The search for the Missing Shoe

"Hey Frank, have you taken my shoe and done sompthin' with it?!." Ten year old blonde hared Joe Hardy cried. "Can't say as I have Joe" eleven year old brown hared Frank Hardy replied. The two brothers were in there bedroom getting dressed to go downstairs and eat breakfast. "Oh Fudge!, it sure smarts when'yer shoes miss'in." Joe blurted as he slipped on his cheap Kirkland Signature sweater. "I'll say, I lost a button off of my shirt yesterday!" Frank declared running a wiry hand through his overgrown hair. "I'd say we have ourselves a case!" Joe cried leaping off of his bed and doing a quick dance. Both brothers had inherited their fathers love for solving brain-teasers, Fenton Hardy, the boys' father, was an ace private investigator, and his two sons were obviously following in his foot-steps. Frank walked around to the side of his bed, and pulled out a large can of automobile grease. He then proceeded to dump a fist-full of the black goo on top of his head, he then handed the can too Joe, who repeated the procedure on his own head. Both boys' then thoroughly massaged the grease into there hair. "I'll say we look like a pair of gentleman!" Joe declared. "I'll say!," Frank replied."But to look even finer, we've got to add the real ingredient, sand!." Frank then reached for a pail of sand that was located on the floor, he spooned up a large handful, and poured it on his head, he then handed it to Joe, who repeated it.

The Hardys then walked down the stairs too eat breakfast. "Well looky here!, I'd say the scum of the earth has just walked into my kitchen!" the Hardys aunt Gertrude whooped. Gertrude was Fenton Hardy's sister, and she often stayed with the Hardy family on weekends. "You boys' had better qiute this foolish "in style" nonsense, or I'll tar and feather you!" Gertrude screamed, and she then spanked each boy on the hind-end with a large heavy stew spoon. "We was just try'in to look good aunty!" Frank pleaded. "Yeah!" Joe added. "Well putting grease and sand in your hair isn't the way!." Gertrude cursed. "What are we having for breakfast aunty?" Joe asked. "Your not having anything" Gertrude replied flatly. "Ha, what am I having aunty Gertrude?" Frank said smiling. "Nothing". She then shuffled the Hardys out the back door, and slammed it shut.

"Oh slap-my-face!" Joe said sitting down on the Hardys back porch. Frank slapped Joe fiercely across his face. "Ouch! Ohhhh!, blast you Frank!, why'd ya slap me for?!" Joe screamed. "You asked me to" Frank replied. "I didn't think you'd do it though" Joe said rubbing his cheek, which had a white imprint of Franks hand across it. "Well, we sure missed out on breakfast!" Frank said. "And I'm sure hungry too" Joe replied. "We can't start on are missing shoe case with empty stomachs" Frank said staring across the Hardys backyard. "What are you looking at Frank?" Joe asked. "Oh, I just have an idea where we could get ourselves a good breakfast!" Frank cried, leaping off of the porch, and dragging Joe with him. "Where are we headed?" Joe asked trying to run across the wet lawn without touching his sock covered foot to the grass. "See up there in that tree?" Frank asked pointing to a nearby elm tree. "Yeah?, what about it?" Joe asked looking up at the tree Frank was pointing too. "Theirs a crow up in it, think we could pelt him with a rock?" Frank asked. "What for?" Joe inquired. "To eat, what else?."

Both boys' then picked up a few smooth stones from around there gravel rose garden, and begin pitching them at the black crow. Frank took careful aim at the crows head with his last stone, and threw it with great thrust, it connected solidly with the crows head, bringing the old crow down efficiently. Frank and Joe let off great cries and hoots in exuberance. Joe patted Frank on the back. "Thats a sharp eye you've got there Frank." "I'll say," Frank replied, "We'll have to feather and skin'em if he'll make for good eat'en." Frank then extracted a small cheap pen-knife from his ripped army fatigue pants. "Fetch me some paper and matches Joe" Frank ordered with a trained wheeze in his youthful voice. "Sure go." Joe then took off toward a nearby dumpster. When he got within diving range of the green smelly dumpster, he leaped into the air, somersaulting his plump legs over the rim of the dumpster, skillfully ending a perfect dive.

Joe heard a far off hoot, it was Frank applauding his skillful dive. Joe swam through the trashy contents searching for paper, he soon found some. "I've found some paper Frank!" Joe cried. "Sure go!" Frank screamed in response over the vast expanse of grass that separated the two boys'. "Don't worry about the matches, I found some in my shoe!." "Great job Frank!" Joe screeched in response. Joe strained his plump leg over the edge of the dumpster, and skipped back across the lawn to Frank's post under the rotting elm tree. Joe handed Frank the paper, and Frank struck a match and lit the paper on fire. The boys' then burned off all of the crows feathers. "He's fat, he'll make for a good meal!" Joe commented.

Frank revealed the dull rusted blade of his pen-knife, and sliced off the crows head, it landed on the ground with a smacky thud. "There, now we'll start a fire and roast him up good!" Frank said wiping his blood stained hands off on his Barney shirt. The boys' then made a small teepee with some sticks in there back yard, and neatly arranged some strips of paper under it. Joe fetched a can of gasoline from the Hardys cheaply made tool-shed Fenton had built the summer before. He lugged the rusted can over to where Frank was kneeling by the crude firepit. He poured almost half of the cans contents over the pit. Frank lit up a match, and through it into the firepit, it exploded in the boys' faces. Both Hardys reeled backwards through the air, landing solidly on there backs in the Hardys poorly cared for brown lawn.

