boys were
going the fastest they had ever gone before almost making it a quarter of the way around
the rink in under two minutes. When Frank cought the edge of his skate on the hardwood
floor slamming his right knee into the ground. Joe came to Frank’s aid as quickly as he
could (this being about thirty seconds) he saw that a thin blood trail leading from Frank’s
limp leg. “Frank I hate to tell you this now but I think we will have to amputate.” Joe said
in a corse voice eyeing Frank’s twisted limb. Joe took off his skates so he could move
around with more efficiency. Also taking off Frank’s skates Joe helped him onto his one
good leg. Leaving the skates in the middle of the rink for someone to trip over Joe acted
as a crutch for Frank as they carried on out of the roller rink. When they reached their car
Joe helped Frank over onto the passenger seat laying his bad leg out the door and
instructed him to keep his other one inside the car. “this will only take but a second and
you won’t feel anything.” Joe said calmly backing up a few feet from the door. Joe then
gave a burst of speed ramming his whole body into the door. “Oooouuucchh” Frank
cringed as he felt his leg being severed under the cutting metal of the door. “I guess I
didn’t catch it all” Joe said pointing at the big flab of Frank’s skin that lay lifeless from the
impact of the door. “We’ll have to find a different approach at get’n that leg off Frank.”
Joe scratched at his peeling chin wondering what other way they could use to detach
Frank’s leg. “I’ve got it” Joe bursted out “didn’t Dad buy a guillotine last year.” “Hey,
your right, that would be quick a painless.” Frank exclaimed in an exited tone. Joe then
quickly lifted the dead weight of Frank’s mauled leg into the car and ran around to the
drivers seat and took the wheel. The boys took off, driving at speed limit the whole way to
the Hardy home on the corner of High and Elm. Joe hopped out of the car upon arrival in
their driveway and went around to Frank’s door and helped him wobble out on his one
good leg. Joe helped Frank around to the back yard where their father Fenton had set up
the guillotine. Joe laid Frank down on the grass and then went over to the guillotine to
inspect it for a good burr edge. Seeing that it had not yet reached this quality Joe pulled
out his pocket strop and began rubbing it down the huge blade until it reached a good
burr. Joe then headed back over toward Frank and spied his father coming out the door.
“Sons, what are you boys up to” Festoon said in a cheerful mood as he walk up to Joe.
“Oh, we were just gonna amputate Frank’s leg here. He fell down at the roller rink.” Joe
replied in a spontaneous manor. “is there anything I could do to help you boys out?”
Festoon quizzed in a mythalogical tone. “sure is, how about you go shape up a wooden
leg for Frank on the lathe.” Joe offered placing the strop back into his pocket. “Sounds
great.” Festoon said skipping back into the house to work on the peg leg. Joe then
dragged Frank over to the guillotine placing his mutilated limb under the heavy steal blade.
Once Joe had Frank’s leg in the right position he stepped back a few feet grasping a rope
in his hand. Joe then yanked on the rope which released a lever sending the thick blade
down upon Frank’s leg with a hurendous force. A loud “thump” came when the guillotine
lopped off Frank’s leg sending blood in all directions. Festoon then came running out the
door with Frank’s wooden leg. He bent down to his son and fastened the false limb onto
Frank’s thigh. “Dad your slap-stick” Frank said hopping up onto his new leg. “I’ll say”
was Fantod’s reply as he hugged his two sons.
Home-
Advice-Pics-
Consumer Alerts-Short Stories-
Recipes-MadLibs Message Board- Sign Guest-Book- View Guest-Book |