"Ohhhh, what happend Frank?" Joe said scratching his lice infested hair. "I don't know what happened, maybe we stepped on a land mine!!," Frank exlaimed peeling his bruised body of the Hardys trashy yard. "Oh darn Frank, I landed on a piece of dog poop!!" Joe cried, leaping up and peeling off a large firm piece of brown dog sewage that had been smeared into his Kirkland sweater. Joe rubbed the the brown stain out as much as possible. "I'll say that crow is sure cooked now!, let's go eat!" Frank declared, and Joe let loose with a grating whoop in enthusiasm. T

he Hardys limped over to a large crater that had formed in the Hardys backyard. Inside that crater they found there crow. "Let's slice'em up and eat!" Joe cried. "I'll say!" Frank replied reaching for his crude pen-knife. Frank cut up the small brown patato shaped nob, and handed Joe a burnt piece of meat. Joe wolfed it down, then said, "Frank, your sure a swell cook, Gerdy should let you cook more often." "Thanks Joe, you ain't so bad yerself" Frank replied with a metallic rasp in is voice. The two boys' ate the rest of there meal in silence. When they were done eating, Frank said, "Well, where should we start on this case?." "I say we find dad and talk to him" Joe slurped. "I'll sure say I agree!" Frank replied.

The boys' skipped over to the back door and atempted to open it, but soon discovered that it was locked. "Blast Gertrude!, I say we erase her for good!" Joe cried. "I'll say" Frank responded reaching for the aluminum baseball bat that he had got for christmas the year before, it had been laying in the Hardys brown lawn rusting. Joe searched the dead lawn and found a heavy steel shovel. "This should do" Joe said, testing the shovel for heft. The two young boys then walked around to the front of the Hardy home, and Joe threw a large brick through the Hardys front window, the brick sailed through it with ease. "Good, now we'll just have to climb through and find Gertrude" Frank said climbing up onto the windowsell.

Soon the Hardys were in the home discussing where Gertrude could be found. "I'll go downstairs and check the recreation room, you check the TV room" Joe whispered. "I'll say" Frank responded, starting on his way. Joe crept along the Hardys soiled carpet, and down the crudely built stairs Fenton had attempted to glue back to use. Gerdy should be somewhere down here, but where?. Joe thought this to himself has he searched the heaps of trash that littered the Hardys basement. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Gertrude rose out of the largest heap of trash, and screamed!, Joe ran to take cover. Gertrude held a beer bottle in her right hand, and with one swift flick of her wrist, she broke the end off against a cheap plastic chair that Joe had once treasured. "Joseph Hardy!, I locked you outside!, you should have known better then to try to sneak back in here!," Gertrude screamed, her eyes bulging with anger. Joe crept out of hiding, and leveled his heavy shovel at Gertrude. "I'll smack'ya with it aunty!, I sure well" Joe said. "No, you won't Joe" Gertrude warned. "You wouldn't hit old Gertrude."Suddenly a flash of silver streaked the air above Gertrude's head, and a loud smack filled the air, followed by a metallic ringing noise, and Gertrude crumpled up in front of Joe. It was Frank!, he had snuck up behind Gertrude and smacked her in the head with the bat!. "Nice move Frank," Joe complimented. "Thanks" Frank replied. The two boys' ran up the stairs. "We'd better get a move on are missing shoe case!" Frank said. "I'll say, let's check in with dad" Joe replied.

The two youths found there father in his den, smoking a cigar. "Howdy boys, what have you two brats been up too?" Fenton asked, blowing three perfect smoke rings. "Were on a case dad, and need your advise" Joe said quickly, trying to pocket a cigar out of his fathers fancy humidor. "Not so fast Joe, those are double corona Churchill cigars, there not for minors" Fenton said with a grin. "Oh drat, you let Frank have a drag once, ain't I old enough to at least try?" Joe asked hopefully. "Oh, okay, just one drag" Fenton said, extracting a cheaper cigar out of his humidor, and slicing the end off with a cigar trimmer. Fenton then pulled a shiny gold lighter out of his pocket, and lit the cigar. He handed it over the desk too Joe. Joe hurriedly grabbed the cigar, and took a long, hard, draw on it. "Hoghoosd!!" Joe belched, his eyes became bloodshot, and begin twitching. He choked large puffs of black smoke. "He's still too young, lungs can't take it" Fenton said with a twinkle in his bulging eyes. Joe got up and ran out of the den, and Frank followed. "You said something about a case?" Fenton called after the two boys. "Sorry dad, no time for talking!" Frank called over his shoulder.

The two young Hardys ran out the backdoor, and out too there crudely built tree-house that sat up in the dead elm tree. "Nice going Joe, that choking scene sure fooled dad!, I got five double-corona cigars!" Frank said patting Joe on the back. "Thanks Frank, It sure did distract him so you could pocket'em good!" Joe responded reaching for one of the cigars Frank had stolen from there father. The two Hardys smoked the cigars for about an hour, then retreated to there bedroom to discuss the case. "I think we should start on this case by looking under your bed Joe" Frank said, sitting down on his own crude bed that Fenton had built out of cardboard box's. "I think that's a good start Frank" Joe replied. Joe bent down too check under his bed, this proved hard though, because his plump potbelly prevented full bending of his spine. "Yup, here it is Frank, we've found my shoe!" Joe cried. "Hooray!," Frank exulted. The two Hardys rejoiced, and let loose with great whoops and cheers, for they had just solved there toughest case ever. "Frank, that was some impressive brain work you just demonstrated" Joe complemented. "Joe, your sure slap-stick" Frank said hugging his brother